I am reminded this year how much I have to be grateful for, and how much I am going to miss my family as they travel over the river and through the woods to see other family!
I will not be alone, I have signed up to work with all the amazing staff who will be providing a great meal to our clients who are not traveling anywhere for the holiday.
Most of all I am grateful for you...thanks for reading, sharing and keeping my blog~erapy part of your life!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Please sure and post here what you are thankful for too!
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sometimes the sting hurts a little more because of who uttered the words
As always my life is a class room of learning.
Sometimes when you think you know someone, they show you a side you never saw coming. They speak of you in a way that is full of disrespect when none is deserved. They put a twist on the story they tell to hold themselves higher regard with the one hearing the "tale". Its a hard reality.
When it happens the first reaction is often anger, fueled by the ego wielding "how dare they" hurt feelings. It can even bring up those old self talk conversations that remind us we are not good enough and they must be right or how could they say such mean things?
As I have grown in my journey of self-care, loving and forgiving I have learned to allow the hurt to happen, and then seek to regain composure as soon as possible.
Not everyone is versed in loyalty, strength or honesty. And for me that has to be ok. I will never be perfect. I have even stopped trying to be. I have gifted ideas and inspiration freely never asking for credit. I have shared honestly only hoping others would do the same. It just sometimes will have to be that others fall short. I seek to allow them their humanness the same as I do for me.
I know that which I have done with the best of intent. I know my words were shared to give the correct view. I believe that I can only do what is in front of me to do and I must forgive those who do not live by the first seek to do NO HARM rules that guide my life.
Tread lightly those who share words tainted with hate, be careful when you speak in a place that holds no privacy...the walls have ears, and when you share half truths you may just change how someone feels about you forever.
Sometimes when you think you know someone, they show you a side you never saw coming. They speak of you in a way that is full of disrespect when none is deserved. They put a twist on the story they tell to hold themselves higher regard with the one hearing the "tale". Its a hard reality.
When it happens the first reaction is often anger, fueled by the ego wielding "how dare they" hurt feelings. It can even bring up those old self talk conversations that remind us we are not good enough and they must be right or how could they say such mean things?
As I have grown in my journey of self-care, loving and forgiving I have learned to allow the hurt to happen, and then seek to regain composure as soon as possible.
Not everyone is versed in loyalty, strength or honesty. And for me that has to be ok. I will never be perfect. I have even stopped trying to be. I have gifted ideas and inspiration freely never asking for credit. I have shared honestly only hoping others would do the same. It just sometimes will have to be that others fall short. I seek to allow them their humanness the same as I do for me.
I know that which I have done with the best of intent. I know my words were shared to give the correct view. I believe that I can only do what is in front of me to do and I must forgive those who do not live by the first seek to do NO HARM rules that guide my life.
Tread lightly those who share words tainted with hate, be careful when you speak in a place that holds no privacy...the walls have ears, and when you share half truths you may just change how someone feels about you forever.
Friday, April 18, 2014
You know, for when you want to feel better about yourself...she said~
BLOG~ERAPY
So I am busy working on a few rough edges and a friend of mine who is looking to add a new path to her life and I have worked out a little barter for the work.
I have some life changes that I have accepted recently and one of those is the natural progression of my hair to white. I have been unnaturally holding off this transition with a very strong relationship between me and Ms. Clairol, but we broke up. I stopped coloring my hair about 10 weeks ago and have the most amazing case of skunk hair.
I have actually gotten some really amazing comments, that have turned into conversations because of my "hairstyle".
Let's go back for just a minute to give you a bit of back story. I am a mom--have been a mom since I was 19--32 years to be exact, and for the most part I have loved it all. But not too terribly long ago on a trip to the grocery store, I was pushing my then 3 year old son and trying to pay for my groceries and not have to buy candy, toys or any more gotta haves as we got to the exit. The young lady who was working the register began to beep, beep scan our items and as I got close enough to the register for her to see the cutest little guy in the world setting in my cart, and she not so innocently asked me, "Is that your grandson?" I was first speechless, almost instantly upset and replied in a not too subtle state of disbelief "NO---he is my son!!"
I paid for my groceries, parked my buggy and picked up my son and told the now "not my favorite" cashier "I will be right back".
I marched myself over to the "hair care" aisle and purchased my first bottle of gray hiding color. I was in my mid 30's.
Since that time I have been fighting the root reveal every three to four weeks, sometimes splurging to get a profession color job and other times just paying my $9 at whatever store I was shopping that week. Its been a tough job keeping the gray away.
A few years ago I was growing tired of this little dance of hiding the obvious, and started thinking maybe it was time to go gray. While I can't say yet that I like my gray, its been a bit traumatic for me and my friends. Comments like "You are too young to be gray". "Gray hair will make you seem old" "Here is a gift certificate to get your hair done" (My favorite comment, but made me think...oh they hate the gray!)
So back to the main part of my story, my hair is gray. The part of my hair that has been covering my gray by being colored is getting further and further away from the roots...but I am not upset seeing my white roots.
I even had a very strange conversation with a young lady who wanted to know where I got my hair done. She seemed to think that the gray was a dye job and on purpose. Yeah...kinda surprised me too! We did the "ask the same question" conversation dance at least 4 rounds before she finally heard me when I answered..."I stopped dying it to cover the gray".
The most liberating part of my journey was the discovery of a book called, "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer. I devoured the book and am seriously thinking about reading it again soon, as the reactions to my hair become as shocking as the change in my hair color. She not only took some what of a humorous look at this phase of her life, she did some experiments and fun with it too. It's a very good read.
I have also found a great blog that is a collaboration of 25 authors sharing tips, funny stories and their feelings on this hair-revolution. It's fascinating.
http://goinggrayblog.com/
So that brings me back to my main story. As I have been working with the "coach", one of the comments that came up more than once was my hair. What was shared seemed kind of aimed at how I must want to feel better about myself and maybe buy a wig. And it came up more than once.
So as I sat after we had talked and I thought about this comment I became very aware how none of the things I dislike about my personal appearance have anything to do with how I feel about myself. Now stop me if I am wrong or all alone, but how you see my physical self means nothing to me. I work hard to look presentable. Like to have my hair styled and combed when I meet folks. I even apply make up when I am sure a speaking engagement might turn into a photo op towards the end of the event. But I never feel bad if they take a bad photo.
I have even noticed more and more how hard some people work to make sure the picture is always their best picture ever taken, even stressing to retake over and over until just right. I don't like to have a bad photo, but once again it bears no weight if it's bad in the smile in my day. They work to develop a stance, a head position, perfect smile and whatever else configuration of self to where they always look the same. It even appears as if sometimes they are photo-shopped in--because the photos are so similar to every other photo they are in. They take the "pose" to a whole new level. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind nor do I think it wrong, I just can't seem to find it within my desire to figure out a way to pose every time a camera is near. This most probably means if you wanted to find goofy pictures of my on facebook or in my phone, my "awkward" non posing count would be more than triple most everyone else. --but I don't care.
And lets even go past the hair for a second and talk about my weight. I am too heavy...not because I want to be thin but because for many years of my life I used food, mostly processed and not to great for me food as my drug of choice. I am in a challenge with myself to loose the weight, mostly because I want to feel better physically, but not because it will make me feel better about being me.
I am not really sure where on my journey I began to understand that happiness is a choice and whatever there is in my life that I cannot change at this moment, has the power to break me or I can take the power to be in charge of my happy. I guess you can understand which one I chose.
I don't need a new outfit to feel better about being me, or to loose weight to be ok. I am OK, good enough, happy and at peace because I have that right, and it is what I decide for myself.
I don't really know how to give that to others, but I see many who are hungry for it. They are seeking the next thing bought, the next pound lost or the next cream to smooth away what rubs them the wrong way. I can tell you than if anything rubs me, it doesn't get to do it for long, before I am working on a way to re-frame my itch to find my happy.
I like to think that all of this "relaxed" go with the flow thoughts have more to do with the natural progression that all of over over 50's are going through, but I think I might be wrong. Because I hear them--they talk about this $100 cream and that "procedure" and they keep trying to find a spot where they feel "better" about themselves. This kinda makes me sad...for two reasons, one--this body can be worked on, but it still is going to be the age that it is...as it is for everyone, and second--if the only way I feel ok is by manipulating some part of my physical self then I am going to have a rough journey for this last 1/3 of my life.
The body is tired, worn and a full evidential representation of all the things I have experienced--over eating, childbirth X 5, long nights of work, worry and wonderfuls. It is what it is. I can work to improve it, but no matter whether it holds up for another 50 or starts to fail me sooner, it is only the mileage that concerns me. My happy and well are tied to my spiritual self not the physical one.
So I am not really sure how to start the conversation that must happen when we next meet, but I am not upset with my gray hair or my size jeans or even the not so perfect smile. All those things about my physical self have come through the travel and are a part of the genes that I was gifted. They are not a curse, bad news or even something I have to suffer through. Would I rather be thinner? Well yeah, but I am not going to wait on a number to be happy! All parts of my life can move to better, in time, but this moment right here---well I am just gonna enjoy it anyway. I choose to be happy, in abundance. Forgive in excess. And to love all those who come to teach me, test me or even trust me to help them as they travel too. It's a pretty neat 51 year old story...I am in no hurry to see how it ends, but I am pretty darn sure they will say I left with my gray hair shining and my smile planted for all to see.
So I am busy working on a few rough edges and a friend of mine who is looking to add a new path to her life and I have worked out a little barter for the work.
I have some life changes that I have accepted recently and one of those is the natural progression of my hair to white. I have been unnaturally holding off this transition with a very strong relationship between me and Ms. Clairol, but we broke up. I stopped coloring my hair about 10 weeks ago and have the most amazing case of skunk hair.
I have actually gotten some really amazing comments, that have turned into conversations because of my "hairstyle".
Let's go back for just a minute to give you a bit of back story. I am a mom--have been a mom since I was 19--32 years to be exact, and for the most part I have loved it all. But not too terribly long ago on a trip to the grocery store, I was pushing my then 3 year old son and trying to pay for my groceries and not have to buy candy, toys or any more gotta haves as we got to the exit. The young lady who was working the register began to beep, beep scan our items and as I got close enough to the register for her to see the cutest little guy in the world setting in my cart, and she not so innocently asked me, "Is that your grandson?" I was first speechless, almost instantly upset and replied in a not too subtle state of disbelief "NO---he is my son!!"
I paid for my groceries, parked my buggy and picked up my son and told the now "not my favorite" cashier "I will be right back".
I marched myself over to the "hair care" aisle and purchased my first bottle of gray hiding color. I was in my mid 30's.
Since that time I have been fighting the root reveal every three to four weeks, sometimes splurging to get a profession color job and other times just paying my $9 at whatever store I was shopping that week. Its been a tough job keeping the gray away.
A few years ago I was growing tired of this little dance of hiding the obvious, and started thinking maybe it was time to go gray. While I can't say yet that I like my gray, its been a bit traumatic for me and my friends. Comments like "You are too young to be gray". "Gray hair will make you seem old" "Here is a gift certificate to get your hair done" (My favorite comment, but made me think...oh they hate the gray!)
So back to the main part of my story, my hair is gray. The part of my hair that has been covering my gray by being colored is getting further and further away from the roots...but I am not upset seeing my white roots.
I even had a very strange conversation with a young lady who wanted to know where I got my hair done. She seemed to think that the gray was a dye job and on purpose. Yeah...kinda surprised me too! We did the "ask the same question" conversation dance at least 4 rounds before she finally heard me when I answered..."I stopped dying it to cover the gray".
The most liberating part of my journey was the discovery of a book called, "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer. I devoured the book and am seriously thinking about reading it again soon, as the reactions to my hair become as shocking as the change in my hair color. She not only took some what of a humorous look at this phase of her life, she did some experiments and fun with it too. It's a very good read.
I have also found a great blog that is a collaboration of 25 authors sharing tips, funny stories and their feelings on this hair-revolution. It's fascinating.
http://goinggrayblog.com/
So that brings me back to my main story. As I have been working with the "coach", one of the comments that came up more than once was my hair. What was shared seemed kind of aimed at how I must want to feel better about myself and maybe buy a wig. And it came up more than once.
So as I sat after we had talked and I thought about this comment I became very aware how none of the things I dislike about my personal appearance have anything to do with how I feel about myself. Now stop me if I am wrong or all alone, but how you see my physical self means nothing to me. I work hard to look presentable. Like to have my hair styled and combed when I meet folks. I even apply make up when I am sure a speaking engagement might turn into a photo op towards the end of the event. But I never feel bad if they take a bad photo.
I have even noticed more and more how hard some people work to make sure the picture is always their best picture ever taken, even stressing to retake over and over until just right. I don't like to have a bad photo, but once again it bears no weight if it's bad in the smile in my day. They work to develop a stance, a head position, perfect smile and whatever else configuration of self to where they always look the same. It even appears as if sometimes they are photo-shopped in--because the photos are so similar to every other photo they are in. They take the "pose" to a whole new level. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind nor do I think it wrong, I just can't seem to find it within my desire to figure out a way to pose every time a camera is near. This most probably means if you wanted to find goofy pictures of my on facebook or in my phone, my "awkward" non posing count would be more than triple most everyone else. --but I don't care.
And lets even go past the hair for a second and talk about my weight. I am too heavy...not because I want to be thin but because for many years of my life I used food, mostly processed and not to great for me food as my drug of choice. I am in a challenge with myself to loose the weight, mostly because I want to feel better physically, but not because it will make me feel better about being me.
I am not really sure where on my journey I began to understand that happiness is a choice and whatever there is in my life that I cannot change at this moment, has the power to break me or I can take the power to be in charge of my happy. I guess you can understand which one I chose.
I don't need a new outfit to feel better about being me, or to loose weight to be ok. I am OK, good enough, happy and at peace because I have that right, and it is what I decide for myself.
I don't really know how to give that to others, but I see many who are hungry for it. They are seeking the next thing bought, the next pound lost or the next cream to smooth away what rubs them the wrong way. I can tell you than if anything rubs me, it doesn't get to do it for long, before I am working on a way to re-frame my itch to find my happy.
I like to think that all of this "relaxed" go with the flow thoughts have more to do with the natural progression that all of over over 50's are going through, but I think I might be wrong. Because I hear them--they talk about this $100 cream and that "procedure" and they keep trying to find a spot where they feel "better" about themselves. This kinda makes me sad...for two reasons, one--this body can be worked on, but it still is going to be the age that it is...as it is for everyone, and second--if the only way I feel ok is by manipulating some part of my physical self then I am going to have a rough journey for this last 1/3 of my life.
The body is tired, worn and a full evidential representation of all the things I have experienced--over eating, childbirth X 5, long nights of work, worry and wonderfuls. It is what it is. I can work to improve it, but no matter whether it holds up for another 50 or starts to fail me sooner, it is only the mileage that concerns me. My happy and well are tied to my spiritual self not the physical one.
So I am not really sure how to start the conversation that must happen when we next meet, but I am not upset with my gray hair or my size jeans or even the not so perfect smile. All those things about my physical self have come through the travel and are a part of the genes that I was gifted. They are not a curse, bad news or even something I have to suffer through. Would I rather be thinner? Well yeah, but I am not going to wait on a number to be happy! All parts of my life can move to better, in time, but this moment right here---well I am just gonna enjoy it anyway. I choose to be happy, in abundance. Forgive in excess. And to love all those who come to teach me, test me or even trust me to help them as they travel too. It's a pretty neat 51 year old story...I am in no hurry to see how it ends, but I am pretty darn sure they will say I left with my gray hair shining and my smile planted for all to see.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Taking the next step, opportunities are only meaningful if you take them...
Recently there have been a few opportunities to take a road less traveled, to rely on someone else to assist in the forward movement and to live free from drama even though everyone was sure I would need some to get through.
I have decided that of late I am no longer going to be NICE if I don't have to, and I never have to. That I am going to take each opportunity to tell the truth as I see it, because that is the only truth I can see.
I felt as though someone was making excuses, back tracking out of a commitment they had made, and I felt disrespected, disappointed and lied to. I did not pretend what the other person was doing was ok. Their reaction was to be offended. Pretty interesting since I was choosing to not be offended or offensive only honest.
The biggest problem, if you can call it that, with living and authentic life is that you know almost immediately when someone is lying to you. It's as if living without premise, drama and half truths makes one immune to being lied to. It's not really a problem, except those who are busy doing the deflection dance hate to get caught. They feel the smack of someone knowing they have their number when the one catching on calls them on it.
I have also grown to have little patience for those who are busy skirting...but really can't say that I am surprised.
In all this recognition also comes the opportunity to fine tune self behavior as well. I find that I don't really care if people like me, but wish more of them would. I don't really work to win favors, but am not bothered if I am gifted any in the meantime.
It's a really hard spot to be in sometimes, because I know more than I should but feel I have mush more to learn. I miss Tim today! His wisdom was always just what I needed to move forward. To put into perspective all that was swirling around me. I know full well that I am supposed to accept this part of life, but I am entirely sad today because he is not here to help me.
That is all...just writing to release, and accepting as I go. What is your life showing you today? Blog~erapy writing is for you too!!
I have decided that of late I am no longer going to be NICE if I don't have to, and I never have to. That I am going to take each opportunity to tell the truth as I see it, because that is the only truth I can see.
I felt as though someone was making excuses, back tracking out of a commitment they had made, and I felt disrespected, disappointed and lied to. I did not pretend what the other person was doing was ok. Their reaction was to be offended. Pretty interesting since I was choosing to not be offended or offensive only honest.
The biggest problem, if you can call it that, with living and authentic life is that you know almost immediately when someone is lying to you. It's as if living without premise, drama and half truths makes one immune to being lied to. It's not really a problem, except those who are busy doing the deflection dance hate to get caught. They feel the smack of someone knowing they have their number when the one catching on calls them on it.
I have also grown to have little patience for those who are busy skirting...but really can't say that I am surprised.
In all this recognition also comes the opportunity to fine tune self behavior as well. I find that I don't really care if people like me, but wish more of them would. I don't really work to win favors, but am not bothered if I am gifted any in the meantime.
It's a really hard spot to be in sometimes, because I know more than I should but feel I have mush more to learn. I miss Tim today! His wisdom was always just what I needed to move forward. To put into perspective all that was swirling around me. I know full well that I am supposed to accept this part of life, but I am entirely sad today because he is not here to help me.
That is all...just writing to release, and accepting as I go. What is your life showing you today? Blog~erapy writing is for you too!!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Gimmee' Life
Today I am five years old. Well, in Gimmee' years I am five. I can still remember the night that my #3 visited to share the most amazing news. And from that moment some of the focus of my life took on a new direction. I was told I was going to be a grandmother.
I have never been nominated for mom of the year, in any of my years as a mom. I took on my role as mom as serious as any mom could. But I think my kids would have enjoyed kid-hood a little better if I hadn't struggled so hard to get it all right. I am not really saying I was a horrible mom, but I definitely was not the favorite parent. I don't get to share great stories with them, or even not ever feel like I could have done so much better. I have however forgiven myself for not knowing how to do it better. I have some great memories and mom moments when I am sure I shined bright in my accomplishment, but the moments were fleeting. I can even remember one moment when my quick decisions and forceful nature most surely saved one of my kids life...but still no one really gives a mom the hero of the year award when she just does her job.
If you say I just did my job, well that would be enough. They are good people, two are great moms, and the others work on the uncle/aunt thing pretty amazingly. I got them to the brinks of adulthood, safe and with only one broken bone, a few stitches and minor glitches along the way amongst the five of them. I took more of a hands off approach in their later years, because I felt like it was the thing to do. There have been moments when I had to pat myself on the back when I saw their greatness and it made me think of a lesson, moment or even glimpse of the mom that I was for them.
But this Gimmee' gig is a pretty cool bi-product of stretch marks, morning sickness and all too serious mom syndrome. These two little girls came to my world when I needed them most. Their unconditional love and spectacular way of loving me, just for being me have made all the bad stuff of a sideways marriage and divorce seem almost worth it. The fun we have is timeless. They never seem to outgrow the fun we can whip up while cooking, coloring or just watching movies. They have given my napping chair a new life and have created art out of the most simple activities.
It was only a short time before news of number two being on the way and I realized my life would not only change, but it would be doubly bettered by these little humans coming to grace our lives.
I carefully selected an original grandmother name. Talked way too often about sonograms and pink stuff and how I would not even care now if my hair went to its all too natural gray. I am sure I wore every one I know out with all the baby talk and other stuff I kept on my facebook wall.
It really hasn't slowed down. I am still head over heels in love with Gimmee's girls. They are a bright spot in a very difficult life. I take every opportunity to spend time with them, even if have to steal the moments. I take mental snapshots of our days together, have even worked some regular appointments so they do not grow an inch without me being able to notice it.
I am in love with my 5 year Gimmee' life...
Happy 5th Birthday Payton --- you are a joy in my life!
I c
I have never been nominated for mom of the year, in any of my years as a mom. I took on my role as mom as serious as any mom could. But I think my kids would have enjoyed kid-hood a little better if I hadn't struggled so hard to get it all right. I am not really saying I was a horrible mom, but I definitely was not the favorite parent. I don't get to share great stories with them, or even not ever feel like I could have done so much better. I have however forgiven myself for not knowing how to do it better. I have some great memories and mom moments when I am sure I shined bright in my accomplishment, but the moments were fleeting. I can even remember one moment when my quick decisions and forceful nature most surely saved one of my kids life...but still no one really gives a mom the hero of the year award when she just does her job.
If you say I just did my job, well that would be enough. They are good people, two are great moms, and the others work on the uncle/aunt thing pretty amazingly. I got them to the brinks of adulthood, safe and with only one broken bone, a few stitches and minor glitches along the way amongst the five of them. I took more of a hands off approach in their later years, because I felt like it was the thing to do. There have been moments when I had to pat myself on the back when I saw their greatness and it made me think of a lesson, moment or even glimpse of the mom that I was for them.
But this Gimmee' gig is a pretty cool bi-product of stretch marks, morning sickness and all too serious mom syndrome. These two little girls came to my world when I needed them most. Their unconditional love and spectacular way of loving me, just for being me have made all the bad stuff of a sideways marriage and divorce seem almost worth it. The fun we have is timeless. They never seem to outgrow the fun we can whip up while cooking, coloring or just watching movies. They have given my napping chair a new life and have created art out of the most simple activities.
It was only a short time before news of number two being on the way and I realized my life would not only change, but it would be doubly bettered by these little humans coming to grace our lives.
I carefully selected an original grandmother name. Talked way too often about sonograms and pink stuff and how I would not even care now if my hair went to its all too natural gray. I am sure I wore every one I know out with all the baby talk and other stuff I kept on my facebook wall.
It really hasn't slowed down. I am still head over heels in love with Gimmee's girls. They are a bright spot in a very difficult life. I take every opportunity to spend time with them, even if have to steal the moments. I take mental snapshots of our days together, have even worked some regular appointments so they do not grow an inch without me being able to notice it.
I am in love with my 5 year Gimmee' life...
Happy 5th Birthday Payton --- you are a joy in my life!
I c
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
What are you looking for?
What are you looking for in your life? Do you want a new car? Is it a fitness program that is going to be the answer? Remodeling your kitchen? Each time you change a something to try and fix a feeling you are only busying yourself, when what you should do is quiet your mind and find you. The real you--the one that lives and wait for you to stop looking for other things, people or situations to declare you are finally happy.
If you have been seeking for awhile...and the last boyfriend wasn't it, the 16th new job didn't get it done, or the 3rd new town still found you feeling that icky a few months down the road, you are NOT going to find it in a purchase, relationship or geographical fix. You must find you so you can find your happy.
Do you think people who live in abject poverty don't laugh, smile or feel joy? You would be completely wrong. Real happiness cannot be found, purchased or fallen in love with. It is always available for you to choose.
If you have been seeking for awhile...and the last boyfriend wasn't it, the 16th new job didn't get it done, or the 3rd new town still found you feeling that icky a few months down the road, you are NOT going to find it in a purchase, relationship or geographical fix. You must find you so you can find your happy.
Do you think people who live in abject poverty don't laugh, smile or feel joy? You would be completely wrong. Real happiness cannot be found, purchased or fallen in love with. It is always available for you to choose.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Do the dance.....as they will---
Leave others to do---as they will.
We cannot control others, nor in my belief should we try. It is emotionally devastating to have someone withhold their love, words or other important human contact because they are angry. This lame attempt is the equivalent of a two year old tantrum to get their own way. Now this last comment does come with and addendum….---if you are busy creating havoc, intentional drama or otherwise having thoughts of “I will do this because it will hurt #theoneswelove”, then their stepping back cannot be considered your punishment but instead their right to have distance from the pain.
I am referring to the other dance. The I don't want you to go out with your friends cha cha, or the I want to change you tango. This little human dance that we do call the relationship waltz can be ever so tricky to master. Do I start with the “Im right so it’s right two step” or “Left on my own all bets are off boogie”.
By the way I never have really been a good dancer. In my relationship past I was a soft shoe. Always trying the egg shell shuffle to keep the peace, but wait, how the heck did we land in the metaphor dance class?
Well, it’s because as I stated before, this relationship thing is tricky. So I can either continue with all the tapping around the issue or get right down to the nitty gritty.
They hurt me…they trod in with their judgment and words and silence all at the same time and instantly I am overwhelmed and feeling the damage of the last 50 years. But let’s be real honest, that’s not really their fault or their problem. We each come to this dance class with two left feet at times, and there is not a lot else we can say or do. We get to choose which dance is for us and which is too complicated or fast, or slow or whatever.
I think too at some point we might just be thinking about it all too much. How hurt we have been, how fast we want to go, who might like us or more important, how could anyone like us?
Sometimes I would like to go back to the child like wonder of each new face was a potential new best friend. When seeing a new kid through the fence had the possibilities of being a relationship of a lifetime or over in 5minutes and either way it was all still just ok.
How did we get sucked into the “requirements” for a quality relationship trap? Every human interaction has value. Each time we get a wonderful hug or even an angry bird , the moments are there to teach us something. At the very least to show us a bit of ourselves and to like what is reflected in our actions or to grimace and ask—what the hell was that all about?
The truth as I see it is this. We are all trying to learn the dance. We all want to find some dance partners that will want to stay around and be the familiar routine on the floor we can get practiced up and keep doing. We seem to crave a history, story or drama to go along with each person we invite to stay, because we only think of this life as having value if it has more ticks.
What about those who only have the chance to share a breathe, a smile or a finger? Did that mean they meant more or less? I don’t think so. I am beginning to believe that what we really are working towards is a working relationship with ourselves. What we most want to find is a way to know that if we have to dance alone that it will still be worth putting on the shoes and the dress. We want to feel as though the words, smiles and yes even the fingers mattered if only to give the other person a piece of our history.
I also think that we are living in too big of a world to ever be successful at ruling out each toe stomper that comes along. And if we get even more real, when we start eliminating people because of this trait or that hang up, we will soon find not many people are left. We will find not only are we getting those drama seekers, hate mongers and sad sacks some distance, but we will also be removing ourselves from the opportunity of learning. Learning who we want to be. Seeking to find ways to grow past all those things that we don’t like in others are more times than not a part of who we are.
The gist of it is this…if something is rubbing us, it is showing up so we can grow past it. So we can go back and look for the shoes that don’t give us a blister, but we can still wear those that might not fit completely right, but look dang good on the dance floor.
If you find something is always setting you off, you are feeling the friction of people who are showing up, it’s not because you deserve to be rubbed the wrong way or the right way, it means you are still in the school of life. You are not meant to eliminate the other imperfect humans, nor are you to seek to make yourself perfect as if that will propel you into another more perfect race. This race is all there is…and the trick is to find a way to love yourself perfectly, as well as accept the imperfectness of others. When you begin to grow past those things that used to set you off into a in your own head conversation about they drama—d this and passive aggressived that, you are learning that you can control your own experience. You control not what happens to you, but what you do in response to it. What I believe we should be learning to do is communicate what we want and accepting that we can't always get what we want. But even more important is to realize that this superficial dance to win at everything really takes up a lot more time than necessary.
I am really trying to think of it more of an educational journey. The key to graduating to the next thing is to get all the lessons mastered so they don’t keep showing up. When I figured out the whole “Icreate my own reality thing” and took responsibility for all of it, I graduated to “purposeful creation”. When I began to get a passing grade in the relationship tango, I had to flunk a few humans so I could understand that working the problems meant stepping on the floor and some toes.
I am not quite sure which grade level I am in today…but I am pretty close to believing that many of the “follow the leader” levels are behind me. It really feels more like I might be moving into collegiate levels---but may need some remedial work in say…math. The whole one plus one equals H+H17 equation gets me every time.
The meaning of life is to live it. To love with all you have, even when it takes all you are to do it. It means to find those moments that make you smile, and smile in spite of the ones that make you cry. It is to become so complete within yourself that each human that you meet gets something from you even if they are sure that your interaction was to short to matter. What a matter is that we show up to dance, even if we step on all the toes or our toes are black and blue from the trying.
In the end of our days it will not matter how well we grammered our sentences, how neat our houses were or even how many people we did or did not have on our friends list. What matters will be the what we think matters.
But let me give you a few tango lessons, anytime you are worried more about someone elses dance than your own, you are never going to get the right steps. Every time you follow all the leaders you are forgetting to lead with your heart. At any time you are sure you have figured out all the moves, someone is going to change the music and the steps will no longer fit.
If you got up today and you were sure of everything you believe, that I am pretty sure you are wrong about it all. If you showed up today to dance and everyone else was swimming, I think you should jump in with your dress and shoes still on. If you ask me what I know for sure—I will tell you this…nothing. I know only that when this life is over, and I will have watched all those I loved and many I just encountered pass through my moments, then and only then will I get to know for sure. At that moment of transition I believe many people are going to say—well I’ll be…that was so not what I thought was for sure. If you can get up each day and think of the moments in front of you as a journey to the neighbors fence, to see if there are any new kids to be friends with and know that you really don’t know anything but go to it all with love, then you will be able to know…as they will.
Question every thing---
Love everyone—even if you have to struggle to do it
Hang on to nothing—because in the end your hand will be empty anyway
Treasure the gifts, but give more than you get
Or not…either way you go, it won’t be wrong, and you will get the answers you seek anyway.
Dance, don’t dance, sing, don’t sing…but know…each of those you see will do---as they will.
We cannot control others, nor in my belief should we try. It is emotionally devastating to have someone withhold their love, words or other important human contact because they are angry. This lame attempt is the equivalent of a two year old tantrum to get their own way. Now this last comment does come with and addendum….---if you are busy creating havoc, intentional drama or otherwise having thoughts of “I will do this because it will hurt #theoneswelove”, then their stepping back cannot be considered your punishment but instead their right to have distance from the pain.
I am referring to the other dance. The I don't want you to go out with your friends cha cha, or the I want to change you tango. This little human dance that we do call the relationship waltz can be ever so tricky to master. Do I start with the “Im right so it’s right two step” or “Left on my own all bets are off boogie”.
By the way I never have really been a good dancer. In my relationship past I was a soft shoe. Always trying the egg shell shuffle to keep the peace, but wait, how the heck did we land in the metaphor dance class?
Well, it’s because as I stated before, this relationship thing is tricky. So I can either continue with all the tapping around the issue or get right down to the nitty gritty.
They hurt me…they trod in with their judgment and words and silence all at the same time and instantly I am overwhelmed and feeling the damage of the last 50 years. But let’s be real honest, that’s not really their fault or their problem. We each come to this dance class with two left feet at times, and there is not a lot else we can say or do. We get to choose which dance is for us and which is too complicated or fast, or slow or whatever.
I think too at some point we might just be thinking about it all too much. How hurt we have been, how fast we want to go, who might like us or more important, how could anyone like us?
Sometimes I would like to go back to the child like wonder of each new face was a potential new best friend. When seeing a new kid through the fence had the possibilities of being a relationship of a lifetime or over in 5minutes and either way it was all still just ok.
How did we get sucked into the “requirements” for a quality relationship trap? Every human interaction has value. Each time we get a wonderful hug or even an angry bird , the moments are there to teach us something. At the very least to show us a bit of ourselves and to like what is reflected in our actions or to grimace and ask—what the hell was that all about?
The truth as I see it is this. We are all trying to learn the dance. We all want to find some dance partners that will want to stay around and be the familiar routine on the floor we can get practiced up and keep doing. We seem to crave a history, story or drama to go along with each person we invite to stay, because we only think of this life as having value if it has more ticks.
What about those who only have the chance to share a breathe, a smile or a finger? Did that mean they meant more or less? I don’t think so. I am beginning to believe that what we really are working towards is a working relationship with ourselves. What we most want to find is a way to know that if we have to dance alone that it will still be worth putting on the shoes and the dress. We want to feel as though the words, smiles and yes even the fingers mattered if only to give the other person a piece of our history.
I also think that we are living in too big of a world to ever be successful at ruling out each toe stomper that comes along. And if we get even more real, when we start eliminating people because of this trait or that hang up, we will soon find not many people are left. We will find not only are we getting those drama seekers, hate mongers and sad sacks some distance, but we will also be removing ourselves from the opportunity of learning. Learning who we want to be. Seeking to find ways to grow past all those things that we don’t like in others are more times than not a part of who we are.
The gist of it is this…if something is rubbing us, it is showing up so we can grow past it. So we can go back and look for the shoes that don’t give us a blister, but we can still wear those that might not fit completely right, but look dang good on the dance floor.
If you find something is always setting you off, you are feeling the friction of people who are showing up, it’s not because you deserve to be rubbed the wrong way or the right way, it means you are still in the school of life. You are not meant to eliminate the other imperfect humans, nor are you to seek to make yourself perfect as if that will propel you into another more perfect race. This race is all there is…and the trick is to find a way to love yourself perfectly, as well as accept the imperfectness of others. When you begin to grow past those things that used to set you off into a in your own head conversation about they drama—d this and passive aggressived that, you are learning that you can control your own experience. You control not what happens to you, but what you do in response to it. What I believe we should be learning to do is communicate what we want and accepting that we can't always get what we want. But even more important is to realize that this superficial dance to win at everything really takes up a lot more time than necessary.
I am really trying to think of it more of an educational journey. The key to graduating to the next thing is to get all the lessons mastered so they don’t keep showing up. When I figured out the whole “Icreate my own reality thing” and took responsibility for all of it, I graduated to “purposeful creation”. When I began to get a passing grade in the relationship tango, I had to flunk a few humans so I could understand that working the problems meant stepping on the floor and some toes.
I am not quite sure which grade level I am in today…but I am pretty close to believing that many of the “follow the leader” levels are behind me. It really feels more like I might be moving into collegiate levels---but may need some remedial work in say…math. The whole one plus one equals H+H17 equation gets me every time.
The meaning of life is to live it. To love with all you have, even when it takes all you are to do it. It means to find those moments that make you smile, and smile in spite of the ones that make you cry. It is to become so complete within yourself that each human that you meet gets something from you even if they are sure that your interaction was to short to matter. What a matter is that we show up to dance, even if we step on all the toes or our toes are black and blue from the trying.
In the end of our days it will not matter how well we grammered our sentences, how neat our houses were or even how many people we did or did not have on our friends list. What matters will be the what we think matters.
But let me give you a few tango lessons, anytime you are worried more about someone elses dance than your own, you are never going to get the right steps. Every time you follow all the leaders you are forgetting to lead with your heart. At any time you are sure you have figured out all the moves, someone is going to change the music and the steps will no longer fit.
If you got up today and you were sure of everything you believe, that I am pretty sure you are wrong about it all. If you showed up today to dance and everyone else was swimming, I think you should jump in with your dress and shoes still on. If you ask me what I know for sure—I will tell you this…nothing. I know only that when this life is over, and I will have watched all those I loved and many I just encountered pass through my moments, then and only then will I get to know for sure. At that moment of transition I believe many people are going to say—well I’ll be…that was so not what I thought was for sure. If you can get up each day and think of the moments in front of you as a journey to the neighbors fence, to see if there are any new kids to be friends with and know that you really don’t know anything but go to it all with love, then you will be able to know…as they will.
Question every thing---
Love everyone—even if you have to struggle to do it
Hang on to nothing—because in the end your hand will be empty anyway
Treasure the gifts, but give more than you get
Or not…either way you go, it won’t be wrong, and you will get the answers you seek anyway.
Dance, don’t dance, sing, don’t sing…but know…each of those you see will do---as they will.
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