Countdown Lesson #8

FORGIVENESS

Sometimes saying "Im sorry" or "I forgive" when you are wrong or wronged will start healing for everyone, and sometimes only for you. But until you start the healing the pain and anger will continue to fester and make you relive the offense. Forgiveness is a great medicine--make that your New Years Resolution--even if you dont want to!!

Lesson #9-Love is all I need

LOVE covers a multitude of sins, and while this quote is attributed to both Shakespeare and Louisa May Alcott, the sentiment is the same. We allow so much damage due to the thought, decision, action called love. We allow some to lie to us, hurt us and yes even take advantage of us while we are busily working on loving them.


“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
― John Lennon

But the lesson this year for me was first to learn to love myself. Not waiting until I do everything right, until I have everything perfect or by physical self is in perfect order to decide to love me. Love of self used to get a bad wrap, we were told we were self centered when we set about to love ourselves...and this is entirely untrue. When we understand that self love makes all other love possible, probable and perfect, it is a most unselfish act. Because in loving ourselves we begin to be more present, available and on time with others.


“we accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Most of my adult life has been about finding love and hanging onto it for dear life. This habit not only doesn't serve well, it sets one up for the most horrible damage at the hand of loved ones. We become a chaser and therefore they move the other direction. This year learning to allow those who do not know how to love be apart from my day to day world has allowed room for those who are better at it. They not only have stepped up to the challenge of caring about me, but have taught me how to love myself and others to a better degree. It's a bit like graduating to grownup.

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

There are no words to improve this quote, just knowing that I have Lady friends who do not suck, makes this lesson a perfect grade A+.



“Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
― Mother Teresa

I gift a smile to those who cross into my day, and I give love freely whether I get it back or not.

Lessons learned are a step up to love.

Countdown Lesson #10

For much of my life I felt fear. Fear of being disliked, hated, abandoned, or misunderstood. So I spent a crazy amount of time and energy trying to make sure people liked me, didn't leave or think I said anything that they didn't like.

Did you KNOW you can nice your way out of relationships faster than you can any other way?

It was so great to finally learn to be ok with being me. To know that those who disliked me were going to do it with or without my consent, and I finally learned that saying good bye can sometimes be a good and timely thing.

It was not an easy lesson, the fear of being left alone was a big one to get over...but let me tell you, since getting this, all the empty spots have been filled. And might I add filled brilliantly with quality people of great compassion, love and energy. The creative juices flow when you are in an environment of peace and acceptance.

Countdown Lesson #11

Most of the time we hate rules, because we feel controlled or it seems as though someone is just being a bit too bossy.

But for me this year it has been a great lesson to learn more about rules that protect my ability to be happy, safe and productive. I find that since discovering the best rules for engagement with happy, I am more and more happy all the time. Ironically when I was thinking about writing this as my #11 lesson, two cute photos were posted on facebook that list almost all of my new found rules.

The first photo lists the five rules for

LOVE YOURSELF-this used to be something we were warned against. Self love was thought to be selfish or self serving, but in fact it is the essential rule to being a great student of life. When we are self deprecating, it makes it impossible for others to see love in us or feel love for us.

DO GOOD-paying it forward, volunteering, random acts of kindness, whatever you call it doing good feels good. PERIOD...it also helps us appreciate what we have and what we have to give. It is a lesson in humanness that is never to be overlooked. Even if you are down, finding someway to step out of your pain to DO GOOD will help raise you at least three levels of happy.

ALWAYS FORGIVE-I can brag here a bit and tell you the first two rules came easy for me...actually almost natural. But this one, not so much. I have had to work on this for several years, but let me tell you when I got it...I SO GOT IT in a big way. Forgiving self and others, means we move past what ever wrongs we felt and get to the next thing. It teaches so many lessons, but is also allows us to set new boundaries, because we have let go of the drama, which removes those who would use our anger and hurt to keep us engaged. GET it? You should try...its freaking amazing...to forgive!

HARM NO ONE -Simple...when you have a choice, to strike out in anger, to take what is not yours, that violates any of the other rules....DON'T. that is all.

BE POSITIVE-This can be a bit tricky, but when you can take any situation and find a way to see the good in it...then no bad can ever happen to you. It doesn't change anything that happens in our lives...it changes how we see what happens. It's a bit of mind trick, but once you get it, it is life changing.

The next set pretty much explain themselves...

I love them all...and my favorite has to be, what others think of me is none of my business. Or maybe it is ...I don't own all the problems in the world...oh heck, I love the all.

Some rules are for making us happy...and I love all 12 of my not so new rules.

Do you have any that you have added to your life? Can you share them with us?

The videos that I can never forget...

2012 Has been a great year. We have seen moments that brought tears for happy, sad, successful and celebration. Some have touched our lives forever and some for the last time. There have been moments that stopped our hearts and tested our faith.

Through it all we have connected the dots and created the links of life that will bind us for the next period of experience...2013.

Ever year they publish the list of things we searched for...and some of my favorites made the list....



Here are my favorite 2012 Youtube moments....Share yours too!

Sarah Churman is a local mom, author and neighbor. Her story is so touching and the video is so real as to what feelings overtake us when something changes our reality to the extent to take us to a new life.



Authur's battle was huge, but even when others gave up on him, he found someone to be his champion. Can still make me cry...but I love to watch him WIN against all the odds.


I am not a big tv watcher...commercials, too much violence, too little content, it just became something I have learned to not make a part of my daily routine. But the sharing of tv good news on facebook has been such a great thing for me. When TV programs take time to share the good stuff, it kinda makes me miss it...well just a little bit.



My job is all about helping our folks to reach for some dream they have. For some it's to be able to work a little and make a pay check, to learn skills and move them towards a community job and some just to be a success in everyday life. Our team at COI loves to make those little moments count big...and that is why I share this next video. We each should have moments like this. An OPPORTUNITY to shine in a big or even little way.



This is a family story...and although it is not new to 2012, it is one that stays with me year after year. The commitment from this father to his son is an amazing story and testimony of love and success.

"Our message is yes you can, you can do anything you want to do as long as you make up your mind, you can do it" Dick Hoyt.



Next is one of my favorite local love stories. The reason it is a favorite is because of the way they met, and the people that they are. Julie is a new friend, only known her for about a year and most of our friendship is facebook based. We don't really have the chance to see each other much...but I keep up with her good news online. She is a perpetual volunteer. She gives of her time and shares information about many local nonprofits doing good work in our area. Her love story started when she met another volunteer while they were both delivering lunches to elderly and home bound in Tarrant County for Meals on Wheels. Here is a little snippet about their recent nuptials and how they met...and how others can honor their marriage by giving too.

View more videos at: http://nbcdfw.com.

Ok...this next one is a two parter....first you got to watch this one.



Then after the segment aired...the video went viral and Ben just needed to find the guru of Dance Walking....so,



The funnest part is now there is a movement ... 9 facebook pages and events...check one of them out here https://www.facebook.com/DanceWalking

Hope you found a new favorite in my list...please share a few of yours with me!

Counting down the 12 biggest lessons for 2012-

#12-That which we focus on grows bigger.

Does it ever seem like the more you focus on worries, troubles, mistakes, the more they seem to bother, happen and linger on? It's because we have been designed to be wonderful creative beings. When we focus on something it increases!

Try this in 2013--for every bad thing that happens, find 3 things you can be grateful for because of it.
It's not easy, and it's a bit of a mind trick, but once you start this process for any and all troubles, you begin to focus on the lesson, the better you get at seeing that all things are to the good, and then there is more good.

I started out the year focused on relationships that seemed to be ending, there were issues and friction almost constantly. When I switched my focus to what these challenges were teaching me(ie remove myself from the poor me/victim/nobody likes me role) the transitions became easy and less traumatic and I was able to say goodbye to those who were only adding struggles and no positives to my life.

Sidenote-this does not mean that we turn off the feelings for loss, anger or sadness. It simply means we acknowledge what is and accept it as the next step to what is next. Feelings are meant to be temporary markers to life events...not baskets we carry worries in for the rest of our lives.

Secret Santa is on a Mission- doing Random Acts of Christmas December 24,2012

We all know what Santa looks like, we see him this time of year on the corners ringing bells. He is at the front of a mile long line of kids at the shopping malls. He makes appearances in all the parades and many many holiday events. If you had to describe him or pick him out of a line up it would be a piece of cake.
But sometimes Santa is not just the holly jolly elf we all know and love, sometimes he hands over bits of his Christmas magic to willing substitutes who set out to share his beloved Christmas spirit.

This year in Burleson he was actually represented in conspiracy of good will. One local business “The Ritz Salon and Spa, got together with a Secret Santa stand-in and they set about changing some folks days into something special. A paying it forward in a big big way.

I happened to be at the location when the plan was hatched and had more fun just watching the new Santa get her marching orders. The twinkle in her eye was a glorious as I have ever seen when checking in with the big guy himself.
Once she had picked up her goodies to gift away and was ready to start her mission, I asked her to let me know how it goes, so we could share the good news and smiles with you.

She set out to make many in the Burleson her target and hit it she did. She drove through and ordered something at the Jack in the Box, but gave something more than payment to the clerk. I would have loved to seen that! She also surprised a young woman at the local QT convenience store.

She paid a visit to the local Rehab office at Huguely Medical Center. She also visited a local nonprofit that helps young women who are at a place in their life when they need support, but at this location Ms. Santa’s focus was on those who give the support. One of the counselors that works daily to help others, but her family was facing some exteremly difficult financial problems, so she was gifted some happy from the Ritz.

She set out day after day to give away gift cards for facials, hair doos, massages, acupuncture and full beauty treatments. She found someone who is suffering from a chronic illness, and gifted her some tlc. She found a local Burleson resident who is facing chemo and shared some nice with her.

She went out day after day and all the while giving out happy, was getting a dose of it herself. She targeted another person who works to help others, the manager of the local thrift store Rachel’s hope. She visited the Payless shoe store and gifted to the sales clerk.

She found a young pregnant mom with two small children and gave her a bit of a retreat. She found a random shopper at Walmart who happened to be a caretaker for some adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. They were so excited for their staff that they began to clap and cheer. I love that by the way!
When I asked this wonderful Santa about her secret mission she said “ I feel very blessed to have had the chance to give all these people a little happiness during the holidays. The smiles that I have gotten in return have been a special gift to me during this Christmas season. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to be your Secret Santa!”

We are blessed to live in a community where businesses like the Ritz and neighbors like the “The Marvelous Miss M” see the holidays for the opportunity to share. They did good!

https://www.facebook.com/THERITZSALONANDSPA

To learn more about our little town please send questions and comments to
Pam Masters pameedee@facebook.com

Its all in the findings

I think up until recently I was still a bit shocked when a day came full of a varied range of emotions. I think some where along the life path, I had fooled myself into thinking that a good day meant everything had to be good. In reality I have come to understand that it really means I just have to find the good in everything in that day for it to be great. Today is one of those days. Well actually it's more just a culmination of emotions from several days. Friday while I was being excited and grateful to be on the end of my countdown for Christmas vacation, my reality was rocked by a senseless act of cruelty. But even as I adjusted to the shock of this tragedy, I was busy sharing time in our workshop with our clients and getting decorations done. I spent lunch at Lion's Club hearing from a passionate Red Cross employee who works to help our neighbors in need. I heard from a dear friend some kind words she shared for me. I said see ya laters to my work family, and had and amazing night with some of my favorite friends. See what I mean? All over the emotional map. Saturday lots of time with my grands and Sunday some precious time with my youngest.

Today was no different. I was disappointed in the turnout for a meeting I was facilitating, but had the chance to share time with one of my favorite people and have lunch with her...And overwhelmingly grateful for learning of a huge donation for my agency. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to visit with a great fundraising group in Ft. Worth, who is prepared to assist us in bringing their program to Johnson County. I was insulted and accused of something I did not do...and I was given peace and kindness at meditation group to end my day. I had the opportunity to stand up for what I thought was right, share what I knew to be true and forgive those who were wrong.

Now in some of that it is not hard to see the good...but I assure you it is in everything. Watching and hearing of heroics during tragedy, learning about amazing generosity, coming to understand how mean and cruel some people can be....and totally wrong also.

I have learned to see the good in most things. I have also learned to accept that when I am angry it is not a disservice to my life. It just means that I have an opportunity to work through the emotions and maybe practice or pretend to through some THING out a window. I get that I am not perfect, but I refuse to allow others to throw their judgement in my face without understanding I make decisions based on what I believe to be right and true. And while you may want to convince me I am wrong, most of the time I have done my homework...or have learned to simply let it go.

I am grateful for all that added or took away from my day, because
i work to find the good---and most always find it I do.

My heart breaks as my soul sings on for grace and peace.

There is absolutely no way to go through the collective pain of what our country is dealing with, without acknowledging that it has to be one of the most horrible things we can ever face. The loss of human life is never easy to grieve, but when it is all innocents who played no active part in creating this crime, time seems to slow down to a horrific journey of reminders. I have five kids and as any mother feels at this moment, I am exceedingly grateful that they are all safe and well. I also think of those two little grands who go to "schools" through their regular week routine. I can assure you the next few weeks as I pick them up for Gimmee' time or even drive by a school, it will not feel normal to just be in that space. It will forever remind me of what it must be like for those parents as they will never be able to be at that school or near any other without their reality slapping them in the heart.

There are no words or actions that can ever make sense of this crime. There are only the real days ahead as we move towards finding a space in our hearts and minds where we can resolve the feelings of fear and begin to find a returning of peace.

I have tried to limit myself from seeing the day in and day out cryptic quotes of all the news reporters who seem to be charged with reminding me of how horrible it is instead of informing me of something new. I am appalled as I see reporters put microphones in the faces of those children who have suffered so much in such a short span. Many who cannot even find words for what has happened at their school.

I am also a bit surprised at some of the outbursts and sensationalism that has creeped into my facebook from those who try to create an argument, lay blame or decide why, instead of wrap this craziness in love so that it will be healed. And I am encouraged by those who have fought and worked at finding ways to share their smiles so that we can indeed see that life goes on, and whether we feel guilt, or sadness or even anger, we owe those who are gone respect of acting as I would imagine they would hope we would if they were still here. I feel they would want us to try and take care of those who are scared, hurting or needing treatment so that we do not have to grieve another school or mall or any mass attack of hatred.

I as a mom am also faced with a bit of dread and worry for my 15 year old as we have all heard about the threats looming for his Granbury High school. I received the call late last week....and felt so blessed to have a few extra hours this weekend of being normal with him so I could say one more time I love you, and try not to be too afraid, oh and keep an eye on your surroundings, don't be lost in texting or doing things on your phone and on and on the mom talk goes.

To say this has not changed my reality would be hard for me. On one hand my feelings are all over the map, but I refuse to live where I cannot send my kid to school or know that my grands are at their learning centers. I cannot believe that it has to happen again, here or anywhere. But the fact is now and forever a part of my reality that we as a country take a blind eye to those who might need help the most. We seem to react as though it is not our problem and that budget cuts for those who need healthcare from the medicaid or medicare system are an optional expense. How can we as a country be so callous? How many stories have I heard from those who are not seeking entitled options, but just help because they are suffering from some disease, or mental illness that none of us would have stood in line to receive had we been given the option before we arrived in this physical life. I am often upset that I was given the fat gene, and that I have reached a point in my life where I find it increasingly hard to fight to loose the weight, but I promise you I would have never traded obesity for mental illness.

I am most inspired by the one parent that I did see speak in a news conference earlier today. He spoke of his daughter Emilie. And as he focused mostly on the joy of being her dad for all the time that he had the opportunity, he also shared some beautiful memories about his precious girl, how he believed she spent her last moments and how he wished we could all remember her. He also extended sympathy to the family of the one who took her life. His courage in the face of this moment humbles me beyond belief. I am not sure I could have been that gracious. His courage and moments of grace serves such a lesson to each of us. If we are living a faithful life, we have to be able to take these moments with the grace that even surely God must have had at the murder of his son.

I believe our souls carry on, that upon our exit of this physical life we are gifted peace that surpasses all understanding. We will not be limited by what our human brain is merely capable witnessing. I believe that we are gifted the answers that we never fully received here, and that our lessons can go on to create more peace if only those left behind will seek it.

I am grateful tonight for all those who have tried to carry on...without too much doom and gloom, or end of the world comments. I am ok with the change that may or may not be aware to all of us on December 21st. But for the record, until we learn to love even those who hate us, the world is going to have moments that stops our collective heartbeat. We are going to have to stand in front of a tv at work and try to wrap our brain around some hateful act as long as we allow hate to exist. Anger is temporary. It is a human reaction to not accepting what is.

I have no answers as to how to stop this in our world. But I will look for them anyway.

Everything old is new again. Since man has walked the earth there are stories that tell of how he has used music, sounds and instruments to communicate, celebrate and commune with each other. A new group of musician’s have discovered the calming attributes of music therapy specifically drums, gongs and other rhythmic instruments. Along with many other old practices, exercises and art forms local artists Kenny Kolter has been sharing his skills and talents with groups from all types of backgrounds and giving his audience much to feel relaxed and healed about.

Can you tell me a little about your background in sound therapy? He said “I’ve been playing drums & percussion since age nine, I turned fifty this past year so I guess I’ve had a romance with rhythm and sound for quite some time. I’ve always been attracted to music on a level of texture, color, feel and energy. Music has always to me represented an entire universe to explore, another language to learn, and through learning music of other cultures and eras it’s become a vehicle to learn aspects of myself. It’s all about vibration.”

He added “ As far as my background in sound therapy, I’ve been immersed in the school of doing, learning on the job, experimenting, listening and observing for 5 years pursuing this dream on a full time basis. I’ve been very fortunate to be one of a handful of sound practitioners worldwide to play the gong in traditional clinical settings. I had a contract with the State of Illinois for two years to provide sound therapy for patients at the state’s largest mental health facility in Elgin, Illinois. Primarily my sessions were held in the forensics treatment program to a wide variety of patients with a multitude of symptoms from diverse ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. I have an ongoing relationship with Cancer Treatment Centers of America where I facilitated weekly gong meditation or drum circle sessions for patients, staff, families, caregivers and anyone else who wanted to attend.”

Kenny plays a combination of gongs, drums and rattles, many which are the same instruments that shamanic cultures from all over the world have used for centuries. “The more I learn and grow in my work, the more I realize that this approach is really a very old technology” he shared. The primary instrument is a Paiste 30 inch Platonic Year Earth Gong, it’s tuned approximately to 172 hertz – this is the frequency that the Earth rotates in our solar system.

This is a wonderfully expressive instrument and when played with sensitivity it can create an entire world of sonic possibilities. Attendees over the years have shared that they hear all sorts of unique sounds emanating from it – from whales, to flutes, to thunderstorms, to violins, to didgeridoos, to waves crashing on the beach.

He combines playing the gong and drums/rattles together creating a trance like effect that helps people to relax-meditate incorporating simple rhythmic structures and the broad expansive sound of the gong.

He added that he does not have any data personally from the sessions he has led, but there are some great resources out there, here’s just one:

“Sound affects healing in several ways: It alters cellular functions and biological systems through entrainment, to function more homeostatic ally; it calms the mind and the body; affects the emotions, which influence neurotransmitters and neuropeptides, which in turn regulate the immune system” the healer within.”

– Mitchell Gaynor, M.D., Medical Oncologist, Director of Medical Oncology and Integrative Medicine. Strang-Cornell Cancer Prevention Center, New York Hospital, author of "Sounds of Healing"

Kenny shared that he has facilitated over six hundred and seventy five gong meditation sessions at yoga studios, churches, hospitals, holistic centers, schools, chiropractic care centers, universities and medical conferences.

Everyone that we visited with about this amazing event had a positive experience and planning to attend another session.

A local Burleson resident who helped to plan this event as well as another where a group traveled to Kenny’s location had this to share.

Coralee Flug, Social Media Architect and gong enthusiasts shared “I will never forget meeting Kenny, I was at a networking event downtown Ft.Worth and he was told to come over and introduce himself to me. After a short conversation, I was completely intrigued with what he did and there was just something telling me this was not the last time we would meet.”

The first event that Coralee participated in was when Kenny planned a special event when his friend Nancy May yoga instructor was in town from Chicago. She invited some of her friends laughing and saying “ my friends are crazy enough to come along with me to try it.”

Although this type of musical event is not common to our area, none of those who attended felt like they were crazy for attending. They all just felt gratitude for being introduced to this art and musical led meditation.

Now having attended several of the events Coralee added “ Each time I experience something different. It is very hard for me to just turn off my brain aka my squirrels or even to sit still. Kenny and his gong just have a way of slowing it all down.” Most everyone who stays to visit after the events shares that it was relaxing and/or energizing, each person’s experience is unique.

If you are local to Burleson TX, you can attend one of the many events Kenny performs in the DFW metroplex. The next Burelson Event will be at D’Vine Wine at 114 South Main Street, Burleson, TX 76028. You can call manager of Burleson D'Vine, Karrie Grundy at (817) 744-7595 to get more information. Space is limited so if you are sure you would like to attend you can also rsvp by going to facebook event, the fee for this event is $25 but price varies according to event and venue.

When we asked about others experiences, Kenny shared the following:

Several years ago after a session in a woman shared that she thought she had an orgasm during the gong meditation. Everybody laughed and I had no idea what to say. Fortunately the yoga studio owner shared her experience, which was similar but different and very personal. Well this opened the floodgates and several other people shared some powerful insights they experienced. I never know what will transpire during the questions/sharing part of the evening - sometimes folks stay and we talk for half an hour or more & sometimes nobody says anything cause they are really in an altered state.

The other day at one of the gong sessions a woman shared her experience during meditation: She said that she has been going through a very trying time in her life ( I will not go into the details as it is a private matter ). Her Father passed away several months ago as well and during this difficult time she has been unable to hear her Father's voice, disconnected from his presence. During the gong session she was able to quiet her mind and get to a very peaceful state and out of nowhere she could hear her Father's voice again. Through her tears she found some joy.

This is why I do this work - I am humbled & blessed to play a small role in providing a backdrop for people to have experiences like this.

Kenny is from Illinois and still travels back each year to perform a "tour" of events for many of his followers, and the events are often sold out. It is an amazing experience that so many folks enjoy.

For more information about Kenny and his gong meditation visit http://gongmeditation.com or on facebook www.facebook.com/gong.meditation.7

Other local events include:

Dec. 14th - 6:30pm The Dallas Yoga Center 4525 Lemmon Avenue, Ste. 305 Ph. 214-443-9642

Dec. 15th 7:00pm- The Dallas Meditation Center 727 S. Floyd Rd. Richardson, TX 75080 Ph. 972-432-7871