SQUIRREL!!!!!

It's a scene in a kids movie, it is the meeting of a man and a dog, the dogs name is Doug and he has been fitted with a device that allows humans to hear what he is thinking...and in the process us hearing his thoughts as he meets the hero of our story the dog suddenly looks to his left and we hear...SQUIRREL!!!





Its a very cute movie, and the scene although somewhat unbelievable always gets a laugh. Because it seems like a very dog-like thing to do, to be in the midst of a conversation and suddenly your thoughts jump to something else, but in all reality sometimes its just me. Well me and a few of my friends. My newest group that have not only welcomed me into their arms, and hearts is my Ladies of the Round Table. To say that I felt immediately at home and akin to these ladies would be an understatement. As I sat at the table the first night we had thrown ourselves together and decided it was going to be more that it was, was only a few short weeks ago. I feel as though I have known them much longer. We are instantly talking and sharing and laughing with not a moment of awkwardness. There are jokes, inside ones too...and we all seem to get it.



It is true that a few of those who graced the roundness of our celebratory first meeting, I actually have known and one I count a very dear friend, but several are new FAST friends. At the first gathering we all shared a bit of our story, and it became all too apparent that there is depth in these stories. History, helping, happiness, hard times, heros and by that I mean HERos. This amazing group are all carrying heavy loads of responsibility. But they are handling it with humor, determination and class. They are all who I want to be when I grow up. Some are in the throws of success, others on the cusp and some just in the dreaming stage. But there is not a doubt in my mind that whatever their dreams are they are on the short road to being realized....and new dreams are already in the que as they move towards their future.



I was told recently that someone appreciates my freindship, because she feels like there are no requirements like in other friendships she has had. She is talking about people in her life who could not seperate geography and time from friendship. Their belief that a friend i someone who is around you physically, gives you time even if they don't have it or they are not worthy of the title. I am opposed not only to this belief and definition but also in the practice. The people that I call friends hold me in their heart, even if they rarely see me. I am comforted by the fact that I know that they are there. I feel sure that if there were to be a serious need in my life, they would show up in a big way...cause they always do.



I don't have to have the ceremony of friendship because they are real friends. I don't have to have gifts, but when there are gifts I know that they come from their heart. There is no jealousy, no tantrums, no drama. There is only comfort and a feeling that while I would love to spend more time with each of them, I am grateful for what they gift me and that which I can share with them.



We are all more alike than different. We all have hopes and dreams and committments. We all want more for each other than we strive to attain for ourselves. We are often distracted by the "squirrells" in our lives, but we also know that one of us will have notepad to write down where we left off and bring us back to center when the "squirrel" moment has passed.




I don't even mind those crazy here we go onto something else moments, I am far to busy enjoying the amazing women and men who are showing up in my life. I would rather be in the midst of these amazing friends that with almost anyone else on the planet. Although a "squirrell" named Ryan or Brendan might hold my attention for a few minutes, eventually I would need to get back to my ladies so we could talk about the moment

.

I have been on a journey over the last few years that has included some goodbyes, needed and necessary parting of the ways. The reasons are many but the ultimate goal was all the same, inviting those who do not honor my life or help me to be a better person to seek life elsewhere. I do not sit in judgement, I simply know for me that when you are creating things that leave you miserable, you misery can be catching. I know completely and sincerely that my drama was of my own making. I am grateful for those who showed up in my life to give me an alternative. Now I don't even begin to know how nor do I wish to ever go back to that lifestyle. It is a choice.



The degree in a peacefull life that now hangs in my heart was a gift from others who had traveled the drama highway before me. Their warnings rang true, that if I would keep doing what I had always done, I would get what I had always gotten. This new life is about appreciation and gratitude. Understanding the unwritten laws of physical and emotional living, has made my life a complete do-over. I am so grateful I got another chance to get it right! I am so glad that as life continues to inch towards my hopes and dreams, the hole left by those who left or were invited to exit has allowed wonderful, amazing, loving, compassionate, real friends to enter and take up residence in my reality. I do not have to have known them forever, nor do I have to know them from now on. They understand the fleeting nature of life. They like myself appreciates quality over quantity, honesty over hype, love over lust. They are all about respect and honoring the moments instead of regretting the past. They treasure like me the real stuff, the "squirrell" stuff, the happy stuff.



I love all the people in my life. They are here as a gift to me. The gift is mine to learn from, smile from, grow from or just enjoy. They teach me more than I can even learn, but that never stops me from trying to get every ounce of wisdom that I can soak up. Even when their actions are of the nature that makes me want to get away, I understand that it is their choice to live the life they wish just the same as I can choose. I just hope for everyone a glimpse of the view from here. A place where only good survives, because I am practicing being and attracting that which I desire and know to be good. I love that my life is a do-over, cause I messed up a major part of the first half. I thought it was supposed to be awful and make me sad. I thought that all the great things that were a part of life were for everyone else besides me. I didn't know how to make it good here...but now I do. I love too that those who have left this life, now have a chance to have their life be a do-over too...OR not. We all get the same options...and we all get to make our own choices. So glad I got to get "SQUIRRELLL"------

Learing to forgive can be difficult, but its so worth the work...

Forgiveness=release of persistent negative thoughts and feelings about oneself, others or events. It benefits the forgiver.




Forgiveness is not the acceptance of continued bad behavior. You are

responsible for your care and safety, emotional and physical. When someone

harms you, they have shown you who they are. Believe them. Thinking that

they are someone apart from their behavior is your poor behavior. ~Cynthia Ocelli



Seems as though there have been many recurring messages popping up on my page, in my conversations and even sometimes just in my thoughts. I can remember at points in my life believing that once you had gotten to the point in any disagreement, hurt or ending and you said "I forgive", that, that was that!

Not so, I now believe that sometimes the hurt is so big that it has to be taken apart similiar to the eating of an elephant analogy. It takes a decision to forgive each time those feelings that dont feel so good come up, and sometimes that takes a very long time, before those feelings are seperate and apart from the memory.



I have also come to understand that each of those moments, when someone that I cared about chose to create a memory that harmed me in my heart, soul or cellular memory, they were engraving that pain on all of us at such a deep level that the pain will take many forgivings to be released. Those moments of losing all trust, not just the trust given the offender. The damage that not only changes the way we will forever feel about the person creating the change, but it also alters the way we feel about others and ourselves.

This person could be anyone in our lives, but often we have to take a step back and see that the person really creating the damage is ourselves, well not creating necessarily but allowing for sure. This was a very hard pill of truth for me to swallow. There are millions of cliches' about the moments I am talking about, but the one that rings the truest has to be "we teach others how to treat us".

We forgive too quickly and too often, we allow repeat offenders to create the drama and harm that changes us forever. And while I would never condone bad behavior from a stranger, it is amazing to me that I tolerated it from someone I was with a major part of every day.

I have moved past most of those cellular deep feelings. They rarely ever see the light of day, but saying it took a long time to remove the anger, hurt and bitterness would be a bit of an understatement. I felt violated, unsure of my ability to judge character, timid to meet new people for fear of being hurt again.

It would also be the statement of the year that I no longer have that fear. Learning to forgive those who have chosen in the past to create damage and hurt with their lies, half-truths and manipulations was tough. It took years, but the biggest milestone of all to move past was learning to forgive me. Understanding that I was the real reason any of that pain happened hurt worse than any pain caused by others. I had on many occassions let myslelf down. I had chosen to allow people who were less than honorable to stay in my life and create more harm. I had never clearly defined the rules of engagement. Even though I had a clear understanding of what should be acceptable behavior, I had never understood that I had the right and ability to not only ask for it but demand it.


The changes in me are monumental. There is not only a clear understanding of what unacceptable behavior is, the change also includes my immediate ability to set someone straight or gone if their behavior keeps reminding me of a past I worked so hard to forgive me for. Please don't misunderstand...this is not a judgement of good or bad, right or wrong, happy or sad....this is a statement of fact for me. I know what I believe is good or bad for me, right or wrong for my heart, what makes me happy or sad. If your actions are reminding me of the me I dont want to be, you can be all but sure there will be a conversation that lets you know where those lines in the sand are drawn for me. I do not for minute want anyone to think that I am here to judge how you choose to behave. Don't even for a minute have nor want a clue as to what your mission statement is, or if you are busy building storms in your life or in the lives of others. Dont care, dont care, dont care....but you bring that hail storm over here and we are definitely going to be seeing a parting of the clouds.

I chose for myself. I accept the responsibility of this life...ALL OF IT. I decide what is ok, and what must go. I chose who I believe is living a life that honors those principles that create peace, harmony and joy. I dont want someone to think there are not second chances for those who might slip in an occasional offense, after all unless they are really into reading, they might not really know what all the rules are. But if we are being really honest most people who are living a life that is about respecting themselves and others that they care about, they don't really make those mistakes...even on accident. It is not in them to be rude or calous on accident. Not really a part of their behavior to try and manipulate the outcome of any interaction to get their way. They come to all human meetings with and openness and ability to see if for whatever it is. To gain from those moments the gift that was intended.

It was a tough thing to do...to get past all those realizations that the problem was always me. It was a big 'ol whooping on my pride...over and over again. But that is not to say there have been people that were building the bad stuff...they were. They are real people, real manipulators, canivers and takers. But I gave them a key...and I also took that sucker back!

Now knowing that I can chose, and set those behavior boundaries has brought on a whole new lifestyle. It seems that is has created a vacancy or vacumn that keeps getting filled in by the right people. They come into my life and immediately it is better and I am better for knowing them. I smile more than I ever knew I could, because each time I see them, talk to them or even just read what they post on facebook it is like getting a gift. There are no more of those moments that change the way I feel, unless you count the ways I feel blessed, cared for and appreciated.

I still see those people on the outskirts of this life. They do their little drive-bys from time to time. But it doesnt really do anything other than serve as a reminder that I have the ability to chose and the responsiblity to choose wisely. I can allow those storm creators a moment of my time here and there because they serve as a good reminder of where I came from..but they don't stay long, and are in some cases invited to leave. I have been told many things about myself, one that I still am a bit taken aback by...it is that I can be mean. That kinda makes me chuckle a bit now though...because that learned behavior of being abrupt and a bit sharp tounged had a purpose at one time. That me was a bit of a drama queen who even though said many times she didnt like the bad stuff, was a bit of a junkie. She thrived on sharing the bad stuff for the sympathy it gained her. Please don't fault her for the lessons she learned too well, and don't miss her because on most days she is long gone. But join me in feeling a bit grateful that she showed up to protect me the only way she knew how. I also feel that although she is not the main personality that I play today, she can at a moments notice show up to give someone their eviction notice if needed.


“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” –Ann Landers



borrowed from Quotes that Inspire

Like I said the messages keep showing up, sometimes over and over agian in the same day. Saying almost the exact same thing--but using different words. I love that I keep getting the messages, am also a bit amused that I need to hear it, read it, say it more than once...but that kind of stuff isnt creating harm...it just helps me see that those feelings are all but gone. I remember, but I dont feel the memory. I have forgiven, the offender and me. I have handed out the eviction notices to those who cannot or will not respect my ground rules.

The most amazing thing is, that since I realized so much of what I just wrote, the people who show up really do. They have a similar set of rules and no conversation even has to take place. We are instantly sure of each other and our time together is going to be a benefit not only for ourselves but probably a few others...cause its just who we are and what we are about. I kinda like us...no I really like us, because there is no need for any forgiveness when we are done. We simply gain from our moments...and you so gotta love that!

No gift is too big or too small~~~

No gift that is given with love and a spirit of sharing is ever too large or too small...give from your heart, that which you yourself would love to receive. Give freely and without expectation or requirements and it will always come back to you larger than when it left! I love my life...and love to give, and cherish when those gifts find their way back---because it means I can give MORE!

A Grandmother and her young granddaughter are walking down a... busy city street. They pass by a homeless man. He is sitting against the granite wall of a high rise building. The man doesn't have a sign, or a cup for begging; He is busily making roses from palm leaves. There are two roses beside him. The Grandmother stops and asks if she could buy one of the roses. The homeless man smiles and says, "For you kind Lady, it is free." The grandmother takes out her purse and gives the homeless man $5. As they walk away, the young girl asks her Grandmother, "Why did you give him money? He will probably just buy beer and cigarettes. You can't help every homeless guy you see." The Grandmother replies, "Dear One, it may be his nature to take the money and buy beer and cigarettes, but it is my nature to help a man in need."

GIVE without expectations or without conditions. Give because it is your nature, not because you want something in return.

Namaste-

Laura Barrette Shannon
(copied and shared from Facebook page)

Helping others really helps me the most.

At one of the lowest points in my life, a friend told me to try to help someone else. The small act of charity that I provided for someone else allowed me to stop worrying which wasnt helping my situation, and helped me to see that no matter my situation, I can always reach out to help someone else. That lesson lives on with me today...except I don't wait for the low points, I try to always be a help to others.



I have been blessed with some of the most amazing people in my life. Often when I was younger and being blessed, I don't thing I really saw it as the gift I do today. Those people who helped me get the lessons that have moved me closer to being the person I am and someone I truely like were dotted all along the map of my reality.



There were teachers when I was in school, friends while I was single, mentors as the many troubles presented challenges, and others who more or less came to simply save me from my own choices.



The low points have been many, being homeless because of a fire, being beyond broke, being unemployed or just dealing with the many missteps that wrong choices brought to the path.



But somewhere along the way, someone told me that the quickest way out of those moments of despair was to try and find someone else to help. I used to think that I would need a million dollars to make a difference or have some other earth shattering plan to help those in need. But the advice I was given was simple enough...just volunteer to help.



The first volunteer experience was to lift me out of a serious depression. My choices had left me alone, living with a very marginal income and single handedly trying to keep 4 kids unaffected by all the challenges that I was facing. I was sad for more than 24 hours everyday...it felt like I was sad enough for yesterday and tomorrow all in the present moment. I did not know that anyone could feel that sad. The things that I was finding out about my life, were just not pretty. In my effort to find work and to keep my mind off troubles, I was given an opportunity to enroll the youngest of the brood in a program called Headstart. Because of the income level and the fact that I was trying to find work and would need a place for him to have daycare once employment was found...this was a blessing to find that there was a program for single moms like myself.




In the process of visiting the center I was signed up for free child care while I was looking for work and for a reduced rate of care once I had found a job. They only ask that I serve on the parents council. I said sure...and asked what I would have to do. That was it, I found a purpose, busy work, some where my drive and ambition could get creative while I would be helping at the center. Within days, I was offered a job at the daycare...I was exstatic. The parents voted me to chair the parents council and we began to help more and more. New play ground equipment, parenting classes and work. Not only had I found a place to use all the skills I had developed in raising my four...I was offered more opportunities to learn, get an education in Early Childhood Development and a place to advance as I continued to learn. This little job quickly became a wondeful career, as I advanced and it also was the end of the depression that had lead me to seek someplace to help.



There have been many volunteer positions since then but the next big development would be after loosing a job. I volunteered at the Hurricane Resource Center in Burleson and this time even though I could have told myself I have every right to be depressed, none ever came. I have learned that no matter what my challenges are, answers always come, I simply need to stay busy, find my focus and wait for the opportunities to move past the low spot once again.

Problems will come, or as I choose to label them, the opportunities for me to create a new solution to my current situation. In each challenge, I am but a helping hand away from being on to the next adventure, if only I will be the one to reach out.




I continue to look for ways to serve, because I can, because I enjoy it, and because it makes things better for someone. I love that I have found a gving heart...I love my giving life.

And then there is a shift, to the afternoon of life...

There is an amazing little key on my key board that is labled SHIFT~it changes the letters and makes them capital, changes numbers into symbols. There is a key in our life too, it is a quantum moment that shifts our life to change us in capital or symbolic way. I love that I have come to understand that these moments are so I get the lesson, so I can shift to the next thing.



There are many moments in life that I can remember thinking I knew what was going on, where I was going and when I would probably arrive. But they don't really register loudly on the long term memory. Because almost as quickly as one decides they are in the KNOW, life can make a shift that changes everything we think we know.




Our childhood can be called the morning of life, we are in a bit of a fog and also have great clarity all at the same time. We are often at ease with being who we are, because we have not lived long enough to gather up all the doubts and insecurites that happen to us as we begin to hear others and believe what they tell us. This can be both a glorious and precarious time of our lives, depending on our circle of influence and our desire to be who we are meant to be, even before we truely understand we are here to be anyone other than the fun finding, dirt gathering, bug exploring, child living in the moement. Then there is a shift, we become aware of others, what they think of us, and when we disappoint them. This shift is to the next phase.



As we begin to understand about school, competitiveness and attraction to those who make our hearts flutter life becomes a bit more warm, sticky and complicated in the mid-morning of our lives. This seemingly beautiful time of our day/life is a bit deceptive because we think we are understanding everything--when in fact we are almost as clueless as ever. And then there is a shift a momentum motivated movement that directs us to feel more about things, people and places. We find love or something like it, we find passions for things that bring us excitement, we find places where we feel grown-up and safe.


Adolescence through to the Semi-grown~up--lunch time! We are hungry for things and finding those foods that just make us happy and fill us up. And again with all the mis-guided knowledge we head in directions believing that the busy~ness, gathering and possessing will bring us happiness and lifelong contentment. We often committ ourselves to careers, life partners, or even in religions or political dogmas. We think that concreting our lives with these decisions will be the staple of our adult lives. Often we are not seeking the right answers, we are headed toward answers and activities that we BELIEVE are supposed to make us happy, we are still too green to even understand what happiness is.




The next phase is comparable to nap-time. We slip into a routine and life that we think we are supposed to be living, but most of us in reality are asleep. We are doing the daily actions that we think we are destined to do. But we are sleeping, or at least sleep walking through our day to day. We are tired, overworked, and often finding ourselves to be too tired to be happy, too distracted to be passionate and too discontent to be at peace. This loss of focus often leads us to shift to the next thing, a decision to become parents or change our career.



As we take on the rearing of the next generation or participating in that function at some level whether we have kids or assist others kids, this is our dinner time. We are starving for all kinds of things and feelings of missing our youth and the passions of our younger life. We find discontentment, depression and management of those emotions with drugs, addictions or risky behaviors. We have come to understand that all those things that should have MADE us happy are just busy work, times when we are distracting our desires with other things. This shift can be both rewarding and misguided, we have spent much time thinking we new where we were headed onliy to find this shift leaves us feeling a bit lost.



This next change is the emptying of our nest, whether it is a nest of kids, work or friends-relationships that just haven't worked to get us to contentment . Those wonderful little or big people who have brought us so much joy, instigated so many lessons and challenged our every belieif gifted to us by our own parents now find their way out and about in the world we tried so hard to prepare for or prevent them from finding. This shift take us to the afternoon of life.


This shift is often labled the mid-life crisis, even though it can come before the middle crease or after, it is lead by the shift in lessoning responsibility. We find that we are becoming a bit less structured, because we find that whether we played by the rules or just skirted around them, we all pretty much end up in the same spot. Why were we here? What did it all mean? Did I enjoy my days? What should I do with this afternoon of humaness?


All great questions spurred on by the shifts, and as life seems to move into hyperspeed, we become more calm or crazy depending on the decisions we have made. Have we decided to accept this phase of our lives? Is the place we find ourselves in rewarding and worth the costs we have paid?


As we begin to see the next and final shift of our lives we can be sure that we will spend some time asking the what ifs---if we were not savvy enough to catch on to the shifts that pushed us through our day. I am nearing that evening shift. I see others who are content with their journey and others similar to me who are just learning many things that I was slow to catch on to as well. There is no guideline, measureing stick or even score...we come to the end of the day or our evening in as many different ways as there are numbers to arrive. We only need to be sure of one thing, that if we are still looking for those answers, we must be prepared to never know or get the answer we have shifted ourselves to find. We most surely drove this life with each decision and through each shift, and whether we come to the darkness in happiness or with regrets we all get there just the same. And as we make that final shift and the answers are revealed and lessons become clear we will know the outcome of our day, and reap the rewards of all that we sowed, a smile or a sigh, a giggle or a tear, will all come from the shifts that we made.


I no longer live in fear of any of those things that have shifted. I have worked to understand those changes, accept my responsibility in each, and to live with only hope of all things are as they are meant to be. I don't think I believe in destiny exactly, but I am happy to have arrived in this near afternoon of my life. I am rarely sad, but still sometimes feel as if there are parts of my story I do not have yet. I have hopes and dreams that are yet to be realized, but have been blessed with other abundance in case those shifts do not come. I accept where I am, but hope for more.


I love each and everyone of the shifts, because they have brought me closer to me. I have learned to let go, of hopes and dreams especially when they weren't really mine, but what others had decided for me. I learned to hang on to the principles that mean the most, honesty, charity, love and the other goods ones I cling to. I have grown to believe in my ability to decide for myself at each shift whether it is right or wrong. I have matured and let go of those things that others told me I should believe in...I have released those who only bring harm and damage in my life and allowed them to shift to their next thing sending them along with my peace and love. I hold no grudges, claim no great kowledge and seperate from any situation that doesnt feel true.


I do all these things with the understanding of the shift yet to come, and I am at peace whenever it may choose to arrive. I know that I am ok, no matter what race I win, or challenge I fail...the lessons are completed and there is little left to do. My success will not come from the gathering of things, nor will my life be less for the gathering. Each task feels right, or is left undone. I don't struggle so that you will like me, clamour for attention, or fear being left alone. I welcome each who chooses to come with grace and an open heart and we will watch as the next shift comes for us all.