Got kinda tickled at my friend Kerry tonight. We always have the funniest conversations, and they almost always start with us talking about one of us driving to the next thing. Busy could be our word of the day, but the funniest thing of all is how she seems to be often worried that I don't have a boyfriend. I keep telling her that it would take a pretty amazing guy to put up with all this, and then that is when she says she is on a mission to end my lonely.
I love you Kerry...but I'm not really lonely. I have the most amazing friends. I am challenged each day with a new project and something to add to my world. And I have been blessed with the best five kids any more every got to raise...well actually they raised me. Not to mention two of the most perfect grands a Gimmee' ever had. Yeah...look if you want to, but Noworries if he doesnt show up.
I really love all the love stories in my life. So many of my friends have the happily ever after and I am happy for them, but also sure that I will never settle for less than what they have. I was married for a very long time. I know what struggle is, I lived through heart ache, and I came out better for all the challenges on the other side. I would not change a minute of that life, nor would I make any of the same mistakes again. I learned them too well.
I am ok to be alone for the rest of this life if that is what is meant for me. I am ok if someone comes to share the journey, for a few dates for the rest of this parade.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
Are you successful?
Success is not measured by how many people you are smarter, richer or prettier than. Success is not being able to point out the faults of others so you will feel superior. Success is not anything unless you are happy, doing the most good and helping others as much as you were helped along the way. You define what your success is and you must leave everyone else's measure of success out of your equation.
Are you successful?
Facebook post January 27th www.facebook.com/pameedee
So lately there have been some who in my circle have had a bit of success, and a few who have been peddling the other direction. But when I was listening to some of them recounting their victories and struggles and it occurred to me that I think some where along the way we have been given some false information. We have been lead to believe that having everything means that we are successful. We have been programmed to seek approval from those in our lives because we have been reinforced to be liked by everyone. We have lost our smiles, moments of joy and true success because our society seems to have decided for us what failure and success looks like.
It is very similar to the education system. Our teachers are teaching to a test. They are cattle herding those children who learn in similar ways and then trying to cast off the rest of the class who does not follow suit.
In the process of following along to be a part of the norm, we have lost ourselves to fitting in and finding what others think success should be. We can find a way to stay married to someone even though we are not happy, that the other in the relationship no longer honors our beliefs, heart or joy. We have found ourselves stuck in jobs that do not support us to grow and become an asset to our companies, but would rather us just follow along and not make change, waves or trouble.
We have niced/normaled/settled ourselves to soul sickness. I am working towards my version of success. I have decided to find success, appreciation and gratitude in each day. I know that the blessings have been many and that my success has often been gifted to others. I am ok with that process of sharing even when it feels a little more like the gifts were stolen.
I also had a bit of an awakening, or remembering of one of the lessons shared by my friend Tim. It never ceases to amaze me how much I miss his wisdom and love, until I remember many of his words are still in my heart and that fills me with his love, or at least the memory of the special friendship we shared. The lesson/memory is how life can work to unseat us when we are way too comfortable. It's as if as soon as we think we have it all figured out, stuck in the we know everything comfort zone, something will come along to bump us right out of our seat and way out of the zone.
I love that I have learned that knowing that I do not know is the best way to learn and find knowing. It is when I learn the most. It is when I am open to grow that I find the lessons are easier or at least a little less friction as I go through the rapids of life.
Today as I was feeling a bit of the old weariness from a long weekend and a little too much adrenaline, I suddenly remembered so much good that has come to my life. I also had a recalling of the very important step learned recently to not be attached to any of it. To let the moments flow and be grateful, squeeze all the umph out of each second and then know to be ok as we move past the joy of the moment. There may be some more bumps and pot holes to drive around, but that doesn't diminish the success, greatness or even the happy that was just part of my immediate past. I have learned that being grateful for every part of this life, ecstatic for the great stuff, accepting of the rough stuff and ok with the just ok parts. I have learned how to get the most out of the lessons, love and life.
My lesson is also in the knowing that I have to let those who do not fit in the current incarnation of my life move to that which attracts them and be ok with loving them from here. I have to know that not everyone is ready for the lessons I have to share, or even ready to accept that they don't know all that they now believe that they do.
Often what happens is that people can get stuck in a great moment. A time of their life that was either as great as they ever wanted or as miserable as they believe they deserve. They get stuck in that moment because they count it as a success to be right where they believe they belong. Their stuck spot may be back at graduation, loss of a job or saying good bye to a significant person in their life (no matter the reason for the exit). They hold on to what they BELIEVE they know the answers are, and while they may be right, the questions change almost every day. Certainly at least once during any given year and positively several times during our lifetimes.
Success is finding a way to accept, agree and allow each moment to stand alone in the reality that it was or is. But then as that moment goes to history if we get stuck thinking that is where our success is, we stop moving forward with our growth.
Detaching from the outcomes, letting go of the hurts, accepting the lessons and knowing that to know is to not really know is success. The rest of the stuff...is just stuff.
The biggest lesson of all...it doesn't really matter at all. We get to the end of this road and we get all the answers when we get our bill and turn in our key. We check out of the Hilton, the Hyatt or the little motel and we are done with the struggles and we get to know what they were all for. I believe many of us will look back and laugh, because we made too much of it all. I feel as though some of us will get to the check out station and have a bit of regret, until we gain the understanding that in the living is the success. We added to the human story and it does not matter if we think we did it right, had the most toys or had nothing at all. We are all loved beyond measure by the God of our Universe and our fellow humans. We are all given more grace than we will every believe we deserve. We are all connected to the success and one day we will know that we did not know...and it will be good.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
When sleep doesn't come...
I get up and write. I usually find that there is something waiting to be released in black and white. It never is easy to say the hard stuff. To find a way to be so radically honest with self and others that it not only diffuses the pain, it begins the healing all in one simple blog~erapy session.
I honestly don't know how I could have ever grown so much if it were not for this little writing exercise that moves me past the hurts.
This time it is not so much about pain as the absence of it. I volunteer, to help, a lot, maybe even too much. But don't ask me if I am going to stop...because I won't. But I need to start adding a disclaimer with a few folks, so that help does not get translated into, yes please assume that I can do everything for you. And that you can read what I say I will do and read even what is not there, take it as your call to issue a plea of "no HELP" to others and get your way. You bet...but when it comes down to the end of the road, all you would have done is caused some to see you as a victim and the one you used as your perpetrator will only have to do a minimum of damage control to move past the drag through the mud.
I won't mention much more on this latest lesson, because it did not hurt a bit. I knew instantly when put on the spot what might take place. And not only was I ok with all that transpired, I got clearer picture of one person than I might have never gotten if I had just continued to do it all.
It's so freaking liberating to live a life that is not only based on honesty but wrapped tight in all that-that implies. It means that even though I want to keep the peace if you are bound to make it messy I will ride out the storm. I will not fight, point fingers or even wave a bit of drama. I may speak of the damage you tried to create to my friends, but I will not get stuck there. I also love that not only have I learned how to move past and away from those who live this fashion of life, I have learned how to love them anyway. I have grown so good at understanding that the others in our lives who behave less than stellar at any given point of our joint day, do it because of a feature of their personality and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I have learned that even when I make a mistake, miss a deadline or forget something all together, that none of the above is cause for end of the world ranting, or even worth anything more than a sincere apology and self forgiveness.
It is always in the intent. My intent was honorable, my remarks were honest, I took the steps required, to handle my obligations. Everything else is just something else.
One very amazing phone call was all about justification. Saying what was right for me without fear of retribution feels good. That doesn't mean that the other misguided vengeance tosser won't through it my way, it just means that even if they do, I will have moved past the point of contention and beyond their throwing arm. The words were well put together. The song I had heard oh so many times before. But damage and scar tissue had built up a shield of sorts to not only protect me from what was meant to be hurtful and aimed in my direction, it was as if I could see the BS-decoder stepped up and I could see all the brown stuff so clear, I cried and laughed all at the same time.
How is it that so many years ago someone came into my life to give me this gift? The gift that blesses me with as many exits as needed to allow for the best enterings ever.
This last week was about saying yes...and I did at all the right moments. This week was about saying no...even though I knew there would be a storm to follow. It was really more like a dust storm than a full on hurricane. Those type of storms are now mostly non existent in my life.
It is all pretty amazing that all this stuff took place in the same week. This next week starts now. In just a few hours the next few steps of a great new adventure will be part of my new normal. There are blessings beyond big, lessons less that large and opportunities opening doors at a rapid fire pace. I am laughing as I learn to run fast all over again.
I sat last night at an event, almost feeling as if I were invisible. I could see the enormity of my life. I caught visions of the most amazing moments that are just about to happen and it was as if those I was with have no clue or even desire to see me. Even just a few short months ago this would have made me sad. It would have made me incredibly down and pain filled. But not today, not this week. I know that I am tapping into my purpose. I know that each action step is leading to whatever that purpose is meant to be. I don't have to have all the answers, make everyone happy or even care when they strike out in my direction. I know it is all about providence...and that in itself is just a hint at what is about to come my way.
I honestly don't know how I could have ever grown so much if it were not for this little writing exercise that moves me past the hurts.
This time it is not so much about pain as the absence of it. I volunteer, to help, a lot, maybe even too much. But don't ask me if I am going to stop...because I won't. But I need to start adding a disclaimer with a few folks, so that help does not get translated into, yes please assume that I can do everything for you. And that you can read what I say I will do and read even what is not there, take it as your call to issue a plea of "no HELP" to others and get your way. You bet...but when it comes down to the end of the road, all you would have done is caused some to see you as a victim and the one you used as your perpetrator will only have to do a minimum of damage control to move past the drag through the mud.
I won't mention much more on this latest lesson, because it did not hurt a bit. I knew instantly when put on the spot what might take place. And not only was I ok with all that transpired, I got clearer picture of one person than I might have never gotten if I had just continued to do it all.
It's so freaking liberating to live a life that is not only based on honesty but wrapped tight in all that-that implies. It means that even though I want to keep the peace if you are bound to make it messy I will ride out the storm. I will not fight, point fingers or even wave a bit of drama. I may speak of the damage you tried to create to my friends, but I will not get stuck there. I also love that not only have I learned how to move past and away from those who live this fashion of life, I have learned how to love them anyway. I have grown so good at understanding that the others in our lives who behave less than stellar at any given point of our joint day, do it because of a feature of their personality and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I have learned that even when I make a mistake, miss a deadline or forget something all together, that none of the above is cause for end of the world ranting, or even worth anything more than a sincere apology and self forgiveness.
It is always in the intent. My intent was honorable, my remarks were honest, I took the steps required, to handle my obligations. Everything else is just something else.
One very amazing phone call was all about justification. Saying what was right for me without fear of retribution feels good. That doesn't mean that the other misguided vengeance tosser won't through it my way, it just means that even if they do, I will have moved past the point of contention and beyond their throwing arm. The words were well put together. The song I had heard oh so many times before. But damage and scar tissue had built up a shield of sorts to not only protect me from what was meant to be hurtful and aimed in my direction, it was as if I could see the BS-decoder stepped up and I could see all the brown stuff so clear, I cried and laughed all at the same time.
How is it that so many years ago someone came into my life to give me this gift? The gift that blesses me with as many exits as needed to allow for the best enterings ever.
This last week was about saying yes...and I did at all the right moments. This week was about saying no...even though I knew there would be a storm to follow. It was really more like a dust storm than a full on hurricane. Those type of storms are now mostly non existent in my life.
It is all pretty amazing that all this stuff took place in the same week. This next week starts now. In just a few hours the next few steps of a great new adventure will be part of my new normal. There are blessings beyond big, lessons less that large and opportunities opening doors at a rapid fire pace. I am laughing as I learn to run fast all over again.
I sat last night at an event, almost feeling as if I were invisible. I could see the enormity of my life. I caught visions of the most amazing moments that are just about to happen and it was as if those I was with have no clue or even desire to see me. Even just a few short months ago this would have made me sad. It would have made me incredibly down and pain filled. But not today, not this week. I know that I am tapping into my purpose. I know that each action step is leading to whatever that purpose is meant to be. I don't have to have all the answers, make everyone happy or even care when they strike out in my direction. I know it is all about providence...and that in itself is just a hint at what is about to come my way.
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