I love this quote... "Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?" – Sri Sathya Sai Baba Now I am not here to tell you that I am innocent...like I said before I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. But recently I saw the ugly face of gossip and I witnessed the most heroic act of putting it to bed. Call the person it was about. Now it goes without saying that the person who repeated the illfated information was not at all happy about the sharing of information with the person it was aimed at, but honestly I thought it was the gutsiest move I have seen in like forever. I hate gossip, hearing it, believing it, sharing it...I have learned the hard way to turn the other cheek and deafen the my ears to it. I am honestly telling you that when the whole situation came to light....the gossip was not true. It simply was something that was hurtful and perpetuated by a long standing rivalry. Why the two at the center of the storm are involved I can't for sure tell you. I am pretty sure that at some point or another someone got their feelings hurt. Please don't get me wrong I am not here to judge whether the pain is unfounded or even warranted. But I can tell you this....for those who are still hanging on to it...um might be time to find a new hobby. But the person who is upset now, really has no reason to be. Regardless of why you were sharing the "gossip" it was not true. Whether you like the person or you don't, it was not true. It is completely irrelavant on all fronts because you were wrong to share something that you only "heard" someone say, AND IT WAS NOT TRUE---this makes you WRONG---- period. I have also learned to hear not only the words people say but to feel the intent behind them. This little skill has paid me well. I can feel when someone is a little off center, when their words ring hollow and when I should not invest my heart, time or energy into the conversation or the person. I do not say that in judgement...only as it pertains to fact. It is a fact that someone who is not convicted in the story that they tell because they know it to be true, will stretch their words to create what is is their mind wishes to see. Think about how at anytime an innocent hug, a friendly kiss or any other action that you shared in the best of intentions was twisted to something dirty, innappropriate or wrong. How did that feel? I recently had a conversation with a very special person...I like this human beyond reason...because I have never seen an action, decision or choice be anything but something to bring smiles. This person shared with me that the "GOSSIPS" about town had started stories that were hurtful, slanderous and untrue. Now, here is where the tough part comes in...I participated in one of those conversations myself...I will not defend what I did---and I did know it was not a good thing to do. Now as I write this I know that an apology is owed and will be delivered...because I too was involved in the gossip. I did not verify the story before I shared it with someone else. I am ashamed...but I learned my lesson...and can promise you it won't happen again. Because now I know--first it wasn't necessary...and well could not pass any part of the test above. Now that we have tackled the G-word, the next one is LIAR. Definition -please--: a person who tells lies. So---it was innocent enough, I had been involved in an online conversation. One that did not exactly have all the information needed to decide what steps to follow. After I followed up and found out about the missing information I received, I decided I needed to clarify my guidelines and made a very polite, private request for future reference. I did not call the person out, create any drama--well not intentionally anyway. I simply said what I said and did what I did. End of story--right? I mean really we all have the right, responsibility and reason to ask for that which we need, expect and desire out of our personal, professional and public relationships...RIGHT? Well aparently that is only if you are dealing with someone...or the someones who come to the table with honesty in their pocket as well. I have often shared in my blog~erapy and in LIFE that I don't always believe that first impressions are always right...but dang it sometimes they ring true. I have also said that I do not hold grudges, but if you show yourself to be a practicer of certain behaviors, I will forgive and forget that we have anything to talk about. Especially if what you shared was a lie, directed at me. Now this is where it gets really interesting...the same call it out and like it is person, is also the one that called bull - shine on this one too. She was confronted, defended me and then got to the bottom of it all with me involved. I HEART her! So, in this one little two act play, I not only found out I was right about one person, but I also discovered a truth about another...oh and heres a bit of interesting info for you, this person is involved in the gossip story too! Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. “The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw So now I can do one of two things, or do nothing, but nothing I do will take away from the fact that I know there have been lies told and feelings hurt. And to be as blunt as I can...none of it served any real purpose, other than the original intent of those involved to hurt others. That part they did pretty good. JUDGE-to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially: to form a negative opinion about
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Lessons I remember...from not so long ago...
I see progress, I see growth, I see a happier more well adjusted me. I see that my steps to grow past pain and hurt were not only the right steps for me, they were what I needed to get where I am going.
It's hard to admit when someone, something, some job that you love is holding you back. The hangup that you have for moving past it takes you out of commission, even though you are still very busy getting things done. It blinds you to the tears and sadness you feel becuase the busy work ties up your hands with the day to day grind.
I love reading back through my blog~erapy. I love knowing that all those nights when I was upset and could not find the words, my fingers could not only find them but they left them for me to see later. I appreciate so much that I have grown past the point where I see good bye to anything as a bad thing. Life is not about getting to a place for me anymore. It is about appreciating each second and understanding that the growing pains are as much a part of who I am to become as the smiles, fun and joy.
I don't really have alot of lessons these days. I seem to glide through one rough patch right up to the next, fully aware that the decisions I make for myself will not only be right on, the ones from the past have been also. No matter whether I was deciding to let someone else decide or choosing to let hurts build and hurt me...it was all what I had to tackle to get to here.
I also love recognizing the lessons when they show up for others. While they only serve as a reminder to me...I see how hard some struggle with the way life really works.
So here a few of the biggies, that are zipping around my reality...
GOSSIP~we are all guilty, it's kind of like one of those human traits that really is tough to understand. I tend to think it was a tool learned to share information, especially before the written word...and way before blogging. Sharing information has some how gotten a bit sidetracked though if it's landing in the gossip column. In Webster's it is both a noun and verb, but for our purposes we are going to tackle the verb first. "Gossip" the sharing of intimate deatails about someone. Ok...that in itself does not really explain what it is I am getting at...so lets say it like this. You know something about someone--you yourself only know it as second hand knowledge. In other words, you heard it from someone and you can neither prove it to be fact or even discern the origin of the information. Now here comes the tricky part---if the information is hurtful, maybe untrue, or even better none of your damn business...but you share it anyway, you have just renamed yourself the noun--GOSSIP.
I love this quote... "Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?" – Sri Sathya Sai Baba Now I am not here to tell you that I am innocent...like I said before I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. But recently I saw the ugly face of gossip and I witnessed the most heroic act of putting it to bed. Call the person it was about. Now it goes without saying that the person who repeated the illfated information was not at all happy about the sharing of information with the person it was aimed at, but honestly I thought it was the gutsiest move I have seen in like forever. I hate gossip, hearing it, believing it, sharing it...I have learned the hard way to turn the other cheek and deafen the my ears to it. I am honestly telling you that when the whole situation came to light....the gossip was not true. It simply was something that was hurtful and perpetuated by a long standing rivalry. Why the two at the center of the storm are involved I can't for sure tell you. I am pretty sure that at some point or another someone got their feelings hurt. Please don't get me wrong I am not here to judge whether the pain is unfounded or even warranted. But I can tell you this....for those who are still hanging on to it...um might be time to find a new hobby. But the person who is upset now, really has no reason to be. Regardless of why you were sharing the "gossip" it was not true. Whether you like the person or you don't, it was not true. It is completely irrelavant on all fronts because you were wrong to share something that you only "heard" someone say, AND IT WAS NOT TRUE---this makes you WRONG---- period. I have also learned to hear not only the words people say but to feel the intent behind them. This little skill has paid me well. I can feel when someone is a little off center, when their words ring hollow and when I should not invest my heart, time or energy into the conversation or the person. I do not say that in judgement...only as it pertains to fact. It is a fact that someone who is not convicted in the story that they tell because they know it to be true, will stretch their words to create what is is their mind wishes to see. Think about how at anytime an innocent hug, a friendly kiss or any other action that you shared in the best of intentions was twisted to something dirty, innappropriate or wrong. How did that feel? I recently had a conversation with a very special person...I like this human beyond reason...because I have never seen an action, decision or choice be anything but something to bring smiles. This person shared with me that the "GOSSIPS" about town had started stories that were hurtful, slanderous and untrue. Now, here is where the tough part comes in...I participated in one of those conversations myself...I will not defend what I did---and I did know it was not a good thing to do. Now as I write this I know that an apology is owed and will be delivered...because I too was involved in the gossip. I did not verify the story before I shared it with someone else. I am ashamed...but I learned my lesson...and can promise you it won't happen again. Because now I know--first it wasn't necessary...and well could not pass any part of the test above. Now that we have tackled the G-word, the next one is LIAR. Definition -please--: a person who tells lies. So---it was innocent enough, I had been involved in an online conversation. One that did not exactly have all the information needed to decide what steps to follow. After I followed up and found out about the missing information I received, I decided I needed to clarify my guidelines and made a very polite, private request for future reference. I did not call the person out, create any drama--well not intentionally anyway. I simply said what I said and did what I did. End of story--right? I mean really we all have the right, responsibility and reason to ask for that which we need, expect and desire out of our personal, professional and public relationships...RIGHT? Well aparently that is only if you are dealing with someone...or the someones who come to the table with honesty in their pocket as well. I have often shared in my blog~erapy and in LIFE that I don't always believe that first impressions are always right...but dang it sometimes they ring true. I have also said that I do not hold grudges, but if you show yourself to be a practicer of certain behaviors, I will forgive and forget that we have anything to talk about. Especially if what you shared was a lie, directed at me. Now this is where it gets really interesting...the same call it out and like it is person, is also the one that called bull - shine on this one too. She was confronted, defended me and then got to the bottom of it all with me involved. I HEART her! So, in this one little two act play, I not only found out I was right about one person, but I also discovered a truth about another...oh and heres a bit of interesting info for you, this person is involved in the gossip story too! Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. “The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw So now I can do one of two things, or do nothing, but nothing I do will take away from the fact that I know there have been lies told and feelings hurt. And to be as blunt as I can...none of it served any real purpose, other than the original intent of those involved to hurt others. That part they did pretty good. JUDGE-to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially: to form a negative opinion about
I love this quote... "Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?" – Sri Sathya Sai Baba Now I am not here to tell you that I am innocent...like I said before I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. But recently I saw the ugly face of gossip and I witnessed the most heroic act of putting it to bed. Call the person it was about. Now it goes without saying that the person who repeated the illfated information was not at all happy about the sharing of information with the person it was aimed at, but honestly I thought it was the gutsiest move I have seen in like forever. I hate gossip, hearing it, believing it, sharing it...I have learned the hard way to turn the other cheek and deafen the my ears to it. I am honestly telling you that when the whole situation came to light....the gossip was not true. It simply was something that was hurtful and perpetuated by a long standing rivalry. Why the two at the center of the storm are involved I can't for sure tell you. I am pretty sure that at some point or another someone got their feelings hurt. Please don't get me wrong I am not here to judge whether the pain is unfounded or even warranted. But I can tell you this....for those who are still hanging on to it...um might be time to find a new hobby. But the person who is upset now, really has no reason to be. Regardless of why you were sharing the "gossip" it was not true. Whether you like the person or you don't, it was not true. It is completely irrelavant on all fronts because you were wrong to share something that you only "heard" someone say, AND IT WAS NOT TRUE---this makes you WRONG---- period. I have also learned to hear not only the words people say but to feel the intent behind them. This little skill has paid me well. I can feel when someone is a little off center, when their words ring hollow and when I should not invest my heart, time or energy into the conversation or the person. I do not say that in judgement...only as it pertains to fact. It is a fact that someone who is not convicted in the story that they tell because they know it to be true, will stretch their words to create what is is their mind wishes to see. Think about how at anytime an innocent hug, a friendly kiss or any other action that you shared in the best of intentions was twisted to something dirty, innappropriate or wrong. How did that feel? I recently had a conversation with a very special person...I like this human beyond reason...because I have never seen an action, decision or choice be anything but something to bring smiles. This person shared with me that the "GOSSIPS" about town had started stories that were hurtful, slanderous and untrue. Now, here is where the tough part comes in...I participated in one of those conversations myself...I will not defend what I did---and I did know it was not a good thing to do. Now as I write this I know that an apology is owed and will be delivered...because I too was involved in the gossip. I did not verify the story before I shared it with someone else. I am ashamed...but I learned my lesson...and can promise you it won't happen again. Because now I know--first it wasn't necessary...and well could not pass any part of the test above. Now that we have tackled the G-word, the next one is LIAR. Definition -please--: a person who tells lies. So---it was innocent enough, I had been involved in an online conversation. One that did not exactly have all the information needed to decide what steps to follow. After I followed up and found out about the missing information I received, I decided I needed to clarify my guidelines and made a very polite, private request for future reference. I did not call the person out, create any drama--well not intentionally anyway. I simply said what I said and did what I did. End of story--right? I mean really we all have the right, responsibility and reason to ask for that which we need, expect and desire out of our personal, professional and public relationships...RIGHT? Well aparently that is only if you are dealing with someone...or the someones who come to the table with honesty in their pocket as well. I have often shared in my blog~erapy and in LIFE that I don't always believe that first impressions are always right...but dang it sometimes they ring true. I have also said that I do not hold grudges, but if you show yourself to be a practicer of certain behaviors, I will forgive and forget that we have anything to talk about. Especially if what you shared was a lie, directed at me. Now this is where it gets really interesting...the same call it out and like it is person, is also the one that called bull - shine on this one too. She was confronted, defended me and then got to the bottom of it all with me involved. I HEART her! So, in this one little two act play, I not only found out I was right about one person, but I also discovered a truth about another...oh and heres a bit of interesting info for you, this person is involved in the gossip story too! Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. “The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw So now I can do one of two things, or do nothing, but nothing I do will take away from the fact that I know there have been lies told and feelings hurt. And to be as blunt as I can...none of it served any real purpose, other than the original intent of those involved to hurt others. That part they did pretty good. JUDGE-to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially: to form a negative opinion about
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