Monday, November 29, 2010
30 Days of Gratitude
November 1st-Phenomenal Friends --It has been such an amazing journed over the last few years---getting to know new friends and addding to my family of choice is one of my most favorite past times. There are so many of them who have talents, gifts and love that blesses my life. I am so grateful for all my friends. Thanks so much for putting up with me, all my faults and imperfections--your friendships means so much to me!
November 2nd-30 Days of Gratitude-Day 2--I am grateful for my family. 5 great kids, 2 wonderful grands, a few extras, brothers, sisters in law--mom, dad, aunts, uncles and cousins. All my grandparents have passed but am grateful for the childhood memories and how they taught me to be a grand-Gimmee'--LOVE MY LIFE!
November 3rd-30 Days of Gratitude-Day3-Over my life I have had many different types of jobs...but since coming to Community Opportunities Inc., I have found my calling. I love so much what we do--creating opportunities for the people we serve. I think my favorites are the events and fundraisers but everything we do is a joy to help with. Someone said once that because of their disabilities they are not supposed to want the same things that you and I do...but you know what--they do and they should be able to have every chance at a quality life just the same as you and I do.
November 4th-30 Days of Gratitude-Day 4--Volunteers are the glue that helps an agency stick together. With the limited funds that are available for a non profit to complete the day to day duties, volunteers come and work for free! They give of their time freely because they believe in our mission and because they have the biggest hearts. I love our volunteers--and each day I am so grateful for the work they do, the encouragement they share and the love they have for our folks.
November 5th-30 Days of Gratitude-Day5 -My Co-workers--So many people that I work with have the heart and desire to make a difference in the lives of our folks. To most it is not just a job. They are often silently going above and beyond what most would be considered that is required. Having the opportunity to be one of the team has taught me so much about giving, sharing and caring for others. I love what we get to do and am grateful for those I get to work along side...as we create opportunities for those we serve.
November 6th-30 Days of Gratitude-A day of grandbabies--I was so wrapped up in family yesterday that I forgot to post how grateful I was for them. So I am grateful for all my little blessings--even if I post it a day late!
November 7th-Opporunities-Each day is like opening a gift of opportunities. I can choose to do everything or nothing. I can choose to do it with a smile or take each task as a chore. I can choose who to give my time to and who to steer away from. I can choose the opportunities for adventure or stay close to home. I am grateful for all the options that this life holds and choose to be grateful for each opportunity, whether it be for me or working to provide it for others. I love my life.
November 8th-Rest-I am grateful for times when I don't have a million things to do. When life slows down and I can choose to be at rest. This weekend I was quiet and mostly at rest--feels pretty good to get that hour back too!
November 9th-Contrast-Life is full on contrast-days that are full of everything I want and days that aren't. Emotions that are in line with me and my smile and sadness that is not. I love the days when everything lines up and its a great day, but in contrast I appreciate the days that things are just a little off. I know that seeing things that do not make me smile is a sure way for me to focus on what I want and set about making that happen. Today I am grateful for those moments that are not made of smiles and sunshine.
November 10th-Beauty in Nature-As I was driving home yesterday I noticed how some of the trees have changed colors, how the sky was the most amazing color of blue, how the little puffs of clouds were just drifting by and I realized how beautiful our world is. There are flowers blooming at work even though its fall, green grass and birds and critters all around. It is amazing how just getting out in nature makes me feel better. I love our beautiful natural world and am grateful for the bits of country life all around me, at the state park, down the long country roads and the lakes and creeks where I can "TRY" to catch a fish.
November 11th-Veterans-It a day of honor, a time to remember and share our gratitude for those who have committed their life to secure our freedom. I appreciate so much the life that I have as a citizen of the United States, but that liberty must be protected and provided by those who are willing to stand on those lines and protect our beliefs, values and borders...and sometimes those of other countries as well. Today I am grateful for those who make this commitment today, yesterday and tomorrow.
November 12th-Mothers-Being a mother is by far the most rewarding, challenging, and fascinating thing I have ever done. And while I have spent the last twenty-something years of my life raising my kids, I have learned so much about the sacrafices my mother made and all that it takes to be a mom. I value so many women in my life who have stepped into a mothering role when I needed it, and nurtured me during the hard times in my life. I am proud that I had the opportunity to grow up with my kids, and that I now get to watch two of my girls learn to be mothers to their children. I am grateful for mothers-mine, yours, myself, my girls and my substitute moms--and one bridge!
November 13th-Compassion and forgiveness-For thsoe who show compassion to others and practice forgiveness for the wrongs, I am grateful--especially when you are forgiving me!
November 14th-Facebook--So love the facebook and how it allows me to keep up with all those wonderful people who are a part of my life.
November 15th-I am grateful for Mondays-even though many days of the week get more positive play than Mondays-I am grateful for this day because it gives me a new week to look forward to. I even have been heard to say TGIM-and then have to explain why I am glad for Mondays. Tuesdays get "so glad it's not Monday anymore~Wednesdays have "humpday"~Thursdays have TGIAlmostF~~~and of course TGIF---and the weekend well we all are glad for those days....but Monday is my day to start over, to gear up for a week of productivity, for all those status reports and planning meetings. I love Mondays...but then I LOVE MY LIFE everyday~wink wink!
November 16th-Second Chances-Sometimes in life relationships, jobs, changes and just circumstances can feel like it is the end. The end of something good, an era, or the end of the world. But few things are really ever the end, more often than not they are truely the beginning to the next chapter. I have found too that often the change that is dreaded is really the best thing that could have happened. I seem to get into the grove of life and find myself dreading the change even though it was for the good. I am grateful today for second chances to get it right...and even third, fourth or a millionth to try and get it better.
November 17th-Community Leaders-Our community is blessed to have some very amazing folks who have dedicated their lives to being a part of the solutions to many different problems. Their committment not only stands as a testament of what folks can do for others, but also as model of good leader. I am proud too to call many of them friends and I appreciate all they do for me and for those I serve.
November 18th-Non Profits-I am grateul for all those agencies and their volunteers who make such a large impact in our community. Their committment to meet the needs of the less fortunate are not only needed but so wonderful for those who find themselves in a place in their life that is not so fun. I appreciate most those who work to teach skills or find solutions to those issues that landed the receipients in the situation and help them to find a path away from the challenges for the rest of their lives. Its the fish philosophy personified in real world situations. Feed a man a fish and he is no longer hunger today, but teach him to fish and he will feed himself for the rest of his life...and probably teach others to fish as well. Hunger solved.
November 19th-Service Organizations--There are many in our community such as Lion's,Rotary, Zonta, Kiwanis---to name some. This groups lead their membership to work on projects, raise money and help in their community to meet the needs for so many things. Their service to community is huge and priceless. Today I am grateful for those groups of people who have their heart set on their help to our community.
November 20th-Pets-They are always happy to see me, don't care if I am wearing make-up, dressed nice or even if I am having a bad hair day--ok well there is one that raises a fuss when the hair is scary. They cuddle with me when I sleep, chase me when I am playing with them in the yard. Slobber, kiss, jump and just love me so well. I am grateful too for the other pet owners who take their responsibility to heart and care for those four legged friends in our community. Also for the Cleburne Animal shelter staff who work so hard to return lost pets, care and place abandoned ones.
November 21st-Home-Today I am grateful for feeling at home, and although this definition has changed many times in my life, there has always been a place where I have been sheltered, safe and felt at home. I have learned much about the home in my heart through many changes and the home is definitely where the heart is. If you are loved and a part of a family(of choice or blood) home is where ever you find that love in your heart.
November 22nd-Reading your gratitude lists---Thanks for all those who have been playing along and sharing what they are grateful for. You have reminded me of so many things that I am grateful for as well...I am grateful for each of you!
November 23rd--Music--so many times in my life there have been songs that have been a sort of therapy for me--this seems to be mostly when I am sad. I love how the words can be so close to what I am going through and then the talent of the singer can bring emotions and help me deal. I love to that often a memory can be tied to a song. There is a particular song that was played at my counsins funeral...and even though for the first couple of years when I would hear it I would cry, now I just think of her and all the fun we had, what a fighter she was and what her life meant to me.
There are songs that have been used at events and the emotions that stir almost always remind me of the pain and the tears start before more than a few notes have even played. As time goes the reaction lessons and then soon its just a part of the memories and healing. The carols of Christmas bring the wonderful joys of childhood holidays, happy birthday the many parties that I have been a part of, or even Purple Rain which reminds me of a particular person and time in my life. I am grateful for the soundtrack of my life---the music that moves me.
November 24th-Rain-When the clouds gather and begin to sprinkle the first whispers of rain, I am grateful for this wonderful natural watering of all our green and growing things. This cleansing wash of rain water feels as though the whole world is getting that morning shower that always helps to wake me up and refresh me for the day ahead. I love rain no matter the size of the drops and I appreciate the wonderful gift it is in our natural world. Today I am grateful for rain.
November 25th-Holidays and Celebrations-I am grateful for the expression of love that is tied to the wonderful hollidays that we celebrate all year long. While Thanksgiving has reminded me this month of all that I have to be grateful for, I am appreciating all the celebrations that help to mark those milestones, holidays and special times with those I love.
November 26th-Change-It seems that often I dread change, I am sometimes worried about changes that will most surely come and take away people I care about, push me to learn something new, or forever. Today I am grateful for the newness that change brings. I appreciate that I have learned all the lessons so that when change comes I can understand that it is just the key to the next door...and that before long all the upheaval will settle until the next.
November 27th-HEROES--people who make a difference in our world-My heros are those who step up to help our clients and others in our community. Several of the ladies who serve on our advisory board and prom committee are my personal heroes, they each have children who had/have challenges, and each has rallied not only to make their life fulfilling and meaningful, the continue to look for ways that help all those we serve at COI. I also look up to the many people in our community who work for non profits that do so much good, but also they take so much less for themselves to do the work that they do.
November 28th---30 Days of Gratitude---Sharing of stories...I love reading the other stories of life here and through emails, texts or even phone calls. Most of my friends have been on pretty similar life paths as mine and some have been completely different, but when we share those stories that have added, hindered or even derailed our lives, we not only begin to heal we share the wisdom that came from all of it. I love that sharing some of mine might have added a smile or insight or even a tear for your story, and likewise what yours have added to mine.
November 29th-FACEBOOK-I have said many times that I really love the social media and what it adds to my life. The reasons are many, but mostly because of the connections that are remade, new-made or just add to the way I can communicate with those I care about. I have found that each person who shares on the page or in person about the things they find in facebook that matter to them---makes me appreciate it that much more. I love that in a few seconds I can share information, insight or insanity with all of you who have accepted the challenge of friendship. I love most that you share your life and allow me to have more smiles, more understanding and more fun. Thank you facebook family I am grateful for you and for this wall!
November 30th-Gratitude--The last day of 30 Days of Gratitude is here and I am grateful for all those who played along. Your sharing of your gratitude lists helped me to be grateful for you, with you and because of you reminding me that there is always something I am grateful for. Thank you for sharing your hearts with me...and I am GRATEFUL---I LOVE MY LIFE!!~~because you are a part of it!
November 2nd-30 Days of Gratitude-Day 2--I am grateful for my family. 5 great kids, 2 wonderful grands, a few extras, brothers, sisters in law--mom, dad, aunts, uncles and cousins. All my grandparents have passed but am grateful for the childhood memories and how they taught me to be a grand-Gimmee'--LOVE MY LIFE!
November 3rd-30 Days of Gratitude-Day3-Over my life I have had many different types of jobs...but since coming to Community Opportunities Inc., I have found my calling. I love so much what we do--creating opportunities for the people we serve. I think my favorites are the events and fundraisers but everything we do is a joy to help with. Someone said once that because of their disabilities they are not supposed to want the same things that you and I do...but you know what--they do and they should be able to have every chance at a quality life just the same as you and I do.
November 4th-30 Days of Gratitude-Day 4--Volunteers are the glue that helps an agency stick together. With the limited funds that are available for a non profit to complete the day to day duties, volunteers come and work for free! They give of their time freely because they believe in our mission and because they have the biggest hearts. I love our volunteers--and each day I am so grateful for the work they do, the encouragement they share and the love they have for our folks.
November 5th-30 Days of Gratitude-Day5 -My Co-workers--So many people that I work with have the heart and desire to make a difference in the lives of our folks. To most it is not just a job. They are often silently going above and beyond what most would be considered that is required. Having the opportunity to be one of the team has taught me so much about giving, sharing and caring for others. I love what we get to do and am grateful for those I get to work along side...as we create opportunities for those we serve.
November 6th-30 Days of Gratitude-A day of grandbabies--I was so wrapped up in family yesterday that I forgot to post how grateful I was for them. So I am grateful for all my little blessings--even if I post it a day late!
November 7th-Opporunities-Each day is like opening a gift of opportunities. I can choose to do everything or nothing. I can choose to do it with a smile or take each task as a chore. I can choose who to give my time to and who to steer away from. I can choose the opportunities for adventure or stay close to home. I am grateful for all the options that this life holds and choose to be grateful for each opportunity, whether it be for me or working to provide it for others. I love my life.
November 8th-Rest-I am grateful for times when I don't have a million things to do. When life slows down and I can choose to be at rest. This weekend I was quiet and mostly at rest--feels pretty good to get that hour back too!
November 9th-Contrast-Life is full on contrast-days that are full of everything I want and days that aren't. Emotions that are in line with me and my smile and sadness that is not. I love the days when everything lines up and its a great day, but in contrast I appreciate the days that things are just a little off. I know that seeing things that do not make me smile is a sure way for me to focus on what I want and set about making that happen. Today I am grateful for those moments that are not made of smiles and sunshine.
November 10th-Beauty in Nature-As I was driving home yesterday I noticed how some of the trees have changed colors, how the sky was the most amazing color of blue, how the little puffs of clouds were just drifting by and I realized how beautiful our world is. There are flowers blooming at work even though its fall, green grass and birds and critters all around. It is amazing how just getting out in nature makes me feel better. I love our beautiful natural world and am grateful for the bits of country life all around me, at the state park, down the long country roads and the lakes and creeks where I can "TRY" to catch a fish.
November 11th-Veterans-It a day of honor, a time to remember and share our gratitude for those who have committed their life to secure our freedom. I appreciate so much the life that I have as a citizen of the United States, but that liberty must be protected and provided by those who are willing to stand on those lines and protect our beliefs, values and borders...and sometimes those of other countries as well. Today I am grateful for those who make this commitment today, yesterday and tomorrow.
November 12th-Mothers-Being a mother is by far the most rewarding, challenging, and fascinating thing I have ever done. And while I have spent the last twenty-something years of my life raising my kids, I have learned so much about the sacrafices my mother made and all that it takes to be a mom. I value so many women in my life who have stepped into a mothering role when I needed it, and nurtured me during the hard times in my life. I am proud that I had the opportunity to grow up with my kids, and that I now get to watch two of my girls learn to be mothers to their children. I am grateful for mothers-mine, yours, myself, my girls and my substitute moms--and one bridge!
November 13th-Compassion and forgiveness-For thsoe who show compassion to others and practice forgiveness for the wrongs, I am grateful--especially when you are forgiving me!
November 14th-Facebook--So love the facebook and how it allows me to keep up with all those wonderful people who are a part of my life.
November 15th-I am grateful for Mondays-even though many days of the week get more positive play than Mondays-I am grateful for this day because it gives me a new week to look forward to. I even have been heard to say TGIM-and then have to explain why I am glad for Mondays. Tuesdays get "so glad it's not Monday anymore~Wednesdays have "humpday"~Thursdays have TGIAlmostF~~~and of course TGIF---and the weekend well we all are glad for those days....but Monday is my day to start over, to gear up for a week of productivity, for all those status reports and planning meetings. I love Mondays...but then I LOVE MY LIFE everyday~wink wink!
November 16th-Second Chances-Sometimes in life relationships, jobs, changes and just circumstances can feel like it is the end. The end of something good, an era, or the end of the world. But few things are really ever the end, more often than not they are truely the beginning to the next chapter. I have found too that often the change that is dreaded is really the best thing that could have happened. I seem to get into the grove of life and find myself dreading the change even though it was for the good. I am grateful today for second chances to get it right...and even third, fourth or a millionth to try and get it better.
November 17th-Community Leaders-Our community is blessed to have some very amazing folks who have dedicated their lives to being a part of the solutions to many different problems. Their committment not only stands as a testament of what folks can do for others, but also as model of good leader. I am proud too to call many of them friends and I appreciate all they do for me and for those I serve.
November 18th-Non Profits-I am grateul for all those agencies and their volunteers who make such a large impact in our community. Their committment to meet the needs of the less fortunate are not only needed but so wonderful for those who find themselves in a place in their life that is not so fun. I appreciate most those who work to teach skills or find solutions to those issues that landed the receipients in the situation and help them to find a path away from the challenges for the rest of their lives. Its the fish philosophy personified in real world situations. Feed a man a fish and he is no longer hunger today, but teach him to fish and he will feed himself for the rest of his life...and probably teach others to fish as well. Hunger solved.
November 19th-Service Organizations--There are many in our community such as Lion's,Rotary, Zonta, Kiwanis---to name some. This groups lead their membership to work on projects, raise money and help in their community to meet the needs for so many things. Their service to community is huge and priceless. Today I am grateful for those groups of people who have their heart set on their help to our community.
November 20th-Pets-They are always happy to see me, don't care if I am wearing make-up, dressed nice or even if I am having a bad hair day--ok well there is one that raises a fuss when the hair is scary. They cuddle with me when I sleep, chase me when I am playing with them in the yard. Slobber, kiss, jump and just love me so well. I am grateful too for the other pet owners who take their responsibility to heart and care for those four legged friends in our community. Also for the Cleburne Animal shelter staff who work so hard to return lost pets, care and place abandoned ones.
November 21st-Home-Today I am grateful for feeling at home, and although this definition has changed many times in my life, there has always been a place where I have been sheltered, safe and felt at home. I have learned much about the home in my heart through many changes and the home is definitely where the heart is. If you are loved and a part of a family(of choice or blood) home is where ever you find that love in your heart.
November 22nd-Reading your gratitude lists---Thanks for all those who have been playing along and sharing what they are grateful for. You have reminded me of so many things that I am grateful for as well...I am grateful for each of you!
November 23rd--Music--so many times in my life there have been songs that have been a sort of therapy for me--this seems to be mostly when I am sad. I love how the words can be so close to what I am going through and then the talent of the singer can bring emotions and help me deal. I love to that often a memory can be tied to a song. There is a particular song that was played at my counsins funeral...and even though for the first couple of years when I would hear it I would cry, now I just think of her and all the fun we had, what a fighter she was and what her life meant to me.
There are songs that have been used at events and the emotions that stir almost always remind me of the pain and the tears start before more than a few notes have even played. As time goes the reaction lessons and then soon its just a part of the memories and healing. The carols of Christmas bring the wonderful joys of childhood holidays, happy birthday the many parties that I have been a part of, or even Purple Rain which reminds me of a particular person and time in my life. I am grateful for the soundtrack of my life---the music that moves me.
November 24th-Rain-When the clouds gather and begin to sprinkle the first whispers of rain, I am grateful for this wonderful natural watering of all our green and growing things. This cleansing wash of rain water feels as though the whole world is getting that morning shower that always helps to wake me up and refresh me for the day ahead. I love rain no matter the size of the drops and I appreciate the wonderful gift it is in our natural world. Today I am grateful for rain.
November 25th-Holidays and Celebrations-I am grateful for the expression of love that is tied to the wonderful hollidays that we celebrate all year long. While Thanksgiving has reminded me this month of all that I have to be grateful for, I am appreciating all the celebrations that help to mark those milestones, holidays and special times with those I love.
November 26th-Change-It seems that often I dread change, I am sometimes worried about changes that will most surely come and take away people I care about, push me to learn something new, or forever. Today I am grateful for the newness that change brings. I appreciate that I have learned all the lessons so that when change comes I can understand that it is just the key to the next door...and that before long all the upheaval will settle until the next.
November 27th-HEROES--people who make a difference in our world-My heros are those who step up to help our clients and others in our community. Several of the ladies who serve on our advisory board and prom committee are my personal heroes, they each have children who had/have challenges, and each has rallied not only to make their life fulfilling and meaningful, the continue to look for ways that help all those we serve at COI. I also look up to the many people in our community who work for non profits that do so much good, but also they take so much less for themselves to do the work that they do.
November 28th---30 Days of Gratitude---Sharing of stories...I love reading the other stories of life here and through emails, texts or even phone calls. Most of my friends have been on pretty similar life paths as mine and some have been completely different, but when we share those stories that have added, hindered or even derailed our lives, we not only begin to heal we share the wisdom that came from all of it. I love that sharing some of mine might have added a smile or insight or even a tear for your story, and likewise what yours have added to mine.
November 29th-FACEBOOK-I have said many times that I really love the social media and what it adds to my life. The reasons are many, but mostly because of the connections that are remade, new-made or just add to the way I can communicate with those I care about. I have found that each person who shares on the page or in person about the things they find in facebook that matter to them---makes me appreciate it that much more. I love that in a few seconds I can share information, insight or insanity with all of you who have accepted the challenge of friendship. I love most that you share your life and allow me to have more smiles, more understanding and more fun. Thank you facebook family I am grateful for you and for this wall!
November 30th-Gratitude--The last day of 30 Days of Gratitude is here and I am grateful for all those who played along. Your sharing of your gratitude lists helped me to be grateful for you, with you and because of you reminding me that there is always something I am grateful for. Thank you for sharing your hearts with me...and I am GRATEFUL---I LOVE MY LIFE!!~~because you are a part of it!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friends and Unfriending
So there is this tv show that I hardly ever watch...well never intentionally watch. I don't know anyone who really likes it or watches and the host is well just annoying. I have been told by a few people that he is funny---but of the half dozen or so times that I on the off chance saw a part of his show...I never laughed--- not once. He does the most bizarre stunts and skits that dont even come close to bringing a smile...and actually I have thought, why would anyone find him humerous?
Sometimes when I am out with my gang...people actually come up and introduce themselves to one or more of us because we are having a good time...and they always end up saying something like, I wanna be freinds with you all, you are so funny. The things these girls come up with make me laugh till my sides hurt, im crying or one or more of us is snorting...and Im always keeping score of that by the way.
We often have fun where I work, and some of the stories and retellings of real life experiences can get us all rolling on the floor LOL or even LOAO. But this guy-this I cant figure out if he is a d-lister or just incredibly assanine and thats the public attraction, he makes fun of people, situations, other celebs...everyone is a target---but again I add HE IS NOT FUNNY!
So someone who happened to be in the same tv zone as I had this show on...and one of the monologues of the day was about FACEBOOK. He made comments like how can anyone have that many friends...how can they really know that many people? When he himself makes his living from people who DONT REALLY KNOW HIM...see the irony?
Here is someone who hopes that you will find him amusing, and listen to the commercials that pay his salary and find him somehow the person you want to write a check on your bank account of minutes at least five days a week....but none of us know him. Does that some how make him less relevant? Does it devalue his remarks and humor in my life? Do any of the people that are VIEWING his show and then maybe telling their friends about the stupid stuff he talked about the night before ever wake up one day and say---HEY I dont really know him so Im not gonna watch him anymore? And lets just be clear, I am sure somewhere there is an agent, or pr person running social networking page of somekind for this person. A website that thrives on people who dont really know who, but click to read his crap anyway.
So if his theory is correct, there is some value in a life that excludes anyone we have not had the opportunity to GET TO KNOW---um lets just get this said...everyone is someone you dont know until you take the time and effort to learn about them. What they like, what they find funny, or those things that mean the most to them.
So this yet to be named HOST on this one chance evening just goes on and on about FACEBOOK and those of us who as he put it are friend collectors...and how none of us CAN realistically have more than 50 friends and he was declaring a NATIONAL UNFRIEND DAY---November 17 to be exact. Now this guy that none of us know was now declaring that we should all be the lambs of the day and follow his lead and unfriend anyone we wouldnt loan $50 bucks to or one of the other stupid reasons he felt we should delete them from our wall.
At first I was a little upset---because clearly each of those who has become a part of my facebook friends at one time or another many have been ones to encourage me, either directly or through their own personal posts. They have been the humor in an otherwise difficult day. Sharers of good, bad or sad news. They have been my link to history, events and even something I didnt even know about if it not for their sharing. They have added to my social calendar inviting me to many worthwhile expereiences and happenings. They have been a part of my life and I would miss it if it were gone.
I was not one of the get with the program fast facebookers...I had to be coaxed and proded to even use it. But now I cannot imagine my life without it. I can hear from my relatives that I rarely get to see, catch up with news from school friends who only used to know but am learning about again.
I am sure many of you feel like I do that there is value in this social networking or there would not be so many of us who are using it daily, hourly or even constantly.
By the way I did not unfriend anyone on national unfriend day---and as far as I know, I only lost one of my friends...whether it was tied to this rediculous stunt or not I have no way of knowing, nor do I really care. I have come to believe that most people have something of value they bring to my life or they wouldnt be here. In my facebook life I have only unfriended a few. But the reasons were not because I didnt know them. It was because the knowing them had become something that made me sad. I was reminded almost everyday that their role in my life had not been very healthy. I still care about the few that I removed from daily contact...but I still see that it was the best decision for me. Mostly because shortly after I debated about taking the action and then when I finally managed to get it done, facebook added an app that would let you see who deleted you. And well then all the reasons I had taken the new boundary step was verified in the reactions of some who were deleted. I did not do it in anger or revenge or even as a stunt. It had just become too difficult to see their negativity and feel the sharpness of those things that were directed at me. The most bizarre aspect of those who were the polar negative to my otherwise positive life, were using things I said and shared as arrows to shoot back at me. Calling my need for facebook the attention getting ploy, drama central, or a replacement for those who were being removed. I also found that some people no matter how much you care about them or just happy being miserable...and they usualy are also those who turn their back on you and quietly give you the next trip under the bus racing down your street. They are not happy people and they can barely stand it when someone else is happy. They will also find ways to hurt you in their exit---but then we almost always know that is coming too.
But through some of those who have come to give me gifts of understanding, I learned that my life is mine to make of it what I will. I get to decide what, who, where---I get to choose happy over sad, yes over no, when and how. I get to be the director of my life movie choosing to spend my minutes in the show that makes me feel like me. I had to come to understand that those who find resentment in my decisions will just have to carry it around. I send them away with love and light. I choose peace instead of the fight. I choose to let them feel about me however they choose and to not see each situation or disagreement at the ticket to the next war of the words. I can be right for me without having to prove to you I am right or that you are wrong. My decisions are always right for me. Your acceptance of this life path is optional...welcome but not required. I was also accused of some other unsavory crimes because I had moved past the relationships that had turned in an opposite direction of where I was headed. I did find others who wanted to share this crazy life with me, others whose acceptance of who I am and where I am at and who have added a level of comfort I have not know for years. Those friends who have come into my life over the last couple of years have made my life. They have loved me unconditionally most of the time, respect me enough to disagree and keep me balanced when my drama queen tries to take over.
It is hard to say that I am boycotting this host or his show, because I never really watched it before. I also understand that anything you stand up and fight you give your energy to IT. And I simpoly will not ever give my spark to anything as rediculous as this show, that host or his national unfriend day. As a matter of fact, I am going to make it my mission to meet as many people as I can in this life...and take a little of their smile, joy and fun with me where ever I go. Because those pieces are not heavy. They are like the helium filled balloons that used to make me smile so much as a child, and the more I take...the lighter my steps will become
Sometimes when I am out with my gang...people actually come up and introduce themselves to one or more of us because we are having a good time...and they always end up saying something like, I wanna be freinds with you all, you are so funny. The things these girls come up with make me laugh till my sides hurt, im crying or one or more of us is snorting...and Im always keeping score of that by the way.
We often have fun where I work, and some of the stories and retellings of real life experiences can get us all rolling on the floor LOL or even LOAO. But this guy-this I cant figure out if he is a d-lister or just incredibly assanine and thats the public attraction, he makes fun of people, situations, other celebs...everyone is a target---but again I add HE IS NOT FUNNY!
So someone who happened to be in the same tv zone as I had this show on...and one of the monologues of the day was about FACEBOOK. He made comments like how can anyone have that many friends...how can they really know that many people? When he himself makes his living from people who DONT REALLY KNOW HIM...see the irony?
Here is someone who hopes that you will find him amusing, and listen to the commercials that pay his salary and find him somehow the person you want to write a check on your bank account of minutes at least five days a week....but none of us know him. Does that some how make him less relevant? Does it devalue his remarks and humor in my life? Do any of the people that are VIEWING his show and then maybe telling their friends about the stupid stuff he talked about the night before ever wake up one day and say---HEY I dont really know him so Im not gonna watch him anymore? And lets just be clear, I am sure somewhere there is an agent, or pr person running social networking page of somekind for this person. A website that thrives on people who dont really know who, but click to read his crap anyway.
So if his theory is correct, there is some value in a life that excludes anyone we have not had the opportunity to GET TO KNOW---um lets just get this said...everyone is someone you dont know until you take the time and effort to learn about them. What they like, what they find funny, or those things that mean the most to them.
So this yet to be named HOST on this one chance evening just goes on and on about FACEBOOK and those of us who as he put it are friend collectors...and how none of us CAN realistically have more than 50 friends and he was declaring a NATIONAL UNFRIEND DAY---November 17 to be exact. Now this guy that none of us know was now declaring that we should all be the lambs of the day and follow his lead and unfriend anyone we wouldnt loan $50 bucks to or one of the other stupid reasons he felt we should delete them from our wall.
At first I was a little upset---because clearly each of those who has become a part of my facebook friends at one time or another many have been ones to encourage me, either directly or through their own personal posts. They have been the humor in an otherwise difficult day. Sharers of good, bad or sad news. They have been my link to history, events and even something I didnt even know about if it not for their sharing. They have added to my social calendar inviting me to many worthwhile expereiences and happenings. They have been a part of my life and I would miss it if it were gone.
I was not one of the get with the program fast facebookers...I had to be coaxed and proded to even use it. But now I cannot imagine my life without it. I can hear from my relatives that I rarely get to see, catch up with news from school friends who only used to know but am learning about again.
I am sure many of you feel like I do that there is value in this social networking or there would not be so many of us who are using it daily, hourly or even constantly.
By the way I did not unfriend anyone on national unfriend day---and as far as I know, I only lost one of my friends...whether it was tied to this rediculous stunt or not I have no way of knowing, nor do I really care. I have come to believe that most people have something of value they bring to my life or they wouldnt be here. In my facebook life I have only unfriended a few. But the reasons were not because I didnt know them. It was because the knowing them had become something that made me sad. I was reminded almost everyday that their role in my life had not been very healthy. I still care about the few that I removed from daily contact...but I still see that it was the best decision for me. Mostly because shortly after I debated about taking the action and then when I finally managed to get it done, facebook added an app that would let you see who deleted you. And well then all the reasons I had taken the new boundary step was verified in the reactions of some who were deleted. I did not do it in anger or revenge or even as a stunt. It had just become too difficult to see their negativity and feel the sharpness of those things that were directed at me. The most bizarre aspect of those who were the polar negative to my otherwise positive life, were using things I said and shared as arrows to shoot back at me. Calling my need for facebook the attention getting ploy, drama central, or a replacement for those who were being removed. I also found that some people no matter how much you care about them or just happy being miserable...and they usualy are also those who turn their back on you and quietly give you the next trip under the bus racing down your street. They are not happy people and they can barely stand it when someone else is happy. They will also find ways to hurt you in their exit---but then we almost always know that is coming too.
But through some of those who have come to give me gifts of understanding, I learned that my life is mine to make of it what I will. I get to decide what, who, where---I get to choose happy over sad, yes over no, when and how. I get to be the director of my life movie choosing to spend my minutes in the show that makes me feel like me. I had to come to understand that those who find resentment in my decisions will just have to carry it around. I send them away with love and light. I choose peace instead of the fight. I choose to let them feel about me however they choose and to not see each situation or disagreement at the ticket to the next war of the words. I can be right for me without having to prove to you I am right or that you are wrong. My decisions are always right for me. Your acceptance of this life path is optional...welcome but not required. I was also accused of some other unsavory crimes because I had moved past the relationships that had turned in an opposite direction of where I was headed. I did find others who wanted to share this crazy life with me, others whose acceptance of who I am and where I am at and who have added a level of comfort I have not know for years. Those friends who have come into my life over the last couple of years have made my life. They have loved me unconditionally most of the time, respect me enough to disagree and keep me balanced when my drama queen tries to take over.
It is hard to say that I am boycotting this host or his show, because I never really watched it before. I also understand that anything you stand up and fight you give your energy to IT. And I simpoly will not ever give my spark to anything as rediculous as this show, that host or his national unfriend day. As a matter of fact, I am going to make it my mission to meet as many people as I can in this life...and take a little of their smile, joy and fun with me where ever I go. Because those pieces are not heavy. They are like the helium filled balloons that used to make me smile so much as a child, and the more I take...the lighter my steps will become
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The question is..."How can you really be that happy?"
so they ask--"How can you really be that happy?"
I answer" because I choose to be"
--they ask --"But dont you have any problems?"
I answer --"of course, but I always find an answer."
--they ask---"Why doesnt that stuff make you sad?"---
I answer"because it is my choice, and no matter whether I choose to be happy or sad---life still is what it is---so why not choose happy?"
They answer---"I don't know how to do that."
I share --"It's a choice, no matter what happens to me today, I will see the good in it, just as it is promised that all things are to the good. I choose to believe and live my life in hope, faith and happiness. I love my life---it so beats the alternative."
Anyone who has known me for any length of time, can attest to the fact that I have not always lived by this philosophy. It would most likely to have been said even just a few short years ago that I was really very unhappy. But in one of the greatest examples of why I live this way, in 2005 I had what could be considered a very rough patch from August 22nd, until November 21st.
On the first day of my rough patch, it was decided that I was no longer needed in a job that I loved, actually it had been decided before then, but that was the day that I was officially told. There were many reasons I am sure that my employment was ended, but the fact of the matter was I was unemployed. Now I could head off into a whole tangent about how it was wrong, unfair, that I had been useated unjustly and blah, blah, blah---but never the less I was sacked---after what was one of the most productive weeks ever since being employed in that position. My responsibility in this new reality was that I had not done what was needed to prevent it. I would not see until later it was one of the greatest bad things that had ever happened to me.
The next event that would shake and begin to mold my future would the the Katrina tragedy. Through this horrible event, I was given a wonderful opportunity to redeem myself and regain my footing. I was helping people every day who had lost everything, who were out of their comfort zone by 100's of miles, and who were still finding a way to smile and be happy. All I had lost was a job...kind of puts it all in persepective doesnt it? It also reminded me that there was another incident where it seemed as though I had lost everything, when our home burned to the ground in 1996---I survived that and I began to see that it was just the life lessons that were coming and passing---not the end of the world.
As these changes in my life became just the next thing to deal with, my husband of 20+ years decided that he no longer wanted to be married---well that was certainly something that should have made me sad---but again I looked at the recent events, called on those friends who had promised to help and support me emotionally as I traveled through these "all to the good-horrible occurances" and it was only a few days until I was settled, and smiling once again. I have my memories of the good things that came out of that relationship, my five kids and I had life. It aint over until the fat lady sings...and since I can't sing--Im thinking Im gonna be here for awhile.
With all these changes happening, and all the peace that kept finding me I began to see that the life that I had thought was to be my role for the rest of my time here, was not really one that had been too happy. That many of those situations that had stolen my smile, over and over and over again were not really of my choices, but because of my choosing to allow others to make decisions for me. I began to see that each persons life is challenged by something---but they had somehow found a way through their storms and I began to believe I would also.
This new way of looking at things was not instantaneous, it was a philosophy that had to be practiced--sometimes all I could do was practice being not as miserable. But since a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking, I began to believe that when Abraham Lincoln said"You are as happy as you make up your mind to be" he might have known what he was talking about.
So the next thing that would come along was a job offer,and it was a job that didnt even exist--here would be an opportunity to use my drive, my knowledge, and my passion to help people and also a little freedom to see what could be possible. I relied on those friends who were knowledgable, I went to trainings, I read books and studied things on the internet. I was blessed enough to be hired by an agency whose beliefs and principles were in line with my own, I was home. This employment has felt like the best job that I have ever had, not necessarily monetarily, but in all the other areas of my life--it has been a good fit. I like to think too that I have added value and been a big part of the new direction and exciting things that are happening for us. It hardly feels like five years has gone by---but the next five promise to bring amazing growth and opportunities for our little agency that is all about creating opportunities for those we serve.
I love my life---no matter what challenge I face, I know that there are resources and friends co-workers family who will lend a hand to meet those challenges. I no longer feel bound by the need to have people like me or completely understand me---I dont go out of my way to make them not like me---but either way its their choice. I understand that my life was not meant to make others happy, but a chance for me to experience all that was meant for me to share in and also a chance for me to give all that I am to what I choose to do.
I love all of my life---even when those things happen I would rather not have to deal with-I know that I am better for each moment and that the joy that I feel is a habit now, I choose more often than not to be happy---and it literally only takes that decision to make it real.
So the answer to the question is that each of us can really be that happy---we just have to decide to be, or not. There is no written law that says you have to be either or, but the choice is always yours. I often see others who let the tragdies define who they are, and thats not wrong. But I also know that those habits of seeing those life occurances as somehow being what you deserve, or the drama that somehow you are a victim of are just habits. We have learned from those who taught us that--that is life. I just don't agree--life is a choice---and I choose to live and BEE HAPPY--Bobby McFarrin so had it right when he sang his song---take a listen because you too can choose happy.
I answer" because I choose to be"
--they ask --"But dont you have any problems?"
I answer --"of course, but I always find an answer."
--they ask---"Why doesnt that stuff make you sad?"---
I answer"because it is my choice, and no matter whether I choose to be happy or sad---life still is what it is---so why not choose happy?"
They answer---"I don't know how to do that."
I share --"It's a choice, no matter what happens to me today, I will see the good in it, just as it is promised that all things are to the good. I choose to believe and live my life in hope, faith and happiness. I love my life---it so beats the alternative."
Anyone who has known me for any length of time, can attest to the fact that I have not always lived by this philosophy. It would most likely to have been said even just a few short years ago that I was really very unhappy. But in one of the greatest examples of why I live this way, in 2005 I had what could be considered a very rough patch from August 22nd, until November 21st.
On the first day of my rough patch, it was decided that I was no longer needed in a job that I loved, actually it had been decided before then, but that was the day that I was officially told. There were many reasons I am sure that my employment was ended, but the fact of the matter was I was unemployed. Now I could head off into a whole tangent about how it was wrong, unfair, that I had been useated unjustly and blah, blah, blah---but never the less I was sacked---after what was one of the most productive weeks ever since being employed in that position. My responsibility in this new reality was that I had not done what was needed to prevent it. I would not see until later it was one of the greatest bad things that had ever happened to me.
The next event that would shake and begin to mold my future would the the Katrina tragedy. Through this horrible event, I was given a wonderful opportunity to redeem myself and regain my footing. I was helping people every day who had lost everything, who were out of their comfort zone by 100's of miles, and who were still finding a way to smile and be happy. All I had lost was a job...kind of puts it all in persepective doesnt it? It also reminded me that there was another incident where it seemed as though I had lost everything, when our home burned to the ground in 1996---I survived that and I began to see that it was just the life lessons that were coming and passing---not the end of the world.
As these changes in my life became just the next thing to deal with, my husband of 20+ years decided that he no longer wanted to be married---well that was certainly something that should have made me sad---but again I looked at the recent events, called on those friends who had promised to help and support me emotionally as I traveled through these "all to the good-horrible occurances" and it was only a few days until I was settled, and smiling once again. I have my memories of the good things that came out of that relationship, my five kids and I had life. It aint over until the fat lady sings...and since I can't sing--Im thinking Im gonna be here for awhile.
With all these changes happening, and all the peace that kept finding me I began to see that the life that I had thought was to be my role for the rest of my time here, was not really one that had been too happy. That many of those situations that had stolen my smile, over and over and over again were not really of my choices, but because of my choosing to allow others to make decisions for me. I began to see that each persons life is challenged by something---but they had somehow found a way through their storms and I began to believe I would also.
This new way of looking at things was not instantaneous, it was a philosophy that had to be practiced--sometimes all I could do was practice being not as miserable. But since a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking, I began to believe that when Abraham Lincoln said"You are as happy as you make up your mind to be" he might have known what he was talking about.
So the next thing that would come along was a job offer,and it was a job that didnt even exist--here would be an opportunity to use my drive, my knowledge, and my passion to help people and also a little freedom to see what could be possible. I relied on those friends who were knowledgable, I went to trainings, I read books and studied things on the internet. I was blessed enough to be hired by an agency whose beliefs and principles were in line with my own, I was home. This employment has felt like the best job that I have ever had, not necessarily monetarily, but in all the other areas of my life--it has been a good fit. I like to think too that I have added value and been a big part of the new direction and exciting things that are happening for us. It hardly feels like five years has gone by---but the next five promise to bring amazing growth and opportunities for our little agency that is all about creating opportunities for those we serve.
I love my life---no matter what challenge I face, I know that there are resources and friends co-workers family who will lend a hand to meet those challenges. I no longer feel bound by the need to have people like me or completely understand me---I dont go out of my way to make them not like me---but either way its their choice. I understand that my life was not meant to make others happy, but a chance for me to experience all that was meant for me to share in and also a chance for me to give all that I am to what I choose to do.
I love all of my life---even when those things happen I would rather not have to deal with-I know that I am better for each moment and that the joy that I feel is a habit now, I choose more often than not to be happy---and it literally only takes that decision to make it real.
So the answer to the question is that each of us can really be that happy---we just have to decide to be, or not. There is no written law that says you have to be either or, but the choice is always yours. I often see others who let the tragdies define who they are, and thats not wrong. But I also know that those habits of seeing those life occurances as somehow being what you deserve, or the drama that somehow you are a victim of are just habits. We have learned from those who taught us that--that is life. I just don't agree--life is a choice---and I choose to live and BEE HAPPY--Bobby McFarrin so had it right when he sang his song---take a listen because you too can choose happy.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
30 Days of Gratitude
Everyday of my life there are moments where I am in complete awe of how wonderful things are for me. I cannot understand how I managed to hang on for so many years of manufactured and created uneccesary drama. It has been a very long and hard process to come to grips with the responsibility of my former life, but I am so grateful for the journey. Amazing too is the fact that so many of my grace-moments I have the ability to find reasons to appreciate even those things most would only curse. It's not a giant leap forward, but it is a practice of changing the way you look at things-so the things you see will change. That is not a direct quote and I can't remember at the moment who said it---but it is a part of my day to day life just the same.
Over the month of November I am posting my daily gratitude list on my Facebook page and will be finishing my blog month with the whole months worth of posts. I can tell you that for most of the month already I have found those things that I am grateful for and the words come easy to express the appreciation.
I want everyone to know that life is about finding the paths to happiness...anyway you can...however you define that for yourself. All that other stuff is just busy work. At at the end of a life we can remember the smiles or we can carry the burdens...guess which I choose?
Follow me on Facebook- http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pameedee
Over the month of November I am posting my daily gratitude list on my Facebook page and will be finishing my blog month with the whole months worth of posts. I can tell you that for most of the month already I have found those things that I am grateful for and the words come easy to express the appreciation.
I want everyone to know that life is about finding the paths to happiness...anyway you can...however you define that for yourself. All that other stuff is just busy work. At at the end of a life we can remember the smiles or we can carry the burdens...guess which I choose?
Follow me on Facebook- http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pameedee
Monday, November 1, 2010
How to define friendships
My friend Milton and me (he has nothing to do with this blog--I just think he is too cute not to post his picture--and his wife is my friend too).
But at one point the friendship started to turn in a different direction. There were comments and hints that some of the other people that I was friends with were less than desirable, that people that I worked with were not to be trusted and also many many little, big and even middle sized gifts that showed up for occassions or just because. Now to say that my life was in a mess would be the understatement of the century, and I accepted the help, gifts and friendships openly. I was in need of some TLC and those in question seemed ready to fill the bill. Because of some shennigans of the EX, I was even feeling the financial pressure to cancel a trip because the money was becoming too hard to come up with. But I was told by these friends, that they would help, and that I didn't need to worry about it. The strangest twist of all, many of those people that she did not approve of are now getting the hey you are my friend treatment--but were formerly on the don't trust them as far as I can throw them list...now who is the user?
I took them at their word, there was even a gift of $300 from one of the friends with no mention or conversation that it might be a loan--here I am giving you this to help with your divorce. You have to understand that the place that this change in my life had left me was lower than low. I had friends that were willing to help, or so I thought, and I felt blessed by these gifts.
As life often does though I regained my footing, began to become self-sufficient once again and when the gifts continued I became very uncomfortable. It was almost the same type of relationship that I was leaving in my divorce. I don't do well with ultimatums--giving or receiving. I also shy away from those who seem to think that everyone that they hate should automatically end up on my shiz list.
The new direction of my life and the understanding that I have the ability to chose how happy I am going to be, began to limit the interaction from those who seemed to be trying to gain the control buttons left unmanned by the exiting-ex. I began to feel more and more like I was being met with disapproval, and the icing on the cake came when one day I was eating lunch at the same time with someone that the "friends" disapproved of...now notice I am saying that we were eating at the same time--not going to lunch or other activity---but just because of the sharing of a lunch room we were eating together. It was not long before one of the now defunct trio came by and saw this treachery---how dare I have lunch with the enemy? And even shorter amount of time before my cell phone was ringing with a call from the off-site party wanting to know why I was having lunch with the object of her hatreds? First it took me a minute to figure out how she knew...pieces of a puzzle coming together. Then it took me a few more to understand what had just happened. I had been managed. I was being told in no uncertain terms that friends of hers do not do that. The next outing of the trio(me included) was awkward to say the least. The conversation lent itself several times to my trip to the dark side and how crazy I was for going there. This trip seemed to be all about recreational shopping, which is not really something I was up for, because it really meant there would just be more of those just because gifts that I did not really want. I was trying to stand on my own, rebuilding my life, my heart and my home. And to be bluntly honest I never have really cared for gifts with strings unless they happen to be kites.
So at the next few offers to hobble along on the rec-shopping excursions I politely said I don't really have the money to go shopping, and once again I was met with disapproval as well as cohersion to go anyway. I said no and that I was opting for a weekend with kids and grands. No offense, meant but some definitely taken. The next few phone calls, messages or emails that I sent, trying to talk about the issues, were unanswered and unwanted. So I let it lie, thinking that if either wanted to talk to me they would. Nothing...barely even a hello if I happen to see them in public. Now I don't want you to think this did any damage to me at all...it didn't. In the rebuilding of my life, I had found so many new friends and fun that there is hardly a day that goes by that there is not some fun thing to go do. I am home only cause I chose to be, not because I don't have options.
Come to find out, I am a pretty diverse, funny and happy person--that lots of people like--who knew? Not the ex-friends, or ex-ex or even those kids who seem to forget that they have a mom. But I am kinda popular--or extremely blessed, but either way I am happy!
It also was starting to grate on me that there was never any mention of the disapproval or change in me that others apparently were so crazy aware. It was the whole dysfunctional elephant in the middle of the room phenomenon that so many in 12 step programs have heard tell about. But the negative impact that this removal of friendships had on me was larger than I originally thought. First, the duo of compadres rarely ever spoke to me or interacted with me on facebook, email or text message---you do get that communication is two way right? I tried--with no response--for a few weeks...so I am thinking they don't want to talk. Ok--decision made, lake of response noted--I will leave it alone. But as time wears on their negativity still rubs me the wrong way. Then it is mentioned in a completely unrelated converstation that I have the right--no strike that responsiblity to limit those things in my life that do not add to it in a positive way!! WOW talk about an AHA moment. I decide that me not having to read their negative comments, or feel ignored when my messages are not acknowledged--I can delete their them from my friends. Sounds easy right? Well it was a battle within to get it done.
I did finally make the step only to be the recipient of a "hey something is wrong with my facebook" message--"you are not there". TADA---but that was not the end of it. That was only the pause before the email attack.
First--I was accused of being a user, that I no longer had use for her and she had been discarded.--the best part of the email---the only regret was that she didn't get back some baby clothes she had given to my daughter for my grand baby---she had wanted them back for her grand baby. Umm sorry no control nor concern about what someone does with a gift after its given....some more of those strings! She also mentioned that I was not being honest because I did not reply to her first message, that I was only trying to convince myself that I was happy on facebook and that she hoped that I really did love my life--but it seemed rather doubtful. Of course the last line was the best--hope you receive all you deserve---what the hell does that mean? See the negativity? Well if not it's only because you don't know her.
Since the divide between she and I has grown to grand canyon depth, I have also learned many things that were said about me, directed towards me when I thought of us as friends. She hated me, thought I was not a good fit for the job when I was hired, and had shared numerous times that I was not doing ANYTHING! How funny is that---I can remember they day that I went over to her darkside and was taken under her wing for lessons---it was a day that I was angry at one of her I-HATES(no relation to other i products)
I will tell you this, I am a little sad by where this relationship ended, I spent many hours defending her at our job and many hours trying to keep her from getting fired or quitting--which I ultimately failed at. I also have done lots of damage control because she continues to use half truths and inuendos to lay suspicion to our agency. She talks of honesty, but her opinion is the only one that matters. She talks of being fair but weilds a heavy handed and one-sided sword at anyone who does not agree with her.
I keep trying to understand how these types of relationships happen in my life and I think it mostly stems from not having a firm grasp on my direction--beliefs--maturity. I was a stunted adult struggling through years of a bad and abusive marriage left me damaged and not always able to see the forrest for the trees. I still have to remember to be a little synical from time to time and not to trust everything I am told.
At the end of the day, this is my side of the story. And I am sure her side would be completely different and if she feels like starting a blog to tell the story of my ex-friend Pammee--I wish all the best. I hope too she gets everthing that she deserves...except I really mean it.
I am not now nor will I ever achieve perfection, but I will not be one who is owned by relationships. I think that I can love those who are not a healthy influence on my life from here--letting them go and create havoc, ulcers and anger where ever they choose to flutter and fly. I can choose not to be angry or controlling or coniving...but I can also choose to not allow their negative energy impact my life. I can practice distance love and maintain my peace. It's not easy--I want to be around those I love---but sometimes I am just not strong enough to carry that ball and chain.
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