So several months ago, there were several folks that were just on a kick of posting things that were indirectly directly aimed at some people on facebook. There was a drama at their employment, an ex husband, another kind of ex, and ex employer and well just lots of stuff that could not ever get headed in a good direction. And while most of the time I do a pretty good job of speaking my mind and being upfront...when I tried to talk to those involved, my calls were not answered or returned and emails were not effective either. So I just put on the brakes and began trying to not be all twisted up when it came to their stuff, cause after all it was their stuff. Please note that I do not profess to always be positive and upbeat...I have my days, but I usually gage my posts by what I like to read...and if I start reading my stuff and it sounds iffy, I just delete...LOL!
I had had words with a couple of them and tried to explain myself and was pretty blunt and to the point with one, because the stuff that was going on where they were concerned was just wrong. I kept seeing the stuff and the posts and the hate and the negativity until one day someone posted how deleting some people from their friends had made them like facebook again.
So I put on my big girl panties and swept up a few messes, although I did not clean house or go on a gosh I hate the color of your hair, or you get all the cute guys, or even you are friends with people I really dont like housecleaning....I just took out some unecessary stuff.
It was only a couple of days later until I got a message that said, "hey something must be wrong I cant see what you are posting" and then a few days later facebook came out with an app that lets you see who deleted you. Well as the old joke goes thats when the fight started. I got a lengthy accusatory email that stopped short of hateful, but did mention a few adjectives that were not pleasant to hear. I waited a few days before I replied, but I was careful with the words that I chose. I shared with this person that while I cared deeply about her and still wanted to consider her a friend, there were just some issues I was having a hard time getting past, and because it had been about 5 months since I had last tried to call and talk about the problems then, and my calls and messages went unanswered, I felt like our lives had probably gone different directions and maybe it was time to just let it go. I also shared a bit about those decisions to distance myself back when I couldnt get her to answer the phone...but I was standing by my decision and I wished her well.
I have always felt that no one really owes me an explanation about anything in their life, but likewise I do not feel I should have to explain myself either. I stand by what I decided to do, and watched as some people who were removed set about trying to stack the cards against me. There were comments made to people at work and drama that was put out there...but in the end I just became more sure I had decided what was best for me.
It always saddens me that when you try to explain, even when no explanation is owed, it almost always turns into a name calling yeah but you session. I simply was not about to go there. The following email was worse and did not stop short of anything ugly. I was called two faced, a user and a few other choice things that well just made me sad. My opinion of her as a person had not changed until then. I simply felt that we were not on the same page as before and that some things that she felt were acceptable were a little to the right or left of center for me. Thats all! No hate, no drama, just time to be a little further away from their direction.
And let me just say this...I was not totally clueless to these negative traits, in fact some conversations that I had previously shared with all of those who no longer sit on my facebook, were all about the people they too had removed from their lives for this injustice or that crime or even because they were being friends with someone they didnt like. Im sure that there were many victims of this same song second verse lifestyle. To me that all shows a lack of character...if you profess to be my friend, and you are truely good at being a friend, many of the issues that you dismiss others for in your life are not really delete worthy. Conversation starters yes, but removal grounds not so much. And to be fair to me....ahem, even some who have deleted me from time to time have been added back. The situation that lead to their being angry enough with me to take me out of their rotation, was just more of the same. I dont profess to have a clue how anyone should live their life, but you start doing damage in mine or in the life of someone I care about...well then its just gonna have to be told.
I still don't hate, and at times have wished we could have the conversation that had the opportunity to be healing back when it went south. But as I watch from time to time how others who were involved act and hear bits and pieces about things that they have said, I am somewhat relieved that it ended the way it did. I have to live by the guidelines and principles that matter to me. I have to honor what your choices are, but when your decisions always land you on the negative side....I kinda just gotta let you go there alone. I lived that life...for a long time. I know where it ends up. I know the consequences...so Im gonna say pass, or fold or im out...but I just cant go there ever again.
If either or at least two of those who were deleted ever wanted to have a conversation that could be about healing and leave out the name calling and blame, I would so entertain that option. But just know that when someone who is that determined to be mad and call names instead of being open to understanding, any chances of that opportunity presenting itself are slim and none. Im ok with that, still a little sad at the loss, but not really missing what is gone from my life, just missing the parts of that person that made us friends to begin with. And while I could go all out and tell you all kinds of reasons why I made my decision, it would be just more drama. I dont take removing someone from my life lightly. I consider the end results, what will be taken away. I also consider how I might make this relationship work, to salvage the good part. Even after all those years of being emotional damaged by someone I loved and was married to, I still stayed over and over or let him come back again and again, because I just never want to give up on someone...even though I probably should have in that case. I don't love any of them any less--im not in hate nor holding any grudges. I simply have learned that my boundaries are valid and they are there to help me to have the best life that I can possilby have. I don't for a second believe I know what works for everyone in their lives, not even for a milisecond even try to tell someone else how to live, but when your choices are stealing my joy, hurting my heart or turning my smile the other way...we sumpthins gotta give. I choose to give you the space to go and create the life of your choice and more power to you. But you just arent gonna have access to make those messes here.
I dont think of myself as harsh, selfish or mean. I know that even today there may be someone else I have to delete. I dont really have a pending list, but I just know when I read over and over and over again that someone is having issues and they never seem to be working towards a solution, they may just be a drama junkie. And please know I am not making a judgement on that lifestyle being good or bad...you are more than welcome to choose how to live your life. But if that is what you are content with putting out in the world, and you are not working towards investing anything in anyone else or their happiness....what you get is what you get.
So the funniest thing happened today, I was talking to a friend on the phone and the topic of discussion was about how a certain someone was going on and on about how people better stop the drama...but wait it gets better. When ever this person name comes up among her mutual friends there is usually some comment about how much drama is going on in their posts...drama this, drama that, drama her, drama him, drama them, drama work---well any way...you get the point right?
So I said, I have not seen any of those posts, how strange. So I do a little search and sure enough--we are no longer friends because the little button on the top of her wall says "Add as Friend". Im like--no thanks this former facebook user, just did me a huge favor.
I can simply say this...since I learned that I have every right to limit access to those who would abuse my kindness, or mistake my sweet demeanor as some form of welcome mat for them to wipe all thier dirt on as they walk right over me...my life has been great....and if it aggravates you that I am positive and happy and all miss sunshine and stuff, well then delete away. But really dont knock it until you have tried it. There aint no other way to live in my opinion! And just for the record, I have never used the see who deleted you app---and the only way I missed this person was because others were fed up with the drama filled posts too. I just wonder if any will decide to let themselves be deleted also. The surest way to get someone negative to remove you is to LOVE YOUR LIFE!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A life of honor.....for yourself.
When you choose to live life with honor and respect for others, removing unecessary drama and holding close to those who live by the same principles, it is absolutely amazing what life becomes. If only you could see that you deserve, as much as anyone, to be loved, treated with care and treasured for the amazing person you are...let no one take that away by your choice. ILMF-ILML-IJS---facebook status 1/25/2011
So I write alot!!! And sometimes the things that end up in a status or even on paper or occassionally on a note to someone I feel the need to share something with, but it just seems I write alot.
I am often told that I should write a book, or for magazines, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to put what I rattle on about into something that would be a commercial product. I do know that the school of hard knocks that I graduated from has taught me much about how life can be best handled when it aint all sunshine and lollipops. It has also been a part of my education to come to understand how all the choices were mine...that lead me to that dang old college of life.
We are the pilots of our life ship, the masters of our fate, the directors of our life story. We only shortchange ourselves when we set about the see how it is someone elses fault. Now that does not mean that when someone is present in our life we should go on letting them use us for their whipping post or the dumpground for any of their misquided emotional trash. But it does mean however we bear some responsibility for where we end up...or at least I did.
Its like the people who live next to a smelly dumpground, cant really smell the trash like those who might get brave enough to visit. But the stench was there just the same. We have to understand all that the stink that ends up in our lives is because we allowed it to be there, or in some cases created it for the sake of having something to complain about.
When I had finally come to the understanding that the person I was hanging all my hopes for a better tomorrow on was never going to be one that lived in honor or in truth, it became so apparent that to honor myself and my beliefs would mean the end of our story. As I venture farther and farther from that disaster, I can only see how much drama was unecessary, how much time was wasted with a life that held no principles to the test and who thought honesty was something that was always negotiable. I had never heard the saying before, but when someone shared with me that he "Would rather climb a tree to tell a lie, than stand on the ground and tell the truth" it was as if someone had hit me upside the head.
The hardest thing I had to do was to learn how to respect someone's or everyone's right to live the way they see fit. But at the same time that meant I had the same choice as well. I have never really shared all of that story. Some parts of it are just to hard for some ears that might have to hear it. And while the anger of what I saw as injustices gets to me now and again, I am not sure that I will ever be able to tell the whole story. But you know in all fairness I dont really think I need to. At one time I was so angry that the stories poured out with the tiniest of triggers. I just find now after coming so far from that history, I rarely ever even feel the urge to bring any of it up. I owned my responsiblity in it and thats all I needed to heal to move on. Does it make it any less wrong? No, but again its not up to me to decide for someone else how they should live.
As I remember back on the moment of clarity and the choice to move back to a life that not only honored others as well as myself, but was also guided by those never failing principles that should (in my opinion) guide us all. Its been awhile since I studied the principles of an honor filled life, but if I remember right there are 12--kinda like the deadly sins....hey I gotta remember to go back and see if there is a connection. Although I dont think its as important where those guides come from as what they mean when I am using them in my life, it never hurts to lean on the wisdom of the ages....they had some pretty rough stories too.
I think also that most of the life of me before, was based on should have's and ought to's. Everyone should have the same moral compass as I do, but that may or may not be true. Everyone ought to have be treated they way they treat others...that old law of attraction thing again....that which is likened to itself is drawn.
I think sometimes for me I got caught in a trap, one of those gotta chew my leg off to get away before its too late types. But when I got away, I found myself. I can live the rest of my life only seeing drama on tv or in the movies, because it serves no real purpose. Those who use it as their vehicle to move through this life are so not getting it...in my opinion. And please know I am not talking about those things that happen in our lives that change us forever. I am talking about those situations where we have ourselves all twisted up on an outcome or behavior of another person. So wrapped up that the only option that we can live with is for the drama to play out just as we have written it. No thanks--no improvs or last minute script changes for me...you just pony right back up here and say what I expect you to...and we will be fine! The real trick or I guess I should say talent in living a successful life, is to not be emotionally tied to the outcomes. I know many who might read this, probably just did and ol; what the hell?? But listen--closely--it has been my experience when I am living out in front of the situation, and deciding or even belieiving that things have to happen this way or that for me to be happy, I am just waiting for the next emotional wreck. Because people can not see our SCRIPTS!!! And as much as we might think, if they would just change or do things our way, we would finally be happy---not only does it rarely happen, it is not really what makes us happy.
Happiness is like a breeze or even a falling star---it blows in or speeds by only to be gone almost as fast as it came. But if we can be happy in anticipation of the next little whisp of air, find gratitiude for those sparkles of falling stars that grace our night skies, then we are not waiting on something ot make us feel happy. We are living happy and feeling the emotional hapiness when the next surprise or gift arrives.
When we choose to give away our selves to those who do not deserve the gift, nor are able to honor and undestand what a gift it is, we are giving up our birthright to a joyous life. We are not born into this world to be unhappy, nor are we destined to be abused, used or damaged by people who are more lost than ourselves. We teach others how to treat us, by being caught up on the off chance they might actually one day be able to read our script and play along in our drama. I put away my script several years ago. I have taken the difficult but necessary steps to remove those who refuse to live with principles in my life. I did'nt loose anything when most of them were shown the door. Because the old door closing, window opening analogy is more than true. Once we put aside those old habits of trying to keep others where we think they should be, and find a way to honor their choices as well as making our own, life becomes this journey through moments. Emotions come to show me what I am feeling, but I choose how to label them, and honor the others in my life.
The next blog I write is probably gonna be on the understanding that I have about love. I often watch others use the word love as if it was to purchase anothers loyalty. Don't you know how much I love you? As that should have anything to do with anything. The beginnings of love are about the physical--the attraction, the flutters and the happiness. But the real love--the love that stories are written about, only have their beginnings in that love. The real love---the love of the ages, that has nothing to do with the emotional love. That love is the choice, the action, the art of caring more about how the other person feels, than I could ever care about me. But know this, those who are good at this art of loving another, only came about the success of it by first loving themselves enough to wait for a person who was worthy of the decision and the committment.
In our world where it is so easy to feel lonliness, its easy to tie ourselves to the outcome of emotional love...to fall(dont you like how that expression used with any other adverb would not be as great) in love. I can tell all my friends " I fell in love" or " I fell in the mud" and the two are actually exactly the same. They are both an ewey gooey mess that often has to be cleaned up. But the act of loving, the art of the deciding to love another with honor and principles, does not have us tied to the outcome. I can love the person I choose and never see them another day in my life, if their love does not honor me in return.
I keep alot of the things I write, and sometimes when I go back and read them I think..."I wrote that?" WOW---thats pretty cool!
So I write alot!!! And sometimes the things that end up in a status or even on paper or occassionally on a note to someone I feel the need to share something with, but it just seems I write alot.
I am often told that I should write a book, or for magazines, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to put what I rattle on about into something that would be a commercial product. I do know that the school of hard knocks that I graduated from has taught me much about how life can be best handled when it aint all sunshine and lollipops. It has also been a part of my education to come to understand how all the choices were mine...that lead me to that dang old college of life.
We are the pilots of our life ship, the masters of our fate, the directors of our life story. We only shortchange ourselves when we set about the see how it is someone elses fault. Now that does not mean that when someone is present in our life we should go on letting them use us for their whipping post or the dumpground for any of their misquided emotional trash. But it does mean however we bear some responsibility for where we end up...or at least I did.
Its like the people who live next to a smelly dumpground, cant really smell the trash like those who might get brave enough to visit. But the stench was there just the same. We have to understand all that the stink that ends up in our lives is because we allowed it to be there, or in some cases created it for the sake of having something to complain about.
When I had finally come to the understanding that the person I was hanging all my hopes for a better tomorrow on was never going to be one that lived in honor or in truth, it became so apparent that to honor myself and my beliefs would mean the end of our story. As I venture farther and farther from that disaster, I can only see how much drama was unecessary, how much time was wasted with a life that held no principles to the test and who thought honesty was something that was always negotiable. I had never heard the saying before, but when someone shared with me that he "Would rather climb a tree to tell a lie, than stand on the ground and tell the truth" it was as if someone had hit me upside the head.
The hardest thing I had to do was to learn how to respect someone's or everyone's right to live the way they see fit. But at the same time that meant I had the same choice as well. I have never really shared all of that story. Some parts of it are just to hard for some ears that might have to hear it. And while the anger of what I saw as injustices gets to me now and again, I am not sure that I will ever be able to tell the whole story. But you know in all fairness I dont really think I need to. At one time I was so angry that the stories poured out with the tiniest of triggers. I just find now after coming so far from that history, I rarely ever even feel the urge to bring any of it up. I owned my responsiblity in it and thats all I needed to heal to move on. Does it make it any less wrong? No, but again its not up to me to decide for someone else how they should live.
As I remember back on the moment of clarity and the choice to move back to a life that not only honored others as well as myself, but was also guided by those never failing principles that should (in my opinion) guide us all. Its been awhile since I studied the principles of an honor filled life, but if I remember right there are 12--kinda like the deadly sins....hey I gotta remember to go back and see if there is a connection. Although I dont think its as important where those guides come from as what they mean when I am using them in my life, it never hurts to lean on the wisdom of the ages....they had some pretty rough stories too.
I think also that most of the life of me before, was based on should have's and ought to's. Everyone should have the same moral compass as I do, but that may or may not be true. Everyone ought to have be treated they way they treat others...that old law of attraction thing again....that which is likened to itself is drawn.
I think sometimes for me I got caught in a trap, one of those gotta chew my leg off to get away before its too late types. But when I got away, I found myself. I can live the rest of my life only seeing drama on tv or in the movies, because it serves no real purpose. Those who use it as their vehicle to move through this life are so not getting it...in my opinion. And please know I am not talking about those things that happen in our lives that change us forever. I am talking about those situations where we have ourselves all twisted up on an outcome or behavior of another person. So wrapped up that the only option that we can live with is for the drama to play out just as we have written it. No thanks--no improvs or last minute script changes for me...you just pony right back up here and say what I expect you to...and we will be fine! The real trick or I guess I should say talent in living a successful life, is to not be emotionally tied to the outcomes. I know many who might read this, probably just did and ol; what the hell?? But listen--closely--it has been my experience when I am living out in front of the situation, and deciding or even belieiving that things have to happen this way or that for me to be happy, I am just waiting for the next emotional wreck. Because people can not see our SCRIPTS!!! And as much as we might think, if they would just change or do things our way, we would finally be happy---not only does it rarely happen, it is not really what makes us happy.
Happiness is like a breeze or even a falling star---it blows in or speeds by only to be gone almost as fast as it came. But if we can be happy in anticipation of the next little whisp of air, find gratitiude for those sparkles of falling stars that grace our night skies, then we are not waiting on something ot make us feel happy. We are living happy and feeling the emotional hapiness when the next surprise or gift arrives.
When we choose to give away our selves to those who do not deserve the gift, nor are able to honor and undestand what a gift it is, we are giving up our birthright to a joyous life. We are not born into this world to be unhappy, nor are we destined to be abused, used or damaged by people who are more lost than ourselves. We teach others how to treat us, by being caught up on the off chance they might actually one day be able to read our script and play along in our drama. I put away my script several years ago. I have taken the difficult but necessary steps to remove those who refuse to live with principles in my life. I did'nt loose anything when most of them were shown the door. Because the old door closing, window opening analogy is more than true. Once we put aside those old habits of trying to keep others where we think they should be, and find a way to honor their choices as well as making our own, life becomes this journey through moments. Emotions come to show me what I am feeling, but I choose how to label them, and honor the others in my life.
The next blog I write is probably gonna be on the understanding that I have about love. I often watch others use the word love as if it was to purchase anothers loyalty. Don't you know how much I love you? As that should have anything to do with anything. The beginnings of love are about the physical--the attraction, the flutters and the happiness. But the real love--the love that stories are written about, only have their beginnings in that love. The real love---the love of the ages, that has nothing to do with the emotional love. That love is the choice, the action, the art of caring more about how the other person feels, than I could ever care about me. But know this, those who are good at this art of loving another, only came about the success of it by first loving themselves enough to wait for a person who was worthy of the decision and the committment.
In our world where it is so easy to feel lonliness, its easy to tie ourselves to the outcome of emotional love...to fall(dont you like how that expression used with any other adverb would not be as great) in love. I can tell all my friends " I fell in love" or " I fell in the mud" and the two are actually exactly the same. They are both an ewey gooey mess that often has to be cleaned up. But the act of loving, the art of the deciding to love another with honor and principles, does not have us tied to the outcome. I can love the person I choose and never see them another day in my life, if their love does not honor me in return.
I keep alot of the things I write, and sometimes when I go back and read them I think..."I wrote that?" WOW---thats pretty cool!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Yeah...Im talking about you...SO WHAT??!!
A few days ago, I posted a status on facebook about friendships and how being friends with people who challenge you to be a better person are the friendships that honor life. One of my friends seemed to have a hard time taking the compliment that I have shared about those people in my life, so I just felt the need to share a little about the people who grace my life....
Shana-talented, generous, forgiving, tenacious, strong (Im not saying she was the one doubting the fact that she is a good friend---but you can decide for yourself)
There is little fluff when it comes to being in the world with Shana, she does not blow sunshine up (fill in the word you prefer)...but she is never unkind...even sometimes a little kinder than the situation requires. But in this talent she reminds me to be a little softer around the edges. I am a little bit jealous of Shana, cause the girl can sing a song, and when she is done, I would rather hear her sing it than the artist who originally sang it. Shanas life has had challenges larger than many of us ever face, but watching her learn to cope has taught me so much.
Kerry-helpful, a volunteers spirit, a grizzly bear of a mother, honest, forgiving, generous
Her ability to find a way to give, even when she herself is in need is inspirational. She does not allow others to take advantage of those she cares about, but sometimes lets some abuse her generosity. But she also can set a boundary when even her kindness is used up. She is a grizzly bear if you come to slight one of her children. She also has an ability to see to the heart of people...even when they are good at looking ok on the outside, and hiding something darker from the naked eye.
Christina-everyones best friend...kind, generous, a great hostess, lover of fun,
Since the day that she and I met, I have never thought of her as anything but a friend. She never gives up anyone, until they prove to not be worthy. And even then she grieves for the loss of someone she cared about. She is diplomatic in all her relationships. She allows others to feel however they choose, but also always defends those she cares about on their good points and forgiving their humaness.
Jentry-witty, gifted, great mom, talented, intelligent.
She has the ability to connect thoughts to every situation that helps others to see things in a new way. Her witt difuses uncomfortable moments or creates them depending on what is needed at any given moment. She does not shy way from her truth and expects so much from the love of her children. Jentry is quick to smile and share her humor....I have never worried about where I stood with Jentry, all I need to do is look at her face and I can see her love and respect for me as well as all those in her life.
Krista-perfectionist, amazing mother, beautiful inside and out, funny, great hostess,
Sometimes as I watch her live her moments with those she loves, I see a spirit almost too large to live in the tiny little body she flutters around in. Her mind is sharp and I think some neglect to see her intelligence because they think of her as a pretty little thing, but do not discount her ability to see fairness, or her understanding of fighting for what is right. She has an innate compass of fairness and justice. She never shys away from her feelings or her beliefs. She sometimes is too hard on herself but as she moves closer to the potential of her greatness as the woman she is, she sees more and more about to appreciate herself. Her perfectionism can be a asset and a liability, but she is learning which is better to focus on.
Stacey-fun, exciting, laid back, honest, pure Energy.
As I see more and more of Stace revealed in her posts on facebook , I realize more and more how much I like her. She has an ability to encourage at a moments notice for someone in doubt or need. She seems to not be flustered by any truth of her life nor stalled by it. She knows where she wants to go and goes in that direction with gusto, but in a calmness that barely gives a hint of the little storm that she is. Beauty sparkles in each photo that catches her being still enough to be photographed.
Amy-a gentle spirit, loving heart, readily able to see and appreciate joy, fun and love those who are in her life.
Amy is just cuteness, I can never look at that sweet face and not smile. She always has a look of excitement when she sees those she cares about. I never worry about Amy's friendship...she has a talent at friendship and keeps and holds her friends near to her always.
Jen-Calm, lover of fun, aprreciates others,
I have never seen Jen get upset about anything. Whenever she seems to be dealing with a situation it is only because I can feel a difference in her mood in the very slightest of ways. She may calmly sit while drama is going on, but she is just taking it all in stride. She has her direction firm in her own mind and god forbid whomever wants to sway her to the darkside...she is confident in being herself and happy with her choices in life.
Joy-is a joy, enthusiastic, and a fun finder, and her name is perfectly suited to her personality.
It has never failed to be a moment that I remember when seeing Joy...she has the ability to make a person see joy when she welcomes you or greets you when she arrives. She makes the space she is in full of joy and it becomes tangible...something that everyone can feel. She is funny and can make a face that will make you smile even if you dont feel like it.
Leslie-gracious, kind and a master at giving compliments.
On numerous occassions when Les has been introducing me to someone she knows, she has not only shared with the other person my name, she heaps on compliments me and about every person she feels has great traits, almost to the point that it is embarrassing but wonderful if its your turn for one of her introductions. She is hospitable always opening her home for people to gather and have fun. She also has a knack for decorating that is magazine cover ready...you should see her house at Christmas.
April-sweet, positive, kind and optimistic
No matter who she is talking about she always finds a way to make it a positive conversation, right down to her ex husband...I have a little trouble doing this, but would love to be more like April when I grow up. She has talent that is only overshadowed by her ability to remain humble. And lets just face it every conversation is just sweet...from her words of encouragement or positive outlook, I always come away feeling a little better about being me after spending time with April.
I have more friends in my circle and hope to one day share what about each what makes their life an asset in mine...to say I am blessed is truely an understatement. I think the biggest compliment I can give is that each makes me want to be a better person so I can be deserving of their friendship. So yeah---Im talking about you---SO WHAT????
Krista Ritter wow, you made me cry. I love how observant you are, and the perspective and opinion that you've chosen to share about everyone warms my heart. You are such a truly beautiful person and I love that you've taken the time out of your day to express your thoughts about all of us. We are the lucky ones to have a friend like you around, to bring out the best in us. I love you Pamn, and thank you so much for your words. It means a lot to me.
Yesterday at 2:02pm · LikeUnlike.Mary Fugitt Now you know I read wht you write and most of the time comment but darn I miss a few days and feel like I missed a month...lol I love you kid,hang in there it Will Get Better!!
Yesterday at 3:02pm · LikeUnlike.April Ryan I love u my pam a lam! You are one of the nicest people ever and I am grateful to have u in my life! That was one of the nicest things some one has said about me it was so sweet!
Shana Duty WOW....Ok my turn.
Pam-From the moment we met I knew there was something special about you. I will never forget that night, sitting at Lil bit. We just started talking and you listened to everything I had to say, which just spilled out of ...me. Instantly I knew you would be in my life forever. I have told you over and over again that I have never had a true friend in all my life until you came along. I know without a doubt that God put you in my life for a reason. You are correct...I am hard on myself and I dont see the good in me like you do. However you never allow me to put myself down whenever we are together or we are just talking. You have always been their with a shoulder to cry on whenever or whatever time it is. No matter what I do or how I act you never judge me but continue to love me as a true friend does. You have a generous heart and you give unselfishly. I admire you and all that you stand for. I strive to be like you when I grow up.
You are truly my best friend and I thank God every day for bringing you into my life.
Amy Brookshire Awww that made me cry. I love you Pam and you have hit the nail on the head.
Christina Miller Mikeska Wow, Pammee, you know me so well. you are so right baout all that you said, I love you so much, you are such an amazing woman, in every way. Beautiful, funny, sweet, caring, loveable, you light up a room when you walk into it, with your smi...le~! Your laugh is one of the cutest things EVER and you know how to treat people, even when they have upset you and hurt you, you manage to still have a smile on your face, and always be positive. I am trying to learn from you, because I think you are one great woman to look up to! Thank you for being in my life! I love you~!
Jentry Wells so like always im a page behind the rest of you...lol im always waiting on the pop-up book to come out... here it is sunday and im just now seeing what Pam posted... as you all know it takes alot to shut me up and today Pam did just that...... have you ever stumbled accross something and thought it was great at the time but later realized its not only great but something you cant live without...well thats what happened when i met Pam... your AWESOME! you have a funny way about you that makes me smile inside and out... and if im half the grandma you are im going to do just fine...i love you.
Shana-talented, generous, forgiving, tenacious, strong (Im not saying she was the one doubting the fact that she is a good friend---but you can decide for yourself)
There is little fluff when it comes to being in the world with Shana, she does not blow sunshine up (fill in the word you prefer)...but she is never unkind...even sometimes a little kinder than the situation requires. But in this talent she reminds me to be a little softer around the edges. I am a little bit jealous of Shana, cause the girl can sing a song, and when she is done, I would rather hear her sing it than the artist who originally sang it. Shanas life has had challenges larger than many of us ever face, but watching her learn to cope has taught me so much.
Kerry-helpful, a volunteers spirit, a grizzly bear of a mother, honest, forgiving, generous
Her ability to find a way to give, even when she herself is in need is inspirational. She does not allow others to take advantage of those she cares about, but sometimes lets some abuse her generosity. But she also can set a boundary when even her kindness is used up. She is a grizzly bear if you come to slight one of her children. She also has an ability to see to the heart of people...even when they are good at looking ok on the outside, and hiding something darker from the naked eye.
Christina-everyones best friend...kind, generous, a great hostess, lover of fun,
Since the day that she and I met, I have never thought of her as anything but a friend. She never gives up anyone, until they prove to not be worthy. And even then she grieves for the loss of someone she cared about. She is diplomatic in all her relationships. She allows others to feel however they choose, but also always defends those she cares about on their good points and forgiving their humaness.
Jentry-witty, gifted, great mom, talented, intelligent.
She has the ability to connect thoughts to every situation that helps others to see things in a new way. Her witt difuses uncomfortable moments or creates them depending on what is needed at any given moment. She does not shy way from her truth and expects so much from the love of her children. Jentry is quick to smile and share her humor....I have never worried about where I stood with Jentry, all I need to do is look at her face and I can see her love and respect for me as well as all those in her life.
Krista-perfectionist, amazing mother, beautiful inside and out, funny, great hostess,
Sometimes as I watch her live her moments with those she loves, I see a spirit almost too large to live in the tiny little body she flutters around in. Her mind is sharp and I think some neglect to see her intelligence because they think of her as a pretty little thing, but do not discount her ability to see fairness, or her understanding of fighting for what is right. She has an innate compass of fairness and justice. She never shys away from her feelings or her beliefs. She sometimes is too hard on herself but as she moves closer to the potential of her greatness as the woman she is, she sees more and more about to appreciate herself. Her perfectionism can be a asset and a liability, but she is learning which is better to focus on.
Stacey-fun, exciting, laid back, honest, pure Energy.
As I see more and more of Stace revealed in her posts on facebook , I realize more and more how much I like her. She has an ability to encourage at a moments notice for someone in doubt or need. She seems to not be flustered by any truth of her life nor stalled by it. She knows where she wants to go and goes in that direction with gusto, but in a calmness that barely gives a hint of the little storm that she is. Beauty sparkles in each photo that catches her being still enough to be photographed.
Amy-a gentle spirit, loving heart, readily able to see and appreciate joy, fun and love those who are in her life.
Amy is just cuteness, I can never look at that sweet face and not smile. She always has a look of excitement when she sees those she cares about. I never worry about Amy's friendship...she has a talent at friendship and keeps and holds her friends near to her always.
Jen-Calm, lover of fun, aprreciates others,
I have never seen Jen get upset about anything. Whenever she seems to be dealing with a situation it is only because I can feel a difference in her mood in the very slightest of ways. She may calmly sit while drama is going on, but she is just taking it all in stride. She has her direction firm in her own mind and god forbid whomever wants to sway her to the darkside...she is confident in being herself and happy with her choices in life.
Joy-is a joy, enthusiastic, and a fun finder, and her name is perfectly suited to her personality.
It has never failed to be a moment that I remember when seeing Joy...she has the ability to make a person see joy when she welcomes you or greets you when she arrives. She makes the space she is in full of joy and it becomes tangible...something that everyone can feel. She is funny and can make a face that will make you smile even if you dont feel like it.
Leslie-gracious, kind and a master at giving compliments.
On numerous occassions when Les has been introducing me to someone she knows, she has not only shared with the other person my name, she heaps on compliments me and about every person she feels has great traits, almost to the point that it is embarrassing but wonderful if its your turn for one of her introductions. She is hospitable always opening her home for people to gather and have fun. She also has a knack for decorating that is magazine cover ready...you should see her house at Christmas.
April-sweet, positive, kind and optimistic
No matter who she is talking about she always finds a way to make it a positive conversation, right down to her ex husband...I have a little trouble doing this, but would love to be more like April when I grow up. She has talent that is only overshadowed by her ability to remain humble. And lets just face it every conversation is just sweet...from her words of encouragement or positive outlook, I always come away feeling a little better about being me after spending time with April.
I have more friends in my circle and hope to one day share what about each what makes their life an asset in mine...to say I am blessed is truely an understatement. I think the biggest compliment I can give is that each makes me want to be a better person so I can be deserving of their friendship. So yeah---Im talking about you---SO WHAT????
Krista Ritter wow, you made me cry. I love how observant you are, and the perspective and opinion that you've chosen to share about everyone warms my heart. You are such a truly beautiful person and I love that you've taken the time out of your day to express your thoughts about all of us. We are the lucky ones to have a friend like you around, to bring out the best in us. I love you Pamn, and thank you so much for your words. It means a lot to me.
Yesterday at 2:02pm · LikeUnlike.Mary Fugitt Now you know I read wht you write and most of the time comment but darn I miss a few days and feel like I missed a month...lol I love you kid,hang in there it Will Get Better!!
Yesterday at 3:02pm · LikeUnlike.April Ryan I love u my pam a lam! You are one of the nicest people ever and I am grateful to have u in my life! That was one of the nicest things some one has said about me it was so sweet!
Shana Duty WOW....Ok my turn.
Pam-From the moment we met I knew there was something special about you. I will never forget that night, sitting at Lil bit. We just started talking and you listened to everything I had to say, which just spilled out of ...me. Instantly I knew you would be in my life forever. I have told you over and over again that I have never had a true friend in all my life until you came along. I know without a doubt that God put you in my life for a reason. You are correct...I am hard on myself and I dont see the good in me like you do. However you never allow me to put myself down whenever we are together or we are just talking. You have always been their with a shoulder to cry on whenever or whatever time it is. No matter what I do or how I act you never judge me but continue to love me as a true friend does. You have a generous heart and you give unselfishly. I admire you and all that you stand for. I strive to be like you when I grow up.
You are truly my best friend and I thank God every day for bringing you into my life.
Amy Brookshire Awww that made me cry. I love you Pam and you have hit the nail on the head.
Christina Miller Mikeska Wow, Pammee, you know me so well. you are so right baout all that you said, I love you so much, you are such an amazing woman, in every way. Beautiful, funny, sweet, caring, loveable, you light up a room when you walk into it, with your smi...le~! Your laugh is one of the cutest things EVER and you know how to treat people, even when they have upset you and hurt you, you manage to still have a smile on your face, and always be positive. I am trying to learn from you, because I think you are one great woman to look up to! Thank you for being in my life! I love you~!
Jentry Wells so like always im a page behind the rest of you...lol im always waiting on the pop-up book to come out... here it is sunday and im just now seeing what Pam posted... as you all know it takes alot to shut me up and today Pam did just that...... have you ever stumbled accross something and thought it was great at the time but later realized its not only great but something you cant live without...well thats what happened when i met Pam... your AWESOME! you have a funny way about you that makes me smile inside and out... and if im half the grandma you are im going to do just fine...i love you.
Friday, January 21, 2011
READ the signs, warning labels, road hazards!
Everything happens for a reason, I believe this with all my heart. There are so many times when something that was going on in my life that set me back, brought on feelings of sadness, caused me to say WTH, but if I take each one of those situations and I look back at them...there were signs, there were moments when I could have made a better decision, stood up for what was right, and looked for a path of least resistance. I did not have to make the choices that I did...BUT I DID~!!!!
I drove my way to every situation that I didnt like, each opportunity that I loved, and into each relationship for good or bad. No one made me, no one created the good, bad or ugly stuff except me. Once I owned that my life was where I had directed it to go, I could start to see ways to change what I didnt like.
I love honesty, even when it stings. I think being honest with someone is the purest form of respect. Now I dont use honesty like a weapon to hurt people but I have often been known to say to someone who was asking me a question like..."do you like the color I dyed my hair?"====are you sure you want me to answer that?
I dont want to offend anyone, but when you die your hair, oh i dont know green...I might not think its the best color for you and I will probably tell you so. But just know its only my opinion, not a judgement or a criiticism...but also remember you asked.
I have also been known to make someone mad when their bad decision(also bad in my opinion only) has offended someone else or myself. I do not feel like its my place to change someone else, direct them to behave better or even to give advice unless asked, but aim some bullshit at someone I care about and you are probably gonna hear about it.
But you gotta know, your life is not a puppet show, there is not some horror film director calling the shots or putting bad actors into your scenes. You are the director. Your beliefs shape how you see situations (the ol glass half full/half empty analogy) that are in your present, your decisions will help to shape your future, your gratitiude will bring you more to be grateful for.
No one can fix your life...NO ONE. Because they will only be fixing it based on their story. And who knows where their story has been written from. It could have been a life of priveldge, or one of abuse and control. Their decisions could all be based on fear left over from someone who caused wrecks and havocs in their previous life...but again those things didnt just happen to them either. See where this is going?
It is our life...empahsis on OUR, MINE, YOURS===we are not being punished with bad things that are happening, we have made some decision to start down a road and until we turn off or at least fix all the pot holes out in front with better decisions today, we are still gonna end up in Hellville or Happy town...its our decisions that direct our lives!!!
And the quickest way to see how something is going to end...is to look at my intention. Do I intend to take away from others or add to them? Do I look for what you can do for me or search for some way I can help? Do I respect your choices, or do I work on changing your mind because I cant get my stuff straight? Am I accepting the responsibility of my life and my choices or am I seeking someone to blame? My intention is always to be honest, first do no harm, and choose what is right for me, not give up the responsibility so there will be someone to blame later.
We only get so many days to spend in this life...SPEND!!!! Thats right, we choose the best deals in our life account too! Will this be the best use of this day? Or will it be a waste? All these questions were things I asked of myself when I was recovering from the misdirection in the previous life. But I set about trying to understand howI had ended up where I did, and once I understood that I had chose that road, or given the navigation over to someone else...I could also start to see the roadmap home, back to me and back to a life that I was meant to live.
I miss some of those who now live behind a boundary that was put in place until I could be storng enough to not be bent by their habit of making decisions for me. I will never forget the first time I told someone no...who had been a controlling and destructive influence in my life. The feeling of strength I felt cannot be matched by any other feeling and the look of shock on their face was priceless. Because I took my life back and I took away a past time for them...but thats how change works and how intention moves us forward.
There are people in this world who choose to hate me...and Im ok with that, I represent a lifestyle that many cannot fathom. They see my ability to speak and share where I came from as annoying or whatever label they want to put on it. I do not stand in judgement of them, nor do I care if they like me. I love the direction my life is going...even if some days it feels like were moving just a little too slow...(sorry did I mention Im still working on being a tad bit impatient?)
There is a little part of our anatomy that serves to help us see the signs...it is our gut! When you feel that tugging in your middle that feels off, makes your neck hairs tingle or even causes you to see red, those are signs. Feelings are not part of our life so we can express how we feel, they are part of the traffic control system meant to help us in our direction. Think of them as the gps of our life trip. They might be telling you to slow down, watch for your exit in 200 ft, or even occassional re-setting because you missed a turn.
At any one of those warning signs you can do a u-ey....and turn your life around. You may still have to travel through some of the crap you put in your road, but its only a matter of time until you have gotten past the speed bumps, pot holes and hazards until you see your future on the horizon---down a wonderful smooth paved road of your life, the one you are driving and deciding where you are going to end up...not anyone else.
I love that we can rebuild our road, buy a new map or just go 4 wheelin if that is the direction we want to take. There are no rules, no right or wrong...but I only ask this---understand that you are the driver, and watch out for those signs, speed limit, caution and do not enter...they are there to direct us to the best possilble path, if only we will listen and read them. Hey do you need glasses when you drive?
.
I drove my way to every situation that I didnt like, each opportunity that I loved, and into each relationship for good or bad. No one made me, no one created the good, bad or ugly stuff except me. Once I owned that my life was where I had directed it to go, I could start to see ways to change what I didnt like.
I love honesty, even when it stings. I think being honest with someone is the purest form of respect. Now I dont use honesty like a weapon to hurt people but I have often been known to say to someone who was asking me a question like..."do you like the color I dyed my hair?"====are you sure you want me to answer that?
I dont want to offend anyone, but when you die your hair, oh i dont know green...I might not think its the best color for you and I will probably tell you so. But just know its only my opinion, not a judgement or a criiticism...but also remember you asked.
I have also been known to make someone mad when their bad decision(also bad in my opinion only) has offended someone else or myself. I do not feel like its my place to change someone else, direct them to behave better or even to give advice unless asked, but aim some bullshit at someone I care about and you are probably gonna hear about it.
But you gotta know, your life is not a puppet show, there is not some horror film director calling the shots or putting bad actors into your scenes. You are the director. Your beliefs shape how you see situations (the ol glass half full/half empty analogy) that are in your present, your decisions will help to shape your future, your gratitiude will bring you more to be grateful for.
No one can fix your life...NO ONE. Because they will only be fixing it based on their story. And who knows where their story has been written from. It could have been a life of priveldge, or one of abuse and control. Their decisions could all be based on fear left over from someone who caused wrecks and havocs in their previous life...but again those things didnt just happen to them either. See where this is going?
It is our life...empahsis on OUR, MINE, YOURS===we are not being punished with bad things that are happening, we have made some decision to start down a road and until we turn off or at least fix all the pot holes out in front with better decisions today, we are still gonna end up in Hellville or Happy town...its our decisions that direct our lives!!!
And the quickest way to see how something is going to end...is to look at my intention. Do I intend to take away from others or add to them? Do I look for what you can do for me or search for some way I can help? Do I respect your choices, or do I work on changing your mind because I cant get my stuff straight? Am I accepting the responsibility of my life and my choices or am I seeking someone to blame? My intention is always to be honest, first do no harm, and choose what is right for me, not give up the responsibility so there will be someone to blame later.
We only get so many days to spend in this life...SPEND!!!! Thats right, we choose the best deals in our life account too! Will this be the best use of this day? Or will it be a waste? All these questions were things I asked of myself when I was recovering from the misdirection in the previous life. But I set about trying to understand howI had ended up where I did, and once I understood that I had chose that road, or given the navigation over to someone else...I could also start to see the roadmap home, back to me and back to a life that I was meant to live.
I miss some of those who now live behind a boundary that was put in place until I could be storng enough to not be bent by their habit of making decisions for me. I will never forget the first time I told someone no...who had been a controlling and destructive influence in my life. The feeling of strength I felt cannot be matched by any other feeling and the look of shock on their face was priceless. Because I took my life back and I took away a past time for them...but thats how change works and how intention moves us forward.
There are people in this world who choose to hate me...and Im ok with that, I represent a lifestyle that many cannot fathom. They see my ability to speak and share where I came from as annoying or whatever label they want to put on it. I do not stand in judgement of them, nor do I care if they like me. I love the direction my life is going...even if some days it feels like were moving just a little too slow...(sorry did I mention Im still working on being a tad bit impatient?)
There is a little part of our anatomy that serves to help us see the signs...it is our gut! When you feel that tugging in your middle that feels off, makes your neck hairs tingle or even causes you to see red, those are signs. Feelings are not part of our life so we can express how we feel, they are part of the traffic control system meant to help us in our direction. Think of them as the gps of our life trip. They might be telling you to slow down, watch for your exit in 200 ft, or even occassional re-setting because you missed a turn.
At any one of those warning signs you can do a u-ey....and turn your life around. You may still have to travel through some of the crap you put in your road, but its only a matter of time until you have gotten past the speed bumps, pot holes and hazards until you see your future on the horizon---down a wonderful smooth paved road of your life, the one you are driving and deciding where you are going to end up...not anyone else.
I love that we can rebuild our road, buy a new map or just go 4 wheelin if that is the direction we want to take. There are no rules, no right or wrong...but I only ask this---understand that you are the driver, and watch out for those signs, speed limit, caution and do not enter...they are there to direct us to the best possilble path, if only we will listen and read them. Hey do you need glasses when you drive?
.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
GREAT QUOTES BLOG--its not stealing...its borrowing and then sharing!
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." -- Neale Donald Walsch
I love finding quotes that resonate with me. This one is all about yes, and how we sometimes get ourselves shut down and in a routine to the point where we don't really live we just exist. We get up at the same time, eat all the same foods, say all the same things...and then wonder why life is not so great. Several years ago when I couldnt even find a comfort zone, I began saying yes to everything...some of those decisions were good and some were bad. But because of the mess I had made of my life, I had no directon, did not know who I was and didnt even have an inkling on who I could be. I had disappeared...even though I was physically VERY much here.
This simple little suggesstion from a friend of mine to just say yes until I was sure I wanted or needed to say no, changed everything. I said yes to a new job, yes to new friends, yes to a divorce, yes to changes from every direction. It was all to the good. Because it taught me about living again, and also taught me when to say no.
There are still times when the law of attraction shows me someone that is coming from the past and resonates of my beliefs about myself in that previous life...they are selfish and controlling and mean. But they dont stay long and they are only visiting to remind me that I can say no. They dont even want to stay long because I wont be miserable with or because of them...and well there aint nobody driving this train but me.
It came up in a topic of discussion today at lunch about some people I care about that were all about control and when I decided to say no to those opportunities, they just saw it as a slap. I did not remove my care or concern, I only decided that if was going to be my timethat I was spending out of my minutes then I wanted to get the best value. And hearing over and over again about people I shouldnt like, or places I shouldnt go, or things I shouldnt do...because they were all on their no list just got to feeling too much like my past.
I am not afraid, angry or closed off with any of my friends, past, present or even those that maybe good friends one day. I appreciate all that each person that graces my life brings with them. If I am truely living I understand that each thing that happens can be about a lesson, bringing joy or just something I needed to be a part of. The only regret now is when I have to say no, because I already said yes to something else. What a rough life, fun everyday, honesty at ever moment and more joy filled moments than I can even count. I know that there will always be those moments that will cause me to pause and feel pain, remember grief or even touch on some anger, but I know they only have to be moments. They do not have to be my life, or become a significant part in my life. I know too that each of those wrecks in the past were when I was either not paying attention to driving my train or I had given over the controls to someone who had no business driving for me.
I was doing a few little things in the office today and I stepped out to look at my world, on the refresh going on in our lobby, the changes in staff down the hall, the new smiles, and new things going on all around me and with all my friends and I am proud of us...even though some of the situations mean changes for others, we are all moving forward in our lives, driving our trains...sometimes a little fast and wreckless but in the end we are saying yes, pushing our comfort zone to its limits or busting out of it all together...either way I love our life!!!
.
I love finding quotes that resonate with me. This one is all about yes, and how we sometimes get ourselves shut down and in a routine to the point where we don't really live we just exist. We get up at the same time, eat all the same foods, say all the same things...and then wonder why life is not so great. Several years ago when I couldnt even find a comfort zone, I began saying yes to everything...some of those decisions were good and some were bad. But because of the mess I had made of my life, I had no directon, did not know who I was and didnt even have an inkling on who I could be. I had disappeared...even though I was physically VERY much here.
This simple little suggesstion from a friend of mine to just say yes until I was sure I wanted or needed to say no, changed everything. I said yes to a new job, yes to new friends, yes to a divorce, yes to changes from every direction. It was all to the good. Because it taught me about living again, and also taught me when to say no.
There are still times when the law of attraction shows me someone that is coming from the past and resonates of my beliefs about myself in that previous life...they are selfish and controlling and mean. But they dont stay long and they are only visiting to remind me that I can say no. They dont even want to stay long because I wont be miserable with or because of them...and well there aint nobody driving this train but me.
It came up in a topic of discussion today at lunch about some people I care about that were all about control and when I decided to say no to those opportunities, they just saw it as a slap. I did not remove my care or concern, I only decided that if was going to be my timethat I was spending out of my minutes then I wanted to get the best value. And hearing over and over again about people I shouldnt like, or places I shouldnt go, or things I shouldnt do...because they were all on their no list just got to feeling too much like my past.
I am not afraid, angry or closed off with any of my friends, past, present or even those that maybe good friends one day. I appreciate all that each person that graces my life brings with them. If I am truely living I understand that each thing that happens can be about a lesson, bringing joy or just something I needed to be a part of. The only regret now is when I have to say no, because I already said yes to something else. What a rough life, fun everyday, honesty at ever moment and more joy filled moments than I can even count. I know that there will always be those moments that will cause me to pause and feel pain, remember grief or even touch on some anger, but I know they only have to be moments. They do not have to be my life, or become a significant part in my life. I know too that each of those wrecks in the past were when I was either not paying attention to driving my train or I had given over the controls to someone who had no business driving for me.
I was doing a few little things in the office today and I stepped out to look at my world, on the refresh going on in our lobby, the changes in staff down the hall, the new smiles, and new things going on all around me and with all my friends and I am proud of us...even though some of the situations mean changes for others, we are all moving forward in our lives, driving our trains...sometimes a little fast and wreckless but in the end we are saying yes, pushing our comfort zone to its limits or busting out of it all together...either way I love our life!!!
.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Question-she asks "How are you able to be happy everytime I see you?"
My answer...
We will always have people in our lives who will change our mood by bringing the yuckiness into our reality--but know this--you can choose to turn your focus at that moment when you feel their influence on your feelings!! Try this--- Keep a list of those people who bring joy into your life--write their names on a piece of paper, or index card--you can even list a few words that describe their influence on your life. At the moment the yuckies show up, pull out your list and focus on those who truly love you--turn away from the bad feeling and just focus on the love. Call, text or email one of those precious people on your list. The first reaction that we almost always have is to talk about the bad feelings, about that person who we dislike and that's ok, but don't give your energy away by giving those feelings or people emotional food. You are allowing them to grow and multiply---STOP giving the yuckies any more of your minutes--spend your life account on those people who add to your energy not those who take from it!
My past included a degree as a people pleaser with a minor in doormat. I did not have a voice nor did I know I needed one. It took many years of experience and unhappiness before someone shared with me that it was my fault! I am responsible for my life contents--all my choices have landed me where I am.
Everyday is full of opportunities to put my focus on those things I want, the people who bring smiles with them, and what I want my life to be! I had to say goodbye to some--but I still wish them to find out what I already know--that life was meant to be a joy. I wish this for all those I care about!
I am thankful everyday for those teachers who gave me the gift of understanding---Tim, Mimi and Esther--thank you!!
.
We will always have people in our lives who will change our mood by bringing the yuckiness into our reality--but know this--you can choose to turn your focus at that moment when you feel their influence on your feelings!! Try this--- Keep a list of those people who bring joy into your life--write their names on a piece of paper, or index card--you can even list a few words that describe their influence on your life. At the moment the yuckies show up, pull out your list and focus on those who truly love you--turn away from the bad feeling and just focus on the love. Call, text or email one of those precious people on your list. The first reaction that we almost always have is to talk about the bad feelings, about that person who we dislike and that's ok, but don't give your energy away by giving those feelings or people emotional food. You are allowing them to grow and multiply---STOP giving the yuckies any more of your minutes--spend your life account on those people who add to your energy not those who take from it!
My past included a degree as a people pleaser with a minor in doormat. I did not have a voice nor did I know I needed one. It took many years of experience and unhappiness before someone shared with me that it was my fault! I am responsible for my life contents--all my choices have landed me where I am.
Everyday is full of opportunities to put my focus on those things I want, the people who bring smiles with them, and what I want my life to be! I had to say goodbye to some--but I still wish them to find out what I already know--that life was meant to be a joy. I wish this for all those I care about!
I am thankful everyday for those teachers who gave me the gift of understanding---Tim, Mimi and Esther--thank you!!
.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Everyday I have the opportunity to watch, visit, and share life with some of the most amazing moms in the world...
Sometimes its hard to explain to people what I do for my job...its a fancy title, and sounds so very important. But when you get down to it, I really just am a creator, negotiator, planner and friend. My job allows me to help people who not only love me in return, but they appreciate everything I do. Some might say they have been dealt a bad hand. Some might say that its just not fair. But all I can say is that my folks and their families have taught me more about life than any college, more about compassion than any religion and more about me than I could learn in five lifetimes.
All any of us ever want when we are expecting is a healthy baby----oh and a girl(unless you always wanted a boy). But what if your plans got derailed? What if your trip got mixed up and you ended up somewhere else?
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
I love it when I see folks pass around the posting about kids with disabilities, I always try to thank someone when I see it. Its like special education week has lasted all year. But if I can share anything with those who might read this, please understand that while their challenges seem so difficult to you and me, the thing we must understand is that they are the most amazing teachers. Those who cannot speak teach us how to hear with senses other than our ears. Those who have physical challenges teach us to walk a little slower and watch out for obstacles. They teach us unconditional love. They teach us about ourselves. They show us that life is full of joy no matter what mountains we must climb. They have taught me that no matter how flawed I may be, I too am a child of God, and they show me understanding for all my hangups.
All of us have days where we might wish we were someone else, lived somewhere else, worked somewhere else...but you know what? On any given day when things arent going so great, all I have to do is walk out to the workshop and all 120 of my friends are happy to see me. They are asking me about help finding them a job in the community, or when is the next prom, or can they volunteer at the boo!run again this year. They want to know if I have had lunch yet, how my kids and grandkids are doing and other little details about my life. They want to be my friends, and they care about how my day is going.
My all important job title is Director of Outreach and Development, but my real job is friend to the gang at COI! I love my job and I love my life.
.
All any of us ever want when we are expecting is a healthy baby----oh and a girl(unless you always wanted a boy). But what if your plans got derailed? What if your trip got mixed up and you ended up somewhere else?
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
I love it when I see folks pass around the posting about kids with disabilities, I always try to thank someone when I see it. Its like special education week has lasted all year. But if I can share anything with those who might read this, please understand that while their challenges seem so difficult to you and me, the thing we must understand is that they are the most amazing teachers. Those who cannot speak teach us how to hear with senses other than our ears. Those who have physical challenges teach us to walk a little slower and watch out for obstacles. They teach us unconditional love. They teach us about ourselves. They show us that life is full of joy no matter what mountains we must climb. They have taught me that no matter how flawed I may be, I too am a child of God, and they show me understanding for all my hangups.
All of us have days where we might wish we were someone else, lived somewhere else, worked somewhere else...but you know what? On any given day when things arent going so great, all I have to do is walk out to the workshop and all 120 of my friends are happy to see me. They are asking me about help finding them a job in the community, or when is the next prom, or can they volunteer at the boo!run again this year. They want to know if I have had lunch yet, how my kids and grandkids are doing and other little details about my life. They want to be my friends, and they care about how my day is going.
My all important job title is Director of Outreach and Development, but my real job is friend to the gang at COI! I love my job and I love my life.
.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Do you remember the guy on the radio who used to say---"and here is the rest of the story'?
And really this is more like the pre-story than the rest, but I think it is important for me to get it in writing, probably not the first time but at least for another time.
So you have to go back about six years, to get a better understanding of how I ended up here. Well even further if you can...
1982-1995--marriage, four kids, numerous moves, job changes, life changes and more challenges and rounds of near homelessness that anyone should have to endure.
1995-1996 a new home, a new job and a horrible tragedy--December 18th, 1996-7 days before Christmas our home burned to the ground. The community came out in mass--within two days we had a place to stay, 4 rooms of clothes and household items, furniture, a Christmas tree and gifts for all my kids. Two home made quilts, because someone had heard that the ones my grandmother had made were lost in the fire. And $5,000 to give us a chance to rebuild our lives. And although it was not in Cleburne, it was in a town similiar to our values and friendliness. Good people are everywhere you just have to buy a house in their neighborhood.
1997--June 11th, Matthew was born--a few weeks later my cousin passed away.
This is all a very short version of the 15 years of back story, but you can get the gist---ups downs smiles tragedies...all the things a life can be made of.
But the straw that broke this camels back was the loss of a job--a job that I loved, and then the opportunity to rebuild myself and see my way out of my despair. That opportunity came by way of one of the most horrible hurricane tragedy that many of us will ever remember...Katrina. I was unemployed and had cired all that I could. I began asking for things to keep busy with volunteering at the chamber of commerce in Cleburne and hour after hour of venting to my friends(sorry girls), and then I was given and opportunity to help run the Burleson efforts to help Katrina refugees. I jumped at the chance to get out of my misery and found a gift that has changed my life forever. After several days of getting donations and getting them in order and getting ready for those folks who would be shipped our way, I saw an outpouring of concern in the Burleson Community unlike I had seen since our home had burned. People came by and gave and gave and gave-clothes, household items, pet items and cash---people would literally walk up and hand me money. Saying something like, " know its not much but maybe it will help". Kids brought change, people who looked like they had very little to give, gave lots. And many of my friends who work at these agencies had similar stories in Ft. Worth, Cleburne, all over North Central Texas. It was fulfilling to be a part of this effort and it was hard to wait to see those who would most surely be devasted by the cards the storm had dealt them.
But came they did, and they were worried about us! Had we had any sleep? Were we missing our families while at this center taking care of them? Were we missng our paychecks? Here were people who literally had a few clothes in their car and all they wanted to do besides start over was thank me and the other volunteers. I can remember the lady that wanted only to feed her dogs---we loaded her up with a fresh start of things for an apartment she was headed to, as well as a great big bag of dog food---and she wanted to give me a donation. I cried---all the way home that day.
It seemed like the lines and the refugees would last forever, but because North Texas had welcomed all these folks who had been displaced by one wicked woman--it was really only a couple of weeks. It was two of the best weeks of my life...because it changed me forever. I understand that when life seems at its lowest there is almost always someone you can help. And taking myself out of my misery gave me back my smile and a purpose...as well as several amazing job opporunities. Yep--people who had gotten the chance to see how hard I worked for free, wanted me to come and work for them for a paycheck. I did end up taking the job I currently have, but the lesson was not lost.
I still give at least some of my time to those agencies who support people when life has kicked them down or kicked them while they were down. Its a very big part of who I am, and my company supports that. This year I was asked to serve as the campaign chairperson for the United Way of Johnson County---and you will not find a better group of volunteers and non profit supporters anywhere in this world. They came together and with the support of many wonderful companies in Johnson County have raised over $460,000 to keep up financial support of 21 non profits in our community. Companies like Texas Health Resources, Devon Energy, Johnson County Employees to name a few. Not to forget the kids from many of the counties schools with the pennies for people program, who have come together to help us not only reach our goal, but make us the overachievers of the year. Chesapeake Energy matched their employees donations to make up almost 1/4 of that campaign for a whopping $106,000!!! Yes that is right $106K!!! From one company. Now just think what we could do if each company gave what they could and each person at least a $1 or two a week--the UWJC sets up a weekly pledge program with your company and will gladly take at least a $1 per pay period...with no complaints at all. Thats like a coke every two weeks, or a pack of gum every pay day---but with all us us it adds up to a mountain of support for the United Way!
Today as a part of my year of service as the campaign chair I visited one of those agencies who asks for the United Ways support. It was the Child Advocacy Center. I watched as their wonderful board volunteers and center director shared about what their agency does to support a hidden population in our community, kids who have been abused...beyond what that word even means. The things that the children this agency provides services for cannot be labeled simply abuse. These stories are likened to a thing like the most horrible horror movie you could ever imagine only its real and the people that are supposed to protect them and give them nurture are most often those responsible for these crimes. I am not talking about the mom who looses her temper and spanks her child at the grocery store, I am speaking of stories that even now as I type bring tears to my eyes.
And this is just one story of the many stories hidden in the walls of this cute and child centered building, with its play(therapy rooms) and its play(therapy)play ground and it Serenity(thereapy)garden. A place that you and I recall as somewhere we ran, and tumbled and swang and see-sawed our recesses away is now a part of how they will try to recover from something that should have never happened. There are food pantries, benevolance programs, Court Appointed Special Advocates....and the list goes on.
I am proud to say that part of my last year was spent helping to support this mission, as well as the others. I am also asking each of you to find a way to give a little to make a difference for our kids...all our kids. The ones next door, the one who gave up and ended his life, the ones we may never find until its too late--they are our kids and our future. Or just help in any way at any of the agencies where your heart is touched. Have you ever been homeless? Call Habitat for Humanity. Have you ever struggled to get past a bout of unemployment? Call Operation Blessing and help somone pay a light bill or give some groceries. What if you grandma needed help with fixing her food and you went by everyday at lunch...in her memory or honor call Meals on Wheels.
I know life is crazy, and no one is asking you to give much--just give a little, or give until it hurts. Then give until it feels better. I promise you this, it will change you or at least your smile. You know what--our folks volunteer for some of these agencies, and if they can do that--I think we all can!
So you have to go back about six years, to get a better understanding of how I ended up here. Well even further if you can...
1982-1995--marriage, four kids, numerous moves, job changes, life changes and more challenges and rounds of near homelessness that anyone should have to endure.
1995-1996 a new home, a new job and a horrible tragedy--December 18th, 1996-7 days before Christmas our home burned to the ground. The community came out in mass--within two days we had a place to stay, 4 rooms of clothes and household items, furniture, a Christmas tree and gifts for all my kids. Two home made quilts, because someone had heard that the ones my grandmother had made were lost in the fire. And $5,000 to give us a chance to rebuild our lives. And although it was not in Cleburne, it was in a town similiar to our values and friendliness. Good people are everywhere you just have to buy a house in their neighborhood.
1997--June 11th, Matthew was born--a few weeks later my cousin passed away.
This is all a very short version of the 15 years of back story, but you can get the gist---ups downs smiles tragedies...all the things a life can be made of.
But the straw that broke this camels back was the loss of a job--a job that I loved, and then the opportunity to rebuild myself and see my way out of my despair. That opportunity came by way of one of the most horrible hurricane tragedy that many of us will ever remember...Katrina. I was unemployed and had cired all that I could. I began asking for things to keep busy with volunteering at the chamber of commerce in Cleburne and hour after hour of venting to my friends(sorry girls), and then I was given and opportunity to help run the Burleson efforts to help Katrina refugees. I jumped at the chance to get out of my misery and found a gift that has changed my life forever. After several days of getting donations and getting them in order and getting ready for those folks who would be shipped our way, I saw an outpouring of concern in the Burleson Community unlike I had seen since our home had burned. People came by and gave and gave and gave-clothes, household items, pet items and cash---people would literally walk up and hand me money. Saying something like, " know its not much but maybe it will help". Kids brought change, people who looked like they had very little to give, gave lots. And many of my friends who work at these agencies had similar stories in Ft. Worth, Cleburne, all over North Central Texas. It was fulfilling to be a part of this effort and it was hard to wait to see those who would most surely be devasted by the cards the storm had dealt them.
But came they did, and they were worried about us! Had we had any sleep? Were we missing our families while at this center taking care of them? Were we missng our paychecks? Here were people who literally had a few clothes in their car and all they wanted to do besides start over was thank me and the other volunteers. I can remember the lady that wanted only to feed her dogs---we loaded her up with a fresh start of things for an apartment she was headed to, as well as a great big bag of dog food---and she wanted to give me a donation. I cried---all the way home that day.
It seemed like the lines and the refugees would last forever, but because North Texas had welcomed all these folks who had been displaced by one wicked woman--it was really only a couple of weeks. It was two of the best weeks of my life...because it changed me forever. I understand that when life seems at its lowest there is almost always someone you can help. And taking myself out of my misery gave me back my smile and a purpose...as well as several amazing job opporunities. Yep--people who had gotten the chance to see how hard I worked for free, wanted me to come and work for them for a paycheck. I did end up taking the job I currently have, but the lesson was not lost.
I still give at least some of my time to those agencies who support people when life has kicked them down or kicked them while they were down. Its a very big part of who I am, and my company supports that. This year I was asked to serve as the campaign chairperson for the United Way of Johnson County---and you will not find a better group of volunteers and non profit supporters anywhere in this world. They came together and with the support of many wonderful companies in Johnson County have raised over $460,000 to keep up financial support of 21 non profits in our community. Companies like Texas Health Resources, Devon Energy, Johnson County Employees to name a few. Not to forget the kids from many of the counties schools with the pennies for people program, who have come together to help us not only reach our goal, but make us the overachievers of the year. Chesapeake Energy matched their employees donations to make up almost 1/4 of that campaign for a whopping $106,000!!! Yes that is right $106K!!! From one company. Now just think what we could do if each company gave what they could and each person at least a $1 or two a week--the UWJC sets up a weekly pledge program with your company and will gladly take at least a $1 per pay period...with no complaints at all. Thats like a coke every two weeks, or a pack of gum every pay day---but with all us us it adds up to a mountain of support for the United Way!
Today as a part of my year of service as the campaign chair I visited one of those agencies who asks for the United Ways support. It was the Child Advocacy Center. I watched as their wonderful board volunteers and center director shared about what their agency does to support a hidden population in our community, kids who have been abused...beyond what that word even means. The things that the children this agency provides services for cannot be labeled simply abuse. These stories are likened to a thing like the most horrible horror movie you could ever imagine only its real and the people that are supposed to protect them and give them nurture are most often those responsible for these crimes. I am not talking about the mom who looses her temper and spanks her child at the grocery store, I am speaking of stories that even now as I type bring tears to my eyes.
And this is just one story of the many stories hidden in the walls of this cute and child centered building, with its play(therapy rooms) and its play(therapy)play ground and it Serenity(thereapy)garden. A place that you and I recall as somewhere we ran, and tumbled and swang and see-sawed our recesses away is now a part of how they will try to recover from something that should have never happened. There are food pantries, benevolance programs, Court Appointed Special Advocates....and the list goes on.
I am proud to say that part of my last year was spent helping to support this mission, as well as the others. I am also asking each of you to find a way to give a little to make a difference for our kids...all our kids. The ones next door, the one who gave up and ended his life, the ones we may never find until its too late--they are our kids and our future. Or just help in any way at any of the agencies where your heart is touched. Have you ever been homeless? Call Habitat for Humanity. Have you ever struggled to get past a bout of unemployment? Call Operation Blessing and help somone pay a light bill or give some groceries. What if you grandma needed help with fixing her food and you went by everyday at lunch...in her memory or honor call Meals on Wheels.
I know life is crazy, and no one is asking you to give much--just give a little, or give until it hurts. Then give until it feels better. I promise you this, it will change you or at least your smile. You know what--our folks volunteer for some of these agencies, and if they can do that--I think we all can!
Monday, January 10, 2011
I am ready...
No one can ever tell you when it's time to be past something that has happened in your life that altered how you see your self or someone else. I am not even sure that we always know when its time, but sometimes there is a feeling that comes over us the majority of our days, and no matter what else is going on that feeling is prevelant in all the emotions that register in our memories.
I have spent about two years, reeling from a barrrage of lies, mountains of deciet and tides of pain that changed my perspective. And for most of those years, the blog~erapy, rants and even some conversations have been based on that story. Except in those moments of clarity when I could feel the goodness of life come over me, when the hope was so large it felt as real as an open fire.
That story is now officially over for me, and from this moment forward, except when the lesson reference can help me explain a decision or change in my current direction that is based on past experience, I am completely and forever done with it.
I won't relive it anymore, because it serves no purpose. There are no points to be gained or pain that is worth bringing up that story ever again...unless someone can figure out how to make it into an interesting movie...we be done! I am so relieved! I have waited for this moment. This milestone in life that would not only be the closing of that door, but the second when I could turn towards my future and see myself happy in it. It is now.
I actually get goose bumps when I think what this life still holds for me. I feel so much promise in moving past my past. I love that life is all about beginnings. Even when that means the change signals that there must be an ending. I love that I can now choose to always see things as they are, with blame correctly aimed in my direction. And while my choices and truth attributed to that end, I am the better for it. I was never strong enough to stand up for myself or feel like I had the right. I was not happy, actually I was closer to miserable, because I chose to keep the peace, not to live in it. You cannot love someone enough to make them honorable, you cannot unselfish you way into someone elses compassion, and you cannot ever be miserable enough to make someone happy.
I understand so much more about reality and the lack of it that should really be in my life. Reality is just the culmination of everyone elses drama and damage. It has so little to do with my happiness. My life is my creation, I will now tell a story of how I want it to be---always! Keeping in mind that allowing some conflict and diversions can only be used to clarify closer to what I really want and will allow in this life.
I choose now to enjoy each moment in the capacity that I can contain that excitement. I will live with YES as my most recurring motto, and seek only to find joy in each situation that comes into view. I will not ever feel sorry for myself or others who have directed their lives towards misery. Instead I will hold fast to understanding that my focus calls those things into my life. Focusing on any misery or thing you dont want perpetuates it in your life just the same as putting a magnifying glass towards the object of your misery. The only steps now are those of recognition. When I see something that I don't want--I will say thats not it for me, and then turn my focus on what I do want. I will no longer give my power or energy to those things that would take my joy or steal my smiles. I refuse!
The biggest change of all is in me, it is my ability to say goodbye to anyone who chooses to leave my story. And while I will feel the pain of that goodbye, the normal emotion of change, I will never again allow that emotion to be the reason I cannot let someone go of their own free will.
This last thing left is the most freeing of all steps of my journey past my past. I don't feel loss of even the years I seemed to have been stuck. I will not measure my recovery by someone elses measuring stick. I will not shame or should on myself...rather I will enjoy my new found understanding of this process. I will cling to this feeling of elation beyond many of the moments in my life that rank among the best. I have been physically ill for the last several days, and it feels as though it was a necessary time to get this perspective....funny how life is always about giving me what I need, if only I could always recognize it as so. Hey wait, I have---learned how to do that!
I am ready---to create a life that is about honesty and achieving all my desires. A life filled with purpose and success in my chosen field of creating for others. I am ready---and so excited for 2011---and all that I will create for me.
I am ready--moving on
I have spent about two years, reeling from a barrrage of lies, mountains of deciet and tides of pain that changed my perspective. And for most of those years, the blog~erapy, rants and even some conversations have been based on that story. Except in those moments of clarity when I could feel the goodness of life come over me, when the hope was so large it felt as real as an open fire.
That story is now officially over for me, and from this moment forward, except when the lesson reference can help me explain a decision or change in my current direction that is based on past experience, I am completely and forever done with it.
I won't relive it anymore, because it serves no purpose. There are no points to be gained or pain that is worth bringing up that story ever again...unless someone can figure out how to make it into an interesting movie...we be done! I am so relieved! I have waited for this moment. This milestone in life that would not only be the closing of that door, but the second when I could turn towards my future and see myself happy in it. It is now.
I actually get goose bumps when I think what this life still holds for me. I feel so much promise in moving past my past. I love that life is all about beginnings. Even when that means the change signals that there must be an ending. I love that I can now choose to always see things as they are, with blame correctly aimed in my direction. And while my choices and truth attributed to that end, I am the better for it. I was never strong enough to stand up for myself or feel like I had the right. I was not happy, actually I was closer to miserable, because I chose to keep the peace, not to live in it. You cannot love someone enough to make them honorable, you cannot unselfish you way into someone elses compassion, and you cannot ever be miserable enough to make someone happy.
I understand so much more about reality and the lack of it that should really be in my life. Reality is just the culmination of everyone elses drama and damage. It has so little to do with my happiness. My life is my creation, I will now tell a story of how I want it to be---always! Keeping in mind that allowing some conflict and diversions can only be used to clarify closer to what I really want and will allow in this life.
I choose now to enjoy each moment in the capacity that I can contain that excitement. I will live with YES as my most recurring motto, and seek only to find joy in each situation that comes into view. I will not ever feel sorry for myself or others who have directed their lives towards misery. Instead I will hold fast to understanding that my focus calls those things into my life. Focusing on any misery or thing you dont want perpetuates it in your life just the same as putting a magnifying glass towards the object of your misery. The only steps now are those of recognition. When I see something that I don't want--I will say thats not it for me, and then turn my focus on what I do want. I will no longer give my power or energy to those things that would take my joy or steal my smiles. I refuse!
The biggest change of all is in me, it is my ability to say goodbye to anyone who chooses to leave my story. And while I will feel the pain of that goodbye, the normal emotion of change, I will never again allow that emotion to be the reason I cannot let someone go of their own free will.
This last thing left is the most freeing of all steps of my journey past my past. I don't feel loss of even the years I seemed to have been stuck. I will not measure my recovery by someone elses measuring stick. I will not shame or should on myself...rather I will enjoy my new found understanding of this process. I will cling to this feeling of elation beyond many of the moments in my life that rank among the best. I have been physically ill for the last several days, and it feels as though it was a necessary time to get this perspective....funny how life is always about giving me what I need, if only I could always recognize it as so. Hey wait, I have---learned how to do that!
I am ready---to create a life that is about honesty and achieving all my desires. A life filled with purpose and success in my chosen field of creating for others. I am ready---and so excited for 2011---and all that I will create for me.
I am ready--moving on
Sunday, January 2, 2011
My "Life is all about how you handle Plan B" calendar is at least a years worth of blogging...gotta love that !
Plan b-LIfe is all about how you handle plan B--quoting author and artist Suzy Toronto. Her philosophy driven calendar is one of the many wonderful gifts that I received this Christmas. As I have looked at the wonderfully whimsical art, I could hardly keep from absorbing all the wonderful words of advice and encouragement on each months colorgul art page.
She shares that she has always had many of the same common dreams or goals at the rest of us, but often once she realized that life somehow sends us in a direction more geared towards getting us where we are supposed to be instead of where we dream of landing.
I am guilty of gearing my gazes towards happily ever after, but even though I am loving my life, I could have never imagined ending up where I am or the vehicle that brought me here. I had tied my life to someone that I loved, but that proved to be a train wreck waiting to happen over and over for both of us. And I am encouraged every day when I see that not only am I better for moving on, his life seems to be more to his liking as well.
So how have I handled my life-the plan B part? Well through each of the losses, I have found happiness. Through each seperation of persons I cared for I have found peace. I know that I am only beginning to understand how destructive the wrong right persone can be for me. I must admit too that most of those disasters came along because I was livin my life as if Plan A was the only option. Truer to reality, I don't really try to set up a plan A or B, rather I look at each decision as the next step in my life, not the end all be all, but just the next adventure.
I don't want to say I don't believe in happily ever after, I am just loosing the much more naive version of me, and unstanding in the process that while a forever relationship might be the joy of others lives, it wasn't meant to be for me...at least not yet.
I also have come to understand that often disruptive/destructive behavior in others has more to do with their struggle to find their way, than something that is about me. I believe that I can set those boundaries when necessary and I can re-work any partnership that shows promise of being something that would benefit my life, whether it be for joy or purely educational purposes.
I also find that since becoming a person who understands more about how life really works, I also have found that each situation that I found myself in was to the good. I have always come out on the other side for the better. So whether we are living the plan A, B or even C-D-E.....understanding that life is about the journey, not the destination. I work on enjoying each moment, treasuring those wonderful people who are gifts to my days and the rest is just frosting on my cupcake!
She shares that she has always had many of the same common dreams or goals at the rest of us, but often once she realized that life somehow sends us in a direction more geared towards getting us where we are supposed to be instead of where we dream of landing.
I am guilty of gearing my gazes towards happily ever after, but even though I am loving my life, I could have never imagined ending up where I am or the vehicle that brought me here. I had tied my life to someone that I loved, but that proved to be a train wreck waiting to happen over and over for both of us. And I am encouraged every day when I see that not only am I better for moving on, his life seems to be more to his liking as well.
So how have I handled my life-the plan B part? Well through each of the losses, I have found happiness. Through each seperation of persons I cared for I have found peace. I know that I am only beginning to understand how destructive the wrong right persone can be for me. I must admit too that most of those disasters came along because I was livin my life as if Plan A was the only option. Truer to reality, I don't really try to set up a plan A or B, rather I look at each decision as the next step in my life, not the end all be all, but just the next adventure.
I don't want to say I don't believe in happily ever after, I am just loosing the much more naive version of me, and unstanding in the process that while a forever relationship might be the joy of others lives, it wasn't meant to be for me...at least not yet.
I also have come to understand that often disruptive/destructive behavior in others has more to do with their struggle to find their way, than something that is about me. I believe that I can set those boundaries when necessary and I can re-work any partnership that shows promise of being something that would benefit my life, whether it be for joy or purely educational purposes.
I also find that since becoming a person who understands more about how life really works, I also have found that each situation that I found myself in was to the good. I have always come out on the other side for the better. So whether we are living the plan A, B or even C-D-E.....understanding that life is about the journey, not the destination. I work on enjoying each moment, treasuring those wonderful people who are gifts to my days and the rest is just frosting on my cupcake!
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