Countdown Lesson #8

FORGIVENESS

Sometimes saying "Im sorry" or "I forgive" when you are wrong or wronged will start healing for everyone, and sometimes only for you. But until you start the healing the pain and anger will continue to fester and make you relive the offense. Forgiveness is a great medicine--make that your New Years Resolution--even if you dont want to!!

Lesson #9-Love is all I need

LOVE covers a multitude of sins, and while this quote is attributed to both Shakespeare and Louisa May Alcott, the sentiment is the same. We allow so much damage due to the thought, decision, action called love. We allow some to lie to us, hurt us and yes even take advantage of us while we are busily working on loving them.


“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
― John Lennon

But the lesson this year for me was first to learn to love myself. Not waiting until I do everything right, until I have everything perfect or by physical self is in perfect order to decide to love me. Love of self used to get a bad wrap, we were told we were self centered when we set about to love ourselves...and this is entirely untrue. When we understand that self love makes all other love possible, probable and perfect, it is a most unselfish act. Because in loving ourselves we begin to be more present, available and on time with others.


“we accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Most of my adult life has been about finding love and hanging onto it for dear life. This habit not only doesn't serve well, it sets one up for the most horrible damage at the hand of loved ones. We become a chaser and therefore they move the other direction. This year learning to allow those who do not know how to love be apart from my day to day world has allowed room for those who are better at it. They not only have stepped up to the challenge of caring about me, but have taught me how to love myself and others to a better degree. It's a bit like graduating to grownup.

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

There are no words to improve this quote, just knowing that I have Lady friends who do not suck, makes this lesson a perfect grade A+.



“Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
― Mother Teresa

I gift a smile to those who cross into my day, and I give love freely whether I get it back or not.

Lessons learned are a step up to love.

Countdown Lesson #10

For much of my life I felt fear. Fear of being disliked, hated, abandoned, or misunderstood. So I spent a crazy amount of time and energy trying to make sure people liked me, didn't leave or think I said anything that they didn't like.

Did you KNOW you can nice your way out of relationships faster than you can any other way?

It was so great to finally learn to be ok with being me. To know that those who disliked me were going to do it with or without my consent, and I finally learned that saying good bye can sometimes be a good and timely thing.

It was not an easy lesson, the fear of being left alone was a big one to get over...but let me tell you, since getting this, all the empty spots have been filled. And might I add filled brilliantly with quality people of great compassion, love and energy. The creative juices flow when you are in an environment of peace and acceptance.

Countdown Lesson #11

Most of the time we hate rules, because we feel controlled or it seems as though someone is just being a bit too bossy.

But for me this year it has been a great lesson to learn more about rules that protect my ability to be happy, safe and productive. I find that since discovering the best rules for engagement with happy, I am more and more happy all the time. Ironically when I was thinking about writing this as my #11 lesson, two cute photos were posted on facebook that list almost all of my new found rules.

The first photo lists the five rules for

LOVE YOURSELF-this used to be something we were warned against. Self love was thought to be selfish or self serving, but in fact it is the essential rule to being a great student of life. When we are self deprecating, it makes it impossible for others to see love in us or feel love for us.

DO GOOD-paying it forward, volunteering, random acts of kindness, whatever you call it doing good feels good. PERIOD...it also helps us appreciate what we have and what we have to give. It is a lesson in humanness that is never to be overlooked. Even if you are down, finding someway to step out of your pain to DO GOOD will help raise you at least three levels of happy.

ALWAYS FORGIVE-I can brag here a bit and tell you the first two rules came easy for me...actually almost natural. But this one, not so much. I have had to work on this for several years, but let me tell you when I got it...I SO GOT IT in a big way. Forgiving self and others, means we move past what ever wrongs we felt and get to the next thing. It teaches so many lessons, but is also allows us to set new boundaries, because we have let go of the drama, which removes those who would use our anger and hurt to keep us engaged. GET it? You should try...its freaking amazing...to forgive!

HARM NO ONE -Simple...when you have a choice, to strike out in anger, to take what is not yours, that violates any of the other rules....DON'T. that is all.

BE POSITIVE-This can be a bit tricky, but when you can take any situation and find a way to see the good in it...then no bad can ever happen to you. It doesn't change anything that happens in our lives...it changes how we see what happens. It's a bit of mind trick, but once you get it, it is life changing.

The next set pretty much explain themselves...

I love them all...and my favorite has to be, what others think of me is none of my business. Or maybe it is ...I don't own all the problems in the world...oh heck, I love the all.

Some rules are for making us happy...and I love all 12 of my not so new rules.

Do you have any that you have added to your life? Can you share them with us?

The videos that I can never forget...

2012 Has been a great year. We have seen moments that brought tears for happy, sad, successful and celebration. Some have touched our lives forever and some for the last time. There have been moments that stopped our hearts and tested our faith.

Through it all we have connected the dots and created the links of life that will bind us for the next period of experience...2013.

Ever year they publish the list of things we searched for...and some of my favorites made the list....



Here are my favorite 2012 Youtube moments....Share yours too!

Sarah Churman is a local mom, author and neighbor. Her story is so touching and the video is so real as to what feelings overtake us when something changes our reality to the extent to take us to a new life.



Authur's battle was huge, but even when others gave up on him, he found someone to be his champion. Can still make me cry...but I love to watch him WIN against all the odds.


I am not a big tv watcher...commercials, too much violence, too little content, it just became something I have learned to not make a part of my daily routine. But the sharing of tv good news on facebook has been such a great thing for me. When TV programs take time to share the good stuff, it kinda makes me miss it...well just a little bit.



My job is all about helping our folks to reach for some dream they have. For some it's to be able to work a little and make a pay check, to learn skills and move them towards a community job and some just to be a success in everyday life. Our team at COI loves to make those little moments count big...and that is why I share this next video. We each should have moments like this. An OPPORTUNITY to shine in a big or even little way.



This is a family story...and although it is not new to 2012, it is one that stays with me year after year. The commitment from this father to his son is an amazing story and testimony of love and success.

"Our message is yes you can, you can do anything you want to do as long as you make up your mind, you can do it" Dick Hoyt.



Next is one of my favorite local love stories. The reason it is a favorite is because of the way they met, and the people that they are. Julie is a new friend, only known her for about a year and most of our friendship is facebook based. We don't really have the chance to see each other much...but I keep up with her good news online. She is a perpetual volunteer. She gives of her time and shares information about many local nonprofits doing good work in our area. Her love story started when she met another volunteer while they were both delivering lunches to elderly and home bound in Tarrant County for Meals on Wheels. Here is a little snippet about their recent nuptials and how they met...and how others can honor their marriage by giving too.

View more videos at: http://nbcdfw.com.

Ok...this next one is a two parter....first you got to watch this one.



Then after the segment aired...the video went viral and Ben just needed to find the guru of Dance Walking....so,



The funnest part is now there is a movement ... 9 facebook pages and events...check one of them out here https://www.facebook.com/DanceWalking

Hope you found a new favorite in my list...please share a few of yours with me!

Counting down the 12 biggest lessons for 2012-

#12-That which we focus on grows bigger.

Does it ever seem like the more you focus on worries, troubles, mistakes, the more they seem to bother, happen and linger on? It's because we have been designed to be wonderful creative beings. When we focus on something it increases!

Try this in 2013--for every bad thing that happens, find 3 things you can be grateful for because of it.
It's not easy, and it's a bit of a mind trick, but once you start this process for any and all troubles, you begin to focus on the lesson, the better you get at seeing that all things are to the good, and then there is more good.

I started out the year focused on relationships that seemed to be ending, there were issues and friction almost constantly. When I switched my focus to what these challenges were teaching me(ie remove myself from the poor me/victim/nobody likes me role) the transitions became easy and less traumatic and I was able to say goodbye to those who were only adding struggles and no positives to my life.

Sidenote-this does not mean that we turn off the feelings for loss, anger or sadness. It simply means we acknowledge what is and accept it as the next step to what is next. Feelings are meant to be temporary markers to life events...not baskets we carry worries in for the rest of our lives.

Secret Santa is on a Mission- doing Random Acts of Christmas December 24,2012

We all know what Santa looks like, we see him this time of year on the corners ringing bells. He is at the front of a mile long line of kids at the shopping malls. He makes appearances in all the parades and many many holiday events. If you had to describe him or pick him out of a line up it would be a piece of cake.
But sometimes Santa is not just the holly jolly elf we all know and love, sometimes he hands over bits of his Christmas magic to willing substitutes who set out to share his beloved Christmas spirit.

This year in Burleson he was actually represented in conspiracy of good will. One local business “The Ritz Salon and Spa, got together with a Secret Santa stand-in and they set about changing some folks days into something special. A paying it forward in a big big way.

I happened to be at the location when the plan was hatched and had more fun just watching the new Santa get her marching orders. The twinkle in her eye was a glorious as I have ever seen when checking in with the big guy himself.
Once she had picked up her goodies to gift away and was ready to start her mission, I asked her to let me know how it goes, so we could share the good news and smiles with you.

She set out to make many in the Burleson her target and hit it she did. She drove through and ordered something at the Jack in the Box, but gave something more than payment to the clerk. I would have loved to seen that! She also surprised a young woman at the local QT convenience store.

She paid a visit to the local Rehab office at Huguely Medical Center. She also visited a local nonprofit that helps young women who are at a place in their life when they need support, but at this location Ms. Santa’s focus was on those who give the support. One of the counselors that works daily to help others, but her family was facing some exteremly difficult financial problems, so she was gifted some happy from the Ritz.

She set out day after day to give away gift cards for facials, hair doos, massages, acupuncture and full beauty treatments. She found someone who is suffering from a chronic illness, and gifted her some tlc. She found a local Burleson resident who is facing chemo and shared some nice with her.

She went out day after day and all the while giving out happy, was getting a dose of it herself. She targeted another person who works to help others, the manager of the local thrift store Rachel’s hope. She visited the Payless shoe store and gifted to the sales clerk.

She found a young pregnant mom with two small children and gave her a bit of a retreat. She found a random shopper at Walmart who happened to be a caretaker for some adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. They were so excited for their staff that they began to clap and cheer. I love that by the way!
When I asked this wonderful Santa about her secret mission she said “ I feel very blessed to have had the chance to give all these people a little happiness during the holidays. The smiles that I have gotten in return have been a special gift to me during this Christmas season. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to be your Secret Santa!”

We are blessed to live in a community where businesses like the Ritz and neighbors like the “The Marvelous Miss M” see the holidays for the opportunity to share. They did good!

https://www.facebook.com/THERITZSALONANDSPA

To learn more about our little town please send questions and comments to
Pam Masters pameedee@facebook.com

Its all in the findings

I think up until recently I was still a bit shocked when a day came full of a varied range of emotions. I think some where along the life path, I had fooled myself into thinking that a good day meant everything had to be good. In reality I have come to understand that it really means I just have to find the good in everything in that day for it to be great. Today is one of those days. Well actually it's more just a culmination of emotions from several days. Friday while I was being excited and grateful to be on the end of my countdown for Christmas vacation, my reality was rocked by a senseless act of cruelty. But even as I adjusted to the shock of this tragedy, I was busy sharing time in our workshop with our clients and getting decorations done. I spent lunch at Lion's Club hearing from a passionate Red Cross employee who works to help our neighbors in need. I heard from a dear friend some kind words she shared for me. I said see ya laters to my work family, and had and amazing night with some of my favorite friends. See what I mean? All over the emotional map. Saturday lots of time with my grands and Sunday some precious time with my youngest.

Today was no different. I was disappointed in the turnout for a meeting I was facilitating, but had the chance to share time with one of my favorite people and have lunch with her...And overwhelmingly grateful for learning of a huge donation for my agency. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to visit with a great fundraising group in Ft. Worth, who is prepared to assist us in bringing their program to Johnson County. I was insulted and accused of something I did not do...and I was given peace and kindness at meditation group to end my day. I had the opportunity to stand up for what I thought was right, share what I knew to be true and forgive those who were wrong.

Now in some of that it is not hard to see the good...but I assure you it is in everything. Watching and hearing of heroics during tragedy, learning about amazing generosity, coming to understand how mean and cruel some people can be....and totally wrong also.

I have learned to see the good in most things. I have also learned to accept that when I am angry it is not a disservice to my life. It just means that I have an opportunity to work through the emotions and maybe practice or pretend to through some THING out a window. I get that I am not perfect, but I refuse to allow others to throw their judgement in my face without understanding I make decisions based on what I believe to be right and true. And while you may want to convince me I am wrong, most of the time I have done my homework...or have learned to simply let it go.

I am grateful for all that added or took away from my day, because
i work to find the good---and most always find it I do.

My heart breaks as my soul sings on for grace and peace.

There is absolutely no way to go through the collective pain of what our country is dealing with, without acknowledging that it has to be one of the most horrible things we can ever face. The loss of human life is never easy to grieve, but when it is all innocents who played no active part in creating this crime, time seems to slow down to a horrific journey of reminders. I have five kids and as any mother feels at this moment, I am exceedingly grateful that they are all safe and well. I also think of those two little grands who go to "schools" through their regular week routine. I can assure you the next few weeks as I pick them up for Gimmee' time or even drive by a school, it will not feel normal to just be in that space. It will forever remind me of what it must be like for those parents as they will never be able to be at that school or near any other without their reality slapping them in the heart.

There are no words or actions that can ever make sense of this crime. There are only the real days ahead as we move towards finding a space in our hearts and minds where we can resolve the feelings of fear and begin to find a returning of peace.

I have tried to limit myself from seeing the day in and day out cryptic quotes of all the news reporters who seem to be charged with reminding me of how horrible it is instead of informing me of something new. I am appalled as I see reporters put microphones in the faces of those children who have suffered so much in such a short span. Many who cannot even find words for what has happened at their school.

I am also a bit surprised at some of the outbursts and sensationalism that has creeped into my facebook from those who try to create an argument, lay blame or decide why, instead of wrap this craziness in love so that it will be healed. And I am encouraged by those who have fought and worked at finding ways to share their smiles so that we can indeed see that life goes on, and whether we feel guilt, or sadness or even anger, we owe those who are gone respect of acting as I would imagine they would hope we would if they were still here. I feel they would want us to try and take care of those who are scared, hurting or needing treatment so that we do not have to grieve another school or mall or any mass attack of hatred.

I as a mom am also faced with a bit of dread and worry for my 15 year old as we have all heard about the threats looming for his Granbury High school. I received the call late last week....and felt so blessed to have a few extra hours this weekend of being normal with him so I could say one more time I love you, and try not to be too afraid, oh and keep an eye on your surroundings, don't be lost in texting or doing things on your phone and on and on the mom talk goes.

To say this has not changed my reality would be hard for me. On one hand my feelings are all over the map, but I refuse to live where I cannot send my kid to school or know that my grands are at their learning centers. I cannot believe that it has to happen again, here or anywhere. But the fact is now and forever a part of my reality that we as a country take a blind eye to those who might need help the most. We seem to react as though it is not our problem and that budget cuts for those who need healthcare from the medicaid or medicare system are an optional expense. How can we as a country be so callous? How many stories have I heard from those who are not seeking entitled options, but just help because they are suffering from some disease, or mental illness that none of us would have stood in line to receive had we been given the option before we arrived in this physical life. I am often upset that I was given the fat gene, and that I have reached a point in my life where I find it increasingly hard to fight to loose the weight, but I promise you I would have never traded obesity for mental illness.

I am most inspired by the one parent that I did see speak in a news conference earlier today. He spoke of his daughter Emilie. And as he focused mostly on the joy of being her dad for all the time that he had the opportunity, he also shared some beautiful memories about his precious girl, how he believed she spent her last moments and how he wished we could all remember her. He also extended sympathy to the family of the one who took her life. His courage in the face of this moment humbles me beyond belief. I am not sure I could have been that gracious. His courage and moments of grace serves such a lesson to each of us. If we are living a faithful life, we have to be able to take these moments with the grace that even surely God must have had at the murder of his son.

I believe our souls carry on, that upon our exit of this physical life we are gifted peace that surpasses all understanding. We will not be limited by what our human brain is merely capable witnessing. I believe that we are gifted the answers that we never fully received here, and that our lessons can go on to create more peace if only those left behind will seek it.

I am grateful tonight for all those who have tried to carry on...without too much doom and gloom, or end of the world comments. I am ok with the change that may or may not be aware to all of us on December 21st. But for the record, until we learn to love even those who hate us, the world is going to have moments that stops our collective heartbeat. We are going to have to stand in front of a tv at work and try to wrap our brain around some hateful act as long as we allow hate to exist. Anger is temporary. It is a human reaction to not accepting what is.

I have no answers as to how to stop this in our world. But I will look for them anyway.

Everything old is new again. Since man has walked the earth there are stories that tell of how he has used music, sounds and instruments to communicate, celebrate and commune with each other. A new group of musician’s have discovered the calming attributes of music therapy specifically drums, gongs and other rhythmic instruments. Along with many other old practices, exercises and art forms local artists Kenny Kolter has been sharing his skills and talents with groups from all types of backgrounds and giving his audience much to feel relaxed and healed about.

Can you tell me a little about your background in sound therapy? He said “I’ve been playing drums & percussion since age nine, I turned fifty this past year so I guess I’ve had a romance with rhythm and sound for quite some time. I’ve always been attracted to music on a level of texture, color, feel and energy. Music has always to me represented an entire universe to explore, another language to learn, and through learning music of other cultures and eras it’s become a vehicle to learn aspects of myself. It’s all about vibration.”

He added “ As far as my background in sound therapy, I’ve been immersed in the school of doing, learning on the job, experimenting, listening and observing for 5 years pursuing this dream on a full time basis. I’ve been very fortunate to be one of a handful of sound practitioners worldwide to play the gong in traditional clinical settings. I had a contract with the State of Illinois for two years to provide sound therapy for patients at the state’s largest mental health facility in Elgin, Illinois. Primarily my sessions were held in the forensics treatment program to a wide variety of patients with a multitude of symptoms from diverse ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. I have an ongoing relationship with Cancer Treatment Centers of America where I facilitated weekly gong meditation or drum circle sessions for patients, staff, families, caregivers and anyone else who wanted to attend.”

Kenny plays a combination of gongs, drums and rattles, many which are the same instruments that shamanic cultures from all over the world have used for centuries. “The more I learn and grow in my work, the more I realize that this approach is really a very old technology” he shared. The primary instrument is a Paiste 30 inch Platonic Year Earth Gong, it’s tuned approximately to 172 hertz – this is the frequency that the Earth rotates in our solar system.

This is a wonderfully expressive instrument and when played with sensitivity it can create an entire world of sonic possibilities. Attendees over the years have shared that they hear all sorts of unique sounds emanating from it – from whales, to flutes, to thunderstorms, to violins, to didgeridoos, to waves crashing on the beach.

He combines playing the gong and drums/rattles together creating a trance like effect that helps people to relax-meditate incorporating simple rhythmic structures and the broad expansive sound of the gong.

He added that he does not have any data personally from the sessions he has led, but there are some great resources out there, here’s just one:

“Sound affects healing in several ways: It alters cellular functions and biological systems through entrainment, to function more homeostatic ally; it calms the mind and the body; affects the emotions, which influence neurotransmitters and neuropeptides, which in turn regulate the immune system” the healer within.”

– Mitchell Gaynor, M.D., Medical Oncologist, Director of Medical Oncology and Integrative Medicine. Strang-Cornell Cancer Prevention Center, New York Hospital, author of "Sounds of Healing"

Kenny shared that he has facilitated over six hundred and seventy five gong meditation sessions at yoga studios, churches, hospitals, holistic centers, schools, chiropractic care centers, universities and medical conferences.

Everyone that we visited with about this amazing event had a positive experience and planning to attend another session.

A local Burleson resident who helped to plan this event as well as another where a group traveled to Kenny’s location had this to share.

Coralee Flug, Social Media Architect and gong enthusiasts shared “I will never forget meeting Kenny, I was at a networking event downtown Ft.Worth and he was told to come over and introduce himself to me. After a short conversation, I was completely intrigued with what he did and there was just something telling me this was not the last time we would meet.”

The first event that Coralee participated in was when Kenny planned a special event when his friend Nancy May yoga instructor was in town from Chicago. She invited some of her friends laughing and saying “ my friends are crazy enough to come along with me to try it.”

Although this type of musical event is not common to our area, none of those who attended felt like they were crazy for attending. They all just felt gratitude for being introduced to this art and musical led meditation.

Now having attended several of the events Coralee added “ Each time I experience something different. It is very hard for me to just turn off my brain aka my squirrels or even to sit still. Kenny and his gong just have a way of slowing it all down.” Most everyone who stays to visit after the events shares that it was relaxing and/or energizing, each person’s experience is unique.

If you are local to Burleson TX, you can attend one of the many events Kenny performs in the DFW metroplex. The next Burelson Event will be at D’Vine Wine at 114 South Main Street, Burleson, TX 76028. You can call manager of Burleson D'Vine, Karrie Grundy at (817) 744-7595 to get more information. Space is limited so if you are sure you would like to attend you can also rsvp by going to facebook event, the fee for this event is $25 but price varies according to event and venue.

When we asked about others experiences, Kenny shared the following:

Several years ago after a session in a woman shared that she thought she had an orgasm during the gong meditation. Everybody laughed and I had no idea what to say. Fortunately the yoga studio owner shared her experience, which was similar but different and very personal. Well this opened the floodgates and several other people shared some powerful insights they experienced. I never know what will transpire during the questions/sharing part of the evening - sometimes folks stay and we talk for half an hour or more & sometimes nobody says anything cause they are really in an altered state.

The other day at one of the gong sessions a woman shared her experience during meditation: She said that she has been going through a very trying time in her life ( I will not go into the details as it is a private matter ). Her Father passed away several months ago as well and during this difficult time she has been unable to hear her Father's voice, disconnected from his presence. During the gong session she was able to quiet her mind and get to a very peaceful state and out of nowhere she could hear her Father's voice again. Through her tears she found some joy.

This is why I do this work - I am humbled & blessed to play a small role in providing a backdrop for people to have experiences like this.

Kenny is from Illinois and still travels back each year to perform a "tour" of events for many of his followers, and the events are often sold out. It is an amazing experience that so many folks enjoy.

For more information about Kenny and his gong meditation visit http://gongmeditation.com or on facebook www.facebook.com/gong.meditation.7

Other local events include:

Dec. 14th - 6:30pm The Dallas Yoga Center 4525 Lemmon Avenue, Ste. 305 Ph. 214-443-9642

Dec. 15th 7:00pm- The Dallas Meditation Center 727 S. Floyd Rd. Richardson, TX 75080 Ph. 972-432-7871

Making gratitude a daily to-do was a great idea....

"Ok...it is the month of THANKSGIVING---I work on my gratitude all year long, but I love having a month that makes me think about what I am thankful for and share it with others.

Day 1-I am grateful for my friends. Their love, kindness and their example of how they live and who they are reminds me everyday that there are great people in the world who care about others and me!"


Gratitude Day 2&3---today i am grateful for people who have come into my life to teach me to be a better me. Those who see me as the person I can someday be, some who see the real me and some who just like me no matter what me i am. I am grateful also for those who have gone, because while they were here and in their leaving their lessons were many and I learned them all. Saying goodbye can sometimes be a good thing.

I am also grateful for self love. I have learned through many trials how to appreciate myself even when those who don't try to kick my while I am down. I have learned to smile when I want to cry, and have learned that feelings are but a way to see the things that need to stay(good feelings) and the things that need to go(bringing the bad emotions to surface). I have learned that caring for me is always the best way to get the most out of this life...and I am learning more and more everyday how to do that better.

"Gratitude Day 4-Today I am grateful for my kids. We did not always have the easiest time while we were growing up together, but each day as I see them face their lives with grace, honesty, kindness and determination, I get a sense that I might have done a few things right. To know that I somehow had the privilege to have something to do with their being a part of this world and the joy to be a part of their lives makes all the bad just disappear. Today I am grateful to know 5 of the most amazing people in the world and they all call me MOM, well except Matt...he insists on calling me Pam...but thats ok!!"


"Day 5-Today I am grateful for people who are thoughtful and replace the empty roll of tp. I am also grateful for those who are not as thoughtful, because they make me careful to always not be that person who does that to the next occupant!"

Day 6-I am grateful for a home--a place where I am loved, comfortable and at peace."

Day 7---
Ok...today i am grateful for yesterday. I was able to have a nice lunch with a friend, my sil is helping with some much needed auto repairs, got lots done at work, and had time with my grands at story time!

Not sure what I will be grateful for today....but yesterday was nice!

"Day 8---a little late :-) I am grateful for an amazing community that continues to show me that I was not only right when I said I wanted to move home, but always keeps me grateful for all we do for our neighbors. I have a few that are challenged by the next hurdle in their lives, but I know that this community that we share will rally around them and assist as they make the transition. I love my little Johnson County...and all those who share it with me!


"Day 9-Today I am grateful for meaningful work and a company that supports me being involved in the community and for all those who embrace what we do and support it gives us. Last night the Cleburne Quarter Auction-the chosen charity and having the opportunity to participate in the Transition Fair on Saturday at Cleburne ISD and being one of the selected charities at the Burleson Wine Crawl. Each of these opportunities is also a community event where my clients are not only welcome but encouraged to participate. Also thrilled last night at the auction we met some people who may purchase some of our holiday baskets which means more work for our folks!!"

Day 10---WOW--Im not even sure where to start--Opportunities for COI-New friends-oh heck this is going to take all night--Im tired so here it is in shorthand--If I saw your face, hugged your neck, helped you carry trash, watched you turn into a BEE, told you about COI, thanked you for bringing me a check, if you helped me wrap a prize, or if I picked you up or dropped you off, thanked you for fixing my brakes, brought you a glass of water, or shared a few smiles, laughs and food with you, THANK YOU for giving me a magical-opportunity-filled-16-hour-long day--YOU are what I am grateful for

Day 11--I love living and sharing an inspired life. Sharing every inspiration assures that some how it will be brought to life!

Day 12-OPPORTUNITIES! Over the last several weeks I have been invited to do some of the most amazing things and I am still smiling. I have some more great events, planning, extra work and exciting things coming up in 2013. I am beyond grateful for all aspects of my life...and the people who invite me to participate in all the fun

Day 13-I think I might have already posted a gratitude moment, but then I had a day in-between then and now. I am grateful for sincere compliments, people of like minds and honesty above all. I was given words of encouragement, praise and compliments by several people today. It is such a great thing to be a part of a community where others appreciate your efforts, have nice things to say behind your back and to your face and who can always see the better in me even when I can't find it at all. And at the end of my day, knowing that those I share time with will always be honest, makes life peaceful and drama free...that feeling is worth so much

Day 14-Today I am grateful for flexibility, being able to go with the flow when things change, schedules gets bent or life just happens to take my fast lane to a slow one. Learning this wonderful trait means that I not only don't have as much stress as I used to, it also means that I know no matter where I am or what is happening, it is all as it should be. Being flexible also means that I don't break when life pushes me around. I know when opportunities present themselves, I can go with what is in front of me instead of sticking to what I had "planned" and it always means more fun and smiles!

Day 15-Today I am grateful for being able to be a mom who always tried to give my kids what they needed over what they wanted. I see so many kids today who are so lost because the foundations of respect, rules and hard work were left off the agenda by their parents. I was not my kids favorite person when rules were broken, but today I have a great relationship with my adult children...and I have heard more than once they appreciated the lessons and tough parenting.

Day 16-- I am grateful for calm moments. With all the upside down moments of the last few weeks, tonight the drive to Granbury to get Matt and then the drive home was calm and comforting. I am grateful for all those moments that help me appreciate when the calm arrives. I appreciate all those who help me find fun and allow me to forget the crazy parts of this life I love. Today I am grateful for calm.


Day 17-I am reminded that when life takes unexpected turns and takes loved ones away too soon, I am grateful for those who share their words of prayer and peace. I am also grateful to know about families in the midst of their grief will also seek to do the most good by donating organs to those whose life depend on them. Praying for peace for those who have lost too much and given the gift of life all in the same painful moments.

Day 18-today I am grateful for time with my Austin kids-their humor, ability to make so many moments mucho fun and far removed from the everyday--I am blessed by my mom life!!

Day 19-Today I am grateful for pain. It's not really on our agenda to say goodbye, to lose someone too early but when it happens there are messages in the process that make me think how blessed I am to feel this pain...because the absence of someone special in my life for so many years is now suddenly gone, today I am grateful for pain.

Day 20---I am grateful to read about others gratitude. It reminds me of so many more things I have to be grateful for. I have read about a friend finding something dear of her mothers as she was missing her not being a part of some events and holidays, how some are grateful for serendipity(also one of my favorite happenings), a mom who is grateful for nap time, another grateful for their job, sunshine, supportive spouse and family. We are so very blessed in this life and I love reading about your gratitude.

Day 21---Today I am grateful for the "new normal".  For several years and even occasionally I still long for the good old days.  When our family holidays were large gatherings of much food, relatives we only saw once a year and Dallas Cowboys football on tv.  Our new normal consists of less concern over the food, more about hugging all those we love and most importantly sharing what we are grateful for.  I am grateful for my good old now days and all those who keep a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.  You are a part of my new normal celebrations and day to day.

Day#22---Today I am grateful for all the people I will get to hug, the food that I will try not to eat too much of, and the things that made me smile yesterday. The goofy gas pump that acted up while I was getting gas, so I was able to talk to my favorite cashier two extra times. The not too busy grocery store that had everything that I needed. The two wonderful friends I had not seen in forever who came and hugged me while shopping, especially the one who surprised me from behind. The invites to lunch, the sharing of stories, the time catching up all made me grateful for those special moments. The sharing of laughs with work friends that put a nice cap on the end of our work week. The wonderful Happy Thanksgiving messages, the nice weather when I walked my dogs and Words with friends-- friends who are kicking my butt with some great words!! I will manage to see all my kids for Thanksgiving, both my grands and a few extras. I wish each of you a wonderful time and sharing of those things you appreciate. I am grateful for the little things...because they make up the majority of moments that make my life so beautiful ! HAPPY THANKS-GIVING!!


Day 23---I am grateful for my little Ford--it has been a safe-reliable-and comfy friend as I have traveled many miles this year. Many trips to Granbury to grab my kiddo, miles to Austin and back to see the soco neighbors, and miles and miles and miles all over Johnson County for work when there were no company cars available---oh and grateful for cruise control too!!

Day 24---I was so busy taking a nap, playing with grands or just enjoying a day off from everything that I forgot to say what I was grateful for today--so what I just said!!

Day 25--today I am grateful for lessons learned, the ability to understand my feelings and patience to wait for what is better, next and for me. I acknowledge the less than, lonely and sad feelings and know that this too shall pass. I am grateful to be me!

Day 26---Today I am grateful for yes, saying it, feeling it and knowing that being a yes man is way more fun than a "Im not sure" guy...When life gives you opportunities--sometimes you just need to say YES!!

Day 27---Today I am grateful for humor, the ability to see the funny in the situations of life which can bring everyone a smile. I love those friends who share their wit in my life and add humor to my days. It was just last night when sitting with some of my kids and the things that we were laughing about were silly, lighthearted and made the end of day funny ever after. Learning that I do not always have to be serious, that no matter the situation I can find a reason to smile and enjoying the gift of laughter has me saying thank you to those who bring the funny!

Day 28---I am grateful for the volunteers, supporters, others who I serve on boards with, employees of other nonprofits and people in my community who care and support others who are struggling with challenges. We have the most amazing philanthropic citizens who give beyond what we could ever expect. Today while visiting with the United Way Board, getting the final numbers for this years campaign and seeing all the names of those who are giving to support our community, I am so humbled and grateful for those I call my Johnson County neighbors. The committees who is working on the System of Care, Green Book, Resource Network sharing information and resources and help! Thanks to Rebecca and her desire to solve a problem, and those who have already said yes--as we start a new project. If you are a part of those who are giving...thank you, if you aren't sure how but you want to, call me...if you are looking to donate, I have suggestions!! Thankful, grateful and blessed by those who give and give in my community.

Day 29---Today I am grateful for positivity. Knowing that the silver linings are always there, that faith dictates I should trust in the lessons and remembering that you only attract to your life that which you are--I seek to be positive-see the good-share in optimism and enjoy my glass half full of everything!

Day #30---Today I am grateful for this month of gratitude.  They say it takes at least three weeks to create a new habit and while I have been working on recognizing and appreciating all things in my life for a few years, setting a goal to document and share my blessings daily has been a wonderful step towards making it a daily habit and a great idea.  I am grateful too for all those who shared, and all those who made comments about my sharing...knowing that others appreciate what one writes is such a wonderful reinforcement and confidence builder.  So I am GREAT-FULL for my month of gratitude and blessed by each of you!

A month of gratitude can be tricky.

As I share day by day the many things I realize I am grateful for, I have been smiling because it has been so many days of great things. Special gifts from friends, anonymous letters of appreciation, special time and moments with my kids and as always those precious moments with my grand-babies.

Day after day I realize how blessed I am in this life. How many people share words of kindness, and countless invites to be involved in so much fun as well as opportunities to serve the clients of COI and serve my community. It is pretty amazing life I live. But over the last couple of weeks, I have found myself struggling some days to be grateful. It is never easy to understand death, and even harder when the person who has left our lives has meant so much to our story. Well to be honest it seems like most of the time everyone means something to my story. I have so many great people all around my life. Some I know well, some I am still getting to know and some no matter how often I see them, they are a blessing to my day. It is in the knowing that they are there that is the comfort during a rough patch.

There are no easy ways to say goodbye and it seems like the older I get the harder it gets to be. Today was a funeral for a dear person. She was way too young, but I was reminded how she lived her life. The pastor eulogizing her life said the most amazing thing, he said that she had already written her eulogy, on all of our lives. She had reached out in service always, never had a bad word to say about anybody and gave with all her heart and smiles. I can still remember being in her home at Christmas and how her house was like a Christmas cottage. I asked her how long it took to decorate every corner of her home, she simply said awhile, but that she loved doing it and sharing moments in her house with her friends. I didn't know until later that she had been a Christmas baby, but when I learned it, I just smiled.

She not only was born on Christmas, she was the human embodiment of the Christmas spirit. Her joy came in finding ways to give and give she did.

As I listened to others who knew her also, I realized we all had the same story. We knew the real Sandy, the person who got joy from giving it away. It's sad as I sit here and try to remember if I told her how much she meant to me. How the conversations that we had had about rough patches in our life had helped me to let go of being angry and see change as something that was all a part of life? Had I told her that I loved her, and that I wished one day to be more like her? Was there an opportunity to tell her that I loved her that might have slipped by? I hope not, I hope as she has made her transition that she knows a community is grieving the loss of her presence and celebrating the gift of her life. She gave us many years, smiles and moments of fun. She gave us all a part of her, and that is something no one that ever got to know her will ever forget, I know I won't. I still want her to be here, but I am learning to let her go.

I also know so many others who are grieving as well. So much loss that it is hard to grasp it and maintain a smile. A young mother I didn't know tragically gone without any warning. An old high school friend/neighbor again without any forewarning. So many friends who have lost someone close to them over the last few months...I can barely understand the losses. A niece, a mom, a sister, or a friend still brings to mind those things I should be grateful for, but it's so hard.

It's the month of Thanksgiving, and being grateful for all things is not always the easiest thing to do. But I am reminded as I type this that being grateful for those who have left is a tribute to their memory. I understand that we don't know how long we have to be a part of this story, but as we fill in the pages of our history, by loving others, forgiving some and appreciating all who have come to be a part of it, we do everyone an honor, and learn that even being grateful because we miss someone who has left is still a great example of thanksgiving.

As my favorite author Dr. Suess said 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' And today I smile because someone like Sandy happened to my life.

The only thing we have to fear is ---well you know how it goes.

It's a pretty famous quote...from a pretty famous guy, and most of us have heard it over and over again through our lives. I will soon pass the half century mark, and I am not afraid--no "really" I am not living in fear of anything.

Several years ago I was blessed to have the opportunity to meet my mentor and life coach Tim. We started our relationship in an unconventional way, and ended it that way as well.

Ours was a relationship that survived long distance, thanks to very frequent online chats, lengthy email messages and the all wonderful cell phone. For well over 13 years he listened, guided and loved me in all my imperfection. He shared with me stories that not only moved me forward but taught me how to lose my fear.

I used to be afraid of everything. Afraid of being alone, afraid of not being liked, afraid of being afraid. I didn't know that it was a choice, or at the very least a very weird habit. You see for so long I had focused on all the negatives and accepted that I was being punished or given the bad stuff because I was not good enough for good. I had a perception of a punishing God that did not see me as worthy of any real happiness. He had after all given me a relationship that was not at all what I had hoped, given me life experiences that were pain filled, and had person after person leave my life and allowed me to feel abandoned over and over again.

I was so busy blaming the almighty, the husband, the ex-boss or the lady in line in front of me at the supermarket that I was convinced I was the victim of a very horrible joke.

There were many people along the path who had tried to wake me up, kick me out of my self-centered misery, or who had simply given up and quit answering my calls. I had no understanding that life was not one big drama that we were supposed to try and survive.

To say that I was a talented and drama filled drama queen would be a huge understatement. Even still through all those ups and downs there were a few who stood by me and never let me give up...although there were many times I wanted to.

Tim's timing and tenacity in my life was a blessing. I began through our many connections to understand that my life was exactly what I was accepting and acknowledging to be.

He worked by guiding me to new ways of seeing my life, building a great gratitude list, gifting me so many new exercises in living outside of the drama-cane that it had become. He shared insight, inspiration and intuitions. He gave me an understanding of self that I had somehow missed the first time I grew up. He allowed me moments of hysterics so I could find a way to calm myself. He lead me through the emotional turmoil of emotion based living to find a place of spiritual peace. He taught me to love me, and in my opinion he gave me a second chance at life. Only this time I was working to create it the way I wanted it to be, not the way I was fearing that it was.

He showed me that fear is but an emotion, and like all the others was meant only to be a signal light of where we are. A stop sign of sorts to spend a few minutes to see where the feelings are coming from, and then taking steps to feel and then dismiss them.

Those feelings like fear, or those that are fear based-jealousy, rage, contempt, hatred, bigotry are all based on a feeling of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that someone will get what we want, fear that some thing is going to get the better of us or fear of someone who is different. Fear is not real, it is a creation of the ego originally meant to keep us safe from harm, or predators. But we have associated it with so much more in our modern lives, and most associations should never entice fear to even start, but they do.

Once I began to get my fear based emotions in check, and learned to stop and breathe and acknowledge fear every time I FELT it, I began to understand how to work past the fear and then let it go. Life has been pretty amazing ever since.

I love that I got to learn this before I had lived most of my 50 years in fear based fog. I appreciate so much being able to regain my self and to find joy in all moments. I value so much that I no longer contemplate life ending, because I am to busy saying yes to the opportunities and enjoying all that I create. I alone am responsible for my life. I make the choices that lead me to my happiness, allow me to experience the joys and appreciate all that I have the opportunity to be a part of. I am no longer envious or afraid of others because I understand that we were all created to live our own live, reminding myself that the only person I compete with is the self of yesterday. My only competition is to try and do more, share extras, and count my friends and blessings.

Today while reading someone's sharing on facebook, I had an AHA moment. It was this realization that I longer live in fear. Their story was how a person they were helping was getting ready to say goodbye to their spouse of 51+ years. Her words to the person feeling the grief, were poetic. A gift of peace that acknowledged all that the couple had shared. It would have been normal for her to feel fear, but instead she was looking at all the gifts and relying on her faith to accept the untimely timing of the next phase of their lives. Hers to continue on and his to be at its ending. She was in acceptance of all that it was and will be. An acceptance that no matter how long we get to have this human experience, not having it at all would be the only real tragedy. I have no way of knowing if I have 50 more years, or just 50 more minutes, but I am more than sure I won't spend any of those worrying about what might happen. I hope you find a way to one day understand that there is nothing to fear...and everything to appreciate, even the ending is worth the ride.

Being a part of a LOVE story, makes love a part of my STORY...

So many know from reading my blog~erapy that there was a LOVE story that ended. To say that I am no longer sad would be pretty accurate, because through my heart ache I have learned so much about letting go of those things that don't work for me. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to make what we find work instead of finding what works for us to be made. It's an old habit that dies hard, but when it's buried life can renew itself as often as we are ready to let go of what is holding us back.

The opportunities come daily now to be involved in others love stories success journeys and spectacular fun. Another side effect of taking the bad medicine out to allow peace, joy and sunshine find you, is you become more you.

The latest opportunity was steeped in as much unconventional joy as any I have ever been a part of. It started several years ago with a "knowship" growing into a "friendship" that now is more like a "kinship". We are not related by blood or marriage, but more by the happenings like divorce, broken friendships and undoing damage caused by those who we allowed to take up more space than we should have. But stopping myself there to not should on myself will help me to remember that all things, good, bad, ugly or indifferent can still serve to help me smile because I learned what it was that that situation came to teach me. It also means that once the lesson is learned, the space is created for the next better thing to come. Of course I am speaking of my friend Kerry. She is one of those friends to me that exemplifies understanding. She has a huge sense of justice and of what is right and wrong. She also has a huge heart and will give more than she should, but never takes more than enough of any part she plays. She is just fair...to a fault. I like her because she sees me...even the parts that I try so hard to hide from others, she still gets and calls me on it often.

Through the last few years our kinship was strengthened more by what we were surviving than what we were doing...and you can say the "D" word here...but we will leave it unsaid. Neither trip was pretty...but the landing spot not too shabby!

So this background brings us to a few months ago. And while I am still waiting on my next love story, Kerry found hers pretty soon after leaving the last "unhappily ever after". Her Knight Mike, is more like a regular guy in a pickup than a warrior on a white horse, but he fights for her just as gallantly as any hero in a fairy tale. He is good people. Not perfect, and there are mistakes...but all the does now to be good to her and better to her kids, far outweighs any issue I could ever be told. After all if we were perfect what would be the point in all this anyway?

The question was popped...and I was a part of that surprise as well as playing along here and there in the story. I was so excited...and beyond thrilled for them both, because their love story is about getting past the BAD--sometimes really really bad to find the good. So earlier this year I get a phone call, and my friend in her unconventional wisdom asked me to do something that not only was never on my bucket list...it was never on any list. She asked me to officiate their wedding. To say that I was flattered would be a huge understatement...but since my newest philosophy of saying yes to as many opportunities as I can is firmly in place...of course I said yes.

Now I don't want you to think that I just said..oh yeah I can so do this and do it well. Panic mode set in about 50 different times because it occurred to me that you can seriously mess us someones day by saying the wrong thing...but to say the wrong thing on their special day, well that's just beyond too important to say fail and be ok with it.

I started writing the wedding speech about 16 different times. Until one day I just decided to write about them. Not about what I thought marriage meant, or what society tells it should mean but from inside their love story what it means to them. I had it written and tweaked it several times before finally getting the nerve to share it with the bride to be. And she was the only one that heard it before the big day.

So what I wrote is what follows...and to make it flow as if you were there, the vows they wrote for each other are included(in italics). But I have to add this...it was only after hearing her humorous but so accurate vows to each other that I knew I had written it just right.

The ceremony went as follows...the usually processional to a beautiful little garden spot with Kerry and Mikes friends, a few family and all those wonderful his and hers kids collection--spectacular, and I said---

First I want to say hello to everyone joining Kerry and Mike as they celebrate their decision to be together.

Many times in life we hear things like happily ever after, made for each other, match made in heaven or the perfect couple. Even at times we compare love stores to fairy tales..and while it always makes me smile and think of a pretty picture of life, sometimes it just aint real.

Real people make mistakes, get divorces, get mad and get even. Real people lose their jobs, have fights and have to start over.
Real people also believe in second chances, setting boundaries and loving unconditionally.

I'm not sure about any of you…but most fairly tales are kinda scary…just think of the big bad wolf. And more than one of the perfect couples I have known are no longer together.

We are not here to talk about stories or fairy tales or even happily ever after, we are here to talk about love, commitment, and getting even more real. Real people who refuse to let the tough moments in life keep them from knowing that there is always more good, and that even through the bad we find the better.

Real people who will always start over, the get past the bad and find their smile. Great people who always help others, go back to work and love their kids.
Real people who believe in second, third or even more chances to get it right. They fight with the understanding of what they are fighting for. They are even ready to give others chances to get it right or to take chances to make it so.

Two of the most real people I have ever known in my life have asked us all here today as they accept the other and smile at their chance to get it right.
I hope that each of you know that they love you and have asked you and I to share in this moment of celebration as they speak their vows to each other and we witness their joy in this new beginning.

[At this point Mike reads his wonderful little speech to Kerry...and I do not have a copy of it...but it was heartfelt and beautiful-maybe we can add it later]

Kerry's reply to Mike

Whenever I think about the night we met, it always makes my heart smile. Not a normal smile, but one that reaches down to my heart. I had decided that I was content to be alone and then there you were. Now I cannot imagine my life without you. You are everything I ever hoped to find in a a man, strong yet gentle, kind but firm, loving and romantic, smart but goofy, hard working and fun, committed and spontaneous. No one is ever perfect but you are perfect for me. You are all that i need, and to you I give my soul to keep. You see me, love me just the way i am. For you I am a better woman.

Vows to Kerry-
"Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with flatulence and snoring and relinquish the remote 'til death do you part?"

She said "I do".

Vows to Mike-
"You have the right to remain silent anything you say may and probably will be held against you the rest of your life. You have the right to the last 2 words in every discussion as long as those words are "Yes Dear", do you understand these rights as they have been explained to you?"

He said "I do".

I have one more thing to add--I will ask of you to support them as they take one more step on their journey. They have decided to go forward from here as a couple. Two people who will fight with each other if they believe they are right, but never doubt the strength they have as they fight beside each other. Standing against any who would disrupt what they are building, keeping their kids healthy and their world sane.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride.

How could anything be more perfect? It is a very special memory for me...and it means the world that I was asked to be a part of their day. I love too how many people said it was perfect. Perfection on a wedding day is pretty rare...but if they say we got it...I choose to believe them.

Lessons I remember...from not so long ago...

I see progress, I see growth, I see a happier more well adjusted me. I see that my steps to grow past pain and hurt were not only the right steps for me, they were what I needed to get where I am going. It's hard to admit when someone, something, some job that you love is holding you back. The hangup that you have for moving past it takes you out of commission, even though you are still very busy getting things done. It blinds you to the tears and sadness you feel becuase the busy work ties up your hands with the day to day grind. I love reading back through my blog~erapy. I love knowing that all those nights when I was upset and could not find the words, my fingers could not only find them but they left them for me to see later. I appreciate so much that I have grown past the point where I see good bye to anything as a bad thing. Life is not about getting to a place for me anymore. It is about appreciating each second and understanding that the growing pains are as much a part of who I am to become as the smiles, fun and joy. I don't really have alot of lessons these days. I seem to glide through one rough patch right up to the next, fully aware that the decisions I make for myself will not only be right on, the ones from the past have been also. No matter whether I was deciding to let someone else decide or choosing to let hurts build and hurt me...it was all what I had to tackle to get to here. I also love recognizing the lessons when they show up for others. While they only serve as a reminder to me...I see how hard some struggle with the way life really works. So here a few of the biggies, that are zipping around my reality... GOSSIP~we are all guilty, it's kind of like one of those human traits that really is tough to understand. I tend to think it was a tool learned to share information, especially before the written word...and way before blogging. Sharing information has some how gotten a bit sidetracked though if it's landing in the gossip column. In Webster's it is both a noun and verb, but for our purposes we are going to tackle the verb first. "Gossip" the sharing of intimate deatails about someone. Ok...that in itself does not really explain what it is I am getting at...so lets say it like this. You know something about someone--you yourself only know it as second hand knowledge. In other words, you heard it from someone and you can neither prove it to be fact or even discern the origin of the information. Now here comes the tricky part---if the information is hurtful, maybe untrue, or even better none of your damn business...but you share it anyway, you have just renamed yourself the noun--GOSSIP.

I love this quote... "Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?" – Sri Sathya Sai Baba Now I am not here to tell you that I am innocent...like I said before I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. But recently I saw the ugly face of gossip and I witnessed the most heroic act of putting it to bed. Call the person it was about. Now it goes without saying that the person who repeated the illfated information was not at all happy about the sharing of information with the person it was aimed at, but honestly I thought it was the gutsiest move I have seen in like forever. I hate gossip, hearing it, believing it, sharing it...I have learned the hard way to turn the other cheek and deafen the my ears to it. I am honestly telling you that when the whole situation came to light....the gossip was not true. It simply was something that was hurtful and perpetuated by a long standing rivalry. Why the two at the center of the storm are involved I can't for sure tell you. I am pretty sure that at some point or another someone got their feelings hurt. Please don't get me wrong I am not here to judge whether the pain is unfounded or even warranted. But I can tell you this....for those who are still hanging on to it...um might be time to find a new hobby. But the person who is upset now, really has no reason to be. Regardless of why you were sharing the "gossip" it was not true. Whether you like the person or you don't, it was not true. It is completely irrelavant on all fronts because you were wrong to share something that you only "heard" someone say, AND IT WAS NOT TRUE---this makes you WRONG---- period. I have also learned to hear not only the words people say but to feel the intent behind them. This little skill has paid me well. I can feel when someone is a little off center, when their words ring hollow and when I should not invest my heart, time or energy into the conversation or the person. I do not say that in judgement...only as it pertains to fact. It is a fact that someone who is not convicted in the story that they tell because they know it to be true, will stretch their words to create what is is their mind wishes to see. Think about how at anytime an innocent hug, a friendly kiss or any other action that you shared in the best of intentions was twisted to something dirty, innappropriate or wrong. How did that feel? I recently had a conversation with a very special person...I like this human beyond reason...because I have never seen an action, decision or choice be anything but something to bring smiles. This person shared with me that the "GOSSIPS" about town had started stories that were hurtful, slanderous and untrue. Now, here is where the tough part comes in...I participated in one of those conversations myself...I will not defend what I did---and I did know it was not a good thing to do. Now as I write this I know that an apology is owed and will be delivered...because I too was involved in the gossip. I did not verify the story before I shared it with someone else. I am ashamed...but I learned my lesson...and can promise you it won't happen again. Because now I know--first it wasn't necessary...and well could not pass any part of the test above. Now that we have tackled the G-word, the next one is LIAR. Definition -please--: a person who tells lies. So---it was innocent enough, I had been involved in an online conversation. One that did not exactly have all the information needed to decide what steps to follow. After I followed up and found out about the missing information I received, I decided I needed to clarify my guidelines and made a very polite, private request for future reference. I did not call the person out, create any drama--well not intentionally anyway. I simply said what I said and did what I did. End of story--right? I mean really we all have the right, responsibility and reason to ask for that which we need, expect and desire out of our personal, professional and public relationships...RIGHT? Well aparently that is only if you are dealing with someone...or the someones who come to the table with honesty in their pocket as well. I have often shared in my blog~erapy and in LIFE that I don't always believe that first impressions are always right...but dang it sometimes they ring true. I have also said that I do not hold grudges, but if you show yourself to be a practicer of certain behaviors, I will forgive and forget that we have anything to talk about. Especially if what you shared was a lie, directed at me. Now this is where it gets really interesting...the same call it out and like it is person, is also the one that called bull - shine on this one too. She was confronted, defended me and then got to the bottom of it all with me involved. I HEART her! So, in this one little two act play, I not only found out I was right about one person, but I also discovered a truth about another...oh and heres a bit of interesting info for you, this person is involved in the gossip story too! Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. “The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw So now I can do one of two things, or do nothing, but nothing I do will take away from the fact that I know there have been lies told and feelings hurt. And to be as blunt as I can...none of it served any real purpose, other than the original intent of those involved to hurt others. That part they did pretty good. JUDGE-to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially: to form a negative opinion about

So, if you feel like you are ready to move past the past...here is what worked for me.

OK---working towards improvement means that the only job you have is to find the best feeling you can at any given moment. Sometimes that is baby steps, but it can be done. For example, if you are sad first acknowledge the feeling, but then follow it with the thought, but I am going to feel better. OR-I bet that this feeling is not the worst anyone has ever felt. OR-I can find a few things to feel better about. OR-I know I have wonderful friends who love and adore and support me and I am going to choose to feel better...even if it is just for a minute at a time.

So today, everytime you feel like your are being sucked down the drain of fear, regret or any other negative feeling--STOP! Look for one good feeling thought. Just one, that is easy, that you can think about every time you have STOP moment and you can smile when it takes over the space in your brain that is trying to keep you stuck in what is already gone. Then comment tomorrow and let me know if it helped!

We are all working towards improvement!

Navigating the next chapters in life

The angry I want to share my stuff with the world posts are long since gone. They have not even been something I have wanted to reread much here lately, because it seems as though that part of my life was a book that I have closed. If you were not a reader of the first pages of Blogging that happened on this blog or the first one, you may have no clue about how all this writing came about, but it was in reaction to the last time someone tried to silence me. To keep me from talking about the injustice I felt being a vicitim of their so wrong and mean actions. I spoke up for myself, and in one moment turned my life in a direction that has been nothing short of spectacular since.

I learned many lessons, and understand so much more of the path, decisions and missteps that lead me to that moment of change. I don't have to relive it anymore, because I know I don't ever have to go that route again.

But learning to navigate this new direction, adding the new chapters well thats just been pure fun.

I don't worry much about making people angry anymore. Seldom ever question my decisions. And most importantly understand that the fear that someone might not like me is not only irrational, it has nothing to do with any aspect of real life.

I also remember several years ago when I found myself in a networking group, reaching out to business owners about my agency, and how ill prepared I was for the "Im in a room of people I don't know terror". I don't really remember being afraid, but I must have had the deer in the headlight look, because the facilitator of that meeting came over and introduced herself. She said "Hi, I'm Tamara, what's your name?" That lead to a very short conversation where I think I told her I was new to my job, new to networking and a little nervous about what I was supposed to do. This amazing and so confident new friend stepped right up gave me some amazing words of encouragement and I never looked back. I have always remembered the impact she made on my life...how she made me feel so different about people I didn't know, but mostly how she made me feel different about myself.

So often I hear people express their fear of being in that very situation and how they cannot do it, or how they handle it badly. And I wish so often that I could be the one that not only would say something as encouraging as my friend Tam did, but also that they would hear it and receive it so it could be the change for them that she made for me that day.

I won't tell you that at some moments of my life I may still feel that twinge of fear as I walk into a new group, almost completely sure that I won't know a single person in the room. But if I do it is momentary and it is soon replaced by a stack of new cards, or notes with facebook ads or fast and furious additions on my cell phone.

I don't remember word for word what she said that day...but I got the message. So here goes...and after you read this you can never again use these phrases--it is forbidden and you are at the moment in your life where it will change for you.

1) I don't know anyone they are all strangers.
NEW THOUGHT~I came into this world not knowing a soul...even my mom was a stranger. Along my path there have been friends, best friends, family, acquaintances, and the UGH catagory of people. But a stranger is only someone who hasn't been given the chance to be a friend yet. That's all--we could even give these people we don't know a new title...so we can move past the connotation of "STRANGER" danger. So here goes...my word for people I don't know yet is pre-friend. Now you pick yours. Take the word stranger out of your vocabulary forever.

2) I feel fear when I am in those situations.
NEW THOUGHT~Feelings are not facts. Usually more often than not they are a cellular memory of some other moment in our lives that relates to the thoughts we are thinking about our current situation. But that moment and this have absolutely nothing to do with each other. So we need to walk into new situations with a disconnect from the past. Nothing bad has ever happened, this is totally new experience, and I am going to gain something out of each activity that I invest in. I am going to learn something from at least one person in this room. I am going to be able to help one or more of them too. I am going to go home with at least one new friend to add on facebook or on my cell texting list. I am going to try to smile, laugh and share a bit of myself so that this opportunity in my life becomes a memory and is a credit and not just a debit on my life account of minutes.

3) Someone here might not like me.
NEW THOUGHT~Ok, sorry but that's just dumb (speaking to me as well as you) Why would someone not like you? Why would it ever occur to me or you to even worry about that? Really? So what if they don't? Do you have people that for whatever reason you don't like? If so does it really bother them? If not how lucky are you?? You have learned to look and find something that you like in every person that you meet and you may have just outgrown your therapy and mine. We are all here because we are valued. We are all children of this universe and have a purpose, passion and possiblity of creating so much good in our lives and the lives of others. We are not anything less than a walking, talking, breathing miracle and it's time we see our selves as such. And if that is a hard leap, think about someone that you think is all of the above and ask them what they think of you.

4) What if I say something dumb.
NEW THOUGHT~Well this topic can go one of two ways. You can walk into a room and share something dumb so it is out of the way, or you can go up to your first pre-friend and say "I might say something dumb while we are talking, but please don't think bad of me---I can be somewhat goofy from time to time". From there talk about what matters, if it's a business related event...talk about what you love about your job, services or people you work with. Talk about how being employed with your company has changed you personally, whether its with confidence, awards or promotions. Don't worry that you are bragging, it't not bragging if it's true and everyone loves doing business with a company that builds up and encourages their employees. You are sharing how your company is not just about making money. If it's a personal event--ask questions about your newest pre-friend and see if you can get a glimpse of why you like the adventure you will share as you become better friends, close friends or even BFF's!!

5) What if I don't make any great connections, get new business or have fun?
NEW THOUGHT~How about we try to take the outcome expectations out of the thought process for a bit? So you are smart, you know that in your job, life or whatever you are out and about doing that people are going to be able to help, collaborate or participate in the next thing. It could be a sales event, fundraiser or party. Whatever it is, it will be what it is supposed to be. All you need to worry about is being present in your life, being real, and being able to say that when you wrote this check on your life account of minutes it was not a waste. Also we have come somewhat to believe in the drive-through society and we need to stop it. NOW!! Just because we can drive up and talk to a little box, tell it what we want, go to the next window and exchange a bit of our money for it, and have very little interaction with the human that cooked it, microed it, or even did something unmentionable to it...we have to stop thinking about every moment of our life is a three-to-fifteen minute drive thru experience. That's not to say that fast events, or quick unplanned connecting is not a good or God thing, we just need to quit thinking as if we need to have the burger at the end. Each moment that we invest in taking pre-friends to the next level we are making connections that may not pay off for years...but that does not mean they were a waste.

Ok--so there are 5 Old to New thought transitions. I challenge you to try one or all of the above. I also challenge you to challenge your fear of anything. You can do it with the "What't the worst that can happen" game. You can do it with "What am I really afraid of?" exercise. You can take all the pre-friends you find today and simply say hello or move them to the next level. But I ask you to think of one person in your life that you simply could not imagine living without. Think about how you feel when you talk to them, or cry on their shoulder or if you are the shoulder for them. What would your life be like had you never taken that pre-friend to the next level? What if that group of new pre-friends is holding someone just as wonderful as your best friend? I don't think you can ever have enough friends...because each of them brings something new, different or even challenging to your life. But it's the spending of those moments and the gathering of those experiences that make a life. It assures all of us that time shared is time well spent.

I cannot finish this without telling you one more thing. Just because someone made the transition from pre-friend to friend does not mean that they will always be there. Sometimes we outgrow our friends, sometimes they pick a direction or behavior that causes us distress. Sometimes it was just never a great match anyway. But all connections can add value...if nothing else giving us the opportunity to set valid boundaries and help us understand that pre-friend, to friend to un-friend can happen and it's not the end of the world. I also understand that sometimes I am going to have the opportunity to be a friend to someone who may or may not understand the value I put on my relationships. It may also be true that they don't see people or life in the same way as I do. It may also be that some of their actions become so disturbing that I remove them from direct access until I can be strong enough to help them, or they become wise enough not to abuse others I care about. I don't really like those opportunities to de-select, but I love the peace that follows. I don't diminish or devalue anyone, but they can choose if they are an asset or a liability in the lives they touch just as I can. I hope to always be an asset...but understand if you decide you don't see me as such. I hold all my friends in their place, but I also let them move away if they need to go out and find a path that does not cross mine. They may be traveling down drama drive, heartache alley or it's not fair avenue...and they won't see me in any of those places. And they won't see me in the cause damage in my life drive thru either. I am busy navigating the paths that lead to fun, sharing and taking friends to the next level. Becuase I am writing the checks on my life account...and I am spending my minutes wisely. Expending those that will have the most value, that will add to the rest of my life...not take away from what is already gone and was good about the past.

I love that I have a place where I can share my thoughts, and I appreciate more those who give feedback on the ramblings that are the result. I know I have talked much about the healing process for me from the life before, and I am grateful for each step I make forward...keeping in mind the old two steps forward one step back philosophy.

Truth of the matter is, that since I made some very hard decisions just a few short years ago, I haven't really experienced a true step back. It's all been a forward motion, maybe a side step here and there, but merely a pause before moving on.

Recently in a facebook post I shared about an experience that as I recall there were moments I did not feel like I would recover. If there have ever been times that I thought I might just slip right over that proverbial edge and never come back, this life experience would have definitely been one of those times.

As I shared about this heartbreaking tragedy on my daily connections to my facebook family, someone noticed and wanted to share the story with a different audience. I agreed, I shared, and I cried a little. But the biggest thing I remember about the whole event were those who came to help. Those whose words and gifts now make me smile and understand that the lesson for me was gratitude for family and friends. Appreciation for a great community not unlike the one I live in now. And for the healing grace of time. If you have desire to read about one of my darkest nights and the days full of light and love that came after, check out the article written by my friend Monica...in our local paper...

http://www.cleburnetimesreview.com/local/x1750828661/Helping-hands

I am so excited!!

Why you may ask? Well it's Monday, I am working on several things that I feel are going to come together this week and the excitment has me all giddy and one of my friends and aspiring authors who attended our get published workshop, just got her first short story published!!

http://networkedblogs.com/svpQR

Yep...It's Monday, hang on!!

A new life 4 me

So over the last couple of years, I started blogging. Some of the earlier incarnations of this desire to share my thoughts were somewhat directed at vent-erapy, but lets just say we have moved on from there.

I no longer feel the need, nor do I see that it ever served any purpose to call someone out on their misbehavior. I was however blamed, threatened and deleted for a time for saying all I had to say.

It's all ok, I get that many will never GET what it is that I went through. Nor do they really hear me when I saw I take responsibility in my part of all of the past. I either made the decisions or allowed someone else to do it for me...therefore ended up right where I directed/dodged myself to be.

Life is so wonderful now....my kids are amazing. My grands are just two of the most perfect little girls the world hase ever seen---NO REALLY!! And I am moving forward moment by moments. The smiles are so many that often my cheeks hurt. The laughs are so real that many times I can't even explain to you how humorous my friends transform the simpliest of moments. to say I am following my bliss is not quiet acurate, I am helping to create it. With each decision to eliminate that which does not honor me or others in my life, the desire to seek only to do no harm, and the work to achieve all the goals that I have carried for so long.

One by one they are being checked off the list...this BIGGEST Year ever has several, and as we move forward I hope you will come along for the ride if you are so inclined...check out my other blog http://a-new-life-4-me.blogspot.com
and tell me what you think. Leave comments, share me with your friends and as always thank you sincerely~~for the gifts you have given so graciously--you are all a part of the reason I smile unitl it hurts and why there is a NEW LIFE 4 ME!!