An unusual love story

original post date
`Thursday, July 02, 2009
on MySpace


Recently at work I had the opportunity to visit with someone who has the most amazing love story. She and her husband were married for several years when he began or maybe continued at an escalated pace to behave in ways that were not conducive to a successful and happy marriage. Now without putting out all her business for those who might know or figure out who she is, I am just going to say he was breaking some vows and leave it at that.

Now my co-worker friend shared with me that for many years she had tried the stand by your man thing, and even had tried counseling for herself…apparently I am not the only person to experience the “it must be my fault” syndrome. But none of her work made a dent in his determination to be acting out. Her decision was finally one of self preservation. She filed for and got a divorce and went on her way to rebuilding her life. The most amazing thing happened once she had reset the course for her life, he began to see what he had lost.

Now I know what some might be thinking, yea right…he just wanted to come back because she had moved on….and well I guess no one will ever know the real motivation for his decision to become an honorable man who deserved a woman like her…but convincing her he could be worthy to be her husband became his direction.

I don’t think I have ever asked or she has ever shared how long his transformation took…I feel probably a lot quicker than if she had stayed married and allowed the behaviors to continue…working from the inside corner only works when you are painting a room.

But as I sat and listened to many different aspects of her love story including his current behaviors towards and treatment of her, it doesn’t even sound like she is talking about the same man. His ability to see that someone who loves you to the degree that she loved him, doesn’t come along everyday…and when you have someone who would even go so far as to leave you to preserve herself and also teach you about growing up…it might be a good thing to stay close to her/him.

I don’t know the secrets of a happy marriage; I know that mine had moments that were good, seconds that were great and years of struggle. I know that I loved my husband and never gave up on the belief that he could too be an honorable man. I also know that the knocks to my self esteem that were by his hand took a lot out of the person I was supposed to be. I can see glimpses of her now, on days when she is no where near the self serve pity line…and on those days when each thing that is next to be done is accomplished. I love those days…I love too that I was able to give someone all that I had for as long as I was allowed to be a part of the story…and that I never quit.

I love that about me…that commitment means just that, and I am up for the task and the fight, no matter how tired I get. I also love that I have learned that all that I gave is at the very least the same that I deserve. There are many stories like this one, some which didn’t take a trip all the way to divorce court to change course. Those who said straighten up or get the hell out…and it did the trick. But I am not just talking about men behaving badly, I am talking about people. I am speaking about those who no matter their gender don’t truly understand what a committed to you person means….or that making that commitment is a choice.

A love story is not a magical fairy tale where I get to feel like some animated princess each day of my life. A love story is just that, it has chapters with each moving the story towards the ultimate ending. A story that is full of hurt, disappointment and anger…but also will have its share of joy, hope and understanding. I want to write a story like that…one that will live on in those who knew us and who will retell our story. I think the other half of the page might be someone who gave his all to the love that wasn’t…and maybe is the one who took the responsibility and the blame for how it turned out badly. I feel for him…because I have felt his pain. I look for him, because he is on the same road as I am-- one that will lead us to forgive those who hurt us so deeply but also one that allows us to write an unusual love story…about us.

Blog~erapy

Several months ago on another social networking site, I began writting tidbits of frustrations, irriatations, celebrations and lots of other tions...mostly just for me. I don't think it ever occured to me that someone might want to read them...but a few have. I would like to start re-posting them here in hopes that another audience might enjoy them as well.