I am the LIVING PROOF...and I have learned how to smile!

It's just a little gumption...

I used to worry that someone might not like me, then I decided what other people think of me is none of my business. I used to think I would die if you stopped loving me, then I realized only people who love themselves truely know how to love others. I used to fear that someday I would be alone, and then I discovered how wonderful alone time can be. Now that I have learned these important lessons, I am ready for the next adventures in life. Friends that appreciate, love and care for me because they can. People who work as hard at making me better as they do the world. Unselfish hearts that love without concern for the return. Life can be made better not only for the things that are added to it, but often for the things that are taken away. Facebook post 12/30/11

The number of important people in my life is way up there in the triple digits. I cannot even tell you how many moments that have come and gone where I might not have been able to keep it all together had it not been for some amazing hearts.

I feel blessed everyday when I get a call, message or visit from these people. They are the most wonderful expressions of humaness and they all share my reality. I am in awe of how great their love is for me and for the world...it is the thing that songs are written about, stories retold of and movies inspired by.

It's hard to tell about each one---but the first person to ever tell me to disregard the opinion of self that came from others, probably saved my sanity. I had spent so much of my young life seeking approval, that I didnt even know when I had an original thought. She was Dorothy, but she will always be Mimi to me. She told me things often to stop my pity parties because they served no useful purpose. I thought I was supposed to feel every emotion, and learning that I could choose the ones to hang onto was also part of her lessons. She listened to me as I would cry and tell her of this injustice or that hardship, and then she would spout some wisdom like--"you know Pam the world doesn't revolve around you" or " You have 5 minutes on that pity pot and then it is time to get up and give some else a turn" and my favorite--"its really none of your business what other people think of you". Yeah truer words were never spoken.

I have also been told that I love too hard---that I committ my heart to people who often don't deserve it. And I believe that in the past that might have been true, but I have learned to look for the love that flows both ways. I also know that my love for others was not wasted. Even if they chose to turn away and not love me back...it doesn't take away from my belief that everyone deserves to have someone in this world that says I love you "unconditionally". I don't mind being that person for many in my life. Even when that love leaves me wounded, I can say that I gave as much as there was to give. The funny thing is that all of those who have stabbed me in the back, turned away and left me to find better or took advantage of my heart taught me more than I could have ever asked for...because they taught me to love without requirements. They also taught me that I can love the most difficult people and still set them far enough out of my circle that they can feel my love, but I don't have to feel their pain.

I have hung onto relationships because of that fear or maybe because of the love, but a friendship or relationship can grow cold and lonely when there is only one person standing up for the hearts. I know that for me I am the sum total of all my experiences, and that some of those have been horrible. I also know that as I retell my story that I can work on just remembering the good. Knowing that there was enough bad is all I need to do, I don't have to relive it unless it has relevance for someone else. I also have learned to let go...in a healthy and inspired way. I can love you whether you love me or not....and want you to know that when those thoughts of me cross your mind it is because I am sending you light and love.

I have watched as my new found strength and self confidence has angered those who were used to the nice me. And while I still believe myself to be nice, I have learned that being nice to me means more than any other good stuff I do in this world. If I don't practice self-care all the relationships in the world will not make up for the damage some misguided souls can do in ones life. I don't really think they are bad people...they just don't mind doing bad things. I have also come to understand that with each decision to limit the access of this life to those who would soil it, means that I open doors and pathways for good to find its way in. And to say that good people have made their way to my life is an understatement. I have to work more these days understanding how I could be worthy of so much good. The gifts of friendship that they share, the love that is given freely and in abundance, the moments where the part that I play in their life is celebrated, feels like nothing I can even remember in my previous life.

I think when someone tells the truth, they add a piece to the armour that protects us from the meaness in the world. Their words resonate with our soul as beautifully as if they were a song. They rebuild those pieces of us that have been damaged by those who don't know truth and don't understand its power and gifts. Likewise I think that when someone lies, they bring a virus to our hearts. A group of spiritual germs that eat away at us because we can feel the illness of the untruth. And the infection spreads and creates tears and physical pain when the lie is revealed. It is as if it were an erupting sore, gross and needing to be lanced and cleansed. When we take back those stolen truths and begin to heal there will still be the scars of those who created the wounds of lies. But we will only have to remember them when we need to.

I have written often of my Tim...there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. Our relationship was one of lessons, laughter and love. He guided me through parts of this life that I was not sure I would survive. I have known hurt that was so big it felt as if it would crush me. I always knew he was there when I needed to hear that cajun twang and feel real love. He never asked anything of me, but gave always to my growing up. His wisdom was big...and I ate it up ever chance I had. When he left this world, he left a really big hole that I have had trouble filling.

I cannot even understand all the gifts that have come through family. The five kids who love me unconditionally, the grands that Gimmee' me to happiness. The extended family that supported the tragic and rollercoaster life that was my youth. The storm was big, but they always found a way to make it better. I can remember one time that I had called and talked to my grandmother and although when she was asking how we were and I just kept saying ok, she could hear that there was trouble and a few days later a sweet letter came in the mail with support, words of encouragement and love. I really miss my mamaw too.

The holidays have always been a very tough time for me...until a few years ago when the lesson at hand was to take the commercial gifting obsession out of the celebration. It was tough year, I had loaned my Christmas money and it had not found its way back....hasn't made its way back yet. In turn I was gifted money from friends....and one day I will be able to gift it back. But the holiday came off without a hitch. It was beyond lovely and to this day is one of my most favorite Thanksgiving, Christmas seasons yet. This year was right up there also...actually each year since the lesson has been amazing.

I guess all these lessons are pretty much what everyone gets to learn. My life has not really been all that special...but I have enjoyed living it just the same. I would not take a minute of it back. Not those times when someones love was so big I could feel it as if it were tangible and in the room. Each of those moments when I realized that someone had grown to hate me for my mistakes or just who I am, and I began to understand that there would be another person I would have to add to my light and love list. To those moments when some would take so much away from me that I felt as if there were holes in my soul. I would still have chose to live...each and every moment.

The most favorite moments are when the gumption takes over and I am very honest with others. Even if it is in an indirect way. I can let you know that you crossed a line that has my boundary alarm going off. I can still allow you to behave however you choose, it is not for me to correct, change or control. But sometimes just a word in the right direction can let someone who is open to knowing the truth to get a glimpse of how their harshness, opinions or carelessness might have hurt others. Maybe they will get the hint, and maybe they will delete me from their facebook. Maybe they will learn forgiveness or maybe they will be locked forever in their rightness. I would reather be kind that right, honest than too kind, and forgiving instead of angry. But those are my choices...to make, to treasure, to share. I have learned lots of lessons in this life...and am thankful for all the additions and understanding of the subtractions.

If I were asked today, still I would have chosen to LIVE, every second, crying each tear, bearing each child, hurting each pain--skipping not a second

As I share this the tears are falling down my face. Each of us has a reason we are here. Each of us has a cross to bear. Each of us has a light to share. It is our choice whether we will be angry and ask Why me? or be glad for the lessons and ask Why not me? Even with every hardship, pain, love, hurt, joy and celebration...I would have chosen to LIVE. I would have said YES let me walk among those who have graced my LIFE~~I will live each moment I have, give all that I am to what is before me, and love every one, even those who don't know how to love me back. Thank you for this LIFE...each and every second of it!

I share this video as she shares with those she knows, and the world that her life has turned...but if asked she would still say "I choose life, and all that means".

So love it when I find someone who can tell it like it is and then some.

We have the no cussing rule at work, that doesn't mean I don't know or use cuss words, it just means that as we all serve as examples for those we are trying to encourage and educate, that being a good example means being able to speak professionally while in the work setting. It's not a bad idea, it actually means we are not only being respectful of our work environment, but we are working towards being the best example that we can. But on the other hand sometimes there are only a few words that will fit some given situations. I know that it has taken me years and many episodes of embarrasment as a toddler mimicked my word choice while driving. Only to have he/she repeat me when someone cut us off in the grocery store. I also have tried to replace the ever appropriate well $#!*, with a shux, dang or darn when the little ones are in ear shot and my butter fingers kicked in.

But that is not to say that I don't really, really, really appreciate those who can tell it LIKE IT IS! With all the correct usage of the explitives, and the many explamation and other points thrown in the mix.

But my latest blog find is none-other than my latest Blog hero, even the title while controversial to some, is really quiet appropriate when you think about it. She is merely stating that aggression she would like to take at some well justified moment. Does not mean that she has or ever will act on it...but you know we still have freedom of speech, and to be honest havent we all had those moments when the thought crossed our mind that the act would fit the crime?

If you have a chance drop by her blog and hit a few of the most recent...my current favorite happens to be Jen and she is the author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat and my favorite post of hers to day is http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/2011/12/over-achieving-elf-on-shelf-mommies.html

And while her blog is sprinkled with some colorful and sometimes harsh words, they tell all too well how many of us feel inadequate when we meet the overachievers, which are a part of the Elf on the Shelf story. I have spent a little time over the last couple of days reading some of her other blogs and I like her, I really really like her. I like how she thinks, enjoy how she takes her thoughts and entertains and I love how she doesnt mince words when she is busy sharing her thoughts. I am sure there have been or will be those who might not enjoy it as much as I do, but I see all things as an option to learn. I learn from everyone, everything, everyday....and I am learning and enjoying her blog as I do most things that entertain me. Who knows I might even learn a few new words, or ways to punch someone without ever laying a hand on their throat.

All my rowdy friends....well really my wonderful friends...LOL~~Part 2 of Yeah I was talking about you...SO WHAT!!

Tamara- Amazing, talented, thoughtful--AMAZING(sorry used that adjective twice...but- well- its TRUE)

I actually had the opportunity to meet Tamara about 6 years ago, and while she had a unforgettable impact on my life, she still has trouble remembering the first blossom of our friendship. But don't hold that against her, I don't! I was still working on understanding who I was and defining what talents and abilities I might bring to the world to not only celebrate me, but would help me to do the most good. Her natural abitlity to make people feel at ease, and think of her as a friend is the stuff that legends are made of. She is creative beyond belief and when she and a few others of our friends are together, there is nothing that I think I cannot accomplish. She is a spark to my gasoline!!

Coralee- beautiful inside and out, wonderful sense of humor, thinks outside all the boxes, and connects others to facilitate their success.

I am always a little surprised when Coralee reminds me that she is really a shy person, because I don't think I could ever see her this way. She was an instant friend and I am blessed each time I have the opportunity to be with her. She is a consumate hostess, a sprite of a red-head that flitters around and sprinkles wonder dust on everyone she connects. I hear people often say that she is their best friend. I actually think she is one of my best friends...but you know she is so wonderful I am trying to learn to share. Her strength and ability to support ALL of those she cares about will some day be the subject of a movie, or a book or both. I am not even kidding. Just a few days ago I was a part of something amazing, that I cannot share here...and again as I watched her sprinkle the fairy dust over all that were present, I became even more enamored of this amazing person who has come into my life.

Tiffany-surprising, talented, beautiful, generous, quirky, my Tiffie!

Ok, sometimes I become a bit jealous when someone else is getting all her time. I have often heard that we care about people according to how they make us feel about ourselves when we are with them. I feel like a Lady-Knight when I am around her. She has a way of assisting me in believing my abilities, some that are still hidden. She is a fierce force to be reckoned with if you violate any of the better known rules of just behavior. When you first meet her you will notice her beauty, but when you get to know her you will see nothing but beauty. Her sharing of life encompasses all that are around her...and her humor, well I'm just not going to share much of that...that part belongs to those who are close enough to experience it first hand. Saying she is my friend not only makes me feel better about myself, it makes me want to be a better friend so that I know that I will always derserve to be a part of her life.

Jane- sharing, blessings, kindnesses, momma bear!

Jane has had an interesting and challenging life, and all that she does often surpises even the busy bees like me. She is a genie at pulling things together...and may have just missed her calling as an event planner. She is the kindest of spirits, but knows how to fight when she needs to. Our friendship is based mostly on our joint work/life...she is a volunteer-parent for COI, and well thats my calling. But I never have to wonder if she will come through. I know that anytime she has been a part of any event or planning she has done her part to make it special. Her kindness towards those we serve is amazing to watch. She cares, deeply about everyone of our clients, and especially for those who cannot always speak for themselves. Her little surprises that she often leaves on my desk, are rarely ever acknowledged, because most of the time she gifts anonymoously, but I know or most of the time believe she left them...or at least it makes me smile to believe she is always thinking of something that she feels will make me smile.

Sue-the yen to my yang, the organizer to my clutter-bug, the friend of each week.

I am amazed each time I have the opportunity to work along side Miss Sue. Her ability to live not only in the organized chaos of events and fundriasers, but to do it with a smile is priceless. She can take any situation and make it better. She holds nothing back and is always one of the last to go home. Her gifts are many and she shares them openly. Even when there are others present that seriously need a swift kick in the reset button, her feathers are never ruffled or even visibly shaken. She allows others to behave however they choose, holding fast to her knowing that anything can be better with kindness and planning. She is uber organized, and often is my hero when things get a little cluttered mid planning stage. She is one of those people who I can tell anything to, confide even those thoughts that I should keep to myslef and I know...believe and trust it is a conversation that will be between us. I hope one day that I can be more organized like her...but until then I am blessed by her amazing talents and I love her.

Bettye strong, honest, caring, FRIEND

I know that Bettye and I became friends because of our desire to promote our entities. But we remain friends because of trust, honor and all things good. I know that no matter what life throws my way, Bettye and I will probably see as the same challenge and attack it like we do any obstacle that stands in front of us. We are both pragmatic, understanding that somethings are just never going to be different, but that doesnt mean we can't find another way to drive around it. She believes strongly that everything should be just and fair, and I think she is a little disappointed as I am when we see that this is not always the case.

Brenda -NEW FRIEND, encourager, honest, real...special

There are times in life when you know someone, and see them and you do the regular niceties and feel that you are "friends" and then one day things change, you have lunch or a moment of sharing, or witness something together and you know that you will never see this person the same again. The real Brenda is the one you get every time you see her. I cannot even tell you how many times I have stood by and watched her lift someone up...its so natural for her. Even when you know that life has kicked her around a bit, you most likely will never see that if someone else needs her. She is a natural born encourager...and time and time again when I have watched her practice this skill, I have looked on as she made a difference in someones life...not just in that moment. She gives others a spark of self belief that is as wonderful as any gift. I am proud to call her one of my new friends.

Nicci -BESTEST friend.

I have always felt such a heavy responsibllity when it came to the rearing of my children. Feeling that it was all on me to make sure that they had a strong foundation of understanding, education and compassion to move to their adult life. I often remember wishing I could have been a little more relaxed, but as I see each of them enjoying, embracing and succeeding at reaching goals in their lives, I know I did the best that I could. I am most grateful also that my oldest has become my best friend. We talk all the time, do things toghether when we can and in general I just love hainging out with her. It never matters if I am having a bad day, a rough week or a great moment, she is always there to be a part of the celebration or the getting over it. As she faces the challenges of life with many of the skills I hoped to share with my kids, and does it with grace and power, I am gifted a bit of self awareness and appreciation of my motherhood life. I feel sense of pride that while I most surely didn't do it perfect, she turned out pretty great in spite of me...they all did. But we have grown so close that I can hardly believe at times that she is anything other than my best friend.

Tonya-inspiring, kind, energetic

She has taken things that have happened in her life and instead of allowing them to bring her down, she has found a way to support others. Her story is remarkable and the gifts that have come to others through her inspiration will be life changing. She makes me want to step out and do more, to find a way to be a blessing to others, because she thinks nothing of working on things that will bless others lives. It just comes natural to her. She is becoming famous quickly in the circles of those who have amazing missions, receiving news coverage and becoming part of an advertising campaign. She is also a wonderful friend to many of my friends...so I love her

Sometimes there seems to be a theme in what I hear, or am asked....

Am I really that busy?



I guess I see my life as normal, I did raise five kids after all. There was always some activity, mischief or chore to be done. There was always some conversation, discipline or belief to work out. It was an amazing time in my life. I am surprised now how I don't really feel as worried about the outcome of all those years of struggle, mistakes and hamburger helper. My kids have turned out ok, and what issues they might or might not have cleared away from the attempted parental practice that I gave, well they will just have to figure out like I did.



Parents only get the understanding of what it means to be a parent after the work is done. We only understand fully what we could have done better after its too late to apply the knowledge. But the amazing thing about humans and our ability to be resilient is this...no matter the journey we still find out way to ourselves, everytime. Some do it in amazing and beautiful out loud and public living. Others in a small and intimate understanding that only a few are aware of. Some get it in their 30's, 40's or later, others don't pick it up unitl they are checking out.



Doesn't really matter, its the outcome of all the living...and it is good.



I hear often, I can't believe all you do...and to be honest, I don't believe it either. I don't really sit down and say I am going to make myself busy. I don't have an agenda other than a few larger than life goals to help, support and make a difference. I don't want to collect achievements or another other proof of work that might or might not have gotten done. I just want to take full advantage of every opportunity in this life.



Sometimes the only opportunity I take on is the one to do nothing. I have moments where I check out and no one hears from me...not even facebook. I go to my room, or my favorite spots and just sit. I don't try to decide, understand or plan anything. I just listen to the world, nature, my breathing.



But again and again I hear them ask, "how do you do it"? the answer is always the same, first I say I am not sure what you are talking about...and then with clarification, I say I don't know either.



I know where the comments come from, but it's just my ability to be a bit wordy. I share, anything and everthing that I feel led to. I keep reminding myself and anyone who wants to hear that I have a mission...it is my desire to reach those who have it on their heart to help.



I love all the fun that my friends invite me to be a part of and the laughs alone give me energy to do more. I have been blessed with the most amazing people in my life...and I know how lucky I am. So if there is ever a moment when I can be around thier love and concern for me and our world...well I just find a way to be there.



I honestly think the biggest reason is that I don't live in fear of the sharing. I don't stress much over saying the wrong thing, becuase I speak my truth. I speak it for me, and for anyone who might want to hear it. I am an open book, and want to write a few. I hope that some of the things that I have come through might be a path for someone who is struggling with the same fights I have survived. I have found the understanding that we are all meant to be here, to find happiness and to value ourselves and the journey. I love that the messages that I get mean something to me, and hope that sharing it might mean something to others. I have survived the fear of being hated, the realization that not eveyone knows how to love and the glorious awakening of my truest truth.



I am responsible for it all. I get out of this life what i put into it. I am a piece of God's handiwork and my life has value. I can get the lessons or keep repeating them. I can run as hard as I can through each day or drift on auto pilot. I understand that my happiness is a choice. I accept that whatever is going right or wrong is because I believe it to be so.



I am that busy, but not in the way most think. The other day I thought I had a pretty short day, I had PLANNED on getting a few things done at the office and heading home on my regular short Monday schedule. But opportunities to share about my agency, my life and my heart presented themselves through a new friend....and off I go. I read a quote one time that life is what happens when you are making other plans. I totally agree. If I understand that my plans should be written in pencil and to keep my eraser handy, I am going to follow the map of opportunities that shows up, not just what the to do list reminds me of.



I recently was texting with a friend and the comment was made about living a more private life. And I wondered why? What is it about their life that they felt lead to hide away from the world that is here to give them all the same opportunities that I have. The ability to find friends that add joy and laughter to my heart. The chance to find and complete meaningful work. I guess I don't understand, but I am trying not to judge.



I can tell you this, on those days when I have written a blog to therapy my way through a problem, conflict or confession of humaness, I am grateful for all of the words that I find to share. I love taking the issues and putting them on paper...(electronically speaking) so that I don't have to carry it around any more. I love being able to say it is done and meaning it. I may never know who reads what I write, because many seem to want to keep that fact private as well...but to be honest I don't really write for anyone but me.



I share because I lived a life that was built to keep me quiet. To pretend like everything was perfect when nothing could have been farther from the truth. I give my time to things that are important to me becasue I want to be a part of it, and it matters. Nothing more is needed. I share what makes me smile in hopes someone else can grin about it too. I love how real my heart feels, and how authentic my life has become. I am not perfect, I am as busy as my opportunities will ask me to be and I am as happy as I decide I want to be.



I have no advice for anyone else. I appreciate that you admire my busy~ness. I love my life. I will not turn away from any opportunity that brings the yes from my heart. I will not regret anything I did or did not do. I will not stress that the laundry sits at home and on my chore list because another thing that resonated with my desires presented itself. I will never say I can't say yes to that because my dishes are still in the sink and waiting on me. I see there are a few challenges for me to work on personally. I have a few left over from the other life battles yet to blog~erapy away. But I am ok with taking the opportunities to get that done as they arrive.



I am feeling much anticipation for changes that are coming and opportunities that are already in the works. I am about to get a little busier...and am excited for the chance to try to get it all done.

Words to build by!

Do not be discouraged at your humaness, and do not fear change or lessons learned. There will always be those who tear down, build anyway. There will always be those who take, give more anyway. Know that you are meant to be here, learn from imperfect moments and enjoy this life--focus on what you want to see and soon you will. Facebook post September 18th

All to often we let our mistakes define us more than our successes. We forget that it took hundreds of attempts before the first commercially produced light bulbs were available. We barely remember that safety on automobiles was an afterthought. Then of course many might have only seen a phone that hangs on a wall in a museum.



Those ideas of today that seem to come out every day are a culmination of the human spirit and creative juices allowed to run wonderfully rampant. I don't hear "it won't work" much anymore, not that it isn't said--I just don't hear it.



We as a progressive human expression of creative life have embraced change at a whole new level. Builders and designers and inventors are finding ways to make our lives better, more connected and more fun each and every day.



But they are also working towards embracing those moments of humaness to add a gentleness to our society. We, and I mean each of WE are not perfect. We cannot plan the errors out of our days, but we can learn from them. We cannot find a perfect employee, because there is no such animal. We cannot locate the patner without flaws, because we are all still very human.



But what we can do is to teach our children to embrace the human mistakes as opportunities to express their creative problem solving skills. And when the problem is solved, we can also help them embrace the art of forgiveness. Learning first to forgive themselves and then passing that gift off to others will change their reality more than any financial windfall. Learning how to be a graceful human will not only give their spirit a lesson in life...it will assure that their life expressions will be a gift to others all through out their lifetime.



Now when I say forgiveness of others most human moments, I do not mean to give abusers or users free reign in their reality. I mean being able to acknowledge that most mistakes and missteps are merely that. But when someones trampling of your daily life is habitual, it is time to allow that relationship to have a closing, that is also ushered on with forgiveness.



Forgiveness is a gift, most of all to the one who gives it. Because in releasing those angered feelings and moments of contempt for wrongs real or implied, allows the victim to become a victor. It shows that you are willing to move past the past and heal yourself, regardless of the pain. It also assures that you will always be moving forward. Harboring anger for big or even the smallest of mistakes is like taking poisin expecting it to make the person you are angry with sick. Most people who go about their lives creating harm, or dumping their mistakes on others are living such a selfish life that the impact to their feelings is non-existant no matter how angry you may be.



So as you are busy creating your life, allow a building of knowledge, of things, or of projects. Embrace the building of relationships, businesses, and lives. But also take a lesson in building bridges across those moments that seperate us. Those moments of "wish I had done better, but let me fix it now" and "wish you no harm because it was your turn to be human". We are building the world we will all live in....physically, emotionally and forgivingly!!

Thre are moments in life...

where you feel safe enough to just be, when you know the reason for struggles, and you feel an utter sense of grace....they need a check in button for that place!!! Its a great spot--been there a few times, most recently as now!! (facebook post 8-30-2011)

Two years ago I met a friend. She tells me often how great a friend I am to her. She is the type of friend that I can see her every day, or once a month and the emotion is the same. We have fun, laugh, act crazy and just generally have a freaking amazing time.



The first night we met was one of those moments of grace. I knew somehow our lives were going to be focusing on this first nigt. I knew that some part of the future was hinged around the conversation at that table when it seemed like no one else was in the room.



I have the utmost respect for her talents, her story, her life. I have the kowledge that no matter where I go or what happens in my life, she will be there...just a phone call away. She is a true friend. I can say anything, everything or nothing and the feeling is the same.



I do not fear that one day I will wake up and she will be setting about to undo me, that she will be working on taking something away. Every time she is in my physical presence it is an act of making my life better.

Her story which I won't tell much of here, is much like many of ours. There is joy, harship, pain and grief. There are children and jobs and family members driving her crazy all the while validating her existence. There are fights, wins and losses. And there are the moments in life....where she has been able to just be.



Two years ago when she and I met, I set myself on a mission to help her make her goal a reality. I have struggled, begged, pleaded and forced moments trying to make it happen. I have given her my ideas and suggestions and reached out to those I thought would be able to help. I have prayed and tried to find a WAY to make it work.

But only moments...no great success...just ticks on the clock and the return to just doing the next thing.



As the days have passed by and other people have come into my life, I began to see parts of the puzzle coming together, and I have often thought I will know. I will see a moment of clarity when all the pieces will be sitting at the table together and we as a great cohesive force will move the dream into the next realm of possibility. It just so happens that the table was round. And that 8 pieces of the puzzle that night were there. I soon began to understand that the reason things had not come together is because I didn't have all the pieces or even the right ones. I had to let some go, send some away and go and get new ones.And even though some of those original pieces are missing from time to time, the puzzle can still be whole.



The most amazing part of this story is this....we are all connected. We as a wonderful mass of human experience are all living moments when we can choose to participate, or be upset because it is someone elses story. We will have the priveledge to witness the great creative forces moving mountains to make the puzzle whole. There will be a recognition that all the visualizing and all the hopes and all the wrong moments have brought you forward to the very second where you are sitting and your puzzle is complete.



And even though you know there is more to you story, a part b, or c or even all the way to z of your puzzle, none of that really matters because you get clarity. You understand that while you may not now nor ever truely know what happened to make all those pieces come together and fit so perfectly, it doesnt give you any pause at all. You are standing in the grace that goes beyond all understanding.

What i write I mean, what I say I believe, what I feel i share, what I do shows I care

I do not offer you sympathy although I will listen to your woes, I do not have any pity, because I know how the story really goes.

Someone asked me recently how I became so wise, and while I had to think for a minute to understand that someone think me wise, in an instant I knew to say thanks to all those who had given me trials to overcome, lies to realise were untrue and other gifts that most would rather not get. But in the outcome of all those unwanted but accepted hurts, it has taught me to fear no one, but to see each for who they really are. I do not doubt my instincts, but I also know that at each threat I have a choice to give in or continue to live with integrity and faith that all things are to the good. Attack me if you must, but you can never take what is mine. Because when you grab that which you did not create, it is only with you as long as you can learn to hate it and then it is taken from you. I see you, those who would come to take away that which I have created and that you covet. Come and grab all you can...I will create more. Steal away whatever you think you must have. I will not fear your thievery, because I know. I know the laws. I have seen them work over and over again. I can tell you the stories of many who have tried, and yet here I stand. As happy with my life as ever. Not only sure of my place in this world but confident enough in my blessings to even work towards you finding yours. I am excited for the changes that are coming soon, and fast. I am creating this life, writing my story so that each desire becomes part of this reality, until the world is just the place we all want to live, in peace and love and amazing creative energy.

Sometimes I get accused of being mean, and this shocking but still baffeling revelation is something I cannot understand. Our society seems to have embraced this notion that if I feel sympathy and sorrow for others that that will somehow make their battle easier. That lowering my vibrational serenity to live in their creation of woe, will some how lighten their load. I totally understand that while someone is in the throws of the misery, that I cannot say or do anything that will give relief, nor can I become sorroful enough to make them begin to heal. I will embrace empathy for those who are suffering, but I also have been educated on the fact that every situation in our lives, and I mean every one, is meant to be a part of the story which validates our journey here. If it were not so, there would not be any reason for any of this. What is the point if it all ends up in nothing anyway? The driving force of human nature is that we seek happiness, fulftilment, and creation. Whether it be life, money or drama...our creative being thrives on the creation of any of it. Yes even the bad stuff...because it adds to our understanding of the human experience.

Believing that everything has to be perfect for me to be happy is like living life on a treadmill. The limited pace of being able to vary the speed and the unchanging scenery would not only get boring, it would lead us to find a way to stop walking if it meant the treadmill is all we could ever do. Life is sacred, every life. It has value whether it lasts a minute or 100 years. Saying that life must be perfect before it has value is the biggest diservice that can ever be paid. It also sets up the biggest lie every purposed....each life is already perfect. Each and every life that touches mine adds to it just as all the interaction polishes yours. The judgement that we have all learned to live by having our belief that only the good stuff is good and all the bad stuff is bad, has taken away part of the joy-ality that life can be.

If having every material item we long for was the only thing we believe would bring happiness, then how could those who live in abject poverty not have already given up and quit the journey? If being on the list of the richest in the world was the ending of misery, how is that we still hear of people who have millions, fame and more than most will ever see, can still decide to end their trip?

It is because we have not done a great job at educating our fellow travelers on the meaning and purpose of their journey. Tribes and ancient civilizations used to perform coming of age ceremonies and some still do I am sure. These lessons of life, hunting, and other practices were preparing the next generation for the journey. We as Americans have trivialized our understanding to school, college and organized religion. We have forgotten the most important lessons.

We ae all connected-period. We are all creative energy-period. We are all going to check out of this reality with the understanding that someone forgot to share along the way-period. The Ahh-ha moment will reveal the reasons for the journey, the lessons grabbed along the way and the rejoining to the creative universe that awaits our awakening. PERIOD-EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!!

We have been lead to the dumbing down of humans. The trivializtion of our power. The mis-represntation of why we are here, and much more. We have been given busy work while the lessons are being learned, but the outcome is always the same. The reason many say that our lives flash before our eyes as we start the check out process is so that we can see those moments that were given to us to make a cellular change in our consciousness. Stop for a minute and replay your life...do you see those moments? They are probably the same as mine, those pivotal seconds where the life as you know it changed forever---when actually it just changed so that your forever would be right.

I do not share these thoughts so that you can think me crazy, nor do I hope that I will convice you that you are wrong. While there are people who will create and pass through their life by creating wrongs, it is still always the same ending. And it will ultimately be the ending we decide on. There is no wrong way to live this life. Please play however you see fit. Cause harm and damage as you travel along if you so choose. Those who long to see that and are busy creating those paths will welcome you and play along to get their cellular changes as well. Or set about your path creating light and love and peace to all those you pass by. I seek to create and attract those who are like minded, but occassionaly I also understand that my thoughts will allow those in who have less than honorable motives to share my space. When they show up, I can shed the tears of dissappointment, and then head back in my direction and wish them well hanging on to my grade---pass or fail I still get move to the next level.

Sometimes as I write these blogs, I am reminded that I do not always know where the words come from. I am however eternally grateful for those who helped me pull out of the drama that was my life before. I am sure that all those lessons were necessary, but dang was I slow on the learning curve. I held to those beliefs that had been gifted me and I hung tightly. I did not understand that we each get to decide what it is we will get out of this life and that which we will add to it. We can stay with those hand me down understandings and stay tied to a life that someone else believes we should live. We can refuse to look to those moments that could change us on a cellular level or we can just recite the old cliches such as "Life is hard" Life is not fair" "Good guys finsish last" "only the good die Young" bla, blah , blah. Our lives are meant for us to seek the answers, and they are meant for us to enjoy....well actually to enjoy or not but its still our choice.

At the end of the day or the finish of the play, know that it is important to write what you mean, say what you believe and share what you feel. There will always be those who are the journey with you and those who are not. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love this life and I love most that I have learned my lessons and I can see the real that is in front of me...whether it be the good or bad. Oh and by the way I have stopped labeling it that way too...it just IS what it IS. REAL

Five Things You Should Know About a Special Needs Family | Exceptional Family TV

Five Things You Should Know About a Special Needs Family | Exceptional Family TV

Hardest, best, worst and more

Hardest lesson I ever learned, is that the way my life has turned out was all because of me.

Sometimes it is easier to sit and feel sorry for oneself because life is hard, or seems unfair or just any part of the poor me routine. But when I get real honest, and I mean REAL and honest, I can trace back every tough moment to a decision that I made. I can see a lesson in each trial that came my way. I can see where things might have been better had I chosen another path. No one is sitting anywhere in this universe punishing me for anything real or imagined. No one is picking on me because I am not perfect. Nope, there is no way to jusify any of the things that I didn't like in this life other than to recognize I made each and every choice. And while this can be a heavy blow to take, it is also the start to writing a whole new story. It means that if I am responsible, and each time things turn in a direction that isn't exactly what I had hoped for, I can recognize the person in charge and change directions. Most times its just a quieting of those not good enough voices and then recognition for the one to credit or blame and a seeking to understand the lesson.

The worst lesson I ever learned, is that bad people show up because my actions were not inline with my beliefs.

Those who seek to unseat only show up briefly, and only usually play a minor roll of reminding me of the things I do not want. This doesn't mean when those lesson people show up that I am supposed to give them direction or try to fix them. The most amazing part of this education is that when I got this part figured out, the majority of those who show up have the same mission, or are looking for it. They come to co-create the good stuff and help to bring more joy, love and peace to my reality. They are attracted here, because the law of attraction says that which is likened to itself is drawn. When I am feeling out of sorts it is because I have drifted into one of the fear based emotional days and I can recognize and move out of it as fast as I found myself there...or NOT.


Best lesson I have learned, is that the rest of my life is all up to me.

Once I came to the understanding that I get to direct this life and make choices that are about honoring my beliefs, sticking to the path I hope to take and accomplishing those things on my list, it got amazingly easy to get the lessons, good or bad. It became clear and I am able to see those who show up with less than honorable motives. But also accepting responsibility for my life, my joy and my lot, also gives me permission to build on it whatever I choose. As I get my compass headed in my true north, those who wish to be a part of my success show up. They are busy loving and living in their passion, and I can play a part in their fun. They are inspiring and giving freely so that I can gain strength and hope from their success. They are offering me acceptance and love with ease and no requirements except that I be a part of the joy. This life is not meant to be a horrible thing that we survive, it is meant to give us opportunities to attract whatever our heart seeks to experience. When bad stuff shows up, I need only to check my compass, and decide if I was heading in my true north direction or had I drifted off course. Spending a little time to clear my thougths, visit my blog~erapy and redefine my direction is usually all it takes to move past those days.

More

If all these lessons are true, and in my life I believe that they are, I must only thank those who showed up to help me "get" them. I accept the responsibility for the lesson and give credit to the one who attracted it (me!). And I move on to the next moment of working towards what I want to see in my life. I can find joy, understanding, hope and a lesson in almost every moment, and most surely in every day. It's not always easy, living in a place where I get all the blame or credit. It's not always fun doing my homework and getting the lesson of the day. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Once I got the lessons that kept showing up, it meant that it was time to move onto another class, a graduation of sorts to a higher understanding. A path that shows me that I have nothing to fear, no one to lose, and everything to accomplish. It brought about a degree in creating that which I want to see in my reality. An ability to instantly forgive and move past any moment that didn't feel like it was honoring my life. It also means that I am no longer a vicitim of anyones malice or that I have nothing or anyone to fear. We get to ride the path we choose and if it ends badly then I have the chance to either choose better next time, or I can just keep doing what I did and keep getting what I got.

I also appreciate getting to see those who are still in the lessons I have already learned phase. They are still working towards getting the lessons in their own life class or not, there is no thing that says anyone has to be on a path of understanding. Life is to be lived at whatever level of consciousness you choose. There is no you got to do it this way or else, free will says that we not only choose the path we choose but also the time we come to understanding. Some seek it in every moment, some jump to the end of the story and try to read the ending first, others just take it a day at a time and will get their lessons one way or another. I love the path of least resistance. I treasure getting to go with the flow and see things for the lessons that they are, good, hard or best. There is no right or wrong, must or must not, no shame or blame. It is all in the education, and the pace we decide to run the race. There is no evil or punisher, we are attracting all that is, whether we belive so or not.

Once I understood that it was always, always, always my fault, choice, credit or blame....it got easier to be in the class and easier to get all A's.

My new favorite...song, artist, message!

It's just not good to say "I didn't mean to".

Everything that is happening in this life is all because of one person...ME. I didn't mean to have all the troubles that were plaguing my everyday life. I didn't want to be unhappy 99% of the time. I didn't long to wait for those things that I thought were going to be the magic thing that would make me happy.



The first time I heard thiss message I was instantly enraged with the person who said it. How could I have ever wanted to have all the troubles that were coloring every aspect of my life? And that is when he said that it was not that I wanted it, the fact that I was focusing on all the negatives was the reason they keep showing up. I WAS, AM and ALWAYS WILL BE RESPONSIBLE!!!



If I am choosing to focus on what is wrong in my life, I am inviting more wrong. If I am complaining about all the negative people in my life, I am being negative and inviting more of the same. If I am complaining about anything I am hedging my bets that there will be more to complain about.



I was angry that the person sharing this "self-fulfilling proficy" mumbo jumbo, didn't understand what "I" was going through. But he did. He had the same conversation with someone else in his life and they had shared the secret to being happy. Do you think people who live in abject poverty smile? Do they celebrate birthdays or milestones? Do they get married and work to provide for those they love, even though the odds are they will never move above their station in life? The answer is yes, even those who are suffering in horrible conditions that we cannot even fathom can find a piece of the life they have that is good, worth remembering and full of joy. It's all relative, if all we know is that we are surviving, then surviving can be pretty sweet.



I have often heard it said that when I get this, or find that, or fall into this relationship, joy or whatever that I will be happy. Putting conditions on happiness is the surest way to never find it. Many of those illusive things in our lives are to be attracted not sought after. The law of attraction is pretty simple, but hard to learn. But the basics of it is this. Thoughts become things...so think yourself into that which you want. But don't wait for it to get here, because that will surely keep it away.



I know it is not the traditional education that many of us got in school, nor is it the legacy that many of our parents or other well meaning adults and guides gave us along our way. But I am here to tell you that it works---and there is no work to it. You simply must make a decision each day to try and feel better. As often as you can. Make a game of it...and when you see those real things that have eluded you show up, then it will be the snowball down the hill effect---it will just get bigger and faster and everything will be rolling your way.



For me it started with letting go of my anger, I was so busy blaming others in my life for my sadness, bad luck and misfortune. I had given over the reines and let someone else turn the out of control team of horses barreling me towards the cliff. Even not making a decision or giving the choices to someone else is still making a decision. That is a bitter pill to take...when someone hears that all that they have suffered through is their own fault...it can sting pretty big. But it also means that the rest of the life experience gets better from here.



I started small...reliving those things that caused me the most internal pain and angst. I took it apart piece by piece and labled it all in a manner that showed who was to blame....really at fault for the mess that was my life. In every situation it was me. I had made choices that allowed things into my life that were not really what I wanted. I had focused on bad as more bad showed up. I had not been grateful for the gifts I was given even if they were beyond tiny.



Turning that over was tough...getting to the real of it took many blogs and journal entries. To say I was not always moving forward would be a serious injustice to the process. I had moments twhen I could not even grasp that this whole pointing the finger at me thing was ever going to help. But it did. I began to see each decision that I had made that was based on fear, anger, or any of the other negative emotions had lead to worse feeling and days. I started to get an understanding that my directional map was taking me down others hiways, and had me no where near my own path. I slowly began to recognize that I had a moral compass that was violated almost daily by those who did not even understand let alone believe in the rights and wrongs that I did.



It was a slow process, I am a slow learner. But little by little as I began to make my own decisions, stand for what I BELIEVED in, focus on the good in others and myself and practiced, practiced, practiced the attitude of gratitude....I began to see a new life emerge. The life that I wanted all along. One filled with meaning and purpose. A daily experience that brought the most amazing people into my reality...each and every day. A life where even when things were feeling a bit icky, I could still find the silliest little things to be happy about, grateful for, or content in.

The best part of all is that I can choose to be happy NOW! I can choose to find something almost at every moment to be happy about. I don't have to have all my wants to be experiencing the joy in this life. And when the good stuff shows up, I am less likely to be falling back down into the want of the next thing on the list and more apt to be enjoying the gift of the moment...no matter what has come to be a part of this life.



I find that I can enjoy my friends no matter what we are doing or even if its just doing nothing. I dont have to have an agenda or a plan at every moment to feel fulfilled. I don't have to have all my puzzle pieces on the table before I can believe that the picture will one day come together. I don;t have to have anything, anyone or any more than what I have right now to be completely blissful in the life that is mine.



I dont practice sympathy for myself or others, beccause I understand the attractive component of that emotion as well. I will empathize, but I can never feel sad enough for you to feel better, sick enough for you to be well or damaged enough for you to be healed. I do not have the ability to attract anything to your life, but I can bring my joy. I can't fix your problems but I can tell you that no problem exists unless the answer is already available.



I know it's hard to see this as true. I remember having those moments where I was not sure why I had been born, or even if I wanted to continue the journey. But that thought and many of those others left me years ago, and has yet to ever even make a mention in my daily thought process. I choose to live each moment of the gift, lesson, joy, fun that it is. And if the moments are leaning towards the lessor side of happy, I acknowledge the feeling, but look for something, anything, to feel better about. That is all it takes.



Some examples of finding anything to feel better about include seeing someon having and emotional meltdown and being grateful it wasnt me. Getting headed towards work and being grateful for a green light. Saying Merry Christmas to the road rage driver that I could have just as easily stepped into the rage he was sharing and carried that around for the rest of the day. Forgiving any of those I have attracted that show up to show me who I dont want to be or act like. Grateful for the penny that I find in the parking lot that reminds me the world is an abundant place. The kind people at work, online or even at the grocery store who smile as tell another part of my story.



It doesnt help to be bitter at life, or the situations that you are living. Find some way to see that all the while you have been living on purpose....even if you didn't mean to. Even though you might not understand how all the good, or bad seems to show up....rest assured you can understand it from now on. I have often heard it takes six weeks to change a habit. So give it six weeks, pretend that I am right, that if every day you committ to write down the things you can find to be grateful for, that you take responsibility for your life...every part of it, and you begin to tell the better feeling story, even if it doesn't feel like you can feel better. Just try....send me your journal, tell me your story, share with me even the littlest thing to be grateful for. I will be your sounding board, and your redirector. I will share with you what worked for me to move past a life of negative, blaming misery. If after 6 weeks it's not better, then you can blame me....I will know better ane you will too...but I will take the blame and you can go back to the way it is. But if I am right...and it changes things for the better in your reality, then I charge you with the same task that Tim gave me...pay it forward. Share with others how their life too can be the one that they are creating for the good...it really is that simple, to live on purpose, taking responsibility and attracting joy.



If we decide to live "on purpose" nothing ever just happens to us. We are directing our lives, constructing our futures, creating with our thoughts. It's time to sit down and figure out what my purpose is, and be on purpose in every moment. I am responsible for where my life is, where it will go and where I will end up.

GOOD!!! is all good!!

Nothing great that happens to you ever takes anything away from me. We are a collective of human doers and when we do good it is good for all. (facebook status 7-15-2011)

Sometimes when being present in one group or another, I notice sometimes that I slip into an old habit. It is allowing that slimey little feeling of envy. I have worked long and hard to be present in each celebration of greatness in this life, whether it is my happy dance, or if I am dancing for you. The laws of the universe say many different things on how the flow of our experience works. One of the hardest laws for some to learn is the law of attraction. While some seem to get a handle on it from birth, others like me take a little more practice to perfect.



What I have come to understand about this universal force is that it takes only the tiniest little shift in belief and practice to see it work. The Law of Attraction says "that" which is likened to itself is drawn. That means if I am working on feeling peace more peace will show up. If I am practicing the art of gratitude more to be grateful for will show up. If I am learning that love is an action that I can decide to make my primary goal, more love shows up. When I seek to be friendly more friends show up. I can write a million and one anecdotes to relate the experiements that I have personally been conducting to prove this right, or I can simply point you to the blogs of 3 years ago.



I can also remind myself that those times when it seemed like nothing in my life "EVER" went right, was because I kept telling the stories of all that went wrong. I can share with you the many times I felt like people I cared about showed little care for me, because I didn't care for myself. I can re-tell all the times I felt like a looser, because I kept believing that all was lost.

I am here to tell you that since the turing of that corner and the fierce determination to make a change my life is not only done a 180, but its also come 180 miles away from that old life. I listen often to friends who are stuck there, and I don't share this to say that your misery is not real. Nor do I want to discount that its hard, horrible and sad. But if I were to do anything for you in your moment of distress it would be to tell you to STOP!! Stop retelling all the stories where you didn't win. Stop sharing how something was unfair, or unjust or even unnerving. STOP! Take a moment to make the tiniest of shifts to another way to see things.



It is often said that it takes 6 weeks to change a habit....I am here to tell you it took me more like six years...but never the less I did it! Now it is more my habit to find the better feeling thought. It is more my habit to play the angels advocate. I am far from perfect, but I am also far from miserable. I know that when those days come and they almost always do, when it seems that everyone's life is going better, that everyone but me seems to be getting what they want, but if you look back to the Law of attraction, that means that you are attracting winners into your life. Not to show you what you didn't win, but rather to share with you the winning. Replacing the habit of envy with a feeling of gratitude to the universe that it is providiing a desire for someone in your energy circle is the most positive step towards you finding those things you want in your life as well.

NOTHING>>>and I mean no thing good that happens for you ever...EVER!!! takes anything away from me!! We are not in a competition. We are all a part of the GOD thing, and he is not punishing us for our mistakes. He has given us the powers and laws. Some will tell us things to distort our understanding, and their lessons are more meant for control. If you find out how amazing, powerful and gifted you are, you may surpass them in your life experience. And you know---I think that would be amazing. To see you win brings winning to my life.

Opportunities for success are sometimes disquised as problems or mistakes....

My week is over, my tired is big, my fun was amazing, my life is good, my friends are my gifts, my kids are my blessings, my status is cool!! Living in this world with the laws you must know that things will go wrong. Success is not avoiding mistakes, it is finding solutions and being grateful for the homework!Facebook status...7-16-2011


Whether it started off as a normal week (last week) or if it was more like "whose week is this anyway?", I manage to get to the end of them and feel somewhat grateful for my ability to make a serious dent in the to-dos and have a little fun too~

My week is over, but not usually in the traditional way, Friday rarely means that I don't still have stuff to do. I read sometimes about those who have weekend get aways, and down time...and I think to myself I really gotta start trying that. Work at this time of year often spills over to my weekend, but the things that I do to create opportunities and participate in fun with our folks, is the greatest kind of work.

My tired is big, because I have been so busy saying yes, that something has to give...and usually its sleep.

My fun was amazing...this is mostly because it seems that no matter what I am doing, I am having fun.

My life is good, actually this is an understatement. My life is wonderful!

My friends.... I am surrounded by generous, loving, supportive, crazy, hillarious, gifted people...... my friends, and even if I happen to be at what others call work, they make that fun too~they are gifts to my life.

My kids are my blessings. No one knows when they make the decision to have kids that it will be the toughest thing they ever do, probably because moms make it look so easy. But I am blessed daily by one or more of my kids. They have grown up to be the most wonderful people, and I am grateful for them every day.

So the last statement actually came out of a conversation that was meant to be someone feeling a bit of self pity. And as they were talking all I could think about was, first how long is my gratitude list, second-how grateful I am to have learned to look for the positive, no matter how well it is hidden. And finally how far I have come past the moments when all I could do was breathe. I know too, that many times when we get stuck in those "failure" moments that it is hard to see that no problem comes without a solution already available. And that learning to be open to all the opporunities in life surely means two things--that we are open to the solutions which makes them easier to see and when we live in the faith that each of those momenst is an opportunity to practice our skills.

I can remember a time when I had a different definition of what success was, and I am not sure whose definition it was, but I also remember that I did not feel like I would ever attain it. But that definition no longer applies. When I learned that each moment could be a celebration of success, fun, happiness, blessings, and even a celebration of getting through it, life not only got better it got made.

We have no way of knowing when the last minute will arrive, but learning to be alive in each one surely means that we are living a successful life....key words LIVING and SUCCESS. I just got through another set of moments and shared my thoughts. Found many things in this week that I can feel success over. Many moments where others reached my heart and made me smile. Many moments where the success of helping others meant more than anything. Moments where I realized that I was tired but not withough a good reason.

I love this life, every second of it. I wish nothing less for each of you, but that you fall in love with your life, because in those minutes is where your success is. Did you smile at someone elses kindness? Or were you the reason they smiled today? Did you solve a problem, or were you the hero in someone elses moment? Did you count your blessings until you lost count? Were you a blessing to someone who was having trouble getting to 10?

I can see where we get caught in believing that success is when we achieve a position, or a amount in the account. I can see where the seeking of power means that we have reached our goal. I see how it happens, but when we don't see that sucess is really in the moments of everyday....we are not really getting all there is out of this life. I don't wait for numbers, amounts or even permission. I have found success...and it happens all the time.

Finding the joy in life surely means you are successful.

The achievement of anything that you desire must be considered success, whether it is a trophy or money or relationships or things. But if you will let your standard of success be your achievement of joy—everything else will fall easily into place. For in the finding of joy, you are finding vibrational alignment with the resources of the Universe 6-27-11~~~Abraham-Hicks™


Often it has been difficult to feel successful, there always seems to be some aspect of life not quiet up to par. Some little thing still nagging at the I want button. I seldom feel like a failure, but sometimes when I am alone and the thoughts of all that I have yet to acomplish start flooding over me, I have a hard time feeling as if I have it figured out.

Now that is not to say I am discouraged or even for a moment feel that these little disturbances are real, or even a description of reality. They are the left over thoughts that have bound themselves at a cellular level and take many active sessions to completely remove.

I won't say we all have those people in our lives that will tell us often, "that will never work", "you are just playing with a pipe dream", "your not pretty enough to win him" and on and on. But those people have at one time or another been given a moment or more of my time and attention. I heard their negative words and I clung to their beliefs for a time...but no more. I still hear the echos of thier pain, but I try really hard to never listen. Some will never learn that by holding back others they tie theymselves to the negative. Some will never grasp that only when we all are happy for anyone winning that we all will add to our win column. And many will always be trying to force success by taking what belongs to others....credit, jobs, belongings, etc. There is more than enough creative energy in this universe for all of us to succeed, but some will always try to force thier beliefs on others instead.

It might even be a good time to slow down and listen to what we are saying to others. If we were listening to someone else and all we heard were their negative words, "it aint gonna work, or I dont have anything to be happy about"---would we want to listen to us? I am not saying that bad stuff is not real, but when you land in it and stay there you give your creative evergy to that which you are upset about experiencing. It's ok to vent and be in the moment, but don't you want to move away from it? If so then make the change in the thought that is about what is real...to what you want it to be. Find something to recall that you are grateful for. Remember a time when things were great and you felt real success. Teach yourself to always find a way to end whatever conversation, thought time, or even self dialog on a happy note. When you turn this direction it works just like a light switch to turn off the negative and gives you a chance to turn your energy to what you want.

Call someone who has a more positive outlook and ask them to tell you how they stay so "flippin positive", and don't just do the lip service. TRY to make your next step an experiment in living in the positive!! Start a journal, each time you feel yourself feeling the bad vibes, go and write it down. But before you are done end it with something good.

Then let it go....after a few days of trying this go back and see if the bad stuff is still there. But remember bad thoughts are really just a habit. We teach ourselves how to think and feel just like we teach ourselves to do anything else and practice makes better...and sometimes perfect.

A few days ago I was visiting with a friend and she was sharing that she has so many people that she sees everyday that never seem to helpful, generous or happy. They seem to drain the life right out of her. So it's time for a little Polyanna therapy---try to end every conversation, thought, or activity on a good note. Just try...or don't, it'sup to you. But when you find joy, even if it is borrowed, a little old, or just pretend you set about your magnet to draw more joy to you.

Find a way to be happy for any good news, even if you wish it were yours. When someone wins we are all better for it, because it means there is positive energy in our lives...and we are seeing the result of that. Everything bad that happens feels like it is the end of us or maybe even the world. But the creative spirit that gave us breath and free will did all this to give us the opportunities to experience our creative power. Success is not in any one thing, job, possession or person. Success is in feeling the joy, and teaching ourselves to find the joy no matter how well it may be hidden or how diffictult it is to see with our crap colored glasses.

I love those who have come into my life to teach me these little lessons of being joy filled and successful. They have made my life, because before I was just existing in the misery of everything bad that had ever happened, recounting and retelling and reliving all that stuff over and over and over again. Making sure to convince every one that I had it worse..WHY? That only set forth the energy to make sure it was!!! I want the success in life, and I WORK to find my joy at every moment that I am able.

It's all in the writing.

Whether you find your way in this life with traditional methods of help or if you are able to move past grief and loss with the help of amazing friends and one seriously wordy online venting diary, it makes little difference. Therapy works to move you past the past---and I am miles past it most days.


Its always there to remind me, I am almost 50. I don't have all the traditional things in place that should be getting me settled and ready for my retirement. I am alone...well not really but I am single. As I was reading some posts on facebook today, it was evident that I was having a moment of envy of those who seem to have gotten all they desired out of their first half of life. A good marriage, a good job-career,financial stability and roots that secure them to a great life.

I unfortunatley made some not so great choices with my decisions and also allowed someone else to direct some of the major paths that were all misguided, wrong turns and dead ends. There seems to be a movement or actually two on facebook that follows the opposite ends of a spectrum. One belief is that we should be able to use this media for whatever dissemination of information that we desire, no matter if it is completely accurate or even nearly fair. Others feel that we should only use if for the good stuff and leave the other hidden away for no one to see.

I really do not believe that censorship works, but I do understand both of these trains of thought. But before either is condenmed or appreciated, let me say this... We each have a right to our freedom of speech, but just the same you have the right to delete.

I do not agree that all that I believe or every thought that jumps into my head belongs on the social media broadcast system. But unfortunately not all those who are on my friends list and probably some that are also on yours have the same filtering system in place. They see the value of this media to be in the venting option. They should be able to share whatever bad news they choose. I agree in the right to share, but I don't always feel up to reading. I know too that while it is totally up to you to read or not to read....it does not upset me either way.

My blog has become my venting, but it is gauged by the distance of therapy others are so gracioulsy sharing with me as I move from the pain of a past path. A wrong way that was riddled with bad decisions has lead me to a life that not only honors my beliefs in fairness and honesty, but it also allows me to say I made mistakes. I trusted the wrong person, and it took me decades to become strong enough to step away.

Does that mean that I should rip him a new one everytime I become angry? No not really...but not for the reason you might think. The reason that I share only from my perspective is because that is all that I own. I allowed all that I experienced. I have no one to blame. I attracted and held to someone who never had my best interests at heart, does not make him right but certainly does not make me wrong either.

I have been very blessed over the last several years to have the greatest of teachers arrive as this student was ready to move away from a life not only half lived, but less than half successful. I don't shy away from the facts, and only occassionaly have envy for those who made better decisions. I have a deep faith that as I continue to move towards a life that is about understanding how it really works, good attracts more good....love attracts more love...well it goes on, but you get the gist right? I work on improving me, which in turn works to attract those who are more like me, and like the me I long to be.

I can remember a time when it took all I had to try to be happy, but now it comes pretty easy. Even when others seem to seek me to feel sorry or have sympathy for thier misfortune. I understand that it is their choice and paths they chose that lead them towards the life that they are living. I know too that at any moment they can choose to go a different way. To seek the high road. Now that does not always mean that their path with suddenly turn yellow and become the bricks that lead up to the Emerald City, but it does mean that they will begin to build a momentum that moves them toward more smiles and understanding. Every time we make a decision that is based in ego, revenge or any of those feelings that lead to harming others we set about making the fate our own as well. Understanding how we arrive at the destination also known as crapville will assure that we do not have to return. Blaming others for how we ended up where we are, makes it almost certain we will be living there for a long while. That does not mean that those who would take advantage of us, push us towards doing only what they want or guilting us into making the bad decisions are totally innocent. But when we get totally honest and real with ourselves, we have to find our resposnibiilty in the decisions also. Even giving someone else control does not remove your part in the disaster. It just means you chose to let someone else choose for you....it was still your choice.

I do not look for censorship, nor do I practice sympathy. I decide what I will read and share empathy when it is needed. I am here to help those who seek to find a better road to travel, and to work towards making up for my mistakes. I will never hold back when moments of venting that are about my experience...even if that means it makes someone mad, but I do not seek to harm nor create drama towards anyone, least of all those who created so much of it in my path in my past. I am happy, even when I am not smiling, because I get it. I know that my blog~erapy is helping me....and thats all I need to know.

Feelings are not facts...

Feelings are not facts, they are the warning signs of thoughts when we feel bad and they are the celebrations when we are headed in the right direction. Watch what your feelings are telling you and act accordingly. Search for the better feeling thoughts...find the positive even if it is only that I am not as sad as I once was. It is the only sure way to improve your life .


Its the age old story...I don't feel well, so that must mean something is wrong. I am having an off day so life must be bad. Someone gave me a weird vibe, so they must think I am weird.

It's totally not true and most of the time the feelings are left overs from times when I did not understand that it is always my choice. There is nothing wrong with feeling however you are feeling. The problem lies in when we decide that the feeling has no corrective action. We get stuck. We stay feeling as if we have no other way to feel.

But there is a very simple solution. You can find a better feeling thought. You can work on remembering those feelings that are good. The day when your friends suprised you with a birthday lunch. The afternoon of Everything is Pink day, where every minute was about showing appreciation for me. The moments when my kids remember moms day, mothers day or call just because. Those afternoons where watching the grands makes the good mom feelings come and stay as long as forever.

Bad feelings are just markers of moments that are less than desirable. They are not permanent, punishment or even primary. They are fleeting times that I can hurry along by looking for the better feeling thought. Whether it be a memory of some moment when someone honored my freindship and love for them, or something that I am planning for the future. My feelings can improve by stepping out of my misery to try and improve someone elses situation, by volunteering, donating or surprising them with a moment that honeors the gift they are in my life.

I love that I have learned the are of gratitude for every minute, and every feeling. Because it hurries along the better stuff and those moments can never come soon enough for me. I love too that I have learned how to share the lessons that not only improve my life, but make each and every feeling something I can get through or treasure....depending on which one it is.

Social Networking...originally posted Nov. 2009

There have been a few posts lately that have a negative inference that some of the folks on facebook and probably on other sites are falling into categories of posters that for lack of a better term...are aggravating. I hope that this doesnt always describe me, but I began to think about one of the most formal posts recently which actually sited another article written for another site...and they break the not so flattering traits into 12 descriptions. I must admit when I read them I could see where I could actually at one point or another find myself at least in some part and parcel in several of these generalizations.

I do not want ever to prevent someone from their right to speak, or for sharing just an observation or opinion. I actually love so much the ability to hear so many different views...and then thinking if my position should change on the new information could be one of the reasons I stay awake at night.

But I guess with all the hoopla about what "those" posters might be doing that aggravates some, it got me to thinking....and basically I came up with "so what?"

The control is in each of our hands to have these posts on our page or not...although it might not be comfortable to put a boundary in place---ie delete someone who is causing you aggravation...it is up to you to protect your space whether it be in irl or online...either is the same. I am sure that you probably dont regularly travel to any sites online that you find offensive and probably as well if you have a site that you would'nt care for your children to visit...chances are you have it blocked all together.

So instead of me deciding to be offended or aggravated by those who post pattern is a little different than myself so what...I actually feel, believe and even on some occassions preach...""the fact that we are all different makes this life what it is...if you were all just like me...I seriously doubt we would ever have coffee at 4:30 am...cause I know Im not getting up to make it...I probably have only been asleep for a few hours by then and I know all those like me wouldnt care if there was coffee anyway."

The strangest thing of all is the thought that anyone ever has enough friends...even if they just be online...and if someone is creeping you out then block their access to your site. I dont really mind those folks who dont really know me...IRL, but they post on my site, send donations into our non profit...or even who just tell me now and then to have a nice day.

I like so much that I can see the things in your life that you find important...and also most important those who seem to have a hard time communicating in person...might just take a shot at sharing how tough their life is today, and maybe even though I dont know them as well as some others, maybe I can be one that posts something that helps...even if it is only to say..ME TOO!

My life is crazy busy...(not complaining) I love that I have all the opportunities that I have, for work--helping those we serve, for Gimmee' time--I am entirely in love with those two grands, for new friends--cause who can really ever have enough friends, and for connections---whether it be irl or just online. Each time I read someones post and they share an insight, a gratitude or even just that they are tired...they remind me what this life is all about. It's not about how many toys you collect, or how many breaths you take...its those moments that take your breath(borrowed that from someones post) and its about those lives you touch...and those who make a mark on your heart.

I love my online friends...even if all I ever see of you is your pictures...I LOVE YOU...not in a wierd creepy way, but in a healthy, gosh I hope I can be there for you if you ever need a friend way. I hope too that my posts, notes and comments dont bother you...but in some way they make your online life a little better, funnier or even less aggravating.

thanks...for all you share...and all you do!

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Serendipity~~my definition!!!

Sometimes when life is moving fast and furious, I make decisions that are all based on the theory of "What the Heck, lets give it a shot"? And while some would have me believe that everything needs to have an indepth, well thought out and written plan to be successful, I have a few anecdotes and evidence that might suggest the opposite is true.

Now I am not saying that we should live with out a plan, or an objective to get us to our desitnation. My reason for stating this little different twist is to remind myself that no matter what the plan says, sometimes you just go where the spirit moves you.

This week has been loaded with Serendipity, loosley defined in Webster's as a fortunate accident. And while I have never in my life disagreed with the all knowing interpretive descriptions of words that are forever described in the amazing, all knowing dictionary, I seem to be using this word to describe those moments in life that just don't really come with a label. They are not part of the planning, but are definitely part of the direction. They are not something that we can really say is going to happen, but when I am standing in that moment, nothing would be able to get that smile off my face.

So as I moved from moment to moment in the week after the week after the busiest week of my year, there were many thoughts that had rambled through my brain. I would really like to see "G" so I can ask her about something....and within seconds of thinking this thought, I walked to my car after finishing up with an outing and as I looked out in front of me, she was walking towards me. Now keep in mind neither of us were in a town where we live, work or see each other often. We werent 1000's of miles away from home, but at that moment when I realized just seconds before my brain had uttered the thought of wanting to see her and then there she is---we might as well have been on another planet... hopefully you can get a glimpse of this seredipity. Not only was she walking towards me, her car and mine were side by side and we were there, together, opening our doors, just inches away from each other. We talked, set a time when I could come by to see her....and boom ~~serendipty.

Another little item of interest was to visit with a person who represents a certain business, I had drove all the way to Ft. Worth on a Saturday afternoon recently in hopes I would run into her not had much luck setting up and appt either. It wouldn't have been anyway cause I was trying to plan an accidental, hey fancy meeting you here...see the irony? So just a few days ago, I thought I might try calling again and making it a formal meeting, had the thought process of gee I would really like to see a person from this company and then "BAM" she is standing 2 feet away from me at another totally random moment when I was doing something else. We had a very nice visit, exchanged cards and now "serendiptious moments later" and she and I have a meeting set up.

There have been many moments like this through my life, but for many years I kind of have just dismissed them as coincidence. But now I am beginning to see, understand and believe that I am able to create in this life answers for every question, assistance for every task and light for every darkness.

There was the time when I had been going to a town many miles from my home, the person I was traveling with and I were having a talk about a favorite person in my life. I had not see her in years, but each thought of her has always put a smile on my face. With in a minute we are at an intersection....hours and miles from where either of us lives, and as we cross one of a billion street intersections on this planet, she walks across the street in front of the truck. Not like hey way over there that looks like somebody I know close, seriously serendiptiously 4 1/2 feet in front of my windshied close. I jumped out of the truck, hugged her neck, and we have laughed about that moment every time we have seen each other since.


One of my most favorite moments was many years ago, it was in the heat of a Texas summer, we had been to do our weekly grocery shopping, had our kids in the car and we stopped to let one of the little ones to go to the rest room and to put a little water in our car because it was overheating. Being the young and living on a shoestring kids with kids that we were, neither of us really could have ever predicted what happened next. As I took the little one to the restroom, and the hood was lifted to put some water in the car, the fan belt fell off the car. Not was loose and needed to be replaced, IT FELL OFF! So its hot, we have just spent the last of our paychecks getting groceries to get us through to the next pay day and now we are stranded 20 minutes from home on a Saturday afternoon, with little ones, cold groceries---well anyway. To say that I might have been a little panicked would have been a bit of an understatement. I am not sure if I cried, but my memory now as I revisit this serediptious moment in my life, I remember feeling tears. Within a few moments an older gentleman approaches and asks if we need help, of course we say well yeah we do. He goes to the car looks at the now in pieces laying on the ground fan belt and says I think I have an extra one those in my trunk. I laughed through my tears and said no you don't, and he chuckled and said yeah I think I do. Now I must tell you that not only did we not have similar cars...they werent even made by the same company. But yet this seredipitous angel goes to his car, opens his trunk and pulls out a belt that not only is the same length as the one now in pieces, but has the same number in little white letters on the side. Ok...over the years as I have told this story, the memory of that day and what he looked like, the color and type of car he drove--right down to the funny little white shoes and completely white outfit he was wearing...have never dimmed in my memory.

I could tell countless stories but today was the culmination of many serendipitous moments from one of the most serediptious weeks I have ever had. I won't tell you all of them, but just a few weeks ago I mentioned to someone how I would like to meet someone local, who has similar interests as me, who is an author who could help and direct me on a project that I have been working on for about a year. Guess who I met this morning and who I have a meeting with tomorrow? Yep---the moments just go on and on....a friends new endeavor, and all the ideas to help, guess who I run into? As I am sitting in a meeting this afternoon looking around the room at some of the most amazing people I have ever had the serendipity to meet and thinking about what I admire about many of them, someone walks up and says what they admire in me. I have so many dreams and hopes for the people we serve, and I have met at least three who have offered to help me work towards those goals this week. A wonderful lady that I have known and respected for years and I had a little bit of a disagreement lately. Although I was determined to not let harsh words and actions change how I feel about her, today we both ended up in a wonderful moment and it was as if we had never disagreed about anything. We were instantly back into a mutual caring and respectful relationship and feeling gratitude and pride for a wonderful event and amazing surprise for her that I was blessed to be able to be a witness to.

Over the last couple of years, my life has been filled with seredipty moments and gifted me serendipituos friendships. I am more and more convinced that these people who are amazing, loving, supportive and encouraging are destined to be a part of the this serendiptous life. They are here because as I get closer and closer to my purpose, my mission, and my passion, each person who has agreed to be a part of my success is showing up to gift to me energy and love that will spur me on my way. I am serendipityiously blessed and blissfully happy to be in this moment and in love with this life. My FaoFoc, my Ladies of the Round table, my BFF's, my fellow Lions, my work family, my kids, my grands, and you--you are all my seredipitious blessings, and I can hardly even think any of it has been an accident...its all too perfect to be anything less than a miracle.

Actually as I sit here and work on sharing this bit of blog~erapy I am remembering more and more moments in my recent life history and from my long term memory and my smile is just getting bigger and bigger. How could I ever doubt again the divine hand that is on this life? Mine, yours, ours? Never again....and even some of those moments that did not start with a smile or even a serendiptious moment but more often with pain and misunderstood feelings, they too were about getting to the answers that were meant for me to find. All of them, All the time...All to the good!

There are so many words and sayings that we use and re-use to try and explain these little minor miracles in life, but I think we might just be doing the miraculous part of this journey a disservice by doing so. I completely understand and acknowledge that not every question will be answered by one of these amazing moments, but then I can be happy in anticipation of the answer none the less. I know too that sometimes not getting an answer is really still a resolution to the question. Every prayer is answered, just sometimes the answer is no. Not because we didn't deserve a yes, but a yes was not what would have lead us to the right answer.

So now I am on a mission, to redefine and redo the way we use the word serendipty. I don't really think of these amazing moments as accidents, I think of them as divine meetings at the coincidental intersections of life. They are directed by our hearts desire and fired by our faith in the belief that we are meant to be happy, have the life that we are destined to live and when we are living on purpose can never really miss any way we shoot. I love my serendipity--don't you?

I have learned that if you will look at people for whats in their heart and not in their hands, whats the truth of their words and not the volume or quantity, for the balance of their actions, not the stories of could haves...you will find the real people. The ones who will hold you up when you can't stand, the ones that will love you when you feel unloveable, and who will teach you about who you ought to be or could one day be. Those are my kind of folks...and I know many of them!


At one point in my life, I relied completely on my feelings to decide on people who would get my attention. I listened to their words and forgave their misteps and hurtful actions. I thought if they were saying they cared that meant they did.



I have since come to realize that I was unable to "SEE" the real person because I was looking at the outside and using only my eyes. Truely being able to SEE those who are in my life has become more of a heart thing. I can see how they treat me, and watch how they treat others. I SEE how they care for those in their family and how they are careful with themselves.



I have learned to use my heart and my intuition. I have learned when someone behaves with meaness and harsh words that it is not because of me, it is because of who they are. They are liviing their anger instead of using it to guide future decisions. It was this way for me. Now its a momentary distraction. I take note of the reaction you pulled from me and then I understand that I must limit your access to my heart and feelings because you do not know how to respect it. I also send you away with every wish for light and love in your world...each and every time I see you.



Once I realized that I am the one who is responsible for those who get my permission to take up my moments, I accept the responsiblity and the blame. I do not allow missteps without noting that I think someone is off base. I changed me and my reactions and now those who show up in my life are people who feel and behave in a way that is an example of the me I long to be. They are generous to a fault. When they take on a task and a responsibility, you have not need to worry about the outcome...it shall be done.



These amazing people who are now a part of my reality hold me up on the days that I find it hard to walk. They cheer me on when I am headed towards a new goal. They send me text messages to remind me to take care of me. They invite me to be a part of the life celebrations big and small. And when I am in need they arrive with gifts that not only meet those needs, they give with no expectaions beyond the joy to give.



I keep saying it and I keep on meaning it. I love my life and I am so grateful that I have learned to SEE the real in people...the real good ones and the ones who are still struggling. I love SEEing things as they keep getting better and appreciating each real person who helps me be better and do better...I love SEEing you!