A lesson of contrast

Over the last while it seems as though even in a single day the emotional bookends are crazy different. On the one side of life it seems like things are going great, that pieces of the puzzle are working themselves to where they need to be. Then in a blink of an eye issues arise, drama ensues and life does a u-turn.

But it's really not a life u-turn, because at the end of it all I am still headed in the right direction.

This week I have opportunities for all over the map type stuff and Monday after work was no different. For awhile I have been venturing out and finding new experiences and practices that are helping me move closer to my center. These things that used to only make me giggle a little have caught my interest and made a believer of me for their ability to add quiet and quality to a life. These things are practicing yoga, gong meditation, or any meditation and drumming.

There is something so primal about sound and movement to bring us closer to the real self. I must admit at one time I was a skeptic, but then again, I also never believed that I deserved happiness until my friend Tim did a little LIFE101 class with me 16 years ago.

In the process of working towards an inner peace that is barely ruffled with the outward craziness of life, I discovered an amazing truth. I decide what upsets me and what only teaches me.

Best recent example is the celebration of Earth Day that I went to at a local winery. Lost Oak is a beautiful place and many family pictures have been made at several of their photo opp locations. The Gong/Mediation/Yoga Earth Day event was held outside in the grass. It was absolutely perfect and I enjoyed every moment of it.

But it was mentioned later that several folks were bothered with noise from the near by traffic, the bugs, and a few other little unplanned natural instruments that joined our event without planning. What I realized is that I decide what will bother me and what I will see as part of the soundtrack of my life.

We heard the traffic and yes it was a bit distracting at first, but then I started to notice how the cars sounded different and the noise that their tires made on the highway was interesting. My mind wandered back to the gong as I focused on the vibrations and I suddenly heard a symphony of frogs take over the music of this event. There were also strange sounds, crickets maybe, and a train. There were birds flying over head and so many noises and in the distance a siren. My mind was suddenly thrown back to the events of the past week where there had been so many emergency vehicles and their sounds present in tragedies of our world. Suddenly the sound was not a shrill bother, but instead a cry of rescue with a message of here we come to save the day.

I could have let all the noises that were not a planned part of the wonderful outdoor event upset me and clearly several people did, but instead I was grateful for them. All of the glorious wind, sky, moon and grass that was surrounding my event was worth whatever loudness and everyday sounds I had to allow to pass through my event.

I decide for me when I will be disturbed. I can choose to allow the flow of life to move me along or I can resist it and miss whatever bliss might be there for me to find. I choose...bliss.

Maybe it would have made a difference in the others experience if someone had said focus on the moment, gifts and choose to allow all the sounds to be a part of the music of your day. Or maybe they would still want to have had control and perfection. But they missed the real perfection. Life is noisy, full of unexpected sounds and even surprises that will not always be the music we had sought out, but at the end of the concert the pleasure we will have had and remember will be what we chose to get out of it...not what was planned.

I would never recommend someone start a exercise in contrast without studying the natural laws that govern our emotional connections to what shows up in our lives. I could not even begin to share that until I have grown to understand it more. What I can tell you is this...when I choose to dismiss what upsets me, see each thing that happens as the lesson I believe it to be, and when I focus on self love and forgiveness rather than any of those ugly-reactions, life just simply gets better.

My life is a lesson in contrast...and I think I finally heard it.

Hard to feel happy and impossible to be completely sad

I keep trying to write words to give my friends and update and I keep getting stuck. I know...not like me at all, but the contrast of life recently has me a little stretched.

Happy to sad, shocked to angry, disbelief and unable to understand. I cannot talk about the hate from Boston---but I can be so proud of those who were diligent to stop those who created this thing we will forever and always wish had not happened. I cannot help but wish that all our communities would look at the safety of the businesses and their proximity to homes, babies, families, schools. I keep thinking do I know the dangers in my own neighborhood and town? I think about how these horrible tragedies make me grateful to be able to help and not have to be the one needing help. I have been on the other side of horrible...

I cannot even begin to share how proud I am of my neighbors...so many have stepped up to help the folks in West..this little town that we all know because of the Cech stop bakery and a few friends sprinkled here and there on the sleepy little streets. I have struggled to get a grasp on the bombing though...I was immediately proud of those who were running towards the smoke and those who would have been injured, but I must be honest I am not sure had I been there that I would not be running the other direction.

I have been known to step in and help others when I saw the need and on few occasions have stared down a boyfriend who was hitting a friend of mine, a misdirected adult harming a child or even a coward kicking a dog....I have also been criticized, chastised and reminded that a person who is already known to be capable of hurting another creature big or small would not think two seconds about hurting me either.

I think at certain moments in our life we are gifted the choice and ability to stand up for someone else, to step in and be the voice of reason or the scream of "I will so kick your ass if you do not stop NOW!". I have had it a few times in my life, putting it all at risk to save the one who needed someone to be there for them...but it has been rare.

I often think how lucky I have been, how the people who have come into my life to cause harm, were hear only for a short while. The tragedies, the car wrecks, the house fire, the terminations and even yes the divorce were lessons and blessings in disguise because of what I learned from it. I don't think every one is able or even required to see those moments as something they can learn from...but I did. I adopted the choice a few years ago to always see the good....no matter how well it is hidden.

Tonight as I digested all that has gone on for the last 7 days, I had to spend a few minutes just wrapping my head around the moments. I was given a great opportunity to serve, blessings of time with people I love and moments of clarity that were so amazing that each of them felt like a gift. I was judged and talked to harshly by someone I do not event know, and then complimented and congratulated by many more who also were friends yet to be made. I saw the horrific minutes live through youtube videos of moments that I would have rather not seen, but then I looked to the many minutes around those few seconds of horror that work to cancel the bad few out.

It has been a hard week by no stretch of the imagination. It really does no justice to those who were lost to wish didn't happen, because it did. It really does not help us by trying to explain it away or justify actions or choices. The only thing that helps me is to understand that we each have a temporary status in this reality. We can learn from the bad stuff, celebrate the good stuff and be ready for what is next by making our choices with the outcome in mind.

There is not reason to list the many lessons of this last week, most of them were not mine to learn. It only serves me to forgive myself for the things I did wrong, choose to send forgiveness to those who wronged me or others and to accept the responsibility for the choices I made. When I learned that my choices select the outcomes, it got a whole lot easier to manage this crazy life.

I am tempted to list my good....but not sure you would stay tuned to read it all. Why should you? I am sure if you took your life moment by moment you could find much good too. You can list yours for me here in the comments if you like, or message me if you want to read mine.

A week of ups and downs, back to fronts and clouds that finally seem to be lifting

Not sure why, but there has been a cloud hanging over my week -literally and figuratively. So much contrast --ups--downs--happys --sads and back to fronts. I have had to watch myself to keep level and allow all that was meant for me, but the constant motion has left me a little sea-sick. Thank you to some special friends who always SEE me, know me and keep me real and others who love me no matter my mood. My skies are clearing and I hear the weather is going to improve also!!

Over the last week, the opportunities have been off the hook...seriously. I should with every passing moment be stuck on bliss. But some of the opportunities were so tied up in my expectations that I got a little twisted. I have to work through yet another hiccup in the journey to better. I was faced with some interactions with folks I have never met and their journey inspired and shrank me at the same time. I began to wonder if faced with their life challenges would I have been so strong.

I witnessed others who seemed to be stuck in the moment where their lives were guiding light for others, but all they could see and relive was the tragedy that changed everyone's destiny. I also was the recipient of a sort of gift, blessing that took me so by surprise I had to reevaluate the relationship that brought it about. I also had another relationship that didn't appear to ever have any trouble and it disintegrated right before my eyes. I had to stop and think...why? And no answer came. I was told by a few that they had seen the defect in the person from a distance, and I had not heeded the warning.

I have to realize that the lessons are often tough to take, but all necessary to get me where I am to go. I also must learn that putting people in a box marked good or bad only leads me to have to learn more. There is good even in the worst of us and bad it every good person too. Looking for the good will always be my first option, but understanding all that comes with caring for others is my ultimate goal. I must also be open to the hurt when I am disappointed by someone I care for, and cling to loving them even at the moment I most remove them from the inner circle to work on damage control.

Blog~erapy has been such a saving space for me. A place where I can write my way through this type of week. A place where I can share and those who care to can comment or just read. I appreciate my writing me to well place, it's the best therapy I have ever had.