So several months ago, there were several folks that were just on a kick of posting things that were indirectly directly aimed at some people on facebook. There was a drama at their employment, an ex husband, another kind of ex, and ex employer and well just lots of stuff that could not ever get headed in a good direction. And while most of the time I do a pretty good job of speaking my mind and being upfront...when I tried to talk to those involved, my calls were not answered or returned and emails were not effective either. So I just put on the brakes and began trying to not be all twisted up when it came to their stuff, cause after all it was their stuff. Please note that I do not profess to always be positive and upbeat...I have my days, but I usually gage my posts by what I like to read...and if I start reading my stuff and it sounds iffy, I just delete...LOL!
I had had words with a couple of them and tried to explain myself and was pretty blunt and to the point with one, because the stuff that was going on where they were concerned was just wrong. I kept seeing the stuff and the posts and the hate and the negativity until one day someone posted how deleting some people from their friends had made them like facebook again.
So I put on my big girl panties and swept up a few messes, although I did not clean house or go on a gosh I hate the color of your hair, or you get all the cute guys, or even you are friends with people I really dont like housecleaning....I just took out some unecessary stuff.
It was only a couple of days later until I got a message that said, "hey something must be wrong I cant see what you are posting" and then a few days later facebook came out with an app that lets you see who deleted you. Well as the old joke goes thats when the fight started. I got a lengthy accusatory email that stopped short of hateful, but did mention a few adjectives that were not pleasant to hear. I waited a few days before I replied, but I was careful with the words that I chose. I shared with this person that while I cared deeply about her and still wanted to consider her a friend, there were just some issues I was having a hard time getting past, and because it had been about 5 months since I had last tried to call and talk about the problems then, and my calls and messages went unanswered, I felt like our lives had probably gone different directions and maybe it was time to just let it go. I also shared a bit about those decisions to distance myself back when I couldnt get her to answer the phone...but I was standing by my decision and I wished her well.
I have always felt that no one really owes me an explanation about anything in their life, but likewise I do not feel I should have to explain myself either. I stand by what I decided to do, and watched as some people who were removed set about trying to stack the cards against me. There were comments made to people at work and drama that was put out there...but in the end I just became more sure I had decided what was best for me.
It always saddens me that when you try to explain, even when no explanation is owed, it almost always turns into a name calling yeah but you session. I simply was not about to go there. The following email was worse and did not stop short of anything ugly. I was called two faced, a user and a few other choice things that well just made me sad. My opinion of her as a person had not changed until then. I simply felt that we were not on the same page as before and that some things that she felt were acceptable were a little to the right or left of center for me. Thats all! No hate, no drama, just time to be a little further away from their direction.
And let me just say this...I was not totally clueless to these negative traits, in fact some conversations that I had previously shared with all of those who no longer sit on my facebook, were all about the people they too had removed from their lives for this injustice or that crime or even because they were being friends with someone they didnt like. Im sure that there were many victims of this same song second verse lifestyle. To me that all shows a lack of character...if you profess to be my friend, and you are truely good at being a friend, many of the issues that you dismiss others for in your life are not really delete worthy. Conversation starters yes, but removal grounds not so much. And to be fair to me....ahem, even some who have deleted me from time to time have been added back. The situation that lead to their being angry enough with me to take me out of their rotation, was just more of the same. I dont profess to have a clue how anyone should live their life, but you start doing damage in mine or in the life of someone I care about...well then its just gonna have to be told.
I still don't hate, and at times have wished we could have the conversation that had the opportunity to be healing back when it went south. But as I watch from time to time how others who were involved act and hear bits and pieces about things that they have said, I am somewhat relieved that it ended the way it did. I have to live by the guidelines and principles that matter to me. I have to honor what your choices are, but when your decisions always land you on the negative side....I kinda just gotta let you go there alone. I lived that life...for a long time. I know where it ends up. I know the consequences...so Im gonna say pass, or fold or im out...but I just cant go there ever again.
If either or at least two of those who were deleted ever wanted to have a conversation that could be about healing and leave out the name calling and blame, I would so entertain that option. But just know that when someone who is that determined to be mad and call names instead of being open to understanding, any chances of that opportunity presenting itself are slim and none. Im ok with that, still a little sad at the loss, but not really missing what is gone from my life, just missing the parts of that person that made us friends to begin with. And while I could go all out and tell you all kinds of reasons why I made my decision, it would be just more drama. I dont take removing someone from my life lightly. I consider the end results, what will be taken away. I also consider how I might make this relationship work, to salvage the good part. Even after all those years of being emotional damaged by someone I loved and was married to, I still stayed over and over or let him come back again and again, because I just never want to give up on someone...even though I probably should have in that case. I don't love any of them any less--im not in hate nor holding any grudges. I simply have learned that my boundaries are valid and they are there to help me to have the best life that I can possilby have. I don't for a second believe I know what works for everyone in their lives, not even for a milisecond even try to tell someone else how to live, but when your choices are stealing my joy, hurting my heart or turning my smile the other way...we sumpthins gotta give. I choose to give you the space to go and create the life of your choice and more power to you. But you just arent gonna have access to make those messes here.
I dont think of myself as harsh, selfish or mean. I know that even today there may be someone else I have to delete. I dont really have a pending list, but I just know when I read over and over and over again that someone is having issues and they never seem to be working towards a solution, they may just be a drama junkie. And please know I am not making a judgement on that lifestyle being good or bad...you are more than welcome to choose how to live your life. But if that is what you are content with putting out in the world, and you are not working towards investing anything in anyone else or their happiness....what you get is what you get.
So the funniest thing happened today, I was talking to a friend on the phone and the topic of discussion was about how a certain someone was going on and on about how people better stop the drama...but wait it gets better. When ever this person name comes up among her mutual friends there is usually some comment about how much drama is going on in their posts...drama this, drama that, drama her, drama him, drama them, drama work---well any way...you get the point right?
So I said, I have not seen any of those posts, how strange. So I do a little search and sure enough--we are no longer friends because the little button on the top of her wall says "Add as Friend". Im like--no thanks this former facebook user, just did me a huge favor.
I can simply say this...since I learned that I have every right to limit access to those who would abuse my kindness, or mistake my sweet demeanor as some form of welcome mat for them to wipe all thier dirt on as they walk right over me...my life has been great....and if it aggravates you that I am positive and happy and all miss sunshine and stuff, well then delete away. But really dont knock it until you have tried it. There aint no other way to live in my opinion! And just for the record, I have never used the see who deleted you app---and the only way I missed this person was because others were fed up with the drama filled posts too. I just wonder if any will decide to let themselves be deleted also. The surest way to get someone negative to remove you is to LOVE YOUR LIFE!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment