Well I so love it when there is great news to share, I have been working towards getting a home, not just an apartment or sharing a place, but a home of my own. Actually since before the divorce. You see with the ex there was never any measure of knowing that we were ever home. Job after job, move after move, change after change--we were always up in the air, never settled or even any time that we could let our guard down. Now that I no longer am on the hamster wheel of that former life, I have been making decisions that are based on whats best for me and mine...for several years. And have yet to have something happen that has even come close to being a tragedy, very few storms at all other than the regular Texas weather. I love that.
I also had thought I wanted to have a room mate several months ago, but that was not to be and I can honestly tell you I am grateful...because I know more than I did then.
But I have strayed off topic just a bit. So I have friends...LOTS of amazing wonderful supportive friends...and I am always taken aback by their generosity, kindness and love that they show me. And for the most part I have done a great job at choosing who will share in this life. But every now and then there is this change, this shift in the relationship that makes me sad and want to take a step back.
A few months ago it was with another friend who seemed bent on making sure that she had some editing control on who my friends were. She had grudges after all and those she felt hard towards were never supposed to be in my friends list. But I just want to go on the record, my friends are to be chosen by me. The selection is always open for adding or taking away based on how you behave in my reality.
When the former friend began to make comments like "You have slipped over to the dark side" or "why are you having lunch with the enemy?" I knew it was time to set the boundary in her direction. While she was right that the person I had been trying to rebuild a relationship with had made serious violations in the past, she was trying to redeem herself and I was willing to give her the chance, because we worked together. This did not sit well and the verbal confronts began. I also learned that a mutual friend was reporting back to her that a I was playing with the enemy. Let me just say this, I dont believe we have enemies, that everyone deserves a chance to repair a damaged relationship, as long as it is clear that is their intention. And let me add this, the presumed offenses were not really real to begin with. I had only had lunch in the same location, not made an effort to socialize, but when someone is making it an issue, why bother fighting it. Its just time to step back and keep the distance and the sanity.
So back to present day...I got a house, or at least a lease agreement to purchase one when all the legal issues are handled in a few months, either way its my rental/lease home until then. YIPPPEEEEEE!
I decide to let everyone know on facebook...ok its a little silly but it seems to be my communication tool of choice lately and so post I do...my excited status first with picture to follow. Its all good, and the congrats start, wonderful comments and likes on both posts. My friends...my true and real friends are happy for me!! Feels good to hear their cheers. Then it starts---one friend begins this post thread that totally messes with my happiness bubble. She posts " Congrats and im so glad i found out about your new place on facebook." Wow really? Ummm that doesnt feel good. So I reply "Lol!! Easiest way to tell everybody at the same time!!" Next from her...."I get it, now im just everyone to you.:((( "
so I just add " Ouch!" and her next post is "I guess ill see it the say day everyone else goes to see it. :'(" and so I add " Ouch ouch"
Really?? I share with everyone the biggest news for me in quiet some time and all you can say is the above? REALLY????????
I am not only hurt by this back and forth, I am a bit surprised. You see when I was originally looking to get out of the apartment--this friend and I had talked about sharing a house...and well she decided she didnt want to room with me, and put up with my kids and all the coming and going that that would mean. Ok...she said she enjoyed having a clean, quiet and private home to herself. I am not offended, everyone has a right to live however they choose. Then a few months ago, when she thought the room mates she did end up having live with her, were about to leave her high and dry...she wanted me to move in. UMMM no, Im pretty sure I was ok with the arrangement I had with my daughter. She seemed a bit miffed, but hey it was your decision months ago...now its mine so Im good. Then I find out a few weeks ago she is moving more people into her house...well, Im just gonns stop there, because the story just gets crazier.
This blog is about her replies and posts to me that are all about her---and nothing to do with me an what should be a happy moment for me. Just to set the record straight, after she stood me up for a movie date a few weeks ago to pretend she had something else to do with someone else( I already knew about the real date for the event) I decided that she had moved on and I am ok with that. I dont have to be the priority in anyones life, but when it is more than evident that I am only worthy of a lame excuse/lie...it changes how I feel about you and our relationship.
I understand that ebb and flow of love whether it is platonic or romantic. I get that relationships change, but I dont hate it less because of that. I am constant in my beliefs and behaviors. I am honest to a fault and real no matter where I happen to be. I am happy 97% of the time and not really unhappy the other 3%-just loving living in the contrast. But this shift, this rude, self centered and belittling behavior angers me...if only for a moment. I am moving past it with my blog~erapy, but she has changed our dynamic...drastically. I wont invest much more of my heart until the understanding of where we stand is addressed. But for the moment I am moving a wall of understanding in her direction...if only so that I can see her for who she is at this moment. Someone who is behaving in spite and with a mean spirit. And in case anyone has forgotten...the phone, texts, emails and messages go both ways.
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