"To love without condition, To talk without intention, To give without reason, And to care without expectation... this is the heart of a true friend."
A friend posted the Status Shuffle quote listed above, and while for the most part it is one of those great posts that gets my writing juices going, there would only be one tweak that I would add...we shall discuss that later.
First to love without condition...is the ultimate test of love. Being able to not grow hatred or anger towards someone who deserves that and more is a tough hurdle to clear. We are programed it seems from early in life to be angry and to get even. I often hear some say "he's gonna get what he deserves" or " I'll show her what for". But these declarations of tit for tat, or way beneath real love. The best description of love that I have ever found comes from my favorite book in the bible 1 Corinthians---13:4-8;
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
If we are practicing the art of love in any other manner, it is my opinion that we are falling way short. Love does not mean that we posses another, or in some way are responsible for their happiness, or that we have control of their life or actions. If we chose, and I believe it is a choice, to really love someone and we strive to do it well, that means that we love no matter where the loved goes, regardless of behavior (good or bad) or even if they chose not to love us in return. For many years the word love has had a connotation of ownership with it...that because of our feeling of affection, the other must return that or we are some how devastated. But that is not love---just look at the definition again. I know that for me, when I learnmed to remove the restrictions of my preconceived notion of a loving relationship and got a better understanding of what my loving others really meant, I began to let go of much of the drama and fears that had been so much of the first half of my life. It also allows me to give ownership to all those things that I can't control to those who should own it. If someone is treating me badly, it is not a reflection of me, it is their inability to honor the relationship that we created together. It also means most times that it is time to step back and let the other step on the other side of that boundary that protects my life and peace. Doesnt mean I stop loving them, or that I need to grab and pull them closer (shich rarely ever works anyway), it means that I love you and send you on your way with that intact and without conditions.
To talk without intention...this is the part where I might edit for my preference, simply because I always have my intention in what I speak. To tell the truth no matter what that means, but I think where this quote is going it is talking about those who speak with the goal to sway others. To change minds and move others to do things that were not of their first inclination. I intend many things, but never to be dishonest with my words, or to pretend to change how you think or feel about me or others. I know too that when I am speaking my intention is very clear, no matter the words are my own...with there only being bits and pieces of a shuffle that get me started.
To give without reason...this is an easy one...I give to you because I choose to. I do not seek repayment or a favor in its place or return of any kind. I give with only the expression of generosity...and because I can and I want to. That'a all Im gonna say about that!
And to care without expectation...while it is always my hope when I meet someone new that we will share fun, and laughs and enjoy the experience, it is not a requirement for me to care. I often think about those who have been open enough to share their troubles with me and while it is always wonderful to have others care about me too, it is not my expectation. In fact often when someone does show the most precious and caring gesture, I am surprised and humbled...mostly because it has not always been the most common occurance. I have found that as I have worked to rebuild the ruins of my previous life, most of those who have come to play and stay are of a character and ethic not unlike my own. Their ffrequent and tender gestures of kindness and caring have made it easier to love my life.
I love this quote and I love most that it is a description of the life I strive for, the kind of friend I hope to always be. I know that happiness is a choice as is most of the other emotional gestures in life. I hope that I get better and better and all of the above!
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