The courage to be courageous.

Courage is a funny/strange thing. Some who want it will respect you when you have it. Some that are afraid of it will condemn you for using it. Some that dont understand it will challenge you to have it. I find that courage to speak the truth and stand up for what is right validates my life. I will always try to use my courage to hold to my beliefs. (facebook post 2-19-2011)

Courage is a funny/strange thing.

Some who want it will respect you when you have it. Every time I have to make a tough decision about things going on in my life, or even things that are part of the lives of those I care about, I have to remember to be couragous. I hope that I never slip into living in fear so that I am unable to decide what works best for me. The first half of my life was based on all those crazy fears. Fear of being alone, hated or even disliked. Fear that I would make a wrong decision or that somehow my decisions were not understood. But the most amazing thing that is happened is that those who did not understand or had negative reaction to a decision I have made to honor myself, arent really missed very much. Once the line is drawn as to what is acceptable and the boundary crossed, there is nothing much else to do but to stand in priniciple. I am often told by those who have not found the courage to stand by what they believe that they admire this in me. But they just have not idea why I cling to my courage so tightly.

Some that are afraid of it will condemn you for using it. Occassionally there are those, who don't understand the need to "stand for something", they have never had the wind knocked out of them by someone who professed to care only to abuse thier trust and take advantage of thier kindness. They see my choices as mean, or unfair. They have yet to travel down a path that forced them to work on self preservation or be abused beyond repair. And to be honest I hope they never do. But unlike myself they choose to condemn me because I know what is right for me. That I am strong enough to say that what has happened is unacceptable and I have to make a point to live in honor of the life I am building for myself.

Some that dont understand it will challenge you to have it. Many times I see those who take advantage of others, might for a moment think that I am an easy target too. They will cry about the tragedies in their life and want me to help, but many do not understand that the only help I can offer is to listen. I know that solving my own problems had little to do with what others could do for me. I had to find a way to not ever let the mistakes of my past become the problems of my present, or the fears of my future. I learned, even if it were painfully slowly, that my life is what I make of it. That others cannot take advantage of me without my permission. I struggled through the lessons of accepting people as they are and only asking them to be a part of my life, not needing them to be. I grew to understand that life is about living in the moment and not fearing what others will do, say or bring to my life. I also found that sometimes people see me as nice, and an easy target, but they are seriously wrong. I can usually pick out those who don't play by the principles or even have the littlest understanding of how life works within just a short time. But I am not about limiting the experience of those who don't play nice, I just make decisions based on what I want in my life. Now I find again that making that decision to limit access for someone who creates too much drama and pain, has put a damper on the others who have yet grown to understand the motivation behind my decisions. I was even threatened with bodily harm if I was to "TALK" about someone who had violated the rules. The challenge to them is this, why do you think I would? The challenge to me is do I keep quiet in fear or do I share what I know to be true. Well really it is a combination of both. When the converstation leads itself to helping me heal or another understand that just because we like or love someone does not mean they get to abuse us or our kindness, then I will take whatever beating I have coming. I was threatened and ignorned into silence for the better part of my first 40 years, but that won't ever happen again. If you are creating pain for me or others that I care about, I will have the courage to tell you that you are wrong. I will also have the courage to eliminate the open access you had before the violations became to great. I will never stand for your abuse no matter how much I like you.

I find that courage to speak the truth and stand up for what is right validates my life. This "courage" that some think of is not really anything more than my belief that I am owed nothing less in this life than what I want. I found that when I have tried to be nice to protect someone's feelings, I was left with a feeling that I had been dishonest. When I speak the truth I don't use it as a weapon to shock or harm others, I only speak for myself which validates and honors my beliefs. But by the time I am asked to speak my truth I understand the issue and what it is meaning in my life I cannot ever stop anyone from creating harm, but I can say you don't have my permission to do it here! I can remember the first few times that I took on the responsibility of saying what I truely felt and meant at one of those moments I would have normally just said it's fine. The feeling of empowerment was overwhelming. And while the others involved had no way of knowing what it meant to me ...I did! I decided then that I could always choose to do one of two things, tell the truth or say nothing. But I could never again say just what someone wanted to hear...it just wasn't going to be possible ever again.

I will always try to use my courage to hold to my beliefs. I don't take my decisions to remove someone who is causing pain, drama or harm to me or others lightly nor do I do it out of revenge or punishment. I simply believe that I deserve to have people in my life who are living by the same or most of the same principles as I hold to. They only need to want to be a part of this life in a way that is about creating peace, fun and memories-not harm, abuse or regrets. I don't have any hard and fast rules that you get a copy of, nor do I take a tally of any wrongdoings or bad decisions. But you can be sure that if your name is coming up in conversations, or when I talk about you the smile is off my face, its not because you use a different toilet paper than I like, or that your drink of choice is yucky. My concerns are of those things you can't take back. Those moments that damage the trust of those you profess to care about, even if I am not one of those. I am not talking about those decisions that we sometimes make that upset someone. I am talking about patterns of behavior that are perpetual and ever constant when you are present. And let me say this too...this is not an island that you are voted off....this is a clear and present boundary of non-acceptable versus pleasant and respectful behavior. It is not a game to me, nor is it something that I will forgive and forget. I always forgive, but you have to earn the forgetting.

I am not judge nor jury. I am not sitting in judgement of your behavior. You are allowed to do whatever you wish, and live your life as you see fit. But you know what? So am I. I might be sad that your choices will limit how I get to share time with the good parts of you, but I'm pretty sure that any voids in my life will soon be filled with those who honor it as much as I do. I also know that you will probably not miss having someone who tells you often that what you did was just not cool. So see, it all worked out for the best.

When someone is wrong, I am usually not the only one that recognizes it. But I may be the only one with enough courage to say so. When someone is immediately defensive when confronted, it usually means they are having feelings that everyone is against me...maybe they should ask themselves why. Or not. If they are sure that the life they are living is the life they indeed want, then continue on. But you may loose some people along the way just as I have. Only its not really a loss because its honoring the life I want for myself...and you too as well.

There are at least three in my reality at this time that have been moved behind a hard boundary. Their actions were based on decisions that they thought would have them win where there was no contest. They wanted to be the center of what ever was going on, proved to the be one who was right even though their actions were called wrong by many. They wanted the everyone to say, I like you so no matter your choices in behavior, we will stand here and take your abuse. Please don't misunderstand, abuse does not always mean physical harm...many times the other types leave deeper scars that will never completely heal. They are the damages to our hearts, our trust and our faith in others to have the same motives that we do. Clearly this is not always the case.

I make no apologies for my hard choices, they are mine to make. I will not turn away from the courage it takes to have a peaceful life. I will not turn my back on you, but I will limit your ability to create harm and drama. You are still welcome in my life, to the degree that you deserve to be here. You have not been removed because I don't like you. You have been limited because of your actions and when you make better choices that treat others with the respect and kindness that you yourself say that you want, the arms of friendship will open wide. I do not even for a second think I know whats better for you or your life, but I sure as hell know what works in mine. I stand with courage to make those tough choices that are always about what is right...for me.