Lesson #1 That we are never done learning...

To know that I do not know is the wisest I have ever felt.

While reviewing the lessons that stood out most for me in 2012, I came across a memory of my Tim talking to me about knowing. He said that those who are sure they know or are right are the farthest from it. It is only in recognizing that we might not know are we sure to find a way to the answer.

His words always inspired me but his ability to help me understand me more fully was his biggest gift.

I can also remember when in the midst of a horrible drama-cane (self-induced storm of emotions to deal with the current tragedy), he gently reminded me that the answer for this uproar was already present. He assured me that I was not only able to go through this life event without any help or intervention, he also wanted me to see that in fact I already was through it.

I believe that no problem ever exists without an answer being created at the same time. Stop and think about the many times you faced some situation that felt too large for you to handle. Then...think out ahead of it and tell me there was not an answer--always the problem comes to a resolution..ALWAYS.

Now to say that we always get the answer or ending we want would be untrue, but each situation pushes towards a new challenge, direction or ending.

Knowing that I do not know, that drama is never a path to feeling really alive and that problems come with solutions--some assembly required leads me to believe that I will never be done learning. The answers that I have found today may be valid for the rest of my life, or they may be a temporary understanding to what is my normal.

Often I see and hear people who say they cannot do something, that they are afraid of this or that, and I am reminded of a time when I felt frozen by all types of fears. Anytime we live, react or even allow fear based thoughts we are frozen in time. We never seem to grow past our current condition, emotional state or happiness. Taking a minute of fear and labeling it as phobia or reciting it as fact paints us into a corner. Instead of deciding that one moment of fear is real for the rest of our lives, I have learned to look at each situation as the minute I am in. I can challenge my fears, phobias and quirks learning how to live life without the script of " I am always...this, that or the other...

I have learned so much about life over the last twelve months and pretty sure that 2013 will be following the same learning curve. I also recognize that as I continue to strive to understand each new lesson I can decide for me what works for right now. If I am feeling pressured to change my beliefs, to mold my decisions to the will of others or to be someone I am not...I can decide to step away from a relationship that does not feel safe. To send those who create unnecessary struggle and conflict away with light and love saves my peace. I have learned that some spend so much time distracting themselves from the work in front of them, because it seems easier to consume their minutes in drama. To push and pry at others keeps them too busy to see their joy or responsibilities.

It was not an easy journey to step away from the drama-filled existence of me, it took years. I crawled ever so slowly away from the part of my personality that felt alive only when consumed in the next tragedy. The change was tough...sometimes it actually felt like I was not really alive, that I was zombie like, because I had not real worries.

I loved learning this lesson, I love that the learning doesn't have to stop, and that it is never absolute.