For the last several years I have seen less and less hurt and disappointment in my life. Taking steps to step back from what is not working has WORKED for me. I smile most of the time, understand that when pain happens it is a lesson and in general love my life.
I see so much potential in so many people who show up. Opportunities for us to learn from each other, share great ideas and have lots of fun. I rarely meet anyone that I do not like or find some common ground where we can dance and get to know each other. That is not to say sometimes someone comes into my reality and I have a sense of knowing about them what others might not see as all too obvious. It's not really a judgement or even a dislike. It is more of a recognition in them something that reminds me of a path I have traveled before. A sense that there is no reason to pursue the common path because I have been down one just like it a time or many. Some have given me advice when discussing the decision to not travel down that way. They have said I should give that person a chance to be my friend. That I just don't know the real them, or some other similar suggestion that I am wrong about my feeling about this person.
We all have the ability to see in others what is really there and I have learned that trying to talk myself away from those instincts almost always leads me to a new lesson. Not that I don't like to learn, but it kinda reminds me of re-taking a test I have already passed...WHY? When you passed your final exams, did you turn in your test paper and then beg the teacher if you could please, please, please take it one more time? Me either---when you are busy paying attention to those who show up in your life and appreciate what it is they are there to share, show or take, you recognize the lessons, pass the test and move onto the next.
That is not to say it doesn't hurt, or that it is not supposed to cause you discomfort. It does and it will, but it is not something we have to get stuck on or even punish ourselves with.
And even though I have gotten much better at allowing those who do not have something that I want, to travel on without me, that does not even keep the lessons from coming.
I either have chosen to ignore or have stepped onto a new lesson path with some and will travel down the path with them. It sometimes doesn't end well. The path will end with them being added to my lesson column and I will then be able to see them in others who come after to make sure I passed that test.
Recently I have had to allow two friends step away...because for whatever reason they decided that I was not worth their time. That because I had said at some point their behavior was wrong, and shared they could chose better, and because I didn't pretend like everything was ok when it wasn't. It hurts...I have cried...and I have moved on.
I refuse to get stuck on the fact that they abandoned my friendship because of my honesty or for whatever excuse they now tell others as to why we are not friends. Some of the behaviors that I witnessed in them were some I needed to cut from my life. Their lesson to me was whether you invest completely in a relationship or not, whether you do right or wrong, and even if you feel like you added something to their happy sometimes it is over. There is a hole and a space now ready for the next smiles to be brought by a new person who will also grow to be your next lesson, love or legacy.
And if I were to send the newly exited a note of thanks it might go something like this...to a few.
I wanted to send you both a note and say thanks. It has been a real learning experience over the last year and a half. I learned so much about strength and pain and being more real. I miss the good parts of the friendship, and I wish you both much success and happiness.
Your choice to ignore and remove yourselves from my life was a big knife--it has now been surgically removed, stitches out and healing has begun.
and now I am smiling...because I won't spend anymore time hurting, I have a scar and a memory of the pain, but the test is over. I got the lesson...and I passed.
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