Feelings are not facts....

(this was a post on my friend Angie's post a few days ago--so got me to thinking about what is going on in my life right now)



I'm not sure I completely understand everything about the feelings that come and go through my days, but I am closer than I could have ever imagined at managing the ups and downs.



I understand that there are always going to be those times when the past life of insecurity and pain clouds a time of my day if not a whole one from time to time. Those old feelings of not feeling good enough, and not secure in my person are uncomfortable. They bring a sadness that although I cannot forget, its so hard sometimes to remember. The fact that I may allow others to take away those times of sureness that I was meant to be here, meant to be happy and loved beyond belief, I can barely fathom. Not only does it confound me, it boggles the mind that those who find their way into our lives and are given a part of our heart, would then think its acceptable at any minute to tear any piece of that confidence away.




But in the living of life with those like ourselves who are not only imperfect, but often do not understand or care to understand that their choices can affect everyone around them, there are bound to be emotions that then move us to make choices about our involvement with them. I have had moments where the emotions not only color my present moment, they remind me of times when it felt as if I would never feel any relief.




I hate those times, but that brings me to the reason for my blog~erapy today. I love so much of what is in my life, and I completely understand that things, situations and people who bring up those old emotions are simply here to remind me of the things I DON'T want in my reality, but that doesn't make those emotions and feelings that they bring up any less real. So the question comes up--how do I know that they are old emotions/feelings? Because the feeling that I am less than I know that I am is of the past, the emotion of sadness that brings tears to my eyes without any real loss to be dealing with in this present, can only be of those times that I have worked so hard to put behind me. I have come to understand that I create my life, and since that discovery, I would never create those feelings for myself ever again. Not only that, but there is no thing that is going on that would validate the emotions of this day. Why does it happen? Not really sure...it must be an emotional memory that something has triggered. It more than likely is related to someone in my life that needs to be given distance because their actions are causing someone I care about harm. It could be that some relational drama has drug up some part of my history that still needs to be dealt with---and put to rest once and for all.



There really is no way to know for sure and kind of crazy that there can even be emotions and feelings that can't be directly labled to the thing that creates them. But I find that it is true for me from time to time. But the most wonderful thing about my life today and the old life as I like to call it, is that it only takes a decision by me to move past those old emotions and get headed back to the new life.



Within just a few hours of the feelings that even brought on this session of writing to recovery, I was feeling better and spending time with people who validate my intentions and share their smiles with me. I know where most of these feelings are dragging up from. I now understand also those people who are responsible for hitting those triggers. Only thing left to is to make a decision as to whether those who are causing the harm and drama are allowed to stay or if they are removed until they can play nicer.




I also have been reminded with the wisdom of a very dear friend, that if you love someone, you agree to love all of them. And while this is completely true, there has to be some boundaries and decisons on what behavior is acceptable. Not only that, I have removed a few from the inner circle over the last few years, due to similar acts and harm created towards others, and I don't like them any less. I just have to make sure that my right to be happy and my decisions on what is acceptable is honored. I can allow you to behave however you choose, but when your choices cause harm and bad feelings its time to put a little distance and see if we can both move forward. I have never stopped caring about anyone who has graced my life, but I know a bad decision when I see it, and those who would use people and love things are living a lifestyle that just does not sit well with me. I also maintain that someone who truely is working towards love for me or others would not intentionally set out to create drama and cause the hurt that I am reacting to.



I don't even have to be right, I only have to feel that the presence of someone who is lugging around drama and directing some if towards me or anyone I love...well its time to push 'em back just far enough to get some clarity.



It doesn't have to mean that I am turning my back on them, nor does it mean that they have to change. If someone is happy with their life full of drama and people stepping back because they do not want to be hurt then I wish them well. By all means you are always allowed to live your life as you see fit! But you know what, so am I!



I find it unacceptable to allow you to hurt anyone I care about. I find it outside of right if you are lying, cheating or abusing someone elses generosity. I hate those actions, not necessarily the actor. But I just wonder why someone would think that having a point in the win column is a good thing when so many others who lost, were the reason we were able to even play the game.



At the end of each time when the emotions or feelings are bringing up the past, I can make a decision to remember that feelings are not facts. Emotions are those signals that something is completely right or horribly wrong. And since those two are just chemical reactions in our mind and body, we can turn towards those things that are facts to dismiss the other.



FACT 1-I love my life, and each decision I make is moving me closer to the reality that is all about my happiness.



FACT 2-No one can take advantage of me or make me feel less than worthy without my permission.



FACT 3-I have so many things to be grateful for...things, people, meaningful work, smiles, love.



FACT 4-Moving someone back to distance myself from the harm that they are causing is not a violation to them or thier rights. It is an act of love that honors myself and creates more calm and happiness in my future.




FACT 5-Feelings and emotions are the hearts way of signaling that something is right or wrong. If it is a good feeling we should want and work for more. If it is a bad feeling we need to recognize the trigger and take the necessary steps to unload that gun.





We are meant to feel joy, love and excitement at each milestone of our lives. The bad emotions are not just happening to us, they are there to let us know that we have allowed something to be in our lives that is unacceptable to our hearts. I love the good stuff, and even though I had to go through some of the bad stuff to get here, is is completely my decision to ever or never go there again. There are enough real things that happen in life that can bring us sadness, but that emotion is due to a real loss, not a created harm from someone who either doesnt know how to love or is just doing it very badly.



Feelings are not facts, but it is a fact that I am feeling better and better about life...and