There is absolutely no way to go through the collective pain of what our country is dealing with, without acknowledging that it has to be one of the most horrible things we can ever face. The loss of human life is never easy to grieve, but when it is all innocents who played no active part in creating this crime, time seems to slow down to a horrific journey of reminders. I have five kids and as any mother feels at this moment, I am exceedingly grateful that they are all safe and well. I also think of those two little grands who go to "schools" through their regular week routine. I can assure you the next few weeks as I pick them up for Gimmee' time or even drive by a school, it will not feel normal to just be in that space. It will forever remind me of what it must be like for those parents as they will never be able to be at that school or near any other without their reality slapping them in the heart.
There are no words or actions that can ever make sense of this crime. There are only the real days ahead as we move towards finding a space in our hearts and minds where we can resolve the feelings of fear and begin to find a returning of peace.
I have tried to limit myself from seeing the day in and day out cryptic quotes of all the news reporters who seem to be charged with reminding me of how horrible it is instead of informing me of something new. I am appalled as I see reporters put microphones in the faces of those children who have suffered so much in such a short span. Many who cannot even find words for what has happened at their school.
I am also a bit surprised at some of the outbursts and sensationalism that has creeped into my facebook from those who try to create an argument, lay blame or decide why, instead of wrap this craziness in love so that it will be healed. And I am encouraged by those who have fought and worked at finding ways to share their smiles so that we can indeed see that life goes on, and whether we feel guilt, or sadness or even anger, we owe those who are gone respect of acting as I would imagine they would hope we would if they were still here. I feel they would want us to try and take care of those who are scared, hurting or needing treatment so that we do not have to grieve another school or mall or any mass attack of hatred.
I as a mom am also faced with a bit of dread and worry for my 15 year old as we have all heard about the threats looming for his Granbury High school. I received the call late last week....and felt so blessed to have a few extra hours this weekend of being normal with him so I could say one more time I love you, and try not to be too afraid, oh and keep an eye on your surroundings, don't be lost in texting or doing things on your phone and on and on the mom talk goes.
To say this has not changed my reality would be hard for me. On one hand my feelings are all over the map, but I refuse to live where I cannot send my kid to school or know that my grands are at their learning centers. I cannot believe that it has to happen again, here or anywhere. But the fact is now and forever a part of my reality that we as a country take a blind eye to those who might need help the most. We seem to react as though it is not our problem and that budget cuts for those who need healthcare from the medicaid or medicare system are an optional expense. How can we as a country be so callous? How many stories have I heard from those who are not seeking entitled options, but just help because they are suffering from some disease, or mental illness that none of us would have stood in line to receive had we been given the option before we arrived in this physical life. I am often upset that I was given the fat gene, and that I have reached a point in my life where I find it increasingly hard to fight to loose the weight, but I promise you I would have never traded obesity for mental illness.
I am most inspired by the one parent that I did see speak in a news conference earlier today. He spoke of his daughter Emilie. And as he focused mostly on the joy of being her dad for all the time that he had the opportunity, he also shared some beautiful memories about his precious girl, how he believed she spent her last moments and how he wished we could all remember her. He also extended sympathy to the family of the one who took her life. His courage in the face of this moment humbles me beyond belief. I am not sure I could have been that gracious. His courage and moments of grace serves such a lesson to each of us. If we are living a faithful life, we have to be able to take these moments with the grace that even surely God must have had at the murder of his son.
I believe our souls carry on, that upon our exit of this physical life we are gifted peace that surpasses all understanding. We will not be limited by what our human brain is merely capable witnessing. I believe that we are gifted the answers that we never fully received here, and that our lessons can go on to create more peace if only those left behind will seek it.
I am grateful tonight for all those who have tried to carry on...without too much doom and gloom, or end of the world comments. I am ok with the change that may or may not be aware to all of us on December 21st. But for the record, until we learn to love even those who hate us, the world is going to have moments that stops our collective heartbeat. We are going to have to stand in front of a tv at work and try to wrap our brain around some hateful act as long as we allow hate to exist. Anger is temporary. It is a human reaction to not accepting what is.
I have no answers as to how to stop this in our world. But I will look for them anyway.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Everything old is new again. Since man has walked the earth there are stories that tell of how he has used music, sounds and instruments to communicate, celebrate and commune with each other. A new group of musician’s have discovered the calming attributes of music therapy specifically drums, gongs and other rhythmic instruments. Along with many other old practices, exercises and art forms local artists Kenny Kolter has been sharing his skills and talents with groups from all types of backgrounds and giving his audience much to feel relaxed and healed about.
Can you tell me a little about your background in sound therapy? He said “I’ve been playing drums & percussion since age nine, I turned fifty this past year so I guess I’ve had a romance with rhythm and sound for quite some time. I’ve always been attracted to music on a level of texture, color, feel and energy. Music has always to me represented an entire universe to explore, another language to learn, and through learning music of other cultures and eras it’s become a vehicle to learn aspects of myself. It’s all about vibration.”
He added “ As far as my background in sound therapy, I’ve been immersed in the school of doing, learning on the job, experimenting, listening and observing for 5 years pursuing this dream on a full time basis. I’ve been very fortunate to be one of a handful of sound practitioners worldwide to play the gong in traditional clinical settings. I had a contract with the State of Illinois for two years to provide sound therapy for patients at the state’s largest mental health facility in Elgin, Illinois. Primarily my sessions were held in the forensics treatment program to a wide variety of patients with a multitude of symptoms from diverse ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. I have an ongoing relationship with Cancer Treatment Centers of America where I facilitated weekly gong meditation or drum circle sessions for patients, staff, families, caregivers and anyone else who wanted to attend.”
Kenny plays a combination of gongs, drums and rattles, many which are the same instruments that shamanic cultures from all over the world have used for centuries. “The more I learn and grow in my work, the more I realize that this approach is really a very old technology” he shared. The primary instrument is a Paiste 30 inch Platonic Year Earth Gong, it’s tuned approximately to 172 hertz – this is the frequency that the Earth rotates in our solar system.
This is a wonderfully expressive instrument and when played with sensitivity it can create an entire world of sonic possibilities. Attendees over the years have shared that they hear all sorts of unique sounds emanating from it – from whales, to flutes, to thunderstorms, to violins, to didgeridoos, to waves crashing on the beach.
He combines playing the gong and drums/rattles together creating a trance like effect that helps people to relax-meditate incorporating simple rhythmic structures and the broad expansive sound of the gong.
He added that he does not have any data personally from the sessions he has led, but there are some great resources out there, here’s just one:
“Sound affects healing in several ways: It alters cellular functions and biological systems through entrainment, to function more homeostatic ally; it calms the mind and the body; affects the emotions, which influence neurotransmitters and neuropeptides, which in turn regulate the immune system” the healer within.”
– Mitchell Gaynor, M.D., Medical Oncologist, Director of Medical Oncology and Integrative Medicine. Strang-Cornell Cancer Prevention Center, New York Hospital, author of "Sounds of Healing"
Kenny shared that he has facilitated over six hundred and seventy five gong meditation sessions at yoga studios, churches, hospitals, holistic centers, schools, chiropractic care centers, universities and medical conferences.
Everyone that we visited with about this amazing event had a positive experience and planning to attend another session.
A local Burleson resident who helped to plan this event as well as another where a group traveled to Kenny’s location had this to share.
Coralee Flug, Social Media Architect and gong enthusiasts shared “I will never forget meeting Kenny, I was at a networking event downtown Ft.Worth and he was told to come over and introduce himself to me. After a short conversation, I was completely intrigued with what he did and there was just something telling me this was not the last time we would meet.”
The first event that Coralee participated in was when Kenny planned a special event when his friend Nancy May yoga instructor was in town from Chicago. She invited some of her friends laughing and saying “ my friends are crazy enough to come along with me to try it.”
Although this type of musical event is not common to our area, none of those who attended felt like they were crazy for attending. They all just felt gratitude for being introduced to this art and musical led meditation.
Now having attended several of the events Coralee added “ Each time I experience something different. It is very hard for me to just turn off my brain aka my squirrels or even to sit still. Kenny and his gong just have a way of slowing it all down.” Most everyone who stays to visit after the events shares that it was relaxing and/or energizing, each person’s experience is unique.
If you are local to Burleson TX, you can attend one of the many events Kenny performs in the DFW metroplex. The next Burelson Event will be at D’Vine Wine at 114 South Main Street, Burleson, TX 76028. You can call manager of Burleson D'Vine, Karrie Grundy at (817) 744-7595 to get more information. Space is limited so if you are sure you would like to attend you can also rsvp by going to facebook event, the fee for this event is $25 but price varies according to event and venue.
When we asked about others experiences, Kenny shared the following:
Several years ago after a session in a woman shared that she thought she had an orgasm during the gong meditation. Everybody laughed and I had no idea what to say. Fortunately the yoga studio owner shared her experience, which was similar but different and very personal. Well this opened the floodgates and several other people shared some powerful insights they experienced. I never know what will transpire during the questions/sharing part of the evening - sometimes folks stay and we talk for half an hour or more & sometimes nobody says anything cause they are really in an altered state.
The other day at one of the gong sessions a woman shared her experience during meditation: She said that she has been going through a very trying time in her life ( I will not go into the details as it is a private matter ). Her Father passed away several months ago as well and during this difficult time she has been unable to hear her Father's voice, disconnected from his presence. During the gong session she was able to quiet her mind and get to a very peaceful state and out of nowhere she could hear her Father's voice again. Through her tears she found some joy.
This is why I do this work - I am humbled & blessed to play a small role in providing a backdrop for people to have experiences like this.
Kenny is from Illinois and still travels back each year to perform a "tour" of events for many of his followers, and the events are often sold out. It is an amazing experience that so many folks enjoy.
For more information about Kenny and his gong meditation visit http://gongmeditation.com or on facebook www.facebook.com/gong.meditation.7
Other local events include:
Dec. 14th - 6:30pm The Dallas Yoga Center 4525 Lemmon Avenue, Ste. 305 Ph. 214-443-9642
Dec. 15th 7:00pm- The Dallas Meditation Center 727 S. Floyd Rd. Richardson, TX 75080 Ph. 972-432-7871
Can you tell me a little about your background in sound therapy? He said “I’ve been playing drums & percussion since age nine, I turned fifty this past year so I guess I’ve had a romance with rhythm and sound for quite some time. I’ve always been attracted to music on a level of texture, color, feel and energy. Music has always to me represented an entire universe to explore, another language to learn, and through learning music of other cultures and eras it’s become a vehicle to learn aspects of myself. It’s all about vibration.”
He added “ As far as my background in sound therapy, I’ve been immersed in the school of doing, learning on the job, experimenting, listening and observing for 5 years pursuing this dream on a full time basis. I’ve been very fortunate to be one of a handful of sound practitioners worldwide to play the gong in traditional clinical settings. I had a contract with the State of Illinois for two years to provide sound therapy for patients at the state’s largest mental health facility in Elgin, Illinois. Primarily my sessions were held in the forensics treatment program to a wide variety of patients with a multitude of symptoms from diverse ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. I have an ongoing relationship with Cancer Treatment Centers of America where I facilitated weekly gong meditation or drum circle sessions for patients, staff, families, caregivers and anyone else who wanted to attend.”
Kenny plays a combination of gongs, drums and rattles, many which are the same instruments that shamanic cultures from all over the world have used for centuries. “The more I learn and grow in my work, the more I realize that this approach is really a very old technology” he shared. The primary instrument is a Paiste 30 inch Platonic Year Earth Gong, it’s tuned approximately to 172 hertz – this is the frequency that the Earth rotates in our solar system.
This is a wonderfully expressive instrument and when played with sensitivity it can create an entire world of sonic possibilities. Attendees over the years have shared that they hear all sorts of unique sounds emanating from it – from whales, to flutes, to thunderstorms, to violins, to didgeridoos, to waves crashing on the beach.
He combines playing the gong and drums/rattles together creating a trance like effect that helps people to relax-meditate incorporating simple rhythmic structures and the broad expansive sound of the gong.
He added that he does not have any data personally from the sessions he has led, but there are some great resources out there, here’s just one:
“Sound affects healing in several ways: It alters cellular functions and biological systems through entrainment, to function more homeostatic ally; it calms the mind and the body; affects the emotions, which influence neurotransmitters and neuropeptides, which in turn regulate the immune system” the healer within.”
– Mitchell Gaynor, M.D., Medical Oncologist, Director of Medical Oncology and Integrative Medicine. Strang-Cornell Cancer Prevention Center, New York Hospital, author of "Sounds of Healing"
Kenny shared that he has facilitated over six hundred and seventy five gong meditation sessions at yoga studios, churches, hospitals, holistic centers, schools, chiropractic care centers, universities and medical conferences.
Everyone that we visited with about this amazing event had a positive experience and planning to attend another session.
A local Burleson resident who helped to plan this event as well as another where a group traveled to Kenny’s location had this to share.
Coralee Flug, Social Media Architect and gong enthusiasts shared “I will never forget meeting Kenny, I was at a networking event downtown Ft.Worth and he was told to come over and introduce himself to me. After a short conversation, I was completely intrigued with what he did and there was just something telling me this was not the last time we would meet.”
The first event that Coralee participated in was when Kenny planned a special event when his friend Nancy May yoga instructor was in town from Chicago. She invited some of her friends laughing and saying “ my friends are crazy enough to come along with me to try it.”
Although this type of musical event is not common to our area, none of those who attended felt like they were crazy for attending. They all just felt gratitude for being introduced to this art and musical led meditation.
Now having attended several of the events Coralee added “ Each time I experience something different. It is very hard for me to just turn off my brain aka my squirrels or even to sit still. Kenny and his gong just have a way of slowing it all down.” Most everyone who stays to visit after the events shares that it was relaxing and/or energizing, each person’s experience is unique.
If you are local to Burleson TX, you can attend one of the many events Kenny performs in the DFW metroplex. The next Burelson Event will be at D’Vine Wine at 114 South Main Street, Burleson, TX 76028. You can call manager of Burleson D'Vine, Karrie Grundy at (817) 744-7595 to get more information. Space is limited so if you are sure you would like to attend you can also rsvp by going to facebook event, the fee for this event is $25 but price varies according to event and venue.
When we asked about others experiences, Kenny shared the following:
Several years ago after a session in a woman shared that she thought she had an orgasm during the gong meditation. Everybody laughed and I had no idea what to say. Fortunately the yoga studio owner shared her experience, which was similar but different and very personal. Well this opened the floodgates and several other people shared some powerful insights they experienced. I never know what will transpire during the questions/sharing part of the evening - sometimes folks stay and we talk for half an hour or more & sometimes nobody says anything cause they are really in an altered state.
The other day at one of the gong sessions a woman shared her experience during meditation: She said that she has been going through a very trying time in her life ( I will not go into the details as it is a private matter ). Her Father passed away several months ago as well and during this difficult time she has been unable to hear her Father's voice, disconnected from his presence. During the gong session she was able to quiet her mind and get to a very peaceful state and out of nowhere she could hear her Father's voice again. Through her tears she found some joy.
This is why I do this work - I am humbled & blessed to play a small role in providing a backdrop for people to have experiences like this.
Kenny is from Illinois and still travels back each year to perform a "tour" of events for many of his followers, and the events are often sold out. It is an amazing experience that so many folks enjoy.
For more information about Kenny and his gong meditation visit http://gongmeditation.com or on facebook www.facebook.com/gong.meditation.7
Other local events include:
Dec. 14th - 6:30pm The Dallas Yoga Center 4525 Lemmon Avenue, Ste. 305 Ph. 214-443-9642
Dec. 15th 7:00pm- The Dallas Meditation Center 727 S. Floyd Rd. Richardson, TX 75080 Ph. 972-432-7871
Friday, November 30, 2012
Making gratitude a daily to-do was a great idea....
"Ok...it is the month of THANKSGIVING---I work on my gratitude all year long, but I love having a month that makes me think about what I am thankful for and share it with others.
Day 1-I am grateful for my friends. Their love, kindness and their example of how they live and who they are reminds me everyday that there are great people in the world who care about others and me!"
Gratitude Day 2&3---today i am grateful for people who have come into my life to teach me to be a better me. Those who see me as the person I can someday be, some who see the real me and some who just like me no matter what me i am. I am grateful also for those who have gone, because while they were here and in their leaving their lessons were many and I learned them all. Saying goodbye can sometimes be a good thing.
I am also grateful for self love. I have learned through many trials how to appreciate myself even when those who don't try to kick my while I am down. I have learned to smile when I want to cry, and have learned that feelings are but a way to see the things that need to stay(good feelings) and the things that need to go(bringing the bad emotions to surface). I have learned that caring for me is always the best way to get the most out of this life...and I am learning more and more everyday how to do that better.
"Gratitude Day 4-Today I am grateful for my kids. We did not always have the easiest time while we were growing up together, but each day as I see them face their lives with grace, honesty, kindness and determination, I get a sense that I might have done a few things right. To know that I somehow had the privilege to have something to do with their being a part of this world and the joy to be a part of their lives makes all the bad just disappear. Today I am grateful to know 5 of the most amazing people in the world and they all call me MOM, well except Matt...he insists on calling me Pam...but thats ok!!"
"Day 5-Today I am grateful for people who are thoughtful and replace the empty roll of tp. I am also grateful for those who are not as thoughtful, because they make me careful to always not be that person who does that to the next occupant!"
Day 6-I am grateful for a home--a place where I am loved, comfortable and at peace."
Day 7---
Ok...today i am grateful for yesterday. I was able to have a nice lunch with a friend, my sil is helping with some much needed auto repairs, got lots done at work, and had time with my grands at story time!
Not sure what I will be grateful for today....but yesterday was nice!
"Day 8---a little late :-) I am grateful for an amazing community that continues to show me that I was not only right when I said I wanted to move home, but always keeps me grateful for all we do for our neighbors. I have a few that are challenged by the next hurdle in their lives, but I know that this community that we share will rally around them and assist as they make the transition. I love my little Johnson County...and all those who share it with me!
"Day 9-Today I am grateful for meaningful work and a company that supports me being involved in the community and for all those who embrace what we do and support it gives us. Last night the Cleburne Quarter Auction-the chosen charity and having the opportunity to participate in the Transition Fair on Saturday at Cleburne ISD and being one of the selected charities at the Burleson Wine Crawl. Each of these opportunities is also a community event where my clients are not only welcome but encouraged to participate. Also thrilled last night at the auction we met some people who may purchase some of our holiday baskets which means more work for our folks!!"
Day 10---WOW--Im not even sure where to start--Opportunities for COI-New friends-oh heck this is going to take all night--Im tired so here it is in shorthand--If I saw your face, hugged your neck, helped you carry trash, watched you turn into a BEE, told you about COI, thanked you for bringing me a check, if you helped me wrap a prize, or if I picked you up or dropped you off, thanked you for fixing my brakes, brought you a glass of water, or shared a few smiles, laughs and food with you, THANK YOU for giving me a magical-opportunity-filled-16-hour-long day--YOU are what I am grateful for
Day 11--I love living and sharing an inspired life. Sharing every inspiration assures that some how it will be brought to life!
Day 12-OPPORTUNITIES! Over the last several weeks I have been invited to do some of the most amazing things and I am still smiling. I have some more great events, planning, extra work and exciting things coming up in 2013. I am beyond grateful for all aspects of my life...and the people who invite me to participate in all the fun
Day 13-I think I might have already posted a gratitude moment, but then I had a day in-between then and now. I am grateful for sincere compliments, people of like minds and honesty above all. I was given words of encouragement, praise and compliments by several people today. It is such a great thing to be a part of a community where others appreciate your efforts, have nice things to say behind your back and to your face and who can always see the better in me even when I can't find it at all. And at the end of my day, knowing that those I share time with will always be honest, makes life peaceful and drama free...that feeling is worth so much
Day 14-Today I am grateful for flexibility, being able to go with the flow when things change, schedules gets bent or life just happens to take my fast lane to a slow one. Learning this wonderful trait means that I not only don't have as much stress as I used to, it also means that I know no matter where I am or what is happening, it is all as it should be. Being flexible also means that I don't break when life pushes me around. I know when opportunities present themselves, I can go with what is in front of me instead of sticking to what I had "planned" and it always means more fun and smiles!
Day 15-Today I am grateful for being able to be a mom who always tried to give my kids what they needed over what they wanted. I see so many kids today who are so lost because the foundations of respect, rules and hard work were left off the agenda by their parents. I was not my kids favorite person when rules were broken, but today I have a great relationship with my adult children...and I have heard more than once they appreciated the lessons and tough parenting.
Day 16-- I am grateful for calm moments. With all the upside down moments of the last few weeks, tonight the drive to Granbury to get Matt and then the drive home was calm and comforting. I am grateful for all those moments that help me appreciate when the calm arrives. I appreciate all those who help me find fun and allow me to forget the crazy parts of this life I love. Today I am grateful for calm.
Day 17-I am reminded that when life takes unexpected turns and takes loved ones away too soon, I am grateful for those who share their words of prayer and peace. I am also grateful to know about families in the midst of their grief will also seek to do the most good by donating organs to those whose life depend on them. Praying for peace for those who have lost too much and given the gift of life all in the same painful moments.
Day 18-today I am grateful for time with my Austin kids-their humor, ability to make so many moments mucho fun and far removed from the everyday--I am blessed by my mom life!!
Day 19-Today I am grateful for pain. It's not really on our agenda to say goodbye, to lose someone too early but when it happens there are messages in the process that make me think how blessed I am to feel this pain...because the absence of someone special in my life for so many years is now suddenly gone, today I am grateful for pain.
Day 20---I am grateful to read about others gratitude. It reminds me of so many more things I have to be grateful for. I have read about a friend finding something dear of her mothers as she was missing her not being a part of some events and holidays, how some are grateful for serendipity(also one of my favorite happenings), a mom who is grateful for nap time, another grateful for their job, sunshine, supportive spouse and family. We are so very blessed in this life and I love reading about your gratitude.
Day 21---Today I am grateful for the "new normal". For several years and even occasionally I still long for the good old days. When our family holidays were large gatherings of much food, relatives we only saw once a year and Dallas Cowboys football on tv. Our new normal consists of less concern over the food, more about hugging all those we love and most importantly sharing what we are grateful for. I am grateful for my good old now days and all those who keep a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. You are a part of my new normal celebrations and day to day.
Day#22---Today I am grateful for all the people I will get to hug, the food that I will try not to eat too much of, and the things that made me smile yesterday. The goofy gas pump that acted up while I was getting gas, so I was able to talk to my favorite cashier two extra times. The not too busy grocery store that had everything that I needed. The two wonderful friends I had not seen in forever who came and hugged me while shopping, especially the one who surprised me from behind. The invites to lunch, the sharing of stories, the time catching up all made me grateful for those special moments. The sharing of laughs with work friends that put a nice cap on the end of our work week. The wonderful Happy Thanksgiving messages, the nice weather when I walked my dogs and Words with friends-- friends who are kicking my butt with some great words!! I will manage to see all my kids for Thanksgiving, both my grands and a few extras. I wish each of you a wonderful time and sharing of those things you appreciate. I am grateful for the little things...because they make up the majority of moments that make my life so beautiful ! HAPPY THANKS-GIVING!!
Day 23---I am grateful for my little Ford--it has been a safe-reliable-and comfy friend as I have traveled many miles this year. Many trips to Granbury to grab my kiddo, miles to Austin and back to see the soco neighbors, and miles and miles and miles all over Johnson County for work when there were no company cars available---oh and grateful for cruise control too!!
Day 24---I was so busy taking a nap, playing with grands or just enjoying a day off from everything that I forgot to say what I was grateful for today--so what I just said!!
Day 25--today I am grateful for lessons learned, the ability to understand my feelings and patience to wait for what is better, next and for me. I acknowledge the less than, lonely and sad feelings and know that this too shall pass. I am grateful to be me!
Day 26---Today I am grateful for yes, saying it, feeling it and knowing that being a yes man is way more fun than a "Im not sure" guy...When life gives you opportunities--sometimes you just need to say YES!!
Day 27---Today I am grateful for humor, the ability to see the funny in the situations of life which can bring everyone a smile. I love those friends who share their wit in my life and add humor to my days. It was just last night when sitting with some of my kids and the things that we were laughing about were silly, lighthearted and made the end of day funny ever after. Learning that I do not always have to be serious, that no matter the situation I can find a reason to smile and enjoying the gift of laughter has me saying thank you to those who bring the funny!
Day 28---I am grateful for the volunteers, supporters, others who I serve on boards with, employees of other nonprofits and people in my community who care and support others who are struggling with challenges. We have the most amazing philanthropic citizens who give beyond what we could ever expect. Today while visiting with the United Way Board, getting the final numbers for this years campaign and seeing all the names of those who are giving to support our community, I am so humbled and grateful for those I call my Johnson County neighbors. The committees who is working on the System of Care, Green Book, Resource Network sharing information and resources and help! Thanks to Rebecca and her desire to solve a problem, and those who have already said yes--as we start a new project. If you are a part of those who are giving...thank you, if you aren't sure how but you want to, call me...if you are looking to donate, I have suggestions!! Thankful, grateful and blessed by those who give and give in my community.
Day 29---Today I am grateful for positivity. Knowing that the silver linings are always there, that faith dictates I should trust in the lessons and remembering that you only attract to your life that which you are--I seek to be positive-see the good-share in optimism and enjoy my glass half full of everything!
Day #30---Today I am grateful for this month of gratitude. They say it takes at least three weeks to create a new habit and while I have been working on recognizing and appreciating all things in my life for a few years, setting a goal to document and share my blessings daily has been a wonderful step towards making it a daily habit and a great idea. I am grateful too for all those who shared, and all those who made comments about my sharing...knowing that others appreciate what one writes is such a wonderful reinforcement and confidence builder. So I am GREAT-FULL for my month of gratitude and blessed by each of you!
Monday, November 19, 2012
A month of gratitude can be tricky.
As I share day by day the many things I realize I am grateful for, I have been smiling because it has been so many days of great things. Special gifts from friends, anonymous letters of appreciation, special time and moments with my kids and as always those precious moments with my grand-babies.
Day after day I realize how blessed I am in this life. How many people share words of kindness, and countless invites to be involved in so much fun as well as opportunities to serve the clients of COI and serve my community. It is pretty amazing life I live. But over the last couple of weeks, I have found myself struggling some days to be grateful. It is never easy to understand death, and even harder when the person who has left our lives has meant so much to our story. Well to be honest it seems like most of the time everyone means something to my story. I have so many great people all around my life. Some I know well, some I am still getting to know and some no matter how often I see them, they are a blessing to my day. It is in the knowing that they are there that is the comfort during a rough patch.
There are no easy ways to say goodbye and it seems like the older I get the harder it gets to be. Today was a funeral for a dear person. She was way too young, but I was reminded how she lived her life. The pastor eulogizing her life said the most amazing thing, he said that she had already written her eulogy, on all of our lives. She had reached out in service always, never had a bad word to say about anybody and gave with all her heart and smiles. I can still remember being in her home at Christmas and how her house was like a Christmas cottage. I asked her how long it took to decorate every corner of her home, she simply said awhile, but that she loved doing it and sharing moments in her house with her friends. I didn't know until later that she had been a Christmas baby, but when I learned it, I just smiled.
She not only was born on Christmas, she was the human embodiment of the Christmas spirit. Her joy came in finding ways to give and give she did.
As I listened to others who knew her also, I realized we all had the same story. We knew the real Sandy, the person who got joy from giving it away. It's sad as I sit here and try to remember if I told her how much she meant to me. How the conversations that we had had about rough patches in our life had helped me to let go of being angry and see change as something that was all a part of life? Had I told her that I loved her, and that I wished one day to be more like her? Was there an opportunity to tell her that I loved her that might have slipped by? I hope not, I hope as she has made her transition that she knows a community is grieving the loss of her presence and celebrating the gift of her life. She gave us many years, smiles and moments of fun. She gave us all a part of her, and that is something no one that ever got to know her will ever forget, I know I won't. I still want her to be here, but I am learning to let her go.
I also know so many others who are grieving as well. So much loss that it is hard to grasp it and maintain a smile. A young mother I didn't know tragically gone without any warning. An old high school friend/neighbor again without any forewarning. So many friends who have lost someone close to them over the last few months...I can barely understand the losses. A niece, a mom, a sister, or a friend still brings to mind those things I should be grateful for, but it's so hard.
It's the month of Thanksgiving, and being grateful for all things is not always the easiest thing to do. But I am reminded as I type this that being grateful for those who have left is a tribute to their memory. I understand that we don't know how long we have to be a part of this story, but as we fill in the pages of our history, by loving others, forgiving some and appreciating all who have come to be a part of it, we do everyone an honor, and learn that even being grateful because we miss someone who has left is still a great example of thanksgiving.
As my favorite author Dr. Suess said 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' And today I smile because someone like Sandy happened to my life.
Day after day I realize how blessed I am in this life. How many people share words of kindness, and countless invites to be involved in so much fun as well as opportunities to serve the clients of COI and serve my community. It is pretty amazing life I live. But over the last couple of weeks, I have found myself struggling some days to be grateful. It is never easy to understand death, and even harder when the person who has left our lives has meant so much to our story. Well to be honest it seems like most of the time everyone means something to my story. I have so many great people all around my life. Some I know well, some I am still getting to know and some no matter how often I see them, they are a blessing to my day. It is in the knowing that they are there that is the comfort during a rough patch.
There are no easy ways to say goodbye and it seems like the older I get the harder it gets to be. Today was a funeral for a dear person. She was way too young, but I was reminded how she lived her life. The pastor eulogizing her life said the most amazing thing, he said that she had already written her eulogy, on all of our lives. She had reached out in service always, never had a bad word to say about anybody and gave with all her heart and smiles. I can still remember being in her home at Christmas and how her house was like a Christmas cottage. I asked her how long it took to decorate every corner of her home, she simply said awhile, but that she loved doing it and sharing moments in her house with her friends. I didn't know until later that she had been a Christmas baby, but when I learned it, I just smiled.
She not only was born on Christmas, she was the human embodiment of the Christmas spirit. Her joy came in finding ways to give and give she did.
As I listened to others who knew her also, I realized we all had the same story. We knew the real Sandy, the person who got joy from giving it away. It's sad as I sit here and try to remember if I told her how much she meant to me. How the conversations that we had had about rough patches in our life had helped me to let go of being angry and see change as something that was all a part of life? Had I told her that I loved her, and that I wished one day to be more like her? Was there an opportunity to tell her that I loved her that might have slipped by? I hope not, I hope as she has made her transition that she knows a community is grieving the loss of her presence and celebrating the gift of her life. She gave us many years, smiles and moments of fun. She gave us all a part of her, and that is something no one that ever got to know her will ever forget, I know I won't. I still want her to be here, but I am learning to let her go.
I also know so many others who are grieving as well. So much loss that it is hard to grasp it and maintain a smile. A young mother I didn't know tragically gone without any warning. An old high school friend/neighbor again without any forewarning. So many friends who have lost someone close to them over the last few months...I can barely understand the losses. A niece, a mom, a sister, or a friend still brings to mind those things I should be grateful for, but it's so hard.
It's the month of Thanksgiving, and being grateful for all things is not always the easiest thing to do. But I am reminded as I type this that being grateful for those who have left is a tribute to their memory. I understand that we don't know how long we have to be a part of this story, but as we fill in the pages of our history, by loving others, forgiving some and appreciating all who have come to be a part of it, we do everyone an honor, and learn that even being grateful because we miss someone who has left is still a great example of thanksgiving.
As my favorite author Dr. Suess said 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' And today I smile because someone like Sandy happened to my life.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
The only thing we have to fear is ---well you know how it goes.
It's a pretty famous quote...from a pretty famous guy, and most of us have heard it over and over again through our lives. I will soon pass the half century mark, and I am not afraid--no "really" I am not living in fear of anything.
Several years ago I was blessed to have the opportunity to meet my mentor and life coach Tim. We started our relationship in an unconventional way, and ended it that way as well.
Ours was a relationship that survived long distance, thanks to very frequent online chats, lengthy email messages and the all wonderful cell phone. For well over 13 years he listened, guided and loved me in all my imperfection. He shared with me stories that not only moved me forward but taught me how to lose my fear.
I used to be afraid of everything. Afraid of being alone, afraid of not being liked, afraid of being afraid. I didn't know that it was a choice, or at the very least a very weird habit. You see for so long I had focused on all the negatives and accepted that I was being punished or given the bad stuff because I was not good enough for good. I had a perception of a punishing God that did not see me as worthy of any real happiness. He had after all given me a relationship that was not at all what I had hoped, given me life experiences that were pain filled, and had person after person leave my life and allowed me to feel abandoned over and over again.
I was so busy blaming the almighty, the husband, the ex-boss or the lady in line in front of me at the supermarket that I was convinced I was the victim of a very horrible joke.
There were many people along the path who had tried to wake me up, kick me out of my self-centered misery, or who had simply given up and quit answering my calls. I had no understanding that life was not one big drama that we were supposed to try and survive.
To say that I was a talented and drama filled drama queen would be a huge understatement. Even still through all those ups and downs there were a few who stood by me and never let me give up...although there were many times I wanted to.
Tim's timing and tenacity in my life was a blessing. I began through our many connections to understand that my life was exactly what I was accepting and acknowledging to be.
He worked by guiding me to new ways of seeing my life, building a great gratitude list, gifting me so many new exercises in living outside of the drama-cane that it had become. He shared insight, inspiration and intuitions. He gave me an understanding of self that I had somehow missed the first time I grew up. He allowed me moments of hysterics so I could find a way to calm myself. He lead me through the emotional turmoil of emotion based living to find a place of spiritual peace. He taught me to love me, and in my opinion he gave me a second chance at life. Only this time I was working to create it the way I wanted it to be, not the way I was fearing that it was.
He showed me that fear is but an emotion, and like all the others was meant only to be a signal light of where we are. A stop sign of sorts to spend a few minutes to see where the feelings are coming from, and then taking steps to feel and then dismiss them.
Those feelings like fear, or those that are fear based-jealousy, rage, contempt, hatred, bigotry are all based on a feeling of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that someone will get what we want, fear that some thing is going to get the better of us or fear of someone who is different. Fear is not real, it is a creation of the ego originally meant to keep us safe from harm, or predators. But we have associated it with so much more in our modern lives, and most associations should never entice fear to even start, but they do.
Once I began to get my fear based emotions in check, and learned to stop and breathe and acknowledge fear every time I FELT it, I began to understand how to work past the fear and then let it go. Life has been pretty amazing ever since.
I love that I got to learn this before I had lived most of my 50 years in fear based fog. I appreciate so much being able to regain my self and to find joy in all moments. I value so much that I no longer contemplate life ending, because I am to busy saying yes to the opportunities and enjoying all that I create. I alone am responsible for my life. I make the choices that lead me to my happiness, allow me to experience the joys and appreciate all that I have the opportunity to be a part of. I am no longer envious or afraid of others because I understand that we were all created to live our own live, reminding myself that the only person I compete with is the self of yesterday. My only competition is to try and do more, share extras, and count my friends and blessings.
Today while reading someone's sharing on facebook, I had an AHA moment. It was this realization that I longer live in fear. Their story was how a person they were helping was getting ready to say goodbye to their spouse of 51+ years. Her words to the person feeling the grief, were poetic. A gift of peace that acknowledged all that the couple had shared. It would have been normal for her to feel fear, but instead she was looking at all the gifts and relying on her faith to accept the untimely timing of the next phase of their lives. Hers to continue on and his to be at its ending. She was in acceptance of all that it was and will be. An acceptance that no matter how long we get to have this human experience, not having it at all would be the only real tragedy. I have no way of knowing if I have 50 more years, or just 50 more minutes, but I am more than sure I won't spend any of those worrying about what might happen. I hope you find a way to one day understand that there is nothing to fear...and everything to appreciate, even the ending is worth the ride.
Several years ago I was blessed to have the opportunity to meet my mentor and life coach Tim. We started our relationship in an unconventional way, and ended it that way as well.
Ours was a relationship that survived long distance, thanks to very frequent online chats, lengthy email messages and the all wonderful cell phone. For well over 13 years he listened, guided and loved me in all my imperfection. He shared with me stories that not only moved me forward but taught me how to lose my fear.
I used to be afraid of everything. Afraid of being alone, afraid of not being liked, afraid of being afraid. I didn't know that it was a choice, or at the very least a very weird habit. You see for so long I had focused on all the negatives and accepted that I was being punished or given the bad stuff because I was not good enough for good. I had a perception of a punishing God that did not see me as worthy of any real happiness. He had after all given me a relationship that was not at all what I had hoped, given me life experiences that were pain filled, and had person after person leave my life and allowed me to feel abandoned over and over again.
I was so busy blaming the almighty, the husband, the ex-boss or the lady in line in front of me at the supermarket that I was convinced I was the victim of a very horrible joke.
There were many people along the path who had tried to wake me up, kick me out of my self-centered misery, or who had simply given up and quit answering my calls. I had no understanding that life was not one big drama that we were supposed to try and survive.
To say that I was a talented and drama filled drama queen would be a huge understatement. Even still through all those ups and downs there were a few who stood by me and never let me give up...although there were many times I wanted to.
Tim's timing and tenacity in my life was a blessing. I began through our many connections to understand that my life was exactly what I was accepting and acknowledging to be.
He worked by guiding me to new ways of seeing my life, building a great gratitude list, gifting me so many new exercises in living outside of the drama-cane that it had become. He shared insight, inspiration and intuitions. He gave me an understanding of self that I had somehow missed the first time I grew up. He allowed me moments of hysterics so I could find a way to calm myself. He lead me through the emotional turmoil of emotion based living to find a place of spiritual peace. He taught me to love me, and in my opinion he gave me a second chance at life. Only this time I was working to create it the way I wanted it to be, not the way I was fearing that it was.
He showed me that fear is but an emotion, and like all the others was meant only to be a signal light of where we are. A stop sign of sorts to spend a few minutes to see where the feelings are coming from, and then taking steps to feel and then dismiss them.
Those feelings like fear, or those that are fear based-jealousy, rage, contempt, hatred, bigotry are all based on a feeling of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that someone will get what we want, fear that some thing is going to get the better of us or fear of someone who is different. Fear is not real, it is a creation of the ego originally meant to keep us safe from harm, or predators. But we have associated it with so much more in our modern lives, and most associations should never entice fear to even start, but they do.
Once I began to get my fear based emotions in check, and learned to stop and breathe and acknowledge fear every time I FELT it, I began to understand how to work past the fear and then let it go. Life has been pretty amazing ever since.
I love that I got to learn this before I had lived most of my 50 years in fear based fog. I appreciate so much being able to regain my self and to find joy in all moments. I value so much that I no longer contemplate life ending, because I am to busy saying yes to the opportunities and enjoying all that I create. I alone am responsible for my life. I make the choices that lead me to my happiness, allow me to experience the joys and appreciate all that I have the opportunity to be a part of. I am no longer envious or afraid of others because I understand that we were all created to live our own live, reminding myself that the only person I compete with is the self of yesterday. My only competition is to try and do more, share extras, and count my friends and blessings.
Today while reading someone's sharing on facebook, I had an AHA moment. It was this realization that I longer live in fear. Their story was how a person they were helping was getting ready to say goodbye to their spouse of 51+ years. Her words to the person feeling the grief, were poetic. A gift of peace that acknowledged all that the couple had shared. It would have been normal for her to feel fear, but instead she was looking at all the gifts and relying on her faith to accept the untimely timing of the next phase of their lives. Hers to continue on and his to be at its ending. She was in acceptance of all that it was and will be. An acceptance that no matter how long we get to have this human experience, not having it at all would be the only real tragedy. I have no way of knowing if I have 50 more years, or just 50 more minutes, but I am more than sure I won't spend any of those worrying about what might happen. I hope you find a way to one day understand that there is nothing to fear...and everything to appreciate, even the ending is worth the ride.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Being a part of a LOVE story, makes love a part of my STORY...
So many know from reading my blog~erapy that there was a LOVE story that ended. To say that I am no longer sad would be pretty accurate, because through my heart ache I have learned so much about letting go of those things that don't work for me. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to make what we find work instead of finding what works for us to be made. It's an old habit that dies hard, but when it's buried life can renew itself as often as we are ready to let go of what is holding us back.
The opportunities come daily now to be involved in others love stories success journeys and spectacular fun. Another side effect of taking the bad medicine out to allow peace, joy and sunshine find you, is you become more you.
The latest opportunity was steeped in as much unconventional joy as any I have ever been a part of. It started several years ago with a "knowship" growing into a "friendship" that now is more like a "kinship". We are not related by blood or marriage, but more by the happenings like divorce, broken friendships and undoing damage caused by those who we allowed to take up more space than we should have. But stopping myself there to not should on myself will help me to remember that all things, good, bad, ugly or indifferent can still serve to help me smile because I learned what it was that that situation came to teach me. It also means that once the lesson is learned, the space is created for the next better thing to come. Of course I am speaking of my friend Kerry. She is one of those friends to me that exemplifies understanding. She has a huge sense of justice and of what is right and wrong. She also has a huge heart and will give more than she should, but never takes more than enough of any part she plays. She is just fair...to a fault. I like her because she sees me...even the parts that I try so hard to hide from others, she still gets and calls me on it often.
Through the last few years our kinship was strengthened more by what we were surviving than what we were doing...and you can say the "D" word here...but we will leave it unsaid. Neither trip was pretty...but the landing spot not too shabby!
So this background brings us to a few months ago. And while I am still waiting on my next love story, Kerry found hers pretty soon after leaving the last "unhappily ever after". Her Knight Mike, is more like a regular guy in a pickup than a warrior on a white horse, but he fights for her just as gallantly as any hero in a fairy tale. He is good people. Not perfect, and there are mistakes...but all the does now to be good to her and better to her kids, far outweighs any issue I could ever be told. After all if we were perfect what would be the point in all this anyway?
The question was popped...and I was a part of that surprise as well as playing along here and there in the story. I was so excited...and beyond thrilled for them both, because their love story is about getting past the BAD--sometimes really really bad to find the good. So earlier this year I get a phone call, and my friend in her unconventional wisdom asked me to do something that not only was never on my bucket list...it was never on any list. She asked me to officiate their wedding. To say that I was flattered would be a huge understatement...but since my newest philosophy of saying yes to as many opportunities as I can is firmly in place...of course I said yes.
Now I don't want you to think that I just said..oh yeah I can so do this and do it well. Panic mode set in about 50 different times because it occurred to me that you can seriously mess us someones day by saying the wrong thing...but to say the wrong thing on their special day, well that's just beyond too important to say fail and be ok with it.
I started writing the wedding speech about 16 different times. Until one day I just decided to write about them. Not about what I thought marriage meant, or what society tells it should mean but from inside their love story what it means to them. I had it written and tweaked it several times before finally getting the nerve to share it with the bride to be. And she was the only one that heard it before the big day.
So what I wrote is what follows...and to make it flow as if you were there, the vows they wrote for each other are included(in italics). But I have to add this...it was only after hearing her humorous but so accurate vows to each other that I knew I had written it just right.
The ceremony went as follows...the usually processional to a beautiful little garden spot with Kerry and Mikes friends, a few family and all those wonderful his and hers kids collection--spectacular, and I said---
First I want to say hello to everyone joining Kerry and Mike as they celebrate their decision to be together.
Many times in life we hear things like happily ever after, made for each other, match made in heaven or the perfect couple. Even at times we compare love stores to fairy tales..and while it always makes me smile and think of a pretty picture of life, sometimes it just aint real.
Real people make mistakes, get divorces, get mad and get even. Real people lose their jobs, have fights and have to start over.
Real people also believe in second chances, setting boundaries and loving unconditionally.
I'm not sure about any of you…but most fairly tales are kinda scary…just think of the big bad wolf. And more than one of the perfect couples I have known are no longer together.
We are not here to talk about stories or fairy tales or even happily ever after, we are here to talk about love, commitment, and getting even more real. Real people who refuse to let the tough moments in life keep them from knowing that there is always more good, and that even through the bad we find the better.
Real people who will always start over, the get past the bad and find their smile. Great people who always help others, go back to work and love their kids.
Real people who believe in second, third or even more chances to get it right. They fight with the understanding of what they are fighting for. They are even ready to give others chances to get it right or to take chances to make it so.
Two of the most real people I have ever known in my life have asked us all here today as they accept the other and smile at their chance to get it right.
I hope that each of you know that they love you and have asked you and I to share in this moment of celebration as they speak their vows to each other and we witness their joy in this new beginning.
[At this point Mike reads his wonderful little speech to Kerry...and I do not have a copy of it...but it was heartfelt and beautiful-maybe we can add it later]
Kerry's reply to Mike
Whenever I think about the night we met, it always makes my heart smile. Not a normal smile, but one that reaches down to my heart. I had decided that I was content to be alone and then there you were. Now I cannot imagine my life without you. You are everything I ever hoped to find in a a man, strong yet gentle, kind but firm, loving and romantic, smart but goofy, hard working and fun, committed and spontaneous. No one is ever perfect but you are perfect for me. You are all that i need, and to you I give my soul to keep. You see me, love me just the way i am. For you I am a better woman.
Vows to Kerry-
"Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with flatulence and snoring and relinquish the remote 'til death do you part?"
She said "I do".
Vows to Mike-
"You have the right to remain silent anything you say may and probably will be held against you the rest of your life. You have the right to the last 2 words in every discussion as long as those words are "Yes Dear", do you understand these rights as they have been explained to you?"
He said "I do".
I have one more thing to add--I will ask of you to support them as they take one more step on their journey. They have decided to go forward from here as a couple. Two people who will fight with each other if they believe they are right, but never doubt the strength they have as they fight beside each other. Standing against any who would disrupt what they are building, keeping their kids healthy and their world sane.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride.
How could anything be more perfect? It is a very special memory for me...and it means the world that I was asked to be a part of their day. I love too how many people said it was perfect. Perfection on a wedding day is pretty rare...but if they say we got it...I choose to believe them.
The opportunities come daily now to be involved in others love stories success journeys and spectacular fun. Another side effect of taking the bad medicine out to allow peace, joy and sunshine find you, is you become more you.
The latest opportunity was steeped in as much unconventional joy as any I have ever been a part of. It started several years ago with a "knowship" growing into a "friendship" that now is more like a "kinship". We are not related by blood or marriage, but more by the happenings like divorce, broken friendships and undoing damage caused by those who we allowed to take up more space than we should have. But stopping myself there to not should on myself will help me to remember that all things, good, bad, ugly or indifferent can still serve to help me smile because I learned what it was that that situation came to teach me. It also means that once the lesson is learned, the space is created for the next better thing to come. Of course I am speaking of my friend Kerry. She is one of those friends to me that exemplifies understanding. She has a huge sense of justice and of what is right and wrong. She also has a huge heart and will give more than she should, but never takes more than enough of any part she plays. She is just fair...to a fault. I like her because she sees me...even the parts that I try so hard to hide from others, she still gets and calls me on it often.
Through the last few years our kinship was strengthened more by what we were surviving than what we were doing...and you can say the "D" word here...but we will leave it unsaid. Neither trip was pretty...but the landing spot not too shabby!
So this background brings us to a few months ago. And while I am still waiting on my next love story, Kerry found hers pretty soon after leaving the last "unhappily ever after". Her Knight Mike, is more like a regular guy in a pickup than a warrior on a white horse, but he fights for her just as gallantly as any hero in a fairy tale. He is good people. Not perfect, and there are mistakes...but all the does now to be good to her and better to her kids, far outweighs any issue I could ever be told. After all if we were perfect what would be the point in all this anyway?
The question was popped...and I was a part of that surprise as well as playing along here and there in the story. I was so excited...and beyond thrilled for them both, because their love story is about getting past the BAD--sometimes really really bad to find the good. So earlier this year I get a phone call, and my friend in her unconventional wisdom asked me to do something that not only was never on my bucket list...it was never on any list. She asked me to officiate their wedding. To say that I was flattered would be a huge understatement...but since my newest philosophy of saying yes to as many opportunities as I can is firmly in place...of course I said yes.
Now I don't want you to think that I just said..oh yeah I can so do this and do it well. Panic mode set in about 50 different times because it occurred to me that you can seriously mess us someones day by saying the wrong thing...but to say the wrong thing on their special day, well that's just beyond too important to say fail and be ok with it.
I started writing the wedding speech about 16 different times. Until one day I just decided to write about them. Not about what I thought marriage meant, or what society tells it should mean but from inside their love story what it means to them. I had it written and tweaked it several times before finally getting the nerve to share it with the bride to be. And she was the only one that heard it before the big day.
So what I wrote is what follows...and to make it flow as if you were there, the vows they wrote for each other are included(in italics). But I have to add this...it was only after hearing her humorous but so accurate vows to each other that I knew I had written it just right.
The ceremony went as follows...the usually processional to a beautiful little garden spot with Kerry and Mikes friends, a few family and all those wonderful his and hers kids collection--spectacular, and I said---
First I want to say hello to everyone joining Kerry and Mike as they celebrate their decision to be together.
Many times in life we hear things like happily ever after, made for each other, match made in heaven or the perfect couple. Even at times we compare love stores to fairy tales..and while it always makes me smile and think of a pretty picture of life, sometimes it just aint real.
Real people make mistakes, get divorces, get mad and get even. Real people lose their jobs, have fights and have to start over.
Real people also believe in second chances, setting boundaries and loving unconditionally.
I'm not sure about any of you…but most fairly tales are kinda scary…just think of the big bad wolf. And more than one of the perfect couples I have known are no longer together.
We are not here to talk about stories or fairy tales or even happily ever after, we are here to talk about love, commitment, and getting even more real. Real people who refuse to let the tough moments in life keep them from knowing that there is always more good, and that even through the bad we find the better.
Real people who will always start over, the get past the bad and find their smile. Great people who always help others, go back to work and love their kids.
Real people who believe in second, third or even more chances to get it right. They fight with the understanding of what they are fighting for. They are even ready to give others chances to get it right or to take chances to make it so.
Two of the most real people I have ever known in my life have asked us all here today as they accept the other and smile at their chance to get it right.
I hope that each of you know that they love you and have asked you and I to share in this moment of celebration as they speak their vows to each other and we witness their joy in this new beginning.
[At this point Mike reads his wonderful little speech to Kerry...and I do not have a copy of it...but it was heartfelt and beautiful-maybe we can add it later]
Kerry's reply to Mike
Whenever I think about the night we met, it always makes my heart smile. Not a normal smile, but one that reaches down to my heart. I had decided that I was content to be alone and then there you were. Now I cannot imagine my life without you. You are everything I ever hoped to find in a a man, strong yet gentle, kind but firm, loving and romantic, smart but goofy, hard working and fun, committed and spontaneous. No one is ever perfect but you are perfect for me. You are all that i need, and to you I give my soul to keep. You see me, love me just the way i am. For you I am a better woman.
Vows to Kerry-
"Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with flatulence and snoring and relinquish the remote 'til death do you part?"
She said "I do".
Vows to Mike-
"You have the right to remain silent anything you say may and probably will be held against you the rest of your life. You have the right to the last 2 words in every discussion as long as those words are "Yes Dear", do you understand these rights as they have been explained to you?"
He said "I do".
I have one more thing to add--I will ask of you to support them as they take one more step on their journey. They have decided to go forward from here as a couple. Two people who will fight with each other if they believe they are right, but never doubt the strength they have as they fight beside each other. Standing against any who would disrupt what they are building, keeping their kids healthy and their world sane.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride.
How could anything be more perfect? It is a very special memory for me...and it means the world that I was asked to be a part of their day. I love too how many people said it was perfect. Perfection on a wedding day is pretty rare...but if they say we got it...I choose to believe them.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Lessons I remember...from not so long ago...
I see progress, I see growth, I see a happier more well adjusted me. I see that my steps to grow past pain and hurt were not only the right steps for me, they were what I needed to get where I am going.
It's hard to admit when someone, something, some job that you love is holding you back. The hangup that you have for moving past it takes you out of commission, even though you are still very busy getting things done. It blinds you to the tears and sadness you feel becuase the busy work ties up your hands with the day to day grind.
I love reading back through my blog~erapy. I love knowing that all those nights when I was upset and could not find the words, my fingers could not only find them but they left them for me to see later. I appreciate so much that I have grown past the point where I see good bye to anything as a bad thing. Life is not about getting to a place for me anymore. It is about appreciating each second and understanding that the growing pains are as much a part of who I am to become as the smiles, fun and joy.
I don't really have alot of lessons these days. I seem to glide through one rough patch right up to the next, fully aware that the decisions I make for myself will not only be right on, the ones from the past have been also. No matter whether I was deciding to let someone else decide or choosing to let hurts build and hurt me...it was all what I had to tackle to get to here.
I also love recognizing the lessons when they show up for others. While they only serve as a reminder to me...I see how hard some struggle with the way life really works.
So here a few of the biggies, that are zipping around my reality...
GOSSIP~we are all guilty, it's kind of like one of those human traits that really is tough to understand. I tend to think it was a tool learned to share information, especially before the written word...and way before blogging. Sharing information has some how gotten a bit sidetracked though if it's landing in the gossip column. In Webster's it is both a noun and verb, but for our purposes we are going to tackle the verb first. "Gossip" the sharing of intimate deatails about someone. Ok...that in itself does not really explain what it is I am getting at...so lets say it like this. You know something about someone--you yourself only know it as second hand knowledge. In other words, you heard it from someone and you can neither prove it to be fact or even discern the origin of the information. Now here comes the tricky part---if the information is hurtful, maybe untrue, or even better none of your damn business...but you share it anyway, you have just renamed yourself the noun--GOSSIP.
I love this quote... "Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?" – Sri Sathya Sai Baba Now I am not here to tell you that I am innocent...like I said before I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. But recently I saw the ugly face of gossip and I witnessed the most heroic act of putting it to bed. Call the person it was about. Now it goes without saying that the person who repeated the illfated information was not at all happy about the sharing of information with the person it was aimed at, but honestly I thought it was the gutsiest move I have seen in like forever. I hate gossip, hearing it, believing it, sharing it...I have learned the hard way to turn the other cheek and deafen the my ears to it. I am honestly telling you that when the whole situation came to light....the gossip was not true. It simply was something that was hurtful and perpetuated by a long standing rivalry. Why the two at the center of the storm are involved I can't for sure tell you. I am pretty sure that at some point or another someone got their feelings hurt. Please don't get me wrong I am not here to judge whether the pain is unfounded or even warranted. But I can tell you this....for those who are still hanging on to it...um might be time to find a new hobby. But the person who is upset now, really has no reason to be. Regardless of why you were sharing the "gossip" it was not true. Whether you like the person or you don't, it was not true. It is completely irrelavant on all fronts because you were wrong to share something that you only "heard" someone say, AND IT WAS NOT TRUE---this makes you WRONG---- period. I have also learned to hear not only the words people say but to feel the intent behind them. This little skill has paid me well. I can feel when someone is a little off center, when their words ring hollow and when I should not invest my heart, time or energy into the conversation or the person. I do not say that in judgement...only as it pertains to fact. It is a fact that someone who is not convicted in the story that they tell because they know it to be true, will stretch their words to create what is is their mind wishes to see. Think about how at anytime an innocent hug, a friendly kiss or any other action that you shared in the best of intentions was twisted to something dirty, innappropriate or wrong. How did that feel? I recently had a conversation with a very special person...I like this human beyond reason...because I have never seen an action, decision or choice be anything but something to bring smiles. This person shared with me that the "GOSSIPS" about town had started stories that were hurtful, slanderous and untrue. Now, here is where the tough part comes in...I participated in one of those conversations myself...I will not defend what I did---and I did know it was not a good thing to do. Now as I write this I know that an apology is owed and will be delivered...because I too was involved in the gossip. I did not verify the story before I shared it with someone else. I am ashamed...but I learned my lesson...and can promise you it won't happen again. Because now I know--first it wasn't necessary...and well could not pass any part of the test above. Now that we have tackled the G-word, the next one is LIAR. Definition -please--: a person who tells lies. So---it was innocent enough, I had been involved in an online conversation. One that did not exactly have all the information needed to decide what steps to follow. After I followed up and found out about the missing information I received, I decided I needed to clarify my guidelines and made a very polite, private request for future reference. I did not call the person out, create any drama--well not intentionally anyway. I simply said what I said and did what I did. End of story--right? I mean really we all have the right, responsibility and reason to ask for that which we need, expect and desire out of our personal, professional and public relationships...RIGHT? Well aparently that is only if you are dealing with someone...or the someones who come to the table with honesty in their pocket as well. I have often shared in my blog~erapy and in LIFE that I don't always believe that first impressions are always right...but dang it sometimes they ring true. I have also said that I do not hold grudges, but if you show yourself to be a practicer of certain behaviors, I will forgive and forget that we have anything to talk about. Especially if what you shared was a lie, directed at me. Now this is where it gets really interesting...the same call it out and like it is person, is also the one that called bull - shine on this one too. She was confronted, defended me and then got to the bottom of it all with me involved. I HEART her! So, in this one little two act play, I not only found out I was right about one person, but I also discovered a truth about another...oh and heres a bit of interesting info for you, this person is involved in the gossip story too! Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. “The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw So now I can do one of two things, or do nothing, but nothing I do will take away from the fact that I know there have been lies told and feelings hurt. And to be as blunt as I can...none of it served any real purpose, other than the original intent of those involved to hurt others. That part they did pretty good. JUDGE-to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially: to form a negative opinion about
I love this quote... "Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?" – Sri Sathya Sai Baba Now I am not here to tell you that I am innocent...like I said before I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. But recently I saw the ugly face of gossip and I witnessed the most heroic act of putting it to bed. Call the person it was about. Now it goes without saying that the person who repeated the illfated information was not at all happy about the sharing of information with the person it was aimed at, but honestly I thought it was the gutsiest move I have seen in like forever. I hate gossip, hearing it, believing it, sharing it...I have learned the hard way to turn the other cheek and deafen the my ears to it. I am honestly telling you that when the whole situation came to light....the gossip was not true. It simply was something that was hurtful and perpetuated by a long standing rivalry. Why the two at the center of the storm are involved I can't for sure tell you. I am pretty sure that at some point or another someone got their feelings hurt. Please don't get me wrong I am not here to judge whether the pain is unfounded or even warranted. But I can tell you this....for those who are still hanging on to it...um might be time to find a new hobby. But the person who is upset now, really has no reason to be. Regardless of why you were sharing the "gossip" it was not true. Whether you like the person or you don't, it was not true. It is completely irrelavant on all fronts because you were wrong to share something that you only "heard" someone say, AND IT WAS NOT TRUE---this makes you WRONG---- period. I have also learned to hear not only the words people say but to feel the intent behind them. This little skill has paid me well. I can feel when someone is a little off center, when their words ring hollow and when I should not invest my heart, time or energy into the conversation or the person. I do not say that in judgement...only as it pertains to fact. It is a fact that someone who is not convicted in the story that they tell because they know it to be true, will stretch their words to create what is is their mind wishes to see. Think about how at anytime an innocent hug, a friendly kiss or any other action that you shared in the best of intentions was twisted to something dirty, innappropriate or wrong. How did that feel? I recently had a conversation with a very special person...I like this human beyond reason...because I have never seen an action, decision or choice be anything but something to bring smiles. This person shared with me that the "GOSSIPS" about town had started stories that were hurtful, slanderous and untrue. Now, here is where the tough part comes in...I participated in one of those conversations myself...I will not defend what I did---and I did know it was not a good thing to do. Now as I write this I know that an apology is owed and will be delivered...because I too was involved in the gossip. I did not verify the story before I shared it with someone else. I am ashamed...but I learned my lesson...and can promise you it won't happen again. Because now I know--first it wasn't necessary...and well could not pass any part of the test above. Now that we have tackled the G-word, the next one is LIAR. Definition -please--: a person who tells lies. So---it was innocent enough, I had been involved in an online conversation. One that did not exactly have all the information needed to decide what steps to follow. After I followed up and found out about the missing information I received, I decided I needed to clarify my guidelines and made a very polite, private request for future reference. I did not call the person out, create any drama--well not intentionally anyway. I simply said what I said and did what I did. End of story--right? I mean really we all have the right, responsibility and reason to ask for that which we need, expect and desire out of our personal, professional and public relationships...RIGHT? Well aparently that is only if you are dealing with someone...or the someones who come to the table with honesty in their pocket as well. I have often shared in my blog~erapy and in LIFE that I don't always believe that first impressions are always right...but dang it sometimes they ring true. I have also said that I do not hold grudges, but if you show yourself to be a practicer of certain behaviors, I will forgive and forget that we have anything to talk about. Especially if what you shared was a lie, directed at me. Now this is where it gets really interesting...the same call it out and like it is person, is also the one that called bull - shine on this one too. She was confronted, defended me and then got to the bottom of it all with me involved. I HEART her! So, in this one little two act play, I not only found out I was right about one person, but I also discovered a truth about another...oh and heres a bit of interesting info for you, this person is involved in the gossip story too! Hmmm...curiouser and curiouser. “The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw So now I can do one of two things, or do nothing, but nothing I do will take away from the fact that I know there have been lies told and feelings hurt. And to be as blunt as I can...none of it served any real purpose, other than the original intent of those involved to hurt others. That part they did pretty good. JUDGE-to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially: to form a negative opinion about
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