It's a pretty famous quote...from a pretty famous guy, and most of us have heard it over and over again through our lives. I will soon pass the half century mark, and I am not afraid--no "really" I am not living in fear of anything.
Several years ago I was blessed to have the opportunity to meet my mentor and life coach Tim. We started our relationship in an unconventional way, and ended it that way as well.
Ours was a relationship that survived long distance, thanks to very frequent online chats, lengthy email messages and the all wonderful cell phone. For well over 13 years he listened, guided and loved me in all my imperfection. He shared with me stories that not only moved me forward but taught me how to lose my fear.
I used to be afraid of everything. Afraid of being alone, afraid of not being liked, afraid of being afraid. I didn't know that it was a choice, or at the very least a very weird habit. You see for so long I had focused on all the negatives and accepted that I was being punished or given the bad stuff because I was not good enough for good. I had a perception of a punishing God that did not see me as worthy of any real happiness. He had after all given me a relationship that was not at all what I had hoped, given me life experiences that were pain filled, and had person after person leave my life and allowed me to feel abandoned over and over again.
I was so busy blaming the almighty, the husband, the ex-boss or the lady in line in front of me at the supermarket that I was convinced I was the victim of a very horrible joke.
There were many people along the path who had tried to wake me up, kick me out of my self-centered misery, or who had simply given up and quit answering my calls. I had no understanding that life was not one big drama that we were supposed to try and survive.
To say that I was a talented and drama filled drama queen would be a huge understatement. Even still through all those ups and downs there were a few who stood by me and never let me give up...although there were many times I wanted to.
Tim's timing and tenacity in my life was a blessing. I began through our many connections to understand that my life was exactly what I was accepting and acknowledging to be.
He worked by guiding me to new ways of seeing my life, building a great gratitude list, gifting me so many new exercises in living outside of the drama-cane that it had become. He shared insight, inspiration and intuitions. He gave me an understanding of self that I had somehow missed the first time I grew up. He allowed me moments of hysterics so I could find a way to calm myself. He lead me through the emotional turmoil of emotion based living to find a place of spiritual peace. He taught me to love me, and in my opinion he gave me a second chance at life. Only this time I was working to create it the way I wanted it to be, not the way I was fearing that it was.
He showed me that fear is but an emotion, and like all the others was meant only to be a signal light of where we are. A stop sign of sorts to spend a few minutes to see where the feelings are coming from, and then taking steps to feel and then dismiss them.
Those feelings like fear, or those that are fear based-jealousy, rage, contempt, hatred, bigotry are all based on a feeling of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that someone will get what we want, fear that some thing is going to get the better of us or fear of someone who is different. Fear is not real, it is a creation of the ego originally meant to keep us safe from harm, or predators. But we have associated it with so much more in our modern lives, and most associations should never entice fear to even start, but they do.
Once I began to get my fear based emotions in check, and learned to stop and breathe and acknowledge fear every time I FELT it, I began to understand how to work past the fear and then let it go. Life has been pretty amazing ever since.
I love that I got to learn this before I had lived most of my 50 years in fear based fog. I appreciate so much being able to regain my self and to find joy in all moments. I value so much that I no longer contemplate life ending, because I am to busy saying yes to the opportunities and enjoying all that I create. I alone am responsible for my life. I make the choices that lead me to my happiness, allow me to experience the joys and appreciate all that I have the opportunity to be a part of. I am no longer envious or afraid of others because I understand that we were all created to live our own live, reminding myself that the only person I compete with is the self of yesterday. My only competition is to try and do more, share extras, and count my friends and blessings.
Today while reading someone's sharing on facebook, I had an AHA moment. It was this realization that I longer live in fear. Their story was how a person they were helping was getting ready to say goodbye to their spouse of 51+ years. Her words to the person feeling the grief, were poetic. A gift of peace that acknowledged all that the couple had shared. It would have been normal for her to feel fear, but instead she was looking at all the gifts and relying on her faith to accept the untimely timing of the next phase of their lives. Hers to continue on and his to be at its ending. She was in acceptance of all that it was and will be. An acceptance that no matter how long we get to have this human experience, not having it at all would be the only real tragedy. I have no way of knowing if I have 50 more years, or just 50 more minutes, but I am more than sure I won't spend any of those worrying about what might happen. I hope you find a way to one day understand that there is nothing to fear...and everything to appreciate, even the ending is worth the ride.
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