Are you successful?

Success is not measured by how many people you are smarter, richer or prettier than. Success is not being able to point out the faults of others so you will feel superior. Success is not anything unless you are happy, doing the most good and helping others as much as you were helped along the way. You define what your success is and you must leave everyone else's measure of success out of your equation.

Are you successful?

Facebook post January 27th www.facebook.com/pameedee

So lately there have been some who in my circle have had a bit of success, and a few who have been peddling the other direction. But when I was listening to some of them recounting their victories and struggles and it occurred to me that I think some where along the way we have been given some false information. We have been lead to believe that having everything means that we are successful. We have been programmed to seek approval from those in our lives because we have been reinforced to be liked by everyone. We have lost our smiles, moments of joy and true success because our society seems to have decided for us what failure and success looks like.

It is very similar to the education system. Our teachers are teaching to a test. They are cattle herding those children who learn in similar ways and then trying to cast off the rest of the class who does not follow suit.

In the process of following along to be a part of the norm, we have lost ourselves to fitting in and finding what others think success should be. We can find a way to stay married to someone even though we are not happy, that the other in the relationship no longer honors our beliefs, heart or joy. We have found ourselves stuck in jobs that do not support us to grow and become an asset to our companies, but would rather us just follow along and not make change, waves or trouble.

We have niced/normaled/settled ourselves to soul sickness. I am working towards my version of success. I have decided to find success, appreciation and gratitude in each day. I know that the blessings have been many and that my success has often been gifted to others. I am ok with that process of sharing even when it feels a little more like the gifts were stolen.

I also had a bit of an awakening, or remembering of one of the lessons shared by my friend Tim. It never ceases to amaze me how much I miss his wisdom and love, until I remember many of his words are still in my heart and that fills me with his love, or at least the memory of the special friendship we shared. The lesson/memory is how life can work to unseat us when we are way too comfortable. It's as if as soon as we think we have it all figured out, stuck in the we know everything comfort zone, something will come along to bump us right out of our seat and way out of the zone.

I love that I have learned that knowing that I do not know is the best way to learn and find knowing. It is when I learn the most. It is when I am open to grow that I find the lessons are easier or at least a little less friction as I go through the rapids of life.

Today as I was feeling a bit of the old weariness from a long weekend and a little too much adrenaline, I suddenly remembered so much good that has come to my life. I also had a recalling of the very important step learned recently to not be attached to any of it. To let the moments flow and be grateful, squeeze all the umph out of each second and then know to be ok as we move past the joy of the moment. There may be some more bumps and pot holes to drive around, but that doesn't diminish the success, greatness or even the happy that was just part of my immediate past. I have learned that being grateful for every part of this life, ecstatic for the great stuff, accepting of the rough stuff and ok with the just ok parts. I have learned how to get the most out of the lessons, love and life.

My lesson is also in the knowing that I have to let those who do not fit in the current incarnation of my life move to that which attracts them and be ok with loving them from here. I have to know that not everyone is ready for the lessons I have to share, or even ready to accept that they don't know all that they now believe that they do.

Often what happens is that people can get stuck in a great moment. A time of their life that was either as great as they ever wanted or as miserable as they believe they deserve. They get stuck in that moment because they count it as a success to be right where they believe they belong. Their stuck spot may be back at graduation, loss of a job or saying good bye to a significant person in their life (no matter the reason for the exit). They hold on to what they BELIEVE they know the answers are, and while they may be right, the questions change almost every day. Certainly at least once during any given year and positively several times during our lifetimes.

Success is finding a way to accept, agree and allow each moment to stand alone in the reality that it was or is. But then as that moment goes to history if we get stuck thinking that is where our success is, we stop moving forward with our growth.

Detaching from the outcomes, letting go of the hurts, accepting the lessons and knowing that to know is to not really know is success. The rest of the stuff...is just stuff.

The biggest lesson of all...it doesn't really matter at all. We get to the end of this road and we get all the answers when we get our bill and turn in our key. We check out of the Hilton, the Hyatt or the little motel and we are done with the struggles and we get to know what they were all for. I believe many of us will look back and laugh, because we made too much of it all. I feel as though some of us will get to the check out station and have a bit of regret, until we gain the understanding that in the living is the success. We added to the human story and it does not matter if we think we did it right, had the most toys or had nothing at all. We are all loved beyond measure by the God of our Universe and our fellow humans. We are all given more grace than we will every believe we deserve. We are all connected to the success and one day we will know that we did not know...and it will be good.