Everything that is happening in this life is all because of one person...ME. I didn't mean to have all the troubles that were plaguing my everyday life. I didn't want to be unhappy 99% of the time. I didn't long to wait for those things that I thought were going to be the magic thing that would make me happy.
The first time I heard thiss message I was instantly enraged with the person who said it. How could I have ever wanted to have all the troubles that were coloring every aspect of my life? And that is when he said that it was not that I wanted it, the fact that I was focusing on all the negatives was the reason they keep showing up. I WAS, AM and ALWAYS WILL BE RESPONSIBLE!!!
If I am choosing to focus on what is wrong in my life, I am inviting more wrong. If I am complaining about all the negative people in my life, I am being negative and inviting more of the same. If I am complaining about anything I am hedging my bets that there will be more to complain about.
I was angry that the person sharing this "self-fulfilling proficy" mumbo jumbo, didn't understand what "I" was going through. But he did. He had the same conversation with someone else in his life and they had shared the secret to being happy. Do you think people who live in abject poverty smile? Do they celebrate birthdays or milestones? Do they get married and work to provide for those they love, even though the odds are they will never move above their station in life? The answer is yes, even those who are suffering in horrible conditions that we cannot even fathom can find a piece of the life they have that is good, worth remembering and full of joy. It's all relative, if all we know is that we are surviving, then surviving can be pretty sweet.
I have often heard it said that when I get this, or find that, or fall into this relationship, joy or whatever that I will be happy. Putting conditions on happiness is the surest way to never find it. Many of those illusive things in our lives are to be attracted not sought after. The law of attraction is pretty simple, but hard to learn. But the basics of it is this. Thoughts become things...so think yourself into that which you want. But don't wait for it to get here, because that will surely keep it away.
I know it is not the traditional education that many of us got in school, nor is it the legacy that many of our parents or other well meaning adults and guides gave us along our way. But I am here to tell you that it works---and there is no work to it. You simply must make a decision each day to try and feel better. As often as you can. Make a game of it...and when you see those real things that have eluded you show up, then it will be the snowball down the hill effect---it will just get bigger and faster and everything will be rolling your way.
For me it started with letting go of my anger, I was so busy blaming others in my life for my sadness, bad luck and misfortune. I had given over the reines and let someone else turn the out of control team of horses barreling me towards the cliff. Even not making a decision or giving the choices to someone else is still making a decision. That is a bitter pill to take...when someone hears that all that they have suffered through is their own fault...it can sting pretty big. But it also means that the rest of the life experience gets better from here.
I started small...reliving those things that caused me the most internal pain and angst. I took it apart piece by piece and labled it all in a manner that showed who was to blame....really at fault for the mess that was my life. In every situation it was me. I had made choices that allowed things into my life that were not really what I wanted. I had focused on bad as more bad showed up. I had not been grateful for the gifts I was given even if they were beyond tiny.
Turning that over was tough...getting to the real of it took many blogs and journal entries. To say I was not always moving forward would be a serious injustice to the process. I had moments twhen I could not even grasp that this whole pointing the finger at me thing was ever going to help. But it did. I began to see each decision that I had made that was based on fear, anger, or any of the other negative emotions had lead to worse feeling and days. I started to get an understanding that my directional map was taking me down others hiways, and had me no where near my own path. I slowly began to recognize that I had a moral compass that was violated almost daily by those who did not even understand let alone believe in the rights and wrongs that I did.
It was a slow process, I am a slow learner. But little by little as I began to make my own decisions, stand for what I BELIEVED in, focus on the good in others and myself and practiced, practiced, practiced the attitude of gratitude....I began to see a new life emerge. The life that I wanted all along. One filled with meaning and purpose. A daily experience that brought the most amazing people into my reality...each and every day. A life where even when things were feeling a bit icky, I could still find the silliest little things to be happy about, grateful for, or content in.
The best part of all is that I can choose to be happy NOW! I can choose to find something almost at every moment to be happy about. I don't have to have all my wants to be experiencing the joy in this life. And when the good stuff shows up, I am less likely to be falling back down into the want of the next thing on the list and more apt to be enjoying the gift of the moment...no matter what has come to be a part of this life.
I find that I can enjoy my friends no matter what we are doing or even if its just doing nothing. I dont have to have an agenda or a plan at every moment to feel fulfilled. I don't have to have all my puzzle pieces on the table before I can believe that the picture will one day come together. I don;t have to have anything, anyone or any more than what I have right now to be completely blissful in the life that is mine.
I dont practice sympathy for myself or others, beccause I understand the attractive component of that emotion as well. I will empathize, but I can never feel sad enough for you to feel better, sick enough for you to be well or damaged enough for you to be healed. I do not have the ability to attract anything to your life, but I can bring my joy. I can't fix your problems but I can tell you that no problem exists unless the answer is already available.
I know it's hard to see this as true. I remember having those moments where I was not sure why I had been born, or even if I wanted to continue the journey. But that thought and many of those others left me years ago, and has yet to ever even make a mention in my daily thought process. I choose to live each moment of the gift, lesson, joy, fun that it is. And if the moments are leaning towards the lessor side of happy, I acknowledge the feeling, but look for something, anything, to feel better about. That is all it takes.
Some examples of finding anything to feel better about include seeing someon having and emotional meltdown and being grateful it wasnt me. Getting headed towards work and being grateful for a green light. Saying Merry Christmas to the road rage driver that I could have just as easily stepped into the rage he was sharing and carried that around for the rest of the day. Forgiving any of those I have attracted that show up to show me who I dont want to be or act like. Grateful for the penny that I find in the parking lot that reminds me the world is an abundant place. The kind people at work, online or even at the grocery store who smile as tell another part of my story.
It doesnt help to be bitter at life, or the situations that you are living. Find some way to see that all the while you have been living on purpose....even if you didn't mean to. Even though you might not understand how all the good, or bad seems to show up....rest assured you can understand it from now on. I have often heard it takes six weeks to change a habit. So give it six weeks, pretend that I am right, that if every day you committ to write down the things you can find to be grateful for, that you take responsibility for your life...every part of it, and you begin to tell the better feeling story, even if it doesn't feel like you can feel better. Just try....send me your journal, tell me your story, share with me even the littlest thing to be grateful for. I will be your sounding board, and your redirector. I will share with you what worked for me to move past a life of negative, blaming misery. If after 6 weeks it's not better, then you can blame me....I will know better ane you will too...but I will take the blame and you can go back to the way it is. But if I am right...and it changes things for the better in your reality, then I charge you with the same task that Tim gave me...pay it forward. Share with others how their life too can be the one that they are creating for the good...it really is that simple, to live on purpose, taking responsibility and attracting joy.
If we decide to live "on purpose" nothing ever just happens to us. We are directing our lives, constructing our futures, creating with our thoughts. It's time to sit down and figure out what my purpose is, and be on purpose in every moment. I am responsible for where my life is, where it will go and where I will end up.
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