I keep trying to write words to give my friends and update and I keep getting stuck. I know...not like me at all, but the contrast of life recently has me a little stretched.
Happy to sad, shocked to angry, disbelief and unable to understand. I cannot talk about the hate from Boston---but I can be so proud of those who were diligent to stop those who created this thing we will forever and always wish had not happened. I cannot help but wish that all our communities would look at the safety of the businesses and their proximity to homes, babies, families, schools. I keep thinking do I know the dangers in my own neighborhood and town? I think about how these horrible tragedies make me grateful to be able to help and not have to be the one needing help. I have been on the other side of horrible...
I cannot even begin to share how proud I am of my neighbors...so many have stepped up to help the folks in West..this little town that we all know because of the Cech stop bakery and a few friends sprinkled here and there on the sleepy little streets. I have struggled to get a grasp on the bombing though...I was immediately proud of those who were running towards the smoke and those who would have been injured, but I must be honest I am not sure had I been there that I would not be running the other direction.
I have been known to step in and help others when I saw the need and on few occasions have stared down a boyfriend who was hitting a friend of mine, a misdirected adult harming a child or even a coward kicking a dog....I have also been criticized, chastised and reminded that a person who is already known to be capable of hurting another creature big or small would not think two seconds about hurting me either.
I think at certain moments in our life we are gifted the choice and ability to stand up for someone else, to step in and be the voice of reason or the scream of "I will so kick your ass if you do not stop NOW!". I have had it a few times in my life, putting it all at risk to save the one who needed someone to be there for them...but it has been rare.
I often think how lucky I have been, how the people who have come into my life to cause harm, were hear only for a short while. The tragedies, the car wrecks, the house fire, the terminations and even yes the divorce were lessons and blessings in disguise because of what I learned from it. I don't think every one is able or even required to see those moments as something they can learn from...but I did. I adopted the choice a few years ago to always see the good....no matter how well it is hidden.
Tonight as I digested all that has gone on for the last 7 days, I had to spend a few minutes just wrapping my head around the moments. I was given a great opportunity to serve, blessings of time with people I love and moments of clarity that were so amazing that each of them felt like a gift. I was judged and talked to harshly by someone I do not event know, and then complimented and congratulated by many more who also were friends yet to be made. I saw the horrific minutes live through youtube videos of moments that I would have rather not seen, but then I looked to the many minutes around those few seconds of horror that work to cancel the bad few out.
It has been a hard week by no stretch of the imagination. It really does no justice to those who were lost to wish didn't happen, because it did. It really does not help us by trying to explain it away or justify actions or choices. The only thing that helps me is to understand that we each have a temporary status in this reality. We can learn from the bad stuff, celebrate the good stuff and be ready for what is next by making our choices with the outcome in mind.
There is not reason to list the many lessons of this last week, most of them were not mine to learn. It only serves me to forgive myself for the things I did wrong, choose to send forgiveness to those who wronged me or others and to accept the responsibility for the choices I made. When I learned that my choices select the outcomes, it got a whole lot easier to manage this crazy life.
I am tempted to list my good....but not sure you would stay tuned to read it all. Why should you? I am sure if you took your life moment by moment you could find much good too. You can list yours for me here in the comments if you like, or message me if you want to read mine.
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