So I offended you....

Its still a hard lesson for me, I try so hard not to make people angry(code word for people pleaser) I try to work and get everything that I am responsible for done(good work ethic) I try to be honest and tell people what I really think(integrity) but the old saying is true, you can't please everyone! I am so amazed at the things people decide to be offended by...seriously!!



I guess I am always a little surprised when someone chooses to be offended by something that I cannot find offensive. I guess there are underlying priciples to their reasoning, but I just think it would be easier to find a solution than to change the way people see you or feel about your presence.



I understand too, that while there might be reasons you chose the reaction you did, I find it a bit of a mystery as to why you wouldn't just say what you think. Let us discuss our differing opinions and then come to a solution. I do not understand why there has to be hatefullness and words behind my back.



Surely everyone understands that there is almost always a reason why things are set up the way they are, possibly that after years of handling issues or problems with a certain situation the problem solvers would have had to make decisions to handle things in one way or another.



I am still a bit surprised too, at how the tactics of I'm gonna get my way play out. Calling on others to correct the situation, only knowing part of the story as you retell it, and making it about something that it was never intended to be. Life is so busy, I wonder too how you have time to do all this?



It's called being passive/aggressive--you seem as though you are upset with my decisions, or at least with those you percieve are mine. You set about to create a dust=storm of words and insult that never needed to happen. You are angered by something that never should have created any emotion at all.



At this point of the story there really is no going back for you, you have issued ultimatums and drawn a line in the sand. You have decided your fate and my emotional understanding of who you are choosing to be. At the end of the day the offending was never meant to be such. It was an attempt to correct a problem. It was a group of caring people who sought to protect what they work so diligently to create and share with those their heart cares for. Their request was only that, not a demand. Their intention a pure and considerate thought process of how to prevent a bad moment for many and an embarrassing moment for a few.



I stand by the choices we made, and I also tell you that your reaction may lead us to another solution, but a less harmful reaction would have had the same effect. It would also have preserved our respect for you and a relationship that some of us have worked to build. You put a price on our friendship and I hope your monetary, momentary investment was worth your costs.



Relationships are fragile creatures, they can withstand many misteps, hardships and celebrations. But words said in haste and anger change those bonds--often they can be healed, but the scars remain. The loss of trust in your abiltiy to handle things with firmness for your position and also consider the information that was given in explanation. But once you have chosen a path of hatefulness and disrespect, there are only a few actions that will work towards a rebuilding and it seems as though you chose to leave those undone.




My therapy session is to use this as an example of how not to react, and especially to guard against over-reaction. It has taught me that I must always consider the relationships that matter, andl everyone one of them matters. That I myself being human at one point or another may have reacted to a similar situation in a similar way. But at the end of the day, I respect those who are in my life, I want each of you here for the reasons you choose to be a part of this life. But I must also always remember to find a way to say the things that must be said without creating damage in your life or the way that you see me. I can be firm, stand my ground, and always, always, always present and protect my beliefs and principles to those who seek to change them. I am actively working on not being offended by you, or being offensive towards you. I am also busy giving myself permission to forgive you, for those things that took away my smile. With all this therapy in action, I am to the other side of the hurt, almost as quickly as you created it.



I remember a time when offenses were worn like badges of pain, I no longer have to be that person. Therapy works to build new habits and let go of pain....I love my blog~erapy!