Gifts are in the understanding

The greatest part of self discovery, acknowledging lessons and loving life is understanding. I no longer have to worry about doubting myself because I understand there are no wrong answers. I understand that what ever has happened is past, and I can decide what I will hang onto, choose to let go of, and discern the stories I will tell of my history. I am no longer a victim of the coulda, woulda, shouldas--I accept the decisions, appreciate the gifts and forgive anything in between. Its not a popular way to live, but that doesn't keep me from wishing it for others. If I feel guilt it is usually temporary. If I make a mistake, its only a part of the story, because the end result always contains elements of good. I see so many who are telling the story as it was, but I choose to tell the story as it is. There is no real shame unless we decide to feel it. There is no reason to ever dwell on any emotion unless it is joy. Feelings are not facts, they are present to guide us back to finding our happy, we never never never are deserving of a bad feeling, and it is not our just destination. We don't grow by feeling bad, shameful or guilty. Those are feelings we were told we should feel, because we are not perfect. The opposite is true. Those feelings happen because we are out of alignment with our true self. Our life path is as smooth or as bumpy as our decisions set it up to be. We are in pain, self loathing or turmoil because we do not accept that we have chosen where we ended up. I used to say I didn't choose all the drama, but allowing someone else to make decisions for me was still my decision!! Personal responsibility for where my life is means I also get to choose where it goes. I have days where I feel all of the old emotions, but I also recognize the triggers and am working on hiding those buttons from the ones who show up to push them. Forgiving myself and letting go of the ugly stories means that I am present and available to start over when ever someone who has been angry, resentful or grudge filled shows up to star over. The other amazing part of this awareness is knowing that the people I need to reach my happy will always show up to help. But if I am focusing on feeling bad, deciding that I deserve misery, or choosing to accept ickiness as what has to happen, those people will show up too! Thank you Tim--my life class with you changed my life--and even though some will say,"there is no way you can be that happy" the truth is--I am. I don't have it all, but believe as I work towards my true self I will...and find more happy as I go along, because can choose what shows up and I choose the good stuff.