Welcome my friend Tanya K to Blogger....cannot wait to read more of her stuff.
If you like to laugh...
Always like to know more about the life of someone doing and interesting job...
Not easily offended...
This blog might just be a great read for you---
http://curbyouruber.blogspot.com/
~pam
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Sunday, August 7, 2016
It seems just like last week...
It still amazes me how it can be that you have been gone this long.
March 15th 2010
Angie called, and Angie never calls. She began with asking me if there was somewhere I could sit down and be alone. I was at work and I went outside and sat on a concrete wall near where I park my car.
She then said "I don't know the best way to tell you this, but I know how much Tim means to you. I am calling to let you know that he passed away last night in his sleep."
I don't remember much after that. I think she said "I'm sorry" a few hundred times. I think I remember her asking "Pam are you ok?" I think I remember answering " I don't think so.
How can it be that you are gone? How can it be that you are still gone? Don't you know how much I need you on a daily basis?
March 15th--2010---six years. I still miss you. I remember the lessons. I love you. Oh and if you want to pull one of your great tricks and somehow show back up in my life that would be great. I still have your phone number, I probably have thought about calling it at least a hundred times, to see if you would answer as you always did "It's you!" But how did you always know? I think you always knew everything. You always knew the right things I needed to hear. The work that I needed to be completing. The growth I was capably of reaching.
I miss you Tim--I think I always will.
March 15th 2010
Angie called, and Angie never calls. She began with asking me if there was somewhere I could sit down and be alone. I was at work and I went outside and sat on a concrete wall near where I park my car.
She then said "I don't know the best way to tell you this, but I know how much Tim means to you. I am calling to let you know that he passed away last night in his sleep."
I don't remember much after that. I think she said "I'm sorry" a few hundred times. I think I remember her asking "Pam are you ok?" I think I remember answering " I don't think so.
How can it be that you are gone? How can it be that you are still gone? Don't you know how much I need you on a daily basis?
March 15th--2010---six years. I still miss you. I remember the lessons. I love you. Oh and if you want to pull one of your great tricks and somehow show back up in my life that would be great. I still have your phone number, I probably have thought about calling it at least a hundred times, to see if you would answer as you always did "It's you!" But how did you always know? I think you always knew everything. You always knew the right things I needed to hear. The work that I needed to be completing. The growth I was capably of reaching.
I miss you Tim--I think I always will.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Life is a HI-Way
So busy life means some things have to take the back seat...and apparently right now it is my blogging that has suffered the back seat detention.
I have so many great things to write about, but have not been finding the time to get it done.
So how about all my readers share how they get their writing done?
Any tips for keeping it up to date?
HELP!!
I have so many great things to write about, but have not been finding the time to get it done.
So how about all my readers share how they get their writing done?
Any tips for keeping it up to date?
HELP!!
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Happy Thanksgiving
I am reminded this year how much I have to be grateful for, and how much I am going to miss my family as they travel over the river and through the woods to see other family!
I will not be alone, I have signed up to work with all the amazing staff who will be providing a great meal to our clients who are not traveling anywhere for the holiday.
Most of all I am grateful for you...thanks for reading, sharing and keeping my blog~erapy part of your life!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Please sure and post here what you are thankful for too!
I will not be alone, I have signed up to work with all the amazing staff who will be providing a great meal to our clients who are not traveling anywhere for the holiday.
Most of all I am grateful for you...thanks for reading, sharing and keeping my blog~erapy part of your life!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Please sure and post here what you are thankful for too!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sometimes the sting hurts a little more because of who uttered the words
As always my life is a class room of learning.
Sometimes when you think you know someone, they show you a side you never saw coming. They speak of you in a way that is full of disrespect when none is deserved. They put a twist on the story they tell to hold themselves higher regard with the one hearing the "tale". Its a hard reality.
When it happens the first reaction is often anger, fueled by the ego wielding "how dare they" hurt feelings. It can even bring up those old self talk conversations that remind us we are not good enough and they must be right or how could they say such mean things?
As I have grown in my journey of self-care, loving and forgiving I have learned to allow the hurt to happen, and then seek to regain composure as soon as possible.
Not everyone is versed in loyalty, strength or honesty. And for me that has to be ok. I will never be perfect. I have even stopped trying to be. I have gifted ideas and inspiration freely never asking for credit. I have shared honestly only hoping others would do the same. It just sometimes will have to be that others fall short. I seek to allow them their humanness the same as I do for me.
I know that which I have done with the best of intent. I know my words were shared to give the correct view. I believe that I can only do what is in front of me to do and I must forgive those who do not live by the first seek to do NO HARM rules that guide my life.
Tread lightly those who share words tainted with hate, be careful when you speak in a place that holds no privacy...the walls have ears, and when you share half truths you may just change how someone feels about you forever.
Sometimes when you think you know someone, they show you a side you never saw coming. They speak of you in a way that is full of disrespect when none is deserved. They put a twist on the story they tell to hold themselves higher regard with the one hearing the "tale". Its a hard reality.
When it happens the first reaction is often anger, fueled by the ego wielding "how dare they" hurt feelings. It can even bring up those old self talk conversations that remind us we are not good enough and they must be right or how could they say such mean things?
As I have grown in my journey of self-care, loving and forgiving I have learned to allow the hurt to happen, and then seek to regain composure as soon as possible.
Not everyone is versed in loyalty, strength or honesty. And for me that has to be ok. I will never be perfect. I have even stopped trying to be. I have gifted ideas and inspiration freely never asking for credit. I have shared honestly only hoping others would do the same. It just sometimes will have to be that others fall short. I seek to allow them their humanness the same as I do for me.
I know that which I have done with the best of intent. I know my words were shared to give the correct view. I believe that I can only do what is in front of me to do and I must forgive those who do not live by the first seek to do NO HARM rules that guide my life.
Tread lightly those who share words tainted with hate, be careful when you speak in a place that holds no privacy...the walls have ears, and when you share half truths you may just change how someone feels about you forever.
Friday, April 18, 2014
You know, for when you want to feel better about yourself...she said~
BLOG~ERAPY
So I am busy working on a few rough edges and a friend of mine who is looking to add a new path to her life and I have worked out a little barter for the work.
I have some life changes that I have accepted recently and one of those is the natural progression of my hair to white. I have been unnaturally holding off this transition with a very strong relationship between me and Ms. Clairol, but we broke up. I stopped coloring my hair about 10 weeks ago and have the most amazing case of skunk hair.
I have actually gotten some really amazing comments, that have turned into conversations because of my "hairstyle".
Let's go back for just a minute to give you a bit of back story. I am a mom--have been a mom since I was 19--32 years to be exact, and for the most part I have loved it all. But not too terribly long ago on a trip to the grocery store, I was pushing my then 3 year old son and trying to pay for my groceries and not have to buy candy, toys or any more gotta haves as we got to the exit. The young lady who was working the register began to beep, beep scan our items and as I got close enough to the register for her to see the cutest little guy in the world setting in my cart, and she not so innocently asked me, "Is that your grandson?" I was first speechless, almost instantly upset and replied in a not too subtle state of disbelief "NO---he is my son!!"
I paid for my groceries, parked my buggy and picked up my son and told the now "not my favorite" cashier "I will be right back".
I marched myself over to the "hair care" aisle and purchased my first bottle of gray hiding color. I was in my mid 30's.
Since that time I have been fighting the root reveal every three to four weeks, sometimes splurging to get a profession color job and other times just paying my $9 at whatever store I was shopping that week. Its been a tough job keeping the gray away.
A few years ago I was growing tired of this little dance of hiding the obvious, and started thinking maybe it was time to go gray. While I can't say yet that I like my gray, its been a bit traumatic for me and my friends. Comments like "You are too young to be gray". "Gray hair will make you seem old" "Here is a gift certificate to get your hair done" (My favorite comment, but made me think...oh they hate the gray!)
So back to the main part of my story, my hair is gray. The part of my hair that has been covering my gray by being colored is getting further and further away from the roots...but I am not upset seeing my white roots.
I even had a very strange conversation with a young lady who wanted to know where I got my hair done. She seemed to think that the gray was a dye job and on purpose. Yeah...kinda surprised me too! We did the "ask the same question" conversation dance at least 4 rounds before she finally heard me when I answered..."I stopped dying it to cover the gray".
The most liberating part of my journey was the discovery of a book called, "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer. I devoured the book and am seriously thinking about reading it again soon, as the reactions to my hair become as shocking as the change in my hair color. She not only took some what of a humorous look at this phase of her life, she did some experiments and fun with it too. It's a very good read.
I have also found a great blog that is a collaboration of 25 authors sharing tips, funny stories and their feelings on this hair-revolution. It's fascinating.
http://goinggrayblog.com/
So that brings me back to my main story. As I have been working with the "coach", one of the comments that came up more than once was my hair. What was shared seemed kind of aimed at how I must want to feel better about myself and maybe buy a wig. And it came up more than once.
So as I sat after we had talked and I thought about this comment I became very aware how none of the things I dislike about my personal appearance have anything to do with how I feel about myself. Now stop me if I am wrong or all alone, but how you see my physical self means nothing to me. I work hard to look presentable. Like to have my hair styled and combed when I meet folks. I even apply make up when I am sure a speaking engagement might turn into a photo op towards the end of the event. But I never feel bad if they take a bad photo.
I have even noticed more and more how hard some people work to make sure the picture is always their best picture ever taken, even stressing to retake over and over until just right. I don't like to have a bad photo, but once again it bears no weight if it's bad in the smile in my day. They work to develop a stance, a head position, perfect smile and whatever else configuration of self to where they always look the same. It even appears as if sometimes they are photo-shopped in--because the photos are so similar to every other photo they are in. They take the "pose" to a whole new level. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind nor do I think it wrong, I just can't seem to find it within my desire to figure out a way to pose every time a camera is near. This most probably means if you wanted to find goofy pictures of my on facebook or in my phone, my "awkward" non posing count would be more than triple most everyone else. --but I don't care.
And lets even go past the hair for a second and talk about my weight. I am too heavy...not because I want to be thin but because for many years of my life I used food, mostly processed and not to great for me food as my drug of choice. I am in a challenge with myself to loose the weight, mostly because I want to feel better physically, but not because it will make me feel better about being me.
I am not really sure where on my journey I began to understand that happiness is a choice and whatever there is in my life that I cannot change at this moment, has the power to break me or I can take the power to be in charge of my happy. I guess you can understand which one I chose.
I don't need a new outfit to feel better about being me, or to loose weight to be ok. I am OK, good enough, happy and at peace because I have that right, and it is what I decide for myself.
I don't really know how to give that to others, but I see many who are hungry for it. They are seeking the next thing bought, the next pound lost or the next cream to smooth away what rubs them the wrong way. I can tell you than if anything rubs me, it doesn't get to do it for long, before I am working on a way to re-frame my itch to find my happy.
I like to think that all of this "relaxed" go with the flow thoughts have more to do with the natural progression that all of over over 50's are going through, but I think I might be wrong. Because I hear them--they talk about this $100 cream and that "procedure" and they keep trying to find a spot where they feel "better" about themselves. This kinda makes me sad...for two reasons, one--this body can be worked on, but it still is going to be the age that it is...as it is for everyone, and second--if the only way I feel ok is by manipulating some part of my physical self then I am going to have a rough journey for this last 1/3 of my life.
The body is tired, worn and a full evidential representation of all the things I have experienced--over eating, childbirth X 5, long nights of work, worry and wonderfuls. It is what it is. I can work to improve it, but no matter whether it holds up for another 50 or starts to fail me sooner, it is only the mileage that concerns me. My happy and well are tied to my spiritual self not the physical one.
So I am not really sure how to start the conversation that must happen when we next meet, but I am not upset with my gray hair or my size jeans or even the not so perfect smile. All those things about my physical self have come through the travel and are a part of the genes that I was gifted. They are not a curse, bad news or even something I have to suffer through. Would I rather be thinner? Well yeah, but I am not going to wait on a number to be happy! All parts of my life can move to better, in time, but this moment right here---well I am just gonna enjoy it anyway. I choose to be happy, in abundance. Forgive in excess. And to love all those who come to teach me, test me or even trust me to help them as they travel too. It's a pretty neat 51 year old story...I am in no hurry to see how it ends, but I am pretty darn sure they will say I left with my gray hair shining and my smile planted for all to see.
So I am busy working on a few rough edges and a friend of mine who is looking to add a new path to her life and I have worked out a little barter for the work.
I have some life changes that I have accepted recently and one of those is the natural progression of my hair to white. I have been unnaturally holding off this transition with a very strong relationship between me and Ms. Clairol, but we broke up. I stopped coloring my hair about 10 weeks ago and have the most amazing case of skunk hair.
I have actually gotten some really amazing comments, that have turned into conversations because of my "hairstyle".
Let's go back for just a minute to give you a bit of back story. I am a mom--have been a mom since I was 19--32 years to be exact, and for the most part I have loved it all. But not too terribly long ago on a trip to the grocery store, I was pushing my then 3 year old son and trying to pay for my groceries and not have to buy candy, toys or any more gotta haves as we got to the exit. The young lady who was working the register began to beep, beep scan our items and as I got close enough to the register for her to see the cutest little guy in the world setting in my cart, and she not so innocently asked me, "Is that your grandson?" I was first speechless, almost instantly upset and replied in a not too subtle state of disbelief "NO---he is my son!!"
I paid for my groceries, parked my buggy and picked up my son and told the now "not my favorite" cashier "I will be right back".
I marched myself over to the "hair care" aisle and purchased my first bottle of gray hiding color. I was in my mid 30's.
Since that time I have been fighting the root reveal every three to four weeks, sometimes splurging to get a profession color job and other times just paying my $9 at whatever store I was shopping that week. Its been a tough job keeping the gray away.
A few years ago I was growing tired of this little dance of hiding the obvious, and started thinking maybe it was time to go gray. While I can't say yet that I like my gray, its been a bit traumatic for me and my friends. Comments like "You are too young to be gray". "Gray hair will make you seem old" "Here is a gift certificate to get your hair done" (My favorite comment, but made me think...oh they hate the gray!)
So back to the main part of my story, my hair is gray. The part of my hair that has been covering my gray by being colored is getting further and further away from the roots...but I am not upset seeing my white roots.
I even had a very strange conversation with a young lady who wanted to know where I got my hair done. She seemed to think that the gray was a dye job and on purpose. Yeah...kinda surprised me too! We did the "ask the same question" conversation dance at least 4 rounds before she finally heard me when I answered..."I stopped dying it to cover the gray".
The most liberating part of my journey was the discovery of a book called, "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer. I devoured the book and am seriously thinking about reading it again soon, as the reactions to my hair become as shocking as the change in my hair color. She not only took some what of a humorous look at this phase of her life, she did some experiments and fun with it too. It's a very good read.
I have also found a great blog that is a collaboration of 25 authors sharing tips, funny stories and their feelings on this hair-revolution. It's fascinating.
http://goinggrayblog.com/
So that brings me back to my main story. As I have been working with the "coach", one of the comments that came up more than once was my hair. What was shared seemed kind of aimed at how I must want to feel better about myself and maybe buy a wig. And it came up more than once.
So as I sat after we had talked and I thought about this comment I became very aware how none of the things I dislike about my personal appearance have anything to do with how I feel about myself. Now stop me if I am wrong or all alone, but how you see my physical self means nothing to me. I work hard to look presentable. Like to have my hair styled and combed when I meet folks. I even apply make up when I am sure a speaking engagement might turn into a photo op towards the end of the event. But I never feel bad if they take a bad photo.
I have even noticed more and more how hard some people work to make sure the picture is always their best picture ever taken, even stressing to retake over and over until just right. I don't like to have a bad photo, but once again it bears no weight if it's bad in the smile in my day. They work to develop a stance, a head position, perfect smile and whatever else configuration of self to where they always look the same. It even appears as if sometimes they are photo-shopped in--because the photos are so similar to every other photo they are in. They take the "pose" to a whole new level. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind nor do I think it wrong, I just can't seem to find it within my desire to figure out a way to pose every time a camera is near. This most probably means if you wanted to find goofy pictures of my on facebook or in my phone, my "awkward" non posing count would be more than triple most everyone else. --but I don't care.
And lets even go past the hair for a second and talk about my weight. I am too heavy...not because I want to be thin but because for many years of my life I used food, mostly processed and not to great for me food as my drug of choice. I am in a challenge with myself to loose the weight, mostly because I want to feel better physically, but not because it will make me feel better about being me.
I am not really sure where on my journey I began to understand that happiness is a choice and whatever there is in my life that I cannot change at this moment, has the power to break me or I can take the power to be in charge of my happy. I guess you can understand which one I chose.
I don't need a new outfit to feel better about being me, or to loose weight to be ok. I am OK, good enough, happy and at peace because I have that right, and it is what I decide for myself.
I don't really know how to give that to others, but I see many who are hungry for it. They are seeking the next thing bought, the next pound lost or the next cream to smooth away what rubs them the wrong way. I can tell you than if anything rubs me, it doesn't get to do it for long, before I am working on a way to re-frame my itch to find my happy.
I like to think that all of this "relaxed" go with the flow thoughts have more to do with the natural progression that all of over over 50's are going through, but I think I might be wrong. Because I hear them--they talk about this $100 cream and that "procedure" and they keep trying to find a spot where they feel "better" about themselves. This kinda makes me sad...for two reasons, one--this body can be worked on, but it still is going to be the age that it is...as it is for everyone, and second--if the only way I feel ok is by manipulating some part of my physical self then I am going to have a rough journey for this last 1/3 of my life.
The body is tired, worn and a full evidential representation of all the things I have experienced--over eating, childbirth X 5, long nights of work, worry and wonderfuls. It is what it is. I can work to improve it, but no matter whether it holds up for another 50 or starts to fail me sooner, it is only the mileage that concerns me. My happy and well are tied to my spiritual self not the physical one.
So I am not really sure how to start the conversation that must happen when we next meet, but I am not upset with my gray hair or my size jeans or even the not so perfect smile. All those things about my physical self have come through the travel and are a part of the genes that I was gifted. They are not a curse, bad news or even something I have to suffer through. Would I rather be thinner? Well yeah, but I am not going to wait on a number to be happy! All parts of my life can move to better, in time, but this moment right here---well I am just gonna enjoy it anyway. I choose to be happy, in abundance. Forgive in excess. And to love all those who come to teach me, test me or even trust me to help them as they travel too. It's a pretty neat 51 year old story...I am in no hurry to see how it ends, but I am pretty darn sure they will say I left with my gray hair shining and my smile planted for all to see.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Taking the next step, opportunities are only meaningful if you take them...
Recently there have been a few opportunities to take a road less traveled, to rely on someone else to assist in the forward movement and to live free from drama even though everyone was sure I would need some to get through.
I have decided that of late I am no longer going to be NICE if I don't have to, and I never have to. That I am going to take each opportunity to tell the truth as I see it, because that is the only truth I can see.
I felt as though someone was making excuses, back tracking out of a commitment they had made, and I felt disrespected, disappointed and lied to. I did not pretend what the other person was doing was ok. Their reaction was to be offended. Pretty interesting since I was choosing to not be offended or offensive only honest.
The biggest problem, if you can call it that, with living and authentic life is that you know almost immediately when someone is lying to you. It's as if living without premise, drama and half truths makes one immune to being lied to. It's not really a problem, except those who are busy doing the deflection dance hate to get caught. They feel the smack of someone knowing they have their number when the one catching on calls them on it.
I have also grown to have little patience for those who are busy skirting...but really can't say that I am surprised.
In all this recognition also comes the opportunity to fine tune self behavior as well. I find that I don't really care if people like me, but wish more of them would. I don't really work to win favors, but am not bothered if I am gifted any in the meantime.
It's a really hard spot to be in sometimes, because I know more than I should but feel I have mush more to learn. I miss Tim today! His wisdom was always just what I needed to move forward. To put into perspective all that was swirling around me. I know full well that I am supposed to accept this part of life, but I am entirely sad today because he is not here to help me.
That is all...just writing to release, and accepting as I go. What is your life showing you today? Blog~erapy writing is for you too!!
I have decided that of late I am no longer going to be NICE if I don't have to, and I never have to. That I am going to take each opportunity to tell the truth as I see it, because that is the only truth I can see.
I felt as though someone was making excuses, back tracking out of a commitment they had made, and I felt disrespected, disappointed and lied to. I did not pretend what the other person was doing was ok. Their reaction was to be offended. Pretty interesting since I was choosing to not be offended or offensive only honest.
The biggest problem, if you can call it that, with living and authentic life is that you know almost immediately when someone is lying to you. It's as if living without premise, drama and half truths makes one immune to being lied to. It's not really a problem, except those who are busy doing the deflection dance hate to get caught. They feel the smack of someone knowing they have their number when the one catching on calls them on it.
I have also grown to have little patience for those who are busy skirting...but really can't say that I am surprised.
In all this recognition also comes the opportunity to fine tune self behavior as well. I find that I don't really care if people like me, but wish more of them would. I don't really work to win favors, but am not bothered if I am gifted any in the meantime.
It's a really hard spot to be in sometimes, because I know more than I should but feel I have mush more to learn. I miss Tim today! His wisdom was always just what I needed to move forward. To put into perspective all that was swirling around me. I know full well that I am supposed to accept this part of life, but I am entirely sad today because he is not here to help me.
That is all...just writing to release, and accepting as I go. What is your life showing you today? Blog~erapy writing is for you too!!
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